


Hurricane - A Love, Victor Story

by lgbtfiction_writer



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, POV Multiple, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 130,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtfiction_writer/pseuds/lgbtfiction_writer
Summary: Ever wanted to get inside the heads of the supporting characters in Love, Victor and see the story from their perspectives? Ever wanted to read it like a book? Want to know what happens after season 1? Or even what happens before? Bored waiting for season 2? This story answers to ALL of that. Get the story from each significant character's perspective, and enjoy the ride!
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Mia Brooks/Victor Salazar
Comments: 202
Kudos: 48





	1. New York Part 1 - Simon: The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to Hurricane: A Love, Victor Story! This story tells the story of Love, Victor from the perspectives of the other significant characters in the series and then details the aftermath and what happens after the season 1 finale. The first perspective will be that of Simon and his friends in New York. At the top of the screen, you can find the order in which the perspectives will be released. I will post the disclaimer below before every chapter, but will likely not post an author's note every chapter. I plan to release a new chapter twice per week, since I have a lot of content! I hope you enjoy this interpretation of Love, Victor!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_**New York-** Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath_

_Simon's Perspective:_

Over the years as I've matured, I've grown to appreciate a light, cooling drizzle. I like to get some sun, as well, but sometimes I get tired of the dry air. The sun can burn even the most unsuspecting folk. There's something so refreshing about the way the rain cleanses you as you stand in it and savor its beauty and purpose. The rain is critical in making the world what it is. Without the rain, there would be no rainbows. Without the rain, there would be no flowers, no crops, and no life. I've always found it fascinating, the way that sometimes after a long drought, there will be a downpour. Despite the immediate devastation caused by such a perfect storm, it is much needed. It refills the rivers that have run dry. It enriches the soil on which so many different life forms rely just for survival. It is only after such a downpour that one truly learns to thrive amongst the rain rather than just survive.

As I take a peaceful walk with Bram, we celebrate our anniversary in the cool New York City mist. It's the middle of winter, but I wouldn't want to spend this evening with him any other way. After all this time, it blows my mind that we're still together, going strong, yet we're always discovering new things about each other and about ourselves. Just two short years ago, I had no idea what my life was going to look like. But my world turned completely upside down in the absolute best way possible.

"Before we go home," Bram turns to me with a big cheesy smile on his face, "I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?" I laugh and return his smile.

"Follow me."

I do exactly that. I follow my boyfriend to Prospect Park in Brooklyn, not too far from our apartment. As rare an occasion as it is, I see a carnival in town.

"Wanna ride the Ferris wheel?" Bram asks me hopefully as I get there.

I melt at the request. "Of course," I say with laughter.

We approach the Ferris wheel, and Bram addresses the person manning it.

"Hi, Tony," he says, giddy. "This is my boyfriend, Simon."

"Ah, nice to meet you," Tony addresses me. "You are a lucky man."

Just as I begin to question what Bram is trying to pull, Tony hands him a batch of flowers, which Bram then hands to me.

"These are for you," he says. The flowers are blue, my favorite color. "Georgia blue. I thought they might remind you of home."

I accept the flowers, we kiss, and we get on the Ferris wheel.

It still rains lightly as we get to the top, but it's perfect. The pavement glistens. The rain brings out the sparkle in my boyfriend's eyes. How incredibly lucky I am to have such an amazing, thoughtful man in my life.

We get off of the Ferris wheel, and I check my phone. I have a message on Instagram. I have no idea who this person is. But the way it starts intrigues me. He addresses me, " _Dear Simon_." So I read it.

**Victor:**

_Dear Simon,_

_You don't know me, but my family just moved to Atlanta. And today was my first day at Creekwood High. And I heard all about you. How you started messaging with another secretly gay kid at Creekwood. How you wound up making a crazy romantic declaration of love. And how you had your first big kiss on the Ferris wheel in front of the whole school._

_And I just want to say – screw you! Screw you for having the world's most perfect, accepting parents. The world's most supportive friends. Because for some of us, it's not that easy. I can't believe that 24 hours ago, I was actually looking forward to having a fresh start at Creekwood. That I thought I'd finally get the chance to be myself. Or at least figure out who that even is._

_You know, Simon, most kids would hate changing schools mid-year because their dad got a new job. But honestly, I was excited to start over. It's not like my life back in Texas was so terrible. There just wasn't a lot of room to be different. And if you were different, it was so much easier to pretend that you weren't._

_But I figured here, in a big diverse city, people would be more accepting. And maybe I'd finally have the chance to figure out who I really am…..._

"Bram, look at this," I say after I finish reading the rest of the message.

"Whoa," he replies after he reads it. It catches both of us totally off guard.

"Should I respond?" I ask, not exactly knowing what to say.

"Maybe," Bram says. "You seem to have a knack for helping people in need, though. And whoever this kid is – I don't know, maybe he could use your help."

"Our lives just seem so different," I tell my boyfriend. "I'm not sure I know how to help him."

His life seems to be difficult already. I don't want to make it harder for him. I'm not really sure what to say. What if I say something wrong? What if I give him advice that just gets him into trouble or complicates his situation? He doesn't know my whole story, but I know that not everyone's story is the same. But I care. I want to try. I want to help this kid. He reached out in a moment of vulnerability. He reached out to _me_. So it's _my_ responsibility to help him now. He deserves that.

"True," Bram sort of agrees. "Maybe we can put our heads together, though. Among the five of us, we all have pretty unique stories."

Bram is right. Justin, Ivy, and Kim sit back at the apartment right now, and I'm sure that they would love to help. They have perspectives that I don't. Maybe their stories, combined with mine and Bram's, are just enough perspective for us to be able to help this kid along his journey.

"I think I know how to respond to this one, though," I say to Bram.

I start to type.

**Simon:**

_Dear Victor,_

_Glad you reached out._

_First of all, welcome to Creekwood. I know beginnings are rocky, but I really hope you end up loving it as much as I did._

_I'm sorry you don't have anyone in your life you can open up to. And you're right, I have no idea what it's like to be you. I can only tell you what I do know. For me, figuring out who I was and declaring it to the world was the scariest thing I ever had to do. Even with parents who are so liberal they have special sneakers just for protesting. It was hard. But we found our way through it. Who knows, maybe your family could find their way through your stuff too._

_And maybe you'll find the people in Creekwood who will support you like my friends did. The people you can tell anything to. And if you're very lucky, maybe somewhere within the halls of that school you'll find the person who's gonna change your life forever._

_A few years ago, I told my now boyfriend Bram that he deserves a great love story. That I deserve a great love story. And you deserve one too, Victor._

_Hope this helps. I'm here if you need me._

"How's this?" I show Bram before hitting send.

"It's perfect," he says. "Well, almost perfect. Maybe add a more personal touch?"

"How so?" I ask him.

"Sign it off?" he suggests. "Like you did when you wrote me."

"That's a great idea," I smile at him.

I type my signature:

_Love, Simon_

I hit send.

We head back to the apartment. We open some wine to relax. We show the messages to our roommates.

"Wow," Ivy responds.

"This kid seems so sweet," Kim adds. "Why do the good ones always have trouble?"

"I know the feeling," Justin says somewhat humorously.

I get another message, and we all read it.

**Victor:**

_Dear Simon,_

_Maybe you're right. Maybe I do deserve a great love story. But I'm not sure what that looks like for me. Because my story is nothing like yours._

He's right. No two stories are the same.

"Well," Bram suggests, "If we found our story, maybe we can help him find his."

"Let's do it," I agree with a smile. I look Bram in the eye on our anniversary, and as we toast, I say, "Cheers to finding a great love story!"


	2. New York Part 2 - Bram: The Ferris Wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_**New York** -Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath_

_Bram's Perspective_

I'm incredibly lucky to have Simon in my life. I know that. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have people all around me who support me and accept me for who I am. I also know that for some people, it's not that easy.

It wasn't always as easy for me as it might have been for some other people. Even Simon. He definitely went through some tough shit when he was forced to come out. But there are still some things that I had to face that he will never understand. I feared facing so much judgement from my own family and community that I wanted to stay in the closet as long as possible. That night when I met Simon on the Ferris wheel, I battled through so many mixed emotions about coming out. He was worth it, but he'll still never know what it's like to be a gay Black man in the south. It's not easy. There just isn't a whole lot of room in the African American community for that kind of thing. I would say I'm lucky that my parents weren't super religious, but maybe that would have at least kept them from their divorce. Still, I was happy when I moved with my mom to Atlanta; there isn't much room in the rural south to be black.

Being a person of color is hard enough as it is in this country. Add being gay on top of that, and you're in for a wild ride. That's why when Victor reached out to Simon, I encouraged my boyfriend to help. When Simon showed me that first message, I somehow felt super connected to the kid, and I've never even spoken a word to him. The empathy I feel for him is greater than any that I've ever known, and I want to make sure that Simon and I do whatever we can to help him so that he can write the story for himself that he deserves.

Simon gets another message from Victor after responding. Victor tells Simon that he doesn't know what a love story looks like for him.

"Well," I suggest to Simon and our other friends who sit with us on our anniversary, "If we found our story, maybe we can help him find his."

"Let's do it," Simon replies. "Cheers to finding a great love story!"

We toast.

It gets late, and we go off to sleep. Simon and I have shared a bed ever since we moved into this apartment.

The next morning, Simon gets another message from Victor. Apparently, he rode the Ferris wheel with some girl at his school named Mia. As Simon and I both know, the Ferris wheel is a place where magical things happen. He's popular now? That was quick. It's not entirely dissimilar to my story, though.

People tended to like me in high school. It wasn't because I liked a girl; it was because I was an athlete. I enjoyed playing soccer, and it helped me expand my social circle, too. I even knew Simon before we started secretly messaging because he was friends with Nick, who was on the team. Being in the public eye made it harder for me to come out, though. I figured that even though it was nobody's business, everyone else would make it their business because of how many people knew who I was.

Simon lets Victor know that he needs to stay true to himself. I wish someone older and wiser had given me that advice when I was younger. I tried so hard to fit in, even when I was already popular. I just did so much extra crap, hosting parties and stuff.

Victor replies to Simon with an interesting message.

**Victor:**

_Hey Simon,_

_Thanks for the words of wisdom. All day everyone liked me because they thought I liked Mia. Here's the twist. Now that I've spent some time with her, I do like her. She's funny and kind, and she gets me. Did you ever feel super connected to a girl and think 'I don't know, maybe this could work'?_

"This one looks like it's in your department, Bram," Simon says to me.

As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. The memory comes flooding back.

* * *

 _I haven't talked much to Emily since the impending fate of figuring out my sexuality has entered my mind once again. She's one of my best friends. I know she'd understand, but I'm still not even sure if_ I _do. There are a lot of people around me in my life, but she's the only one who truly gets me. I think she understands me better than I understand myself._

 _What if I don't need to come out to her, though? I feel so close to her. Maybe I just haven't found the right girl yet. I mean, she's a pretty girl. It's crazy to think that I'm a junior in high school, and I've never dated anyone. Does that have anything to do with my confusion? I mean, sure, I find Jon Snow attractive. But am_ I _attracted to him? Maybe it really is that emotional connection that I need to fulfill. Maybe Emily is that person._

_She approaches me after not having spoken with me in a few days._

" _Hey," she says comfortingly, "Are you okay? We haven't really talked much, and I don't really think you're the quiet type."_

" _Um," I have no idea what I'm going to say to her. I don't want to come out. I don't even know exactly what I am. What am I supposed to say to my best friend? I admit to her, "I've just been a little nervous to talk to you. About something that's been on my mind lately."_

" _You know you can tell me anything, right?" she says._

" _Yeah, um," I say. What comes next isn't what should come out at all, "I think I might have feelings for you."_

_Why did I do that? Why did I just tell my best friend that I like her? Did I just make our friendship awkward when I don't even know what I want? I'm not even sure if I really do have feelings for her._

_Before my thoughts carry too far, she says, "I thought you'd never admit it!"_

_Hm. Alright. That was unexpected. But maybe it's…welcome?_

_The situation is tense for a moment, but she breaks it._

" _Well," she says, admitting, "I've felt the same way about you for some time now."_

_I let out a relieved chuckle. I'm not even sure whether I should be relieved or not. But we are close. I feel more connected to her than anyone else I've ever known. I don't know. Maybe it could work._

" _Then should we go on a date and make it official?" I say, now not really knowing what I'm doing._

 _She laughs, "Let's go on a date and_ then _we can decide if we want to make it official."_

_We spend a nice evening together, complimenting each other and schmoozing with each other unlike we ever have before. It's kind of awkward, but it also feels kind of good._

" _So," she asks suggestively, "Do you want to ask me anything?"_

" _What am I supposed to ask?" I ask in a hilarious confusion._

" _If I'll be your girlfriend," she laughs at me as if it should have been obvious._

_Girlfriend. That word has an interesting ring to it. I can't tell whether I like it or not. But that's what we're here for, right? I wanted to try out a relationship with her to see if it could work. So I guess she's my girlfriend._

" _Well," I laugh back, "will you?"_

" _Yes," she says sweetly._

_Before I can say anything else, to my surprise, she leans across the table of the restaurant where we're sitting, and she kisses me. Also to my surprise, I don't hate it. I'm not grossed out by the idea of kissing a girl. It actually feels kind of nice._

_After our first date, Emily and I spend the next few weeks feeling out our relationship. It's a little awkward at first, but we end up figuring out that we don't need to change very much from when we interacted just as friends. We're already super close and connected. Now we just get to brag about being boyfriend and girlfriend._

_Maybe this won't be so bad after all._

* * *

I decide to sleep on a response to give to Simon. I want to make sure I carefully handle a delicate situation like this one. I don't want to assume that Victor is something that he is not. He seems like he hasn't figured himself out yet. That's okay; I just don't want to pressure him, so I need to figure out the right thing to say before I do say it.

In the morning, though, Simon shows me another message that he receives from Victor.

**Victor:**

_Well Simon, I don't know what's going on. Because I thought I might be like you. But lately I've been hanging out with Mia, and I really like her. Which is confusing. So I've been doing research. Like, a lot of research._

_And sexuality is a spectrum. Some guys like guys, some guys like girls, some guys like both, and some guys like…feet? I'm not even sure what I like, but it's definitely not feet. So I think I'm going to give things with Mia a chance._

_I feel really connected to her. And who knows? I didn't think I was going to like the impossible burger until I had one, and it was actually pretty good. So maybe Mia's my impossible burger._

I know that feeling all too well. I've been down that rabbit hole before. I'm actually kind of surprised that the only odd fetish that Victor encountered while doing his "research" was feet. The internet is quite broad, and I definitely found some much more interesting things.

Victor's uncertainty in this situation feeds into mine. Now I'm even less sure of what to say to him. The most brutal truth is that he just needs to take some time and figure out what he wants. But he knows that already. Telling him that isn't going to make his life any easier or make his response to his own feelings any better. It's hard to figure yourself out.

"Let's wait and see what happens," I say to Simon.

"Are you sure?" he replies.

"Yeah," I confirm, albeit a bit hesitantly, "I don't want to force anything on him. Let's just see how he feels after he spends some more time with her."

Simon agrees.

* * *

" _I thought we were perfect together," Emily says as tears flow down her face after I tell her the news._

_I don't even know what to say to her. I can't tell her the truth. I'm just not ready for her or anyone else to know it yet. But I can't keep denying this. We've been so off, and I know the reason why. It's not fair for me to keep this going when I know it won't work._

" _Maybe we were just meant to be friends," I say, trying to get her to look me in the eye again._

" _I don't know, Bram," she struggles to get the words out. "I've liked you for a longer time than we've been just friends. Maybe we weren't meant to be anything."_

_I hate the fact that I hurt her. I hate how screwed up this is. I wish I had never asked her out. Then all of this could have been avoided._

" _I'm sorry," I try to say to her. "I do like you, just not in that way."_

_She rolls her eyes. "Then why did you ask me out in the first place?"_

" _It's complicated," is as much as I'm willing to admit._

" _How?"_

" _It just is," I say, not wanting to be any more specific. "I just – there are reasons that – that you just wouldn't understand."_

" _Bram, I'm just asking you to be honest with me. Why can't you just tell me?"_

" _Like I said, it's complicated," I exhale. Not telling her the truth is eating me alive, but I can't._

" _Well, if you won't tell me what's going on, then I don't think we can be friends." Before I have the chance to say anything else, Emily storms off._

_Why does figuring out who I am have to come with so much heartbreak? Why can't it just be easy?  
_

_I get home and reflect on losing my best friend. I reflect on the fact that I have so much going for me. I reflect on my life as someone whose parents' divorce wasn't as hard on me as it is on most kids. I reflect on the house I live in. I reflect on all of the friends that I do have that I haven't dated in denial of my sexuality. I reflect on my secret and the fact that I feel like the direction of my life can't go down anymore, even though so many things go my way. It's like a see-saw, back and forth._

_No. It's like a Ferris wheel._

_As I reflect, I want to get the pain off my chest to someone. I can't hold this in any longer, but I still don't want anyone to know._

_In the wake of my breakup, I finally decide to say something. Anonymously._

_I open Creek Secrets, and I make an account under a fake name – Blue. I make my profile picture a blue square._

_I start to type:_

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck on a ferris wheel. One minute I'm on top of the world the next I'm at rock bottom. Over and over, all day long. Because a lot about life is great. But nobody knows I'm gay.

-Blue

* * *

A couple of days later, Simon comes to me with another message from Victor.

"I feel like this seems a little off," he says, showing me the message.

**Victor:**

_Well Simon, I kissed Mia, and it was great. I even got those little butterflies in my stomach people are always talking about._

"Well, it seems like he does like her," I say. "Maybe he's not gay like we thought."

"What?" Simon asks in confusion. He then realizes what I'm referring to. "No, Bram. Read the message before that."

**Victor:**

… _See Simon, I want tomorrow night to be about me and Mia. But I can't do that if Benji's there with his tight t-shirts and his dumb smile._

Benji? Who is that?

"Yeah, we definitely need to say something," I concede to Simon.

"But what do we say?"

I remember how I felt the night that I kissed Simon. It was like my world exploded into a burst of colors. It felt right. Butterflies? Maybe my first kiss with Emily. I did kind of like kissing her. But kissing Simon was so much more than that. I couldn't get enough of it. And I still can't.

"Give me your phone," I tell Simon.

He looks at me.

"Trust me," I assure him, "I know what to say."

Simon gives me his phone, and I write the next message to Victor. I still don't want to come to a conclusion about him that he hasn't drawn about himself yet. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to give him a little nudge to really figure out his feelings. I write:

**Simon:**

_Well, Victor, I'm really glad to hear that you liked kissing Mia. Maybe she is your "impossible burger." And you're right, kissing is pretty great. But for me, it's more than just butterflies. It's like those jet fighters that fly over the Super Bowl. Or like getting hit by a huge wave._

_Love, Bram_

I show it to Simon.

"Maybe don't sign it?" he asks.

"Why not?"

"I think he thinks that this is all coming from me. I want him to trust me so that the advice we're giving him actually still means something. I didn't think about it the other night when he first messaged me, but if he's not out, he probably cares about confidentiality."

He's right. To protect the trust, I erase my name from the message. I don't sign. I hit send.


	3. New York Part 3 - Ivy: Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_**New York** -Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath_

_Ivy's Perspective_ :

"Whoa, guys," Simon approaches us with a disappointed expression, "I think Benji has a boyfriend."

"Who's Benji?" Justin asks confused.

Simon replies, "I think he's a guy Victor has been crushing on."

"Aww," I say, sorry to hear the news, "poor kid. I hope he's okay."

I'm not really sure why, but I feel a connection to Victor. Something about him just seems to resonate with me and my experiences. I definitely struggled as a kid when I was trying to figure out who I was. It took me a long time to be able to work up the nerve to come out to my parents. They were supportive, and they still are. But my step-parents don't know. They barely even know anything about me. They never really played significant roles in my life, especially since they didn't enter it until I was in college.

"Simon, are your parents still coming up this weekend?" Bram asks him.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Simon says as he finishes writing his reply to Victor.

I hang my head. Bram looks at me with sympathy.

"Hey," he addresses me, "what's your status?"

Bram knows that I don't see my parents much. He knows that for fear of running into each other, they haven't visited me the entire time I've been at NYU. I've lived in this apartment with Bram and Simon for a year and a half now, and we've now been through freshman year and most of sophomore year together. Still, if I ever want to see my parents, I have to travel to meet them. My mom lives back home in Indiana with her husband, and my dad lives in Vermont with his husband.

I sigh. "Well, I asked both of them if they wanted to visit this weekend, but neither have replied yet."

Bram attempts to comfort me by putting his hand on my shoulder and softly smiling, "Well, if they don't come, you're welcome to spend the day with me and Simon and his parents."

I look over at Simon for confirmation of the invitation to make sure it's okay with him. He nods.

"Well," I try to detract, "I think maybe at least one of them will be here. I have a better feeling about this time."

* * *

_This is eating me alive. I'm seventeen years old, and I feel like nobody really knows me. My friends don't even have a clue about the secret that I've been keeping for years. I've spent so much time trying to figure out if I was sure it was actually true. And I know for sure now. Now, as I prepare to accompany my best friend on her weekend church retreat in a small town in the middle of Indiana, I have to bottle up my feelings. And it's eating me alive._

_I can't take it anymore. I can't do this. I can't continue to keep this secret. I can't go on this trip. I packed last night, and I came home to my friend's house after school so that we could leave together._

" _Jenny," I tell her as we're about to leave from the church, "I need to go home."_

" _What? Why?" she asks me._

_I don't want to tell her the truth. Not yet. And definitely not here._

" _I just – I have a lot of school work to do this weekend, and it's stressing me out," I lie. "Agreeing to come was a mistake. I'm sorry."_

_In an effort to avoid having to say any more, I quickly gather my things and start to head home before Jenny gets the chance to ask any more questions._

_This is too much of a burden on my mind to keep it to myself. I take a bus home._

_I burst through the door._

" _Ivy!" my dad greets me. "I thought you had that retreat this weekend?"_

" _Yeah, look, I need to tell you something-"_

_I notice that we have company. There's a man sitting across the table from my dad. It's someone I've never met before._

" _Who's this?" I ask._

" _Uh," he pauses, "Ivy, this is Marcus."_

_His nervous pause captures my attention. I start to pick up on some more of the details present in the house. There's a candle on the table. The lights are dimmed. I look over to the kitchen counter and see a bouquet of flowers. To make matters even worse, I look down the hall to see that my dad's bedroom door is open, and there is a box of condoms sitting on the bed._

" _Wait," I say as I slowly start to awaken myself to the scene, "What's going on?"_

" _Ivy-"_

" _Are you – are you having an affair? In our house?"_

" _Ivy, look-"_

" _Where's mom?!" I demand. "What on Earth is going on here?"_

_My dad's face drops. He exchanges a look with Marcus._

" _Maybe I should go," Marcus says awkwardly as he starts to get up and my dad nods._

" _Yeah! Get out of our house!" I yell at him as he leaves._

" _Ivy, please-" my dad tries to plead with me before I interrupt him._

" _Please what?! Who is that man? And why haven't you been honest with mom?"_

" _I have!" he shoots back immediately, much to my surprise. He's calmer now, "Ivy, I have. Yeah, I – I told her a while ago. It took me a long time to figure it out, and – Ivy, we were waiting for the right time to tell you."_

" _Tell me what?" I demand, as my mind is full of conflicting thoughts and feelings at this point._

_My dad hesitates for a moment, but then says, "About the divorce."_

_My heart sinks in my chest. No. This can't be happening._

" _Ivy, we've been talking to a lawyer for about a year now, and-"_

" _A YEAR?"_

" _Ivy, we wanted to know what was going to happen before we told you. We didn't want to leave you with all that uncertainty. Now that most of the paper work is done," he exhales, "we were going to tell you after you got back from your trip."_

_I shake my head in disbelief. "I just – I don't understand. W-why do you want a divorce?"_

_My dad's shoulders drop right before he tells me his truth, "Ivy, I'm gay. I'm attracted to men. I didn't realize it for so long. I married your mom and had a kid because that's what I always thought I was supposed to do."_

_I start to tear up in the moment. Does he not want me?_

" _Ivy, I love you," he continues. "You are my whole world. That's never going to change. But I've finally figured out who I am, and I have to be true to that."_

_We stand in silence. I understand. I've faced my own battle for years. I love my dad. I can't deny him the chance to be who he is once he has finally figured it out. But why wouldn't he tell me? Why would he and my mom just keep me in the dark like this for so long? If there's something this significant going on with my family, don't I deserve to know about it?_

_I nod, my mix of emotions growing deeper and ever more confusing._

" _So," he adds on, "The divorce will be final within the next couple of weeks. The judge ruled that you're going to stay here with your mom to finish high school, but we worked it out so that you can come visit whenever you-"_

" _Wait," I interrupt. "You're leaving?"_

" _I can't stay here," my dad tells me. "Until I can figure something else out, I'm going to go stay with Marcus in Bloomington."_

_I can't believe it. I'm losing my dad now, too? I wanted tonight to be about me and my coming out. Not about my dad's coming out and my parents' divorce. I can't tell him now. It just wouldn't be right._

" _Ivy, I'm sorry you had to find out this way."_

" _I'm gonna go to bed," I say._

" _Wait, you said you wanted to tell me something?"_

" _Just that I had too much work to do to go on my trip," I lie. "That's all."_

_He nods. "Good night," he says._

_I don't respond. I turn around and go upstairs to my room._

_A couple of weeks go by. My mom knows that I know. It's super awkward. I don't talk to my parents much. The divorce becomes final. I say goodbye to my dad as he moves away._

_I have trouble talking to my mom about anything at this point. I'm upset at her, too. She also kept this from me. I felt like I was finally at a point in my life where I was ready to open up, and suddenly, I now feel like I have no one left who I can trust._

_I attempt to remedy that by doing what so many other teenagers do to solve their problems - I look online for a solution_

_I type into the search bar, "support groups for teens with divorced parents."_

_I click on the first result that comes up – "National Kids with Divorced Parents Support Network"._

_I read their website. It's an online networking site where kids with divorced parents across the country can openly share their experiences and seek advice from each other. I need someone to talk to, so I make an account._

_I start to read through some of the posts. One catches my attention right away. It's a post by some guy in Atlanta. It reads:_

This past fall into winter has been a crazy time for me. My dad visited me a month early for Hanukah, like he always does. I never really get to see both my parents on the holidays. I live with my mom, but I still miss my dad. I savor the time I get to spend with him since my mom has custody. And here's the craziest part – when my dad visited, I came out to him. And I guess I'm coming out to this discussion board, too. Navigating my identity _and_ still trying to deal with my parents' divorce has been so draining. But once I said it to him, I felt freed. Not only that, but just last night, I shared an amazing kiss on top of a Ferris wheel with an amazing guy, everyone watching us. It felt so great. People actually cheered us on. And when I came out to my dad, he was supportive. It seems like it's still going to take some time for my mom to come around to the idea of me being gay, but I'll just consider myself lucky that it could be a lot worse. It's not very often that someone shares a positive story on here, so I thought a change of pace might be nice. And I just want everyone on here going through a difficult time to know that sometimes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Bram

_Whoa. I need to know what this guy did to get to where he is now. I need to know how I can recover from all that I've been through over the past few weeks. Mainly, I just need someone to talk to. And this is the guy._

_I open the private chat box, and I start to type:_

Bram,

You have an amazing story. I'm new to this support group, and yours was the first post that I saw. And I'm so glad that I did. My parents just separated. I found out when I was about to come out to my dad. The divorce was finalized last week, and I still haven't come out to either of my parents. I've been holding onto this secret for so long, and now I'm afraid that if I tell them, they're just going to think I'm acting out or want attention. Especially my mom, who I'm living with now. We seem to have a lot in common. So it's refreshing to see that you got a happy ending. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But my problem is that I don't know how to find it.

Ivy

_Much to my surprise, Bram replies right away._

Ivy,

Welcome to the group! Obviously, I say that as a little bittersweet, since you probably feel like your situation sucks right now. And you're justified in feeling that. But we're still glad to have you! Don't worry, you'll find your light. Even if you don't see it yet, you just have to keep pressing on. There are a lot of people on here from all over the country, so it's broken up into smaller groups for video sessions. I can add you to ours. We video chat as sort of a group therapy session every Wednesday evening if you're up for it. I'll also look out for your messages in case you want to talk.

Bram

_I agree to be added to Bram's chat group. As the days go on, I remain angry at my parents. I have a visit with my dad coming up soon, and I'll go, but I'm not looking forward to it._

_I have my first online session with our therapy group. It's about eight people, and there's a therapist to moderate the discussion._

" _Before we get started today," the therapist says, "I see we have a new group member. Would you like to introduce yourself?"_

" _Hi, I'm Ivy," I say somewhat nervously. "I came across the web page and started messaging Bram, who suggested the group to me."_

_Bram smiles._

" _Well, my name is Teresa," the therapist says. "What brings you here, Ivy?"_

_I hesitate. I have a lot on my mind, and there are a bunch of random strangers here that don't have any business knowing what my life is about._

" _Just so you know, this is a safe space," Teresa assures. "You can choose to share or withhold whatever you please, but everything you say here is confidential."_

_Confidential. Okay. I can do this._

_I start to tell the story, "My parents just finalized their divorce. One night, I was supposed to go on a weekend retreat, but I ditched it so that I could come out to my dad. But I walked in on him having some sort of romantic dinner with some man that I didn't even know. My mom wasn't home that night. It turns out my dad is gay, and that man was his date. And my mom actually knew for a while. So they had been planning a divorce, but they kept it from me for about a year."_

" _Hmm. And how does that make you feel?" Teresa asks._

" _Angry," I say with a cathartic exhale. "I wish they would have told me."_

" _And do you think that would have been better?" she inquires._

" _I mean, I don't know," I admit. "At least I would have seen it coming."_

" _Why do you think they kept it from you?"_

_I shrug my shoulders._

" _Does anyone else here have a similar experience they'd like to share that might help Ivy?" Teresa opens up the floor._

" _I do," one girl says, and she raises her hand._

" _Go ahead, Emma."_

" _Hi, I'm Emma," she says nicely before telling her story. "My mom figured out she was gay a few years ago, and she and my dad separated. She didn't tell me what was going on. But when I finally talked to her about it, she said that she was scared. She didn't know what her daughter would think about her mother liking women. I live in Mississippi, so it's not something that people tend to be very open about. Maybe your dad was just scared."_

" _Thank you, Emma," says Teresa._

" _I guess," I say. "But I'm his daughter. Why would he feel like he can't tell me?"_

" _Well," Teresa chimes in, "you said that you were going to come out to him that night, right? Did you tell him as soon as you figured it out, or did you wait a while until you were ready? After all, he is your father, right?"_

_I guess she has a point. I let my guard down a little bit for a second, but then have another thought. "But what about my mom? She kept this from me, too!"_

" _Maybe it was difficult for her," someone else in the group says._

" _But it's difficult for me, too!" I interject. "I haven't even really been able to talk to them! And why are you defending them?"_

" _Ivy," Teresa cuts in, "I'm not going to make excuses for your parents' actions, or in this case, inactions. But I want to ask you something – do you love your parents?"_

" _Well, yeah, of course," I say back._

" _Okay," Teresa says softly, "I know it's hard. And you have the right to feel angry. But try to separate your anger at your parents from your love for them."_

_I release the tension from my shoulders and take in Teresa's advice. I look at Bram on the screen when she says this. I see the corner of his lip twitch upward as he has an understanding look in his eye. I stay mostly quiet for the rest of the session, and I take in what everyone else has to say._

_Bram messages me after the session is over:_

You okay? I know that was kind of intense right off the bat.

_I reply:_

Yeah. I know what I need to do now.

_The following week, my dad meets me at a restaurant instead of meeting directly at his apartment. We sit down. I stay quiet._

" _How are you, Ivy?" he asks as we sit down to our table._

_I nod nervously._

" _Ivy, I know this is hard with me and your mother. And I'm sorry that-"_

" _Dad, I like girls," I cut him off quickly._

_He pauses and looks at me. He lets out a soft chuckle._

" _So, you're gay?" he asks me._

" _Actually, no," I correct him. "I like girls and guys. I'm bisexual."_

_He nods._

_I continue, "I wanted to tell you the night that I walked in on you and Marcus. That's why I came home early. I didn't want to hang onto it anymore."_

" _Oh," he acknowledges the reason for the tension that night._

" _I understood where you were coming from, and I was just mad that you didn't tell me. Dad, I love you, and I want you to be happy."_

_At this point, we're both crying._

" _I love you, too, Ives," he says before hugging me._

_We both wipe away our tears._

" _So," I try to lighten the mood a little bit and say with laughter, "How are things with Marcus?"_

_He laughs. "Uh, that didn't really work out."_

" _Oh."_

" _But I did find a place to live," he assures me, "and I'm doing okay right now. So no need to worry."_

_We enjoy a nice lunch together, and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel connected to my dad again._

_I come out to my mom on the same day. She tells me she loves me, but it's bitter for her. Her husband left her because of his newly discovered sexuality, so the subject is a bit hard for her to handle. It takes me a couple more group therapy sessions to figure that out, but I eventually get there._

_I find out just how hard my parents' divorce was on them. My dad thought of my mom as a best friend, but my mom's heart broke. Over time, they grow even more apart from each other. They don't hate each other, but it's painful for either one to see the other. So much so that eventually, they go to whatever length possible to avoid crossing each other's paths._

_I continue to message Bram, and we become close friends. In April, we figure out that we were both accepted to NYU, and that we're both looking for a place to live. Since rent prices are so high, he offers for me to share an apartment with him and his boyfriend so that we can split the cost. I accept._

* * *

Simon's parents show up for parents' weekend. I still haven't heard from mine. I still hold onto the hope that maybe the divorce isn't fresh enough anymore to keep them away from me just so they can avoid seeing each other. Throughout the day, though, neither of them show up.

I still want to have a good time, though. I make the most of Bram and Simon's company as well as the company of Simon's family. They're good people.

As we walk outside to another street vendor, I feel something light and cool fall on my arm. I look up to see the sky quickly turning gray.

"Does anyone have an umbrella?" I ask.

We all look around. The rain starts suddenly, and we see people scrambling for shelter. Simon's parents cover their heads with their hands in a futile attempt to keep themselves dry. The rest of us just laugh.

"Simon, how is it that wherever you go, you always seem to bring the rain with you?" I ask somewhat rhetorically.

"I don't know," he responds humorously, "Maybe it likes me."

We find a place to go inside so that we can wait out the rain.

"Hey, Simon," I say. "When was the last time you messaged Victor?"

"It's been a few days," he realizes.

"Maybe reach out now? You know, just to let him know you're still there." I add somewhat solemnly, "I know I would have appreciated that."

Simon puts his hand on my arm and smiles to comfort me. He nods, and he takes out his phone to message Victor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> National Kids with Divorced Parents Support Network as described in this chapter is not based off of a real search result or group. It is included for purposes of plot.


	4. New York Part 4 - Justin: Cleansing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.
> 
> cw: mental health and depression, religion-based homophobia

_**New York** -Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath_

_Justin's Perspective:_

I try the best I can to unapologetically mix just the right amount of sass into every conversation. It's just who I am. I live for no one else. Just yours truly.

"Oh! Guys, Victor's birthday is on Saturday," Simon tells us.

"Too bad," I say as I sip on my coffee, "if only he were here. We could throw him a party that he could only imagine in his dreams."

"Very funny, Justin," Simon says without laughing.

Like I said, I live for me.

"Oof," Simon interjects as he gets another message, "It seems like he's going to have a lot to deal with, though."

"How so?" I ask.

"Well, based on his last couple of messages, it seems like his family is going through some tense stuff right now, and his girlfriend is meeting his parents. On top of that, his religious grandparents are visiting, and the guy he has a crush on is coming over with his boyfriend for the party that Victor decided to have so that they could get their 'family groove' back."

"Gurl, that is too much!" I say after taking a moment to absorb the laundry list Simon just gave me. "Does he even want this party?"

"Honestly," Simon replies. "I'm not even sure. He doesn't seem that excited about it. He said that he was his family's 'fixer.'"

At those words, I sincerely hope that Victor doesn't fall into the same trap I did.

* * *

" _Justin, what would I do without a strong presence like you in my life?"_

_The words are like broken glass that shatter inside my brain, tearing it apart from every possible direction._

_Nathan's depression has only gotten worse since his dad died six months ago, and it's been up to me to cheer him up and keep him company. He was depressed before, but this just did him in. I've always been the one that he seems to come to for help. Time and time again, I'm there for him, telling him that he is enough and that he doesn't have to be ashamed of who he is. It would be nice if I could have someone to tell me the same thing._

" _Thank you for being there," he tells me._

" _Of course," I say, holding back some of my own feelings._

_I'm always there for him when he needs me the most._

" _It's just so difficult," he continues on, "one minute I feel fine, and then the next it's like everything comes crashing down and I don't want to do anything. It's like I have to fake feeling okay around everyone all the time. Do you have any idea what that's like?"_

_I shrug._

" _Well, at least I don't have to fake it around you," Nathan says._

" _Of course," I reply to him. "You can tell me anything."_

_He sighs and then looks over at me. "You are so lucky, Justin."_

" _What makes you say that?"_

" _You have both your parents who love and care about you. You have such a strong faith that helps you through just about anything. You always seem happy. Your life is perfect."_

_If only he could see inside my mind, he would know that none of that was true._

_If that wasn't enough of a blow, he adds on, "I am so glad that I have someone who is able to keep it all together. Because of you, I see how great life can be. It keeps me motivated to – I don't know, keep going."_

_I look up at him. He just had a depressive episode, and now he's telling me that I'm the person in his life who motivates him to continue it. I can't even begin to express how hard my life is right now, but if the fictional utopia he paints my life to be is what keeps his heart beating and his motivation driving, then I'm not going to take that away from him._

" _Yeah," I say softly as I hang my head and fake a smile, "I'm glad I can be there for you like that."_

_I head home, my head full of thoughts about my life and the direction it's currently taking._

" _Where have you been?" my dad confronts me as I get home._

" _I was with Ellen," I lie. Ellen is the imaginary girlfriend that I made up a little over a year ago to throw my parents off from figuring out I was gay. They seemed to be picking up on some things, and I didn't want them to know. I knew that if they figured out my true identity, there would be too many problems and it would cause chaos in our family. I haven't told my parents that I'm gay because I know that it would completely shatter their worldview and their faith. I just want everyone here to get along and be happy, and my coming out could change that in a big way. Whenever Nathan calls me up after a depressive episode – which is quite frequently – I just tell my dad I was with Ellen. My parents don't really believe in depression. They frown on people who they say claim to be sad just for attention. I know that if my parents knew about Nathan's depression, they wouldn't want me to spend time around him anymore, so I never told them. It's a twisted web of lies that somehow all work together._

" _You two sure have been spending a lot more time together," my dad addresses me. "And it's been what, now? A year and a month? Two months?"_

_I nod._

" _You must be really serious about this girl, huh?"_

" _Yeah," I continue to lie._

_He shifts his demeanor a bit. "Now look, I know that you probably have temptations at this point in your life. But just remember the importance of abstinence."_

" _I know, Dad."_

" _Good. Hey, Kyle!" he calls my little brother into the room. When Kyle comes in, our dad says condescendingly, "would you like to share with your brother what I found today?"_

_I look over at my thirteen-year-old brother, who hangs his head in shame._

" _Kyle, what's wrong?" I ask, only to be met with a few more seconds of him being silent and nervously twitching._

" _Well?" my dad prompts him._

_He doesn't answer._

" _Alright, then I'll talk," my dad says in an effort to keep the conversation moving. "I was on Kyle's computer this morning to update the security software settings, and I found some questionable internet history."_

_I look over at my brother, who can't seem to bring himself to look me or my dad in the eye._

" _Kyle," my dad continues, "do you think God would approve of what you did?"_

" _No," Kyle whispers in a barely audible voice._

" _Sorry, didn't catch that," my dad prompts once again, holding his hand up to his ear._

" _No," my brother says one more time, a little louder._

_I hate this conversation so much right now._

" _That's right," my dad says. He then gives me a reason to hate the conversation even more, "Justin is going to take you to do a confession tomorrow morning before we do our neighborhood rounds. God will forgive your sins. But right now, I want you to go reflect on your actions and why they're wrong."_

_Kyle nods and leaves the room._

" _Pray for you brother," my dad turns to me. "He has a lot to learn. I'm so glad that you're there to be a role model for him."_

" _Umm, why can't you or mom take him to confession tomorrow?" I ask._

" _We're helping organize fliers in the morning at the church's community center across town. We'll come meet you at the church and Kyle can stay behind and wait while we go door to door. After doing something like that, I don't want to use him as the face of our faith. I don't think I can handle that much shame."_

" _Right," I say, doing my best to cover up the bitterness in my voice. I just can't stand to cause any drama right now. "I'll take him."_

_The next morning, I get up and get dressed in the stalest, tackiest shirt and tie that my parents pre-approved for our day of converting innocent citizens. I wake Kyle up after he resists quite a bit. I take the car, and I drive him to the church._

_We drive in silence for a few minutes before I finally turn to address him, "How are you doing?"_

_He huffs and crosses his arms._

" _Don't be mad at me," I tell him. "I don't care what you look at online."_

" _Why does it even matter this much?" he asks. "Why do Mom and Dad care so much what I do in my own private time? It's not like it affects them in any way!"_

" _They're just really deeply rooted in their beliefs," I say to try to assure him._

" _Why is that my problem?" he starts to raise his voice._

" _Hey!" I cut him off before he can start yelling. "It's nothing personal against you. They're just trying to raise you to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and they have really old-fashioned beliefs that influence what that looks like for them."_

_I try to comfort my brother, but it's hard to sell the point when I don't even buy into the words that I'm saying._

" _It wasn't enough for them to make me feel ashamed of myself at home, but now I have to go humiliate myself in public with a confession?"_

" _It's just going to be you and the preacher," I tell him. "Look, I know it sucks, but just go in and get it over with. Then we never have to talk about it again."_

" _Why did you even agree to take me, then, if you don't agree with their views?"_

" _Just to keep the peace," I say, the most honest I've been with any of my family members in a long time._

_We get to the church, and I take Kyle in for his confession. It's quiet, so I can hear the conversation. I begin to question why we're even there. He didn't even really do anything wrong. Apparently, my dad caught him in the devilish act of looking online for teen romance novels. I don't think I can ever tell them my secret at this point. They shame my brother for what? Wanting to read? I can't even imagine how they'll react if I tell them the truth._

_My parents get to the church, and we leave Kyle alone._

_We go door to door around the neighborhood, passing out pamphlets._

" _Good morning," my mom smiles as a stranger opens one door. "Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?"_

" _Uhh," the person at the door seems confused about what to do. "Honey!" she calls out._

_Another woman walks up behind her, and she puts her hand on the waist of the person holding the door. The person holding the door quickly removes the other woman's hand._

" _These people here want to talk to us about Jesus," she says._

_The other woman looks caught off guard, as well. They both look uncomfortable._

_The woman holding the door addresses us once more. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm just not sure…" she trails off as she looks at the person my parents and I have now figured out is her partner._

" _So," my dad says, "It seems like you two have a little bit of a rocky relationship with Christ. That's okay. We would love for you to come join our church so that you can repair that and he can forgive you for your sins."_

" _Oh – oh that's okay," the other woman laughs. "Have a nice day."_

_After they close the door on us, we walk away and begin to head towards the next door._

" _Well, that was kind of rude," my dad says._

" _Yeah," replies my mom, "It really seems like those two could use the help, too. It's so sad to see people making such poor life decisions."_

_I can't do this anymore. I feel sick to my stomach._

" _I'm going home," I say out of nowhere._

" _What? We're not done yet!" says my mom._

" _No, I know. I'm just feeling really sick."_

" _You were fine a minute ago," my dad points out._

" _Well, it just hit me all of a sudden! My stomach hurts."_

" _Okay," my mom says, "Can you pick up Kyle and take him home?"_

" _Actually, I need to find a bathroom. Now," I lie, knowing that my house is only a block away as opposed to the church, which is three blocks away. I hand my dad the keys to the other car. "Sorry."_

_I run off._

_I reach my house, and I feel alone. I feel no more alone than I do already when my family is around, but that feeling of loneliness overcomes me and prevails over all else. I go to my bedroom, and I scream into my pillow as I drown in my current reality. I can't take this anymore. I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not. But I can't get out of this. Why do I have to have missionary parents in a religion that decided long ago for that whatever reason my very existence is an abomination? Why doesn't anyone care about what_ I'm _going through and what_ I'm _struggling with? Why can't I just have the feeling that my life is going to be okay? I start to throw things around in my room. I rip off the tie that my parents forced me to wear, and I stomp on it. No words can express the amount of anger I feel towards everything. Or the lack of hope. When will this ever get better? Am I stuck in this life forever, being miserable and putting on the face that other people want to see? I look at myself in the mirror, and I don't even recognize myself. I splash water on the mirror as if that will somehow miraculously fix my reflection to show me what I want to see. But it never will. My life is a void that I am trapped in forever. Nothing is going right, and it never will. I could just end it right now—_

_No. Nothing is worth that. Nothing is that bad._

_I sneak out my back door because I know my parents' route, and if I go that direction, I know they won't see me. I run to Nathan's house. By the time I get there, I'm completely out of breath. I knock on the door._

" _Hey! What's up?" he greets me. "If it isn't my favorite superhero-"_

" _Nathan, stop!" I almost yell, knocking him off his guard quite a bit. I calm my voice down, "Can we go inside?"_

" _Uh, yeah, sure," he says, still flustered by the unexpected intensity of my arrival. He notices my shirt and dress pants are soaked in sweat. "Did you run here in that?"_

_I nod._

" _Well, do you want some water or something?"_

" _Yes please."_

_He pours me a glass of water, and he sits down next to me on his couch._

" _Nathan, we need to talk," I say._

" _What's going on?"_

" _Look, I love you, and I want you to get better. But please talk to a therapist."_

_He looks taken aback._

" _I didn't mean it like that," I backtrack. "It's just that you want me to be this super strong person in your life to help keep you going, but I have stuff I'm dealing with, too. I can't be your therapist, Nathan. You need to find a professional to do that job."_

" _Wow, Justin, I'm sorry. I had no idea."_

" _It's fine," I forgive him. "I just-" I trail off, not knowing what to say next._

" _It's just that your life seems so simple and perfect that I-"_

" _Yeah, well it's not!" I yell, throwing him off balance once again. I lower my voice again, "I'm sorry. I've been hiding and pretending for so long."_

" _What have you-"_

" _I'm gay, Nathan," I cut him off._

_A look of shock comes across his face, but I don't care. I just need to tell him the truth._

" _I'm gay, and nobody else knows. I don't take solace in my parents' religion; it's something that eats me alive every day because I know that people like me aren't welcome. I have to pretend to be someone I'm not just to keep them happy. And I didn't want to tell my brother because I don't want him to get dragged into this whole mess at such a young age. I have no idea what I'm going to do."_

_I'm crying at this point, Nathan looking at me, trying to understand my pain. He's speechless._

" _And I want to tell my parents, but I'm really scared."_

" _What do you think will happen when you do?" he asks me._

" _I don't know," I admit. "What if they kick me out?"_

" _Then you can stay here!" Nathan offers quickly._

_I look at him hesitantly. "I don't want to impose on you and your mom-"_

" _It would just be for a little bit, until you can make other arrangements. My mom would be fine with it."_

_I take a deep breath, relieved to know that the friend I have been helping all this time has my back, too. "Thank you."_

" _And you're right," he says, prompting me to give him a questioning look. He responds to that look by saying, "I'm gonna talk to someone. I'm gonna seek help. I don't want to keep putting this on you."_

_I stay at Nathan's house for a couple of hours because I dread going home. When I finally do, I am met by my parents who are worried sick._

" _What happened?" my mom cries out. "You said you were coming back here!"_

" _Were you with Ellen?" my dad asks angrily. "You know you shouldn't ditch your responsibility to God so that you can-"_

" _Ellen's not real!" I yell._

" _What do you mean she's not real?" my dad asks with a somewhat humorous hint._

" _I made her up," I confess. "Because I didn't want you guys to know that…"_

_They look at me in anticipation._

"… _that I'm gay."_

" _No," my dad says immediately, shaking his head. "You're not."_

" _Yes, I am-"_

" _Son, we did not raise you to make decisions like this one!" he shouts._

" _It's not a decision!" I shout back. "Dad, I've been holding onto this and bottling it up for years-"_

" _Then shove it back down!"_

_The words hurt. They do more than just hurt. They are a blow to my very existence._

" _Mom?" I look over at her, crying, trying to get her to jump in to my defense._

_As she cries, she puts her hand up in front of her face, and she can't even look at me._

_My dad looks at me and speaks with a horrifying quiet intensity, "Go to your room, and don't come out until you can see the error in your ways."_

_I do go into my room. I pack. I have a suitcase in my closet, and I gather my things. I exit. As my father angrily tries to get my attention while I leave, I ignore him. It only makes him angrier, but I don't care. I head over to Nathan's. I'm done living to please anyone but myself._

* * *

Saturday approaches, and Simon gets another update from Victor.

He reads it to me, " _Well Simon, looks like the fixer has done it again. I hadn't seen my dad smile in days – until he met Mia._ "

"Wow," I respond. This kid is digging himself into a hole that's going to be so difficult for him to get out of, and I can't sit idly by while it happens. "Simon, can I chime in here? I think I have some advice that he could use."

"Go for it," Simon tells me, and he hands me his phone.

I type:

**Simon:**

_Dear Victor,_

_Sounds like your family is very lucky to have you. I wish I had a pancake-making fixer in my life. One thing, though. Your messages have all been about things going smoothly for your family and not for you. But you're dealing with a lot, Victor. Your conservative grandfather. Mia meeting your parents. Benji in your house with his boyfriend. I guess what I'm saying is sometimes it's easier to focus on fixing other people than on your own stuff._

When Simon takes the phone back, he reads the message that I typed.

"You want to talk about anything, Justin?" he asks sympathetically.

"I'm fine," I say. "I'm livin' life! I just don't want this kid to go through the same thing I went through, getting so caught up in other people's problems that you start to deny the legitimacy of your own existence."

Simon nods, and we leave it at that.


	5. New York Part 5 - Kim: Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_**New York**_ \-- _Pilar--Lake--Felix--Benji--Mia--Andrew--Armando and Isabel--Aftermath_

_Kim's Perspective:_

"Victor and Mia are official now?" I ask Simon after he reads his latest message from Victor. "Like, they weren't already?"

"Guess not," Simon replies.

"And he's happy with the kissing?" Justin asks skeptically.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything," I add on, "but do you think maybe he just isn't being honest with himself?"

"Or maybe he's bi," Ivy says.

"Right," I respond to her, "Sorry. I didn't think about that."

"I don't know, though," Bram chimes in. "Everything he has said so far has made it seem like he knows he likes guys but is still trying to figure out if he is attracted to Mia. He could be bi, but let's let him figure it out."

Simon's phone dings.

"Well," he says, "based on this last message, it seems that he's going to figure out really quickly whether he's attracted to Mia or not."

I gasp, "Oh my. Do you mean-"

"Yep," Simon confirms, and we all look around at each other, preparing ourselves to help Victor through this next wild step.

I remember back to an earlier time.

* * *

_Carly sits by me as we share in our glorious first date. I met her on a dating app. I've always been skeptical, but it's hard for people like me just to find love wherever we go. There aren't exactly a lot of people who are willing to be out and open about their dating life. My identity tends to confuse some people to the point where they start to question their sexuality, get confused, and run away._

" _This was nice," I say to my date, as I offer to pay the check for our lunch._

" _Yeah," she agrees with a smile._

_I smile back._

" _Can I tell you something?" she asks._

" _Sure," I say. "I'm loving getting to know you."_

_She chuckles. "Well, I'm gay, but I've never actually had a girlfriend before."_

" _Oh?"_

" _Yeah. But I feel really connected to you. And I was hoping you could be the first?"_

_At first, I'm not exactly sure how to respond to the question. I'm flattered, but you see, I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy either. I don't really identify as any particular gender. Over the past few years, I've never felt like those labels really fit me. But if I tell Carly that, will it scare her away? She says that she's gay, but I'm not a girl. If I tell her that I'm not a girl, then does that mean she won't like me anymore? Does that mean that she'll stop being attracted to me? She says she wants a girlfriend. But I'm out to my friends and family as non-binary. I don't want to drive her away. I like her._

_In the moment, I know I need to say something, so I simply say, "Yes."_

_We both smile. Maybe this will be okay. Maybe I can be the right person's "girlfriend" and be fine with calling us that. As long as we make each other happy, what's the harm, right?_

_We go out with each other for a few more weeks. It's nice to get to spend time with someone who actually likes me._

" _So," she says to me on one date, as we get more comfortable with each other. In a rather suggestive manner, she asks, "Do you want to come back to my place, and we can get a little spicier?"_

_I'm quite caught off guard by the question. I didn't quite expect us to get to this level this fast._

" _Umm," I say as my face turns red, "I don't know."_

" _Oh come on," she says, "It'll be fun."_

" _Maybe," I hesitate. "It's just that I've um – I've never really – well, you know."_

" _No, I don't know!" she presses._

_I give her a look, and it seems to clear up the confusion she has left._

" _Are you serious?" she asks. "You're nineteen years old and you've never had sex?"_

_I shrug, confirming her suspicion._

" _Why?" she asks._

_The truth is that I've always been pretty self-conscious about my body. My image of myself is not exactly the greatest. I don't exactly have all the most feminine or all the most masculine features. Some people seem to get really perplexed, and sometimes even turned off by that. Plus, the idea of sex just isn't something that crosses my mind very often._

" _I don't know," I say in response to her question. "I guess I'm just not the most confident person when it comes to that kind of thing."_

" _What?! That's crazy! You're one of the most attractive girls I've ever met!"_

_I don't like being called a girl._

" _Thanks," I say anyway. "But maybe we should wait."_

" _Wait for what?" she asks. "We've been together three weeks now, and I feel like I know you better than I know myself."_

" _You haven't even met my friends yet!" I laugh._

" _You want to introduce me to your friends_ before _we hook up?"_

" _Look, I have insecurities about my body that I'm just not ready to deal with yet." I offer a compromise, "Maybe soon we can do something. Just not today."_

" _Okay," she accepts. "We can wait if you really feel like that's what you need."_

" _Thank you," I say with a smile, and she kisses me._

" _You are too amazing a girlfriend to say no to," she says._

_I'm not a girl, but I accept the compliment anyway._

" _I kind of want to meet your friends now," Carly says with a laugh._

" _Well, that can be arranged," I smile._

_After our date, I call my friends up and arrange a time to meet together. I live with four of them, so they're easy. I also really like Carly enough to want to introduce her to a couple of my friends from back home in Chicago. We're kind of scattered, so it's a little hard to all meet together. Evan goes to a community college back home, but Claire goes to USC. It's not exactly easy for either one of them to get on a plane and fly here, especially since we all live in different time zones. Luckily, they are both able to fly in for Thanksgiving weekend, which isn't too far away. We offer them our couch and sleeping bags to sleep on because of our already full apartment and lack of extra bedrooms._

_A couple of days before Evan and Claire arrive, I meet up with Carly for another date._

" _I'm really looking forward to meeting your friends!" Carly says excitedly. "Do you think they'll like me?"_

" _Well, I like you," I tease, and we both laugh._

" _Hey, so I wanted to ask you something," Carly says._

" _Go ahead."_

" _Well, I know that our relationship so far has been meeting for short periods of time in bars and restaurants. But my sister is getting married upstate in January for a winter wedding. And I'm allowed to bring a plus one. Would you like to come with me?"_

_I am honored by the invitation. However, there's just one problem. There's a reason why I don't spend more than a couple of hours at a time with Carly when we go on dates. And there's a reason that when I spend more time with her, I typically pick the location. I want to avoid asking the question, but the situation calls for it._

" _Does the venue have gender neutral bathrooms?" I ask._

" _I don't think so," she responds._

" _I'm not sure if I can go, then."_

" _What?" she laughs as if I'm joking. "You can't be serious."_

" _I am serious," I tell her._

" _So you won't go to my sister's wedding because they're not, like, 'woke' enough for you, or whatever? That's pretty shallow."_

" _What? No! I just feel more comfortable using a gender neutral bathroom."_

_She looks at me in confusion. "Why don't you just use the ladies' room? You're a lady."_

_I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I don't want to have this conversation right now. I've been reprimanded for going into the ladies' room because some say that I look too much like a man; I've also been reprimanded for going into the men's room because some say that I look too much like a woman. I try to avoid places that don't have gender neutral restrooms because I just don't want to deal with that drama. It's too much work to try to explain that I'm neither a man nor a woman. And when I do, it just confuses people, and they don't want me to go into either of the restrooms. And right now, it's too much work to explain it to Carly._

" _I just don't feel comfortable, okay?" I say to her._

" _Why?"_

" _Because I don't!" I raise my voice, but I quickly lower it again because I don't want to upset her. "I'm sorry for raising my voice. But can we just leave it there? Please?"_

" _Okay," she agrees. "Fine. But just think about it, okay?"_

" _I will," I promise emptily._

_Carly smiles, "You're the best girlfriend in the world."_

_There's that word again. Girlfriend. It was fine for the first couple of weeks in our relationship, but now it's kind of getting on my nerves. If it makes her happy, though, I'll deal with it._

_Claire and Evan get in the night before Thanksgiving. The seven of us have a Thanksgiving meal in the apartment, and I invite Carly over to join us._

" _Kim, I did not come all this way for you to be dating a dud!" Claire says with a light-hearted laugh as she and Evan help me and Ivy set the table for dinner. "She better be a good one!"_

" _She is," I laugh back. I hear the knock at the door, "Oh, here she is now."_

" _Hey!" Carly greets me as I open the door. "Happy Thanksgiving!"_

" _Hi! Happy Thanksgiving!" I say back. "Come in! Come in!"_

_My friends and roommates gather around the door to meet Carly._

" _Well, now that everyone's here," I say with a laugh, "I'll introduce you. Guys, this is my girlfriend, Carly. Carly, this is Simon and Bram, Justin, Ivy, Evan, and Claire," I point them out in the order that they stand._

" _Nice to meet all of you. I know that Kim has such amazing friends. She talks about you guys all the time!"_

" _They," Evan corrects Carly._

_Before she can notice, I quickly clear my throat and gesture towards the food on the table. "Shall we eat?"_

" _Sounds good to me, I'm starving!" Bram interjects._

_We sit down to eat._

_We enjoy some nice conversation over dinner. At the end, in true Thanksgiving spirit, we go around and share what we are thankful for. It gets to Carly._

" _I'm thankful to have met my wonderful girlfriend, Kim," she says._

_As Carly says this, the other six people at the table all exchange looks with each other in between their glances over at me._

_Carly continues, "She is so sweet-"_

" _They," Evan interrupts her again, this time quite a bit more sternly._

" _They?" Carly laughs. "I'm just dating Kim. No need to refer to her as multiple people."_

_Bram takes a breath, as if he's about to talk, but I cut him off._

" _G-Guys, it's fine."_

_They look at me, and they let it go. The rest of the dinner is kind of quiet and awkward. We're all too full for dessert._

" _Well, it was nice meeting you all," Carly says on her way out._

" _Nice meeting you!" they all say in an asynchronous chorus, or at least they all say something similar._

" _So," I ask somewhat nervously as Carly leaves, "what do you all think?"_

_The response I get from my friends isn't exactly what I expected nor hoped for. They stand quietly, and none of them seem sure of what to say._

_Simon breaks the silence, "Kim have you told her how you identify?"_

" _Um," I hesitate. "No."_

" _Why not?" Justin doesn't waste any time pressing the question._

" _I just – um, she's just so happy about having a girlfriend, that I figure why bother? You know?"_

" _And you're okay with her referring to you that way?" Bram asks._

" _I guess."_

" _How serious are you two?" Claire chimes in._

" _Pretty serious," I tell her. "She um – she wanted to take our relationship to another level. I mean…" I suggest, still kind of dancing around the topic._

_They slowly begin to realize what I'm hinting at._

" _Oh!" Ivy interjects. "That's – that's a big deal for you."_

" _Yeah," I say. "I mean, we haven't done anything yet, but – I don't know."_

_I am met with more silence._

" _Okay, what's with you guys?" I say after a few moments lacking any conversation. "I thought you would be more supportive."_

" _No, Kim, we're really happy for you," Simon assures me. "It's just that we're a little confused."_

" _How?"_

" _Well," Evan bounces off of Simon's comment, "It's just that you've spent so much time trying to figure out who you are and warming up to it, that it just seems a little weird now that you wouldn't even tell the person you're dating how you identify."_

" _Why is that any of your business?" I ask, now a bit irritated._

" _Kim," Bram says, "We just want you to be able to be comfortable being yourself around the person you're with. Can you do that around Carly?"_

_I dodge the question. "Look, I've found it so hard to meet people. I found Carly, and she wants a girlfriend. So if she wants a girlfriend, maybe I can be that for her."_

_Before I can go on, Claire chimes in and asks, "But Kim, what do_ you _want?"_

 _At this inquiry, I drop my shoulders. What do_ I _want? Huh. I guess I hadn't really stopped to consider that before. I want someone who makes me feel like I can freely be me. Do I have that with Carly? Maybe it_ is _time for me to figure out what I want._

* * *

"Guys, I think Victor may have just figured something out," Simon says as he reads another message.

"Like what?" I ask.

"I'll read it out loud," he says, and then proceeds to do so. " _I really do like Mia. But what if that isn't enough?_ "

"Oh, honey, he's gay," Justin says wittily.

"Justin, c'mon," Bram tries to reason with him.

I feel bad for the kid. He doesn't seem to know what he wants.

"Hey, Simon," I get his attention, "Maybe it's time to be a little bit more straightforward with him?"

"I don't want to push him too hard," Simon responds.

"I know," I say. "But remember what you told me that night when I introduced you to Carly? You were blunt with me. Maybe that bluntness is what he needs."

"You knew who you were, though," Simon rebuts. "I'm not sure if Victor does."

"I think I know what to say."

"Alright," Simon hands me his phone. "Just don't make any assumptions that he hasn't already told us."

"I won't," I assure him.

I type the message:

**Simon:**

_Hey Victor,_

_I know you really like Mia and you've been trying to figure out if you're attracted to her. It sounds like tonight you realized that you're not. And that's okay. But maybe it's time for you to really figure out what you want, before someone gets hurt._

"You don't think that's too blunt?" Simon asks.

"I think it's what he needs to hear," I say. "It was certainly what I needed to hear at the time."

"I still think I'm gonna send him something else in the morning. Maybe be a little more casual."

"Suit yourself."

We don't have any classes the next morning, so we all spend some time in the apartment together.

"Kim, you might want to read this one for yourself," Simon tells me as he hands me his phone.

**Victor:**

_I choked. Big time. But honestly Simon, is sex such a big deal? I mean, everything else about our relationship is picture perfect. I know you probably think I'm grasping at straws, but if there's a chance for me to be happy and normal, why not try? Happy and normal – I can do that._

Normal. I hate that word.

* * *

" _Seriously, Kim, what does it say about our relationship if my girlfriend won't come to my sister's wedding?"_

_I've just about had it at this point. Now that I've had time to figure out what I want, I need to tell her._

" _Carly, I'm not your girlfriend."_

" _What?" she says in astonishment. "So you're breaking up with me?"_

" _What? No! No, I'm not a girl."_

_She gives me a confused look. "So you're a boy?"_

" _No," I say._

" _I'm confused."_

" _I'm non-binary," I admit. "I've been out as non-binary for a long time. I use they/them pronouns. That's why my friends were correcting you on Thanksgiving. And that's why the absence of gender neutral restrooms makes me not want to go to the wedding."_

" _Why didn't you just tell me that?" she asks._

" _Because you kept referring to me as your girlfriend," I admit somewhat grievingly. "And you just seemed so happy."_

" _So you just haven't been honest with me?"_

" _Carly, please-"_

" _Wow. I can't believe that we've been together for almost two months now, and you've kept this huge secret from me about who you are."_

" _I was just doing it because I thought that you wanted a girlfriend."_

" _I did!" she says. "And I do!"_

" _But what we have is good, though," I plead with her. "I don't want to be called your girlfriend, but I can still be your partner."_

_She looks at me with a rather displeased expression. "Ugh. Why can't you just be normal?"_

_My eyes widen. Normal? Did she really just ask why I can't be normal?_

" _You know what," I say. "What we have isn't good. And I_ am _breaking up with you. Goodbye, Carly."_

_I leave before she can say any more. As bitter as the breakup is, it somehow gives me the most freeing feeling in the world._

* * *

"Kim," Simon snaps me out of my reminiscence.

"Yeah?"

"How should we respond to this message?"

"Honestly," I say, "I think we just need to see how this plays out."

"Are you sure?" he asks. "You did say that we should be blunt with him."

"Yeah, but like you said, we can't come to conclusions for him. He's going to have to do that on his own."

We wait. We want Victor to come to his own conclusions about who he is.

Late on Saturday evening, the five of us are at Messy Boots, a gay club that we like to attend every once in a while on the weekends when we have time. We are all having a great time.

"Oh shit!" Simon says out of nowhere, as he looks at his phone.

He startles all of us, and we try to figure out what is going on.

"Shit just got real," Simon says grievously.

"What is it?" I ask, trying to get to the bottom of the urgency in Simon's tone.

He looks up at us and pauses before saying, "Victor kissed him."


	6. New York Part 6: Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_**New York** -Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath_

_Omniscient:_

Upon reading Victor's message, Simon's heart falls into pieces. He sees the shame that Victor feels, and he recognizes that it's so much more than just shame in his actions; it's shame in who he is as a person. No one should ever have to feel like that. He's also conflicted; he knows that Victor just made a really destructive decision and could very well get himself into trouble.

Since there is a lot to unpack in this message and Simon knows that he is not completely alert, he decides to wait until the next morning. He needs some time to think about his response because he knows that at this point, he doesn't have much room for error.

Sunday morning, Simon sends the message:

**Simon:**

_Victor,_

_It breaks my heart to hear you talk about yourself like that. You're perfect. And that part of you that you wish you could cut out, that's the part that makes you you. If you could only see what my life is like in New York, you'd see that there's a world beyond high school, beyond your family. I wish you were here right now so I could give you a hug and make you believe it._

As the week goes on, Simon doesn't hear anything from Victor. It worries him deeply. He can only hope that Victor hasn't done something more destructive, something terrible. He holds onto the deepest of hope that Victor is holding up okay, but also the deepest of worry that he isn't. He checks his phone every morning that week for a message, but he never gets one.

It's always the same routine. Simon gets up and checks his phone, his friends ask him if he's heard anything, and he says no. He checks his phone frequently throughout the day, as well. He struggles to pay attention to his classes because he wants to be on high alert in case Victor says something. When they're all back in the apartment together at night, his friends ask him once again if he's heard anything. Once again, he says no. He goes to bed, not getting very much sleep because of how deeply concerned he is, and he wakes up and repeats the cycle in the morning.

Friday approaches, and still, Simon hasn't heard anything.

"Simon, when are you going to Newark?" Bram asks him.

"I'm actually packing to leave in a few minutes. I want to get there early so that I can help do some day-before preparation."

"Well, tell your cousin I said congratulations."

"I will," Simon replies as he puts on his jacket.

Bram laughs. "You still have that raggedy old thing that you wore in high school?"

"Of course," Simon jokes. "It's a part of me now."

"Okay, I'm gonna be honest," Bram says with some humor, "That jacket is a fashion don't if I've ever seen one. And trust me, I've seen many."

Simon laughs.

"Seriously," Bram says, but his tone is still light with laughter, "If I see you wearing that thing after this weekend, I _will_ burn it."

They both laugh together again. Simon isn't really offended, but there's something about that jacket that really gives him comfort. When he went through his tough times senior year of high school, he wore it a lot. Since then, wearing that jacket has reminded him of his strength and resilience. It gives him a sense of empowerment. It truly has become a part of him.

Simon leaves to go to New Jersey. He plans to stay over with his cousin before the bachelor party. When he gets there, they exchange warm greetings, but Simon quickly gets to work. He meets up with the best man and the other groomsmen to run some errands to make sure everything is set to go for tomorrow evening.

As much as Simon loves his family, bachelor parties were never really his thing. They seem to revolve around alcohol and naked women, in neither of which Simon has very much interest. He's just there to show that he supports his cousin in this brand new chapter of his life.

At the end of the day, before Simon goes to bed, he realizes that he hasn't checked his phone all day since before he arrived at his cousin's place. He was so busy interacting with the wedding party and planning for the bachelor party that he lost focus. When he does check his phone, he is relieved to see a message from Victor.

Simon's first thought about the message is that he is glad that Victor is in touch again. He begins to read, and he is glad that Victor is okay and that he was able to find solace in Simon's words. But as Simon reads on, he can't believe his eyes.

"Oh shit," he murmurs.

Simon gets on the phone immediately, and he calls his boyfriend.

"Hey, what's up?" Bram picks up. "How's Jersey?"

"Bram, is everyone there?" Simon asks, wasting no time.

"Yeah, why?"

"Gather everyone, and put it on speaker phone," Simon instructs.

"Sure, hold on, just a second."

After a couple of minutes of Simon hearing Bram try to coral everyone, Bram says, "Okay, we're all here. What's up?"

"I heard from Victor," Simon tells them.

They all are immediately attentive.

"And?" Kim asks.

"What did he say?" Ivy adds on.

Simon pauses, and the silence on the other end is full of anticipation until he finally says, "He's coming to New York."

Everyone stops. It's quiet. They're all in shock.

"Gurl, what?" Justin finally breaks the silence. "What is this kid doing?"

"I told him that if he could see my life in New York, he'd know there's a place he belongs," Simon explains. "And I said that I wish he was here so I could give him a hug and make him believe it. This is _definitely_ not what I meant, but I guess he took those words to heart. And he's on a bus now."

"Wait, he's already on a bus?" Kim asks, stunned. "But you're not here!"

"Yes, Kim, I know that. But he's on his way, so we have to entertain him somehow."

"So what do you want us to do?" Ivy asks. "He thinks he's only been talking to you."

"I know," Simon replies. "But I've told him about Bram, and he's seen pictures on my Instagram. So, Bram, are you listening?"

"Yeah, I'm listening," Bram says. "What do you need?"

"Based on his last message, it looks like his bus is scheduled to arrive at around 8:00 tomorrow morning. So can you look online and try to figure out which stop he's arriving at and meet him there?"

"How am I supposed to do that?" Bram asks, commenting on the amount of bus traffic that comes in and out of New York.

"It will be a bit of a shot in the dark," Simon tells him. "But just try to see which bus from Atlanta is arriving tomorrow and at what stop. You'll probably have to go to Manhattan early."

"Okay, yeah, I can do that," Bram says.

"As for the other three of you," Simon continues, "he has no idea who any of you are. And he thinks that he's just been communicating with me this whole time. I'm going to let him know what's going on. Obviously, since I'm sending Bram to meet him, he'll know that I had to fill Bram in. But he doesn't think that you three know anything. So just act like you don't know him. I would rather be there and for him to know everything, but since I can't be there to explain it to him, it might be better just to keep up the confidentiality. Just wait for him to open up to you."

They agree.

"Keep me updated," Simon tells his friends. "Let me know how it goes."

"We will," Bram says.

When Simon and Bram hang up, the four people left in the apartment are shook.

"Wow," says a now speechless Bram.

"I certainly did not see that coming," Justin says.

"I guess we're finally gonna get to meet him," Ivy says.

"I know. It's actually pretty exciting!" Kim gives their take.

"Well," Bram replies to the cacophony of comments, "he's been through a lot. Let's try to give him a great day."

The other three in the apartment nod in agreement, and they start to mentally prepare themselves for the weekend to come.

Bram stays up to look at the buses that are coming in from Atlanta. He sees that there are two different buses that have routes from Atlanta to New York that arrive at 8:00 in the morning. They are at two different stops. He doesn't know which one Victor is on, so he goes to the stop he knows is more popular. It's a 50/50 chance.

Saturday morning, Bram gets to the bus stop somewhat early. He waits. At 8:00, a bus pulls up. It's not from Atlanta. At 8:05, another bus pulls up. Not from Atlanta. At 8:10, another bus. This one is from Atlanta. Bram tries to see what is going on as he is swarmed by the crowds on the sidewalk. 8:12. No Victor.

Bram starts to worry that he is at the wrong bus stop when he sees a familiar looking person step off of the bus.

"Victor?" Bram calls out as he sees Victor get off the bus. He waves, "Victor, hey!"

"Hey," Victor says to him and waves back. To Bram, the lack of enthusiasm in his tone makes him seem tired. He also knows that it might make anyone nervous to meet a new person, especially since Victor thinks it has been all Simon thus far.

Bram tries to be as welcoming as possible as he runs towards Victor and greets him. "How was your trip?" he says with a big smile.

"It was good," Victor replies.

"Ah!" Bram can't contain his enthusiasm, "I'm so excited to meet you!" He grabs Victor by the shoulders and gives him an Italian-American New Yorker-style welcoming kiss on the cheek.

Victor tenses up and backs away. "Whoa," he says, his eyes wide.

Bram sees the fear in Victor's eyes. He realizes that he's going to have a lot of work to do to get Victor to open up.

"It's all good. It's New York. Nobody gives a shit," Bram assures him with a laugh. "Trust me."

He puts his arm around Victor, and they walk together.

Victor is slightly uncomfortable, but as he and Bram talk, Victor warms up to him.

"So," Bram tells Victor when they get on the subway, "Simon filled me in on what's been going on. How are you doing, man?"

"Okay, I guess," Victor says with his head down.

"Hey," Bram says to comfort him, "well you're here now. And I can't wait to show you around!"

The train gets to Brooklyn.

"Oh, this is our stop," Bram points out.

They get off the train and they head to Bram and Simon's apartment. When they get there, Victor hauls his bag that he packed for the weekend up several flights of stairs.

"Oh my God," he says, exhausted from the number of stairs he just had to climb.

"Sorry, the elevator's broken," Bram tells him. "But on the plus side, all those stairs are killer for your glutes."

Victor smiles awkwardly at Bram's remark after he puts his things down. To him, the comment seems a little bit strange, but he glosses over it.

Victor notices movement out of the corner of his eye, and as he looks in that direction, he sees more people. It's Ivy, Justin, and Kim scrambling around to make sure that the apartment looks nice and clean for their surprise weekend guest.

"Uh, who are these people?" he asks somewhat nervously.

"Uh, you think that we could afford an apartment in Brooklyn with no roommates?" Bram asks rhetorically. He then answers his own question humorously, "No."

"I prefer the term flat mates, actually. It makes us sound more European," Justin takes notice of Victor and Bram's arrival.

Bram reacts by rolling his eyes. Of course Justin just had to start with the sass right away, not even easing Victor into it.

"I'm Justin," he introduces himself to Victor. "With a soft J, like joosh."

"I'm Victor," he says with a smile, wanting to be friendly to the people he is meeting, but quite nervous about their presence.

"I'm Ivy," she says before Kim cuts in and interrupts.

"I'm Kim. And before you ask, my pronouns are they/them/theirs."

"Oh, okay," Victor says, not knowing exactly how to respond. "Nice to meet…they."

The four of them all laugh. Now they _really_ know that they have a lot of work to do. Bram puts his hand on Victor's shoulder as he laughs, and Victor stands nervously, not understanding what's so funny. Thankfully, no one is offended. They just see Victor as an innocent soul who has a lot to learn.

"So what's your deal?" Ivy asks. She was never the best with words when getting to know people, but she just tends to like to be direct.

"My deal?" Victor asks nervously.

The three of them nod.

"Oh, I'm just, uh, visiting." Victor then proceeds to lie, "I'm Bram and Simon's pre-frosh."

This immediately catches Justin's attention. After Victor came out to Simon and now that Bram knows, he didn't think that it would be too much of a stretch for him to open up. Justin looks over at Bram to try and figure out what's going on. Bram is just confused, and his facial expression shifts accordingly.

"Yeah!" Victor responds to the residents' silence. "We all used to go to the same high school so my college counselor hooked us up. Wanted to get a taste of NYU. You know, check out the basketball program."

"What?" Bram reacts almost immediately in confusion. As far as he's concerned, it's a pretty weird lie.

"You wanted to come to NYU for the sports?" Ivy inquires skeptically.

Justin cuts in, "Ooh, you're college counselor hooked you up with the wrong ass people, gurl!"

They all laugh, but with a different kind of laugh, Victor defends, "I'm not a girl."

"Don't mind him," Kim cuts in. They know how it feels to be misgendered, but they also know that Justin doesn't use the term literally.

"He's harmless," Ivy tells Victor, realizing once again that the four of them have a lot of work to do. "Any friend of Bram and Simon's is a friend of ours."

"Absolutely," Kim says.

Bram looks over at Victor, noticing his discomfort, and trying to figure out what to do.

"You should totally come with us to Messy Boots tonight!" Kim invites.

"Yes!" Ivy agrees, seeming excited about the idea.

"What's Messy Boots?" Victor asks.

"It is the best party in town," Justin replies with a sudden seriousness. "They have this drag show where they bring people from the audience on stage-"

"No, I-" Victor's nervous laughter interrupts Justin's explanation.

Bram sees Victor's discomfort even more, and he takes a deep breath. This is way more awkward than he bargained for.

Victor looks over at Bram, seeing the worried look on his face. "I mean, it's just – I just have so much to do with this pre-frosh thing, so."

Justin, Ivy, and Kim all feel the tension. They know that's not why he's here, but they don't want to say that. It's sort of uncomfortable for everyone involved.

"Um," Bram addresses Victor, "Can I steal you for a second?"

"Yeah, yeah," Victor agrees, relieved to get out of the awkward meeting with Bram's roommates. As Bram leads Victor to a separate room, Victor politely but nervously addresses the other three, "Nice to meet you guys."

"Nice to meet you!" Ivy and Justin both say asynchronously.

They huddle as Bram and Victor enter the other room.

"What is a pre-frosh?" Justin whispers.

"That was awkward," Kim says.

"Do you think he'll open up?" Ivy asks.

"I don't know," Kim replies. "Give him time."

Bram closes the door behind him as he takes Victor into the room. He turns to see Victor nervously pacing by the window.

"Okay, what was that?" he asks a bit more bluntly than he intends. "Why did you tell them that you're my pre-frosh?"

"Because I don't know them!" Victor responds. "I barely know you. Look, Simon is the only person I've told, and I'm not ready to open up to a whole bunch of strangers."

As Victor speaks, Bram understands. He knows that Victor has been through a lot, and that all of this is brand new for him.

"Okay," he nods, acknowledging and legitimizing Victor's reasoning. "I get it, and I'm sorry. I forgot how scary it is when you're first coming out. Even around other gay people."

It's been a while for Bram. He remembers not even being able to reveal his identity to his gay pen pal in high school.

"I'm sorry," Victor apologizes for raising his voice. "I – I know I came out here to experience gay stuff, but it all just feels so…"

"Gay?" Bram completes the sentence for him with an ounce of humor.

Victor exhales with a smile, not wanting to offend the people he's meeting now.

Bram laughs, happy that in the moment, he could at least put a smile on Victor's face. And suddenly, he has an idea.

"Come on. I gotta show you something, alright?"

Victor follows somewhat reluctantly as Bram leads him out the door.

"We'll be back in a while!" Bram calls out to his roommates as he leaves.

They say goodbye as Victor and Bram exit.

"Where are we going?" Victor asks after they walk a couple of blocks.

Bram doesn't respond right away, but Victor follows anyway. They reach their destination a few seconds after Victor asks.

"You said everything was too gay for you, so thought I'd butch it up," Bram tells him.

Victor sees the basketball courts in front of him.

Bram turns around to address Victor. "Came here for the sports, right? Let's see what you got."

Victor tries to hide the proud smile that comes across his face, but he can't. He warms up to Bram even more because of this gesture. He can't help himself, so he goes with Bram onto the court, and they play their street game.

Victor feels highly inadequate throughout most of it because of how good the players around him seem to be, making it an even more prideful moment when he does make a shot. He is also proud to outperform Bram, who makes exactly zero shots.

At the end of their game, Victor sits down, exhausted. He sees a text from Mia.

**Mia**

_How's your boys' trip? Having fun?_

He had temporarily forgotten about the lie that he told her to throw her off track. Before he can decide what to do, though, Bram comes over and sits next to him. Victor puts his phone down and gets distracted enough so that he won't remember to respond to the message later. It's a welcome distraction, since he doesn't want to think about Mia right now.

"So what'd you think?" Bram asks.

"That was embarrassing," Victor laughs, now feeling comfortable enough with Bram to talk as normal. "At Creekwood, I'm actually considered good!"

"Oh, I know, these guys are insane," Bram replies.

"Yeah," agrees an out of breath Victor.

"Jason was in the NBA. First openly gay player."

Victor looks over at Bram, surprised by the description. He is distracted by Jason calling over to them.

"Hey, good game, Bram!" the former New Jersey Nets star calls out. He teases, "Maybe next time, you'll even make a shot."

"Oh, that's cold!" Bram takes the criticism with humor as he dismissively waves Jason away and Victor laughs. "Get outta here!"

"He's gay?" Victor asks.

"They all are," Bram reveals with a smile. "It's a gay league. We play here twice a week."

Victor looks over to see the players packing up, a couple of them kissing each other as they do. For the first time, Victor actually feels like there's a place that he belongs.

Bram continues, "I just wanted you to see that there's no one way to be gay. Right? You can be fem, you can be butch, athletic. Or in Simon's case, painfully un-athletic."

Victor laughs.

Bram is an opportunist. He takes advantage of this moment between them to tell Victor exactly what he knows that Victor needs to hear, the same thing that he had to tell himself two years ago at that Winter Carnival, "But the one thing you can't be is afraid."

Victor takes the words to heart.

"Victor, you came here because you wanted to belong," Bram reminds him. "And I got an apartment filled with super gay roommates who would be thrilled to accept you. So don't be too scared to let them in. Yeah?"

He puts his hand on Victor's shoulder, and Victor takes a breath. Victor still feels kind of afraid, but for once in his life, he knows that he doesn't have to be.

"Yeah," he whispers, cherishing Bram's advice as much as he has cherished Simon's over the past few months. "So, everyone here is gay?" he says, now more lightly, as they get up to leave.

"Oh yeah," Bram replies.

"Even Darius? He's look six foot eight!"

"Oh, you should see him in heels," Bram says teasingly.

Victor laughs, and all of the tension that he felt when he got off the bus and met Bram disappears.

They have a quiet walk back to the apartment.

Meanwhile, the three who remain at the apartment get ready to go to Messy Boots.

"So what tricks do you think Bram has up his sleeve for this one?" Justin asks Ivy as she does his makeup.

"You think he has tricks?" Ivy questions.

"Well, yeah," Justin says as if it should have been obvious. "If I know Bram, he's a crafty bitch."

Kim laughs. "What tricks do you think he would have?"

"I don't know," Justin responds. "Maybe something to get him to open up?"

"I wouldn't pressure him," Ivy says. "I get it. It can be a lot to come out to people you don't know. I've been through that."

Justin and Kim nod in understanding, and they hear footsteps in the hallway.

"Oh, they're coming!" Justin interjects. "Act natural, keep doing my makeup!"

They quietly continue what they were doing before, and Bram and Victor walk in the door.

"Hey guys," Bram greets them as they walk in.

"Hey!" Victor greets them as well, now feeling a little less awkward about their company.

A chorus of "Heys" then come from the other three inside the apartment.

"Hey, pre-frosh!" Kim addresses Victor.

"Justin, that's a lot of look," Bram says as he closes the door behind him.

"Gurl, we are going to a drag show, not church," Justin jokes.

"Why do so many gay people like dressing up in drag?" Victor's question immediately catches Bram's attention. Sounds like he's about to learn something. "Is it like, fun to be a character? Be someone that you're not?"

The room gets quiet. Justin and Ivy share a look with each other. Victor notices the tension.

Justin didn't think anything of Victor's comment earlier when he used the slang "gurl," but this is a little bit more personal to him. He knows now that he is going to have to educate their guest.

"Okay, pre-frosh," Justin says. He gets out his phone as he walks over to Victor. He pulls up a picture from the morning of the day that he came out to Nathan. He's in the church after his brother's confession, and he's faking a smile. He shows the picture to Victor. " _This_ was me three years ago."

Victor looks at the picture, and then back up at Justin. He can't even believe that he's looking at the same person.

"Yeah," Justin lets out a somewhat uncomfortable laugh. He then says with a hint of sarcasm, "My parents would have me put on this gorgeous ensemble and walk around the neighborhood and try to convince people to join a religion that I knew wanted nothing to do with me. As you can probably tell, I was not loving my life. It was – it was a dark time."

As Bram notices the way the memory haunts Justin, even in this moment, he feels sympathy. He knows the story.

"Anyway," Justin gets back on track, trying to shake the thought. " _That_ was putting on a character. That was 'drag'. _This,"_ he smiles and changes his tone, "is just me being me."

As Victor hears Justin's story, he reflects. He might not feel the same pain that Justin does, but he can relate. He never knew how hard some people have it. He never knew that someone with a difficult past can come into their own so well like Justin has. He sees the obstacles that Justin overcame, and recognizes that he did overcome them. He thinks now that maybe he can overcome those obstacles, too. More importantly, in this moment, Victor realizes that he's not alone.

Victor takes a breath and exhales, trying to release some of the nerves. "My parents are religious, too," he says, now struggling to get his words out. He captures the attention of everyone in the room. "Not like yours. But um," he pauses. The other four know what's coming. "I really worry how they'll react if I ever tell them that I'm um – I'm like you guys."

As Victor's voice breaks at the end of the sentence, so do Ivy's, Kim's, and Justin's hearts. He can't even say the words. He opened up to them, but he can't even say the words. They've all been there before.

Justin drops the sass. He knows it isn't the time. He puts all that aside because he knows that right now, what Victor needs more than anything is love and support.

Justin mouths the words, "it's okay," to Victor, and slowly approaches him, wrapping him in a hug. When he does, Victor exhales all of the excess air in his lungs, relaxing, as he feels the embrace of someone who gets it. Of someone who cares. Of someone who is there. Of someone who accepts him. Of a world that makes him feel like he belongs.

The other three join the hug, and it becomes a group hug. A huge smile sweeps across Victor's face as he realizes that there is room in this world for him after all.

The hug lasts for a good couple of minutes. They all just want to band together to make Victor feel safe. They did that, and then some.

When they finally break contact, Kim asks hopefully, "Do you want to come with us tonight?"

"Sure," Victor laughs, soft tears welling up in his eyes. "It'll be fun."

They cheer as they convince him to go.

They finish getting ready, and they go to the club. When they get there, Victor is noticeably tense.

Bram tries to break the tension, "Aww, it's baby's first gay club!"

Victor laughs somewhat uncomfortably. He knows he belongs here, but it seems like a foreign land to him.

"Aww," Justin echoes.

"What do you think?" Bram asks.

Victor questions, "So, everyone here is-"

"Gay," Justin finishes matter-of-factly.

Victor continues to feel that sense of belonging that before today, he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Just a ginger ale for my friend," Justin orders for Victor, "he is drunk enough on boys already."

They laugh, and they exchange some banter as Victor warms up to Justin's sassy personality.

Unexpectedly, a guy approaches the bar where the crew is sitting, and they watch as he addresses Victor.

"Yo, I'm Mikey," he says flirtatiously.

"Uh, nice!" Victor smiles.

Bram laughs, and Justin nearly spits out his drink. The guy walks away.

"Victor!" Kim says, their smile wide.

"He was trying to flirt with you!" Ivy adds.

"He was?' Victor says suddenly.

They all confirm, and Victor puts his hand over his face.

"You're hopeless," Ivy says, which rings true to Victor.

"Get used to it, Victor," Bram comments, "I have a feeling you're gonna break a lot of hearts."

Victor laughs.

"Totally!" Kim chimes in.

"You can't forget all about that Benji kid."

The whole group looks at Ivy. None of them, including her, can believe what she just said. So much for confidentiality.

"Wait," Victor says. "How – how did you – how'd you know about Benji?"

Ivy realizes her mistake. The four of them have been caught. Actually, Simon has been caught. They don't know what to say. They stay quiet.

"Did Simon tell you guys about our messages?" Victor says in defeat, now thinking differently of the one person he thought he could trust.

Bram shifts in his seat. "Victor, look-"

He tries to explain, but Victor interrupts. "So you all just pretended not to know who I was?"

The group is speechless. Justin wants to say something, but he doesn't know what to say. He can't manage anything other than some awkward facial movements.

"And you've just been lying to me?" Victor says, now hurt and angry. And to think that just a few short hours ago, he actually thought he had found a space that was meant for him. "This whole time?"

Victor looks at Bram as he says this last part. Bram doesn't know what to say. The accusations are true, but they still sting when said out loud. He just looks Victor in the eyes, hoping that Victor will understand.

"Wow," Victor says after no one responds to him. He feels angry. He feels hurt. He feels betrayed. Not only did Simon betray his trust, but so did these four.

"No-" Bram says.

Victor interrupts with a pained menacing "Cool" as he gets up to walk away.

"No, Victor!" Bram calls after him, but he's already gone.

Justin looks back at Bram; they're both speechless, and they both feel helpless.

"Ivy!" Kim says as Ivy hangs her head, feeling guilty about letting it slip.

Bram looks over at Ivy. He's not angry at her. But she did make a mistake. He can understand why Victor feels hurt. Still, he wishes Victor would understand that they've all had his back from the beginning. This night was going so well.

As Victor walks out the door, it rains lightly on him, and he feels cold. He came to New York to escape the storm in Atlanta, not to walk into another one. Still, the rain finds its way back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! As you might have noticed by now, I'm not really one for a lot of notes. I like to just let you guys enjoy :) But I do want to say that this chapter is quite representative of what you'll be getting for a while. As we get into the other characters who are more involved in the plot of the show, there will be many excerpts taken and interpreted by the characters' with whose perspectives we are dealing at the time (but don't worry, there will still be plenty more backstory for everyone and content that you did not see in lv). We're going to start to get into the thick of things, and I hope that you continue to enjoy! And one additional thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos so far! I love to hear feedback, so please let me know what you think! Alright, I'm gonna shut up now haha. Next chapter (last of the New York perspective) will come on Wednesday!


	7. New York Part 7 - Simon: The Jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.
> 
> Hello all! If you made it this far, thank you so much for sticking with the story! This is the last of the New York perspectives, and I really hope you enjoy it! Next will be Pilar's perspective, so I hope that motivates you to continue reading!

_Simon's Perspective:_

I get a text from Bram.

**Bram**

_He's here. I'll keep you updated throughout the day._

I nervously anticipate how the day will go. I know that there are a lot of things that could potentially go wrong with me not there. I wish I could be there, but my cousin is getting married, and I have to support him in that.

As I spend the morning checking the details once again, I wonder if Victor will open up to Bram and my roommates. He deserves someone he can talk to and make him feel safe.

An hour or so later, I get another text from Bram.

**Bram**

_Apparently, he's our "pre-frosh." At least, that's what he told the others. This is going to take more work than I thought._

**Simon**

_Do you know what you're going to do now?_

**Bram**

_Yeah, I have a plan._

**Simon**

_Which is?_

**Bram**

_I'm going to take him to go play basketball._

**Simon**

_That's perfect. Let me know how it goes._

I trust my boyfriend. I hope Victor can too. The gay basketball league might be exactly what Victor needs to see. I know that he came here because he wanted to feel a sense of belonging. My roommates will obviously be accepting of him, but a reality that is quite apparent is that he has a much different personality from Ivy, Kim, and Justin. I can see how Victor might be a little overwhelmed if those three are the first three he meets, especially since he won't really see what he has in common with them before he opens up. I'm glad that Bram can think on his feet.

The day goes on, and the bachelor party starts pretty early. My cousin, Bill, wants it to last a long time and go all night. He's quite the party animal. For me, it's quite a lot to put up with.

I don't hear from Bram very much during the day. I text him to see what's going on.

**Simon**

_How did basketball go earlier?_

**Bram**

_Great! We played for a few hours._

**Simon**

_That's good to hear._

**Bram**

_Yeah. And he opened up. He came out to Justin, Kim, and Ivy._

**Simon**

_Glad things are going well!_

**Bram**

_And we're taking him with us to Messy Boots tonight. He was hesitant about it at first, but now he's kind of excited to go._

**Simon**

_That's awesome! Have fun!_

They're going to Messy Boots?! That's so amazing! I am super relieved to hear that Victor was able to open up. Bram did a good job today. But I can't help but to think that despite the fact that I've seen Victor grow over the past few months, I'm not there for him now.

The bachelor party goes on, but I feel bad that I can't see Victor. He expected me to be there. He came to New York to see _me_. And I'm not there.

"Bill," I call over to my cousin a couple of hours into the party, getting his attention, "I'm not feeling well. I have to go. I'm sorry."

"No worries," Bill tells me, "Thanks for coming!"

"Of course! Congratulations, man!"

I text Bram.

**Simon**

_I'm going to meet you guys there._

**Bram**

_Awesome! Can't wait to see you!_

I get up, gather my things, and leave the party. As I go outside, I notice a light rain starting. It seems to be moving east, towards New York. I get on the train into the city, and then I take the subway to my apartment to drop my stuff off. No one is there, so I figure they're already at the club or they just left. I take the subway over to the street where the club is, and I get off, a light rain continuing to cool the air.

"Victor!" I call out to a person standing on the sidewalk who I assume to be him.

He looks over at me, confirming that it's him. "Simon?" he asks.

I'm so glad that I'm finally getting to meet him.

"Hey, man!" I greet him. I say again as I wrap him in a hug, "Hey! God, I've been texting with Bram, and I just felt so bad about missing this whole thing that I – I left the bachelor party, and…"

I trail off. I notice something is off. He didn't hug me back when I hugged him. He didn't smile when he saw me. He's standing there, staring at me apathetically as I speak. And why is he outside to begin with? I see his body weighed down by the wet shoulders of his collared shirt, and his hair is down over his forehead because of the rain.

"Wait, what's the matter?" I ask him. "Why aren't you inside with everyone else?"

"Look," he begins shakily, and then pauses, "Simon, I trusted you."

What? What happened?

He continues. "I thought that what I told you stayed between us, but now I realize this whole time, you've been sittin' around with your friends laughing about my stupid messed up life!"

Oh no. One of them slipped. It must have just happened. But still, why would he think that? I genuinely care about this kid, and it breaks my heart to hear him assume that that's what we've been doing. I'm quite caught off guard by the accusation.

"W- No! Victor, that's not – that is not what happened, I swear!"

I know that I have to choose my next words carefully. He needs an explanation, but I have to give it in a way that comforts him, not one that makes it sound like I'm defending myself.

"Look," I begin to explain, "When you first messaged me, I was touched. Really. But, I – you know, I was scared too. Like, I know you want me to be this, like, guru who has all the answers. But the truth is I don't."

I struggle to find the right words to say in the moment because I don't want to say anything that will make him stop listening. But that's just the truth. I'm not some mighty all-knowing being who holds all of the secrets of the universe. I don't have the answers for Victor's life, either. I only know as much about his life as he shares with me. I can only know as much as he knows.

I continue, "And I didn't want to push you too hard or tell you the wrong thing. Or make your life any harder than it already was."

Victor listens attentively.

"And, look, like you said in your first message, we're not the same." At this point, I realize that this calls for an explanation of how my friends fit into the picture from the beginning. So I give him that, "I never had a girlfriend, but Bram did. And I – I didn't have super religious parents, but Justin did. Every one of my friends had a little bit to offer, a little piece of the puzzle. They weren't sitting around laughing about your life; they were in your corner, listening a-and helping a-and cheering you on."

"Why would they want to help a complete stranger?" he asks, still seeming down.

At this point, the tension in my body drops. In front of me, I see a broken child, one who no one has ever offered to heal. I see someone who is broken and doesn't know that when an object is broken, that doesn't necessarily decrease its value. I see someone for whom strangers haven't moved to kindness before, someone who just needs somebody in their life to lift them up because they struggle to do it themselves. Someone who feels left out and isolated and alone.

"Because you're not a stranger," I say to him with a smile, getting his attention. "You're one of us. To me, that's the best part about all of this. Having a community. A group of friends that gave up an entire weekend to help a kid that they've never met just because they know that on some level, we've all been through the same thing. Because we're family."

It's quiet for a moment. Victor's expression softens. The rain gives his skin a glow I hadn't noticed until now. He begins to smile softly.

"So, uh," he finally says to break the tension, "is it always this cold in New York, or?"

I laugh with him. Any tension that was previously between us is now gone.

I look around, and I suddenly become aware of the jacket that I am wearing. This jacket is special to me. But I forgot until now that I even had it on. That has never happened before. Whenever I've worn it, it always reminded me of my story and my strength. But I don't think I need it for that anymore. I also remember Bram's promise, and I would hate to see the power that it has literally go up in flames. Maybe it's time for it to be passed on. Maybe it's someone else's turn to wear the denim armor.

"Here," I say as I take off the jacket. "A little something to remember your weekend in the city."

I hold the jacket out for him, and with pride, he steps into it.

"Also, Bram said that he would uh, burn it if I wore it one more time," I admit humorously.

He laughs.

"Shall we?" I gesture for us to go inside and join the party.

He nods, and we enter.

"Ah! You're back!" Bram says, and I assume he is addressing both me and Victor. He pulls me in for a hug. Man, I miss him, even after being away for just a day and a half.

Ivy hugs Victor and apologizes. I assume she is the one who slipped up. He seems to forgive her immediately.

"Why is nobody dancing?" Justin says with his usual amount of sass and, to Victor's surprise, pulls Victor out onto the dance floor.

Bram and I both laugh, and we stay back.

"You were just in time," Bram tells me with a small chuckle.

"Yeah," I say. "I could see that. Today went well?"

"Very," Bram says.

"I'm glad."

"I see Victor got a new jacket," Bram teases.

"Yeah," I joke, "I'll let him make the questionable fashion choices from now on."

"Actually," Bram says with a smile, "I like it on him."

We both laugh.

I catch up with Victor somewhat later in the evening. I stand at a table getting something to drink, and he walks over to me.

"Seems like you're getting along well with my friends," I say.

"Yeah," he smiles and lets out a small chuckle. "Sorry, I know I came here to see you, but-"

I interrupt him by gesturing for him to go over and join the group that he has been a part of all day. He smiles, and he rushes over to them. I am happy to see that he has found solace in them, too, and not just in me. They're great people.

Katya Zamolodchikova, the drag special guest is introduced. To my surprise, Katya motions to Victor and calls him up on stage. He hesitantly and somewhat uncomfortably approaches the stage.

"Yeah, Victor!" I shout out in support for him.

"What's your name, honey?" Katya asks him when he gets to the stage.

"Uh," he clears his throat and says nervously, "Victor."

"How's your night going, Victor?"

When Katya asks this, I see Victor look over at Bram, Ivy, Kim, and Justin. Then I see him look over at me. I give him an encouraging smile.

"Uh," he says, and he gives a wide smile "It's been the best night of my life."

The crowd cheers. I hear my boyfriend and our roommates cheering louder than anyone else. I join in. I am happy and proud of the day that my friends and I gave this kid. He deserves it. Based on our months of messaging, it was due time for him to feel this amazing.

When we get home, we're all tired.

"What's the earliest bus you think I could take back to Atlanta?" Victor asks me.

I laugh. "Don't worry, man. We'll get you a plane ticket so that you can be back in school on Monday."

"Okay," he chuckles.

He departs Sunday evening.

The next morning, around 7:00 a.m., I have some sort of feeling. It's one of warmth. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but I feel comfortable. I feel like I'm being held tight in someone's embrace. I somehow feel more like myself than I ever have before. I smile warmly at Bram, as we eat breakfast together in the morning.

"What?" he laughs as he notices my sudden soft smile.

"I don't know," I say. "I just feel good today. Like I'm a part of something bigger than myself."

"Like what?" he asks, laughing.

"I don't know," I say.

Bram laughs again, but the feeling doesn't leave me.

As soon as Monday afternoon, Victor sends me another message. Seemingly, he's coming out to Mia and things with Benji aren't operating all that smoothly. Despite his great weekend, he's still having a tough time. But now that he knows that he has a crew in New York that he can count on and trust, I decide to be blunt with him. I let him know that telling Mia will be hard. I give him advice about Benji. I expect him to keep me updated.

I don't hear anything else from him the rest of the week until Friday. He didn't tell Mia on Monday. He's going to the Spring Fling with her. I remember the Creekwood Spring Fling. I only ever went once, and I went with Bram in our senior year. It was a special night. But Victor is holding on. Something tells me that he's not ready for his entire world to change yet. I've been there.

I spend much of the day Friday pondering the advice I want to give him. In the evening, it comes to me.

**Simon:**

_Victor,_

_I totally understand wanting to give Mia the perfect night before you come clean. But here's the thing about the truth – you can't control how people will react to it. All you can do is be honest with the people you love. The rest is up to them. Whatever happens, you'll always have me._

_Love, Simon_

The words I say are the most genuine that I can muster. I will be with him through whatever happens. This kid's story has been crazy so far, and I have a feeling that it's about to get even crazier.

_**(Next: Pilar)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for reading! These perspectives were very fun to write, and next will be Pilar, which was especially interesting in my opinion. Get ready for some angst!


	8. Pilar Part 1: A New Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Pilar's first chapter! Enjoy!
> 
> cw: racism, profiling
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

As we pull out of our driveway with the trailer hooked up to our car, way too early in the morning for any sane human to be awake, I think to myself, _this is going to be the longest fifteen hours of my life_.

My boyfriend didn’t even bother to show up to say goodbye. I don’t blame him, though. Why would the love of my life get up at three in the morning on a Wednesday to send me off across the country? No big deal.

My parents seem way too energized to end our lives as we know them and start anew in the land of the unknown. My family’s dynamics are pretty boring and lame. My parents were high school sweethearts who have been together for about twenty years and been married for seventeen. They always seem sure of themselves and they always know what they’re doing, even though they’ve had more fights in the past few months. They seem really sure about ripping us out of our home, though, so that’s something. Then there’s my brother, Victor, who is a year older than I am. He’s the typical role model oldest sibling, the golden boy who can do no wrong in the eyes of my parents. He’s the one that always gets called on to take care of me and our seven-year-old brother, Adrian. Adrian should be in bed right now. I used to believe that no self-respecting parents would wake up a precious seven-year-old in the middle of the night to haul his life across the country, but here we are.

Then there’s me. If you asked my parents, they would probably tell you that I’m the angsty problem child who hates the world and acts out constantly for attention. In reality, I’m the ignored middle child who has to live up to my older brother’s standards and give way to my younger brother’s attention needs. Before today, I used to at least be grateful that my life had some amount of predictability to it. We might be lame, but at least I knew what was going on. Now, with this move, everything is going to change. And there isn’t going to be anyone there to help me through life. Not that I really had that before.

My parents take turns driving from Graham to Atlanta so that the other can sleep. I try to sleep during the car ride, but I can’t. I’m too angry. I just started high school, and I just started to get used to where I was; now, I have to do it all over again in a completely different city where I’ve never even been before.

Adrian sleeps soundly all through the ride. Victor doesn’t seem to have much trouble sleeping either. He has been a champion of the move ever since our parents told us that it would be happening. He’s tried to get me to think optimistically about it, but I just don’t get how he can be so happy to leave home. One thing’s for sure, though – he definitely doesn’t understand my life. I struggle enough to get attention at home with my family; my boyfriend, Eric, is the only person who gives me the attention I deserve, and now I have to move 900 miles away from him.

The drive is boring and frustrating. We don’t stop a lot, and I’m not really sure if I’m relieved or bummed that it ends up being about an hour shorter than anticipated.

As we get close, I notice the time, and I realize that school in Graham is letting out. I decide to call Eric, and as the phone rings, we pull up to a shoddy building in a neighborhood with small houses. My dad unbuckles his seatbelt and says, “We’re here!”

Really? Does it have to be now?

Eric answers the phone as we all start to get out of the car.

“Hey, sweetie,” he greets me.

I don’t waste any time with my response. “I miss you so much! I would crawl back to Texas on broken glass just to have five more minutes with you.”

“Pilar,” my mom calls out to me condescendingly, “say goodbye to your boyfriend. We’re trying to have a nice family moment here.”

Well, it was so nice of her to consider _my_ feelings.

“My kidnappers are making me hang up,” I say to Eric. I then whisper sarcastically into the phone before hanging up, “Send help.”

“Hey!” Victor gets my attention. “Can you cheer up? Maybe Atlanta won’t be so bad.”

I’m getting a little sick of Victor trying to make me feel good about this move when he already knows that I don’t. My patience with him is wearing thin.

“Mom and Dad made me move a thousand miles away from the love of my life,” I snap at him. “If you had a girlfriend, you’d understand.”

“Yeah,” he admits. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Victor turns to Dad to try and break the tension. “So you’re gonna do the wiring for all these old buildings?” he asks.

“Oh, not do the wiring, _flaco_. Oversee it. Middle management, baby!” he turns to Adrian to give him a high five. This is ridiculous. Adrian doesn’t know what that means.

I suddenly hear an obnoxious laugh, and my attention turns towards the door of the building to the person who just exited.

“Congratulations!” he says with an unprecedented excitement. “What a great gig!”

 _Who the hell is this guy?_ I think before he introduces himself as our neighbor, Felix. Great. Just what I needed. An obnoxious neighbor who is on our backs from the second we arrive.

My parents take Adrian inside to use the bathroom.

The neighbor whose name I have already forgotten approaches me and Victor as we remain standing outside. “So, you guys going to Creekwood?”

“Yeah,” Victor tells him. He introduces us, “Uh, Pilar’s a freshman, and I’m Victor, a sophomore.”

“Awesome!” he replies. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven!”

I’m too tired and I’ve had too terrible a day for this level of weird. I scoff out loud, not caring that Victor and shaggy-hair can both hear it, and I go inside.

My parents make us wait in the lobby of the building where my dad took Adrian to the bathroom because he wants to show us the apartment all at once. He has already been there and moved some boxes in, so he knows what it looks like. The rest of us don’t. I don’t get why he needs to hype this up so much.

As we get to the apartment door, 201, Dad stops us outside. He wants to make a big reveal out of it, but it can’t possibly be that great.

“‘Kay, you ready?” he whispers dramatically as Mom opens the door.

She gasps when she walks in. “Oh, my God!”

Seriously, how great could this apartment be that it gets my mom so excited like that?

I walk in the door, and I have to concede to myself that the place is pretty nice. It still doesn’t make up for having been ripped out of the place that I call home. It still doesn’t make up for the fact that I don’t want to be here. But at least it helps me hold onto the hope that maybe life won’t completely suck here.

We unpack our things from the car and the trailer. I’m exhausted because I didn’t sleep during the drive, but since we’re here earlier than expected, we’re all expected to help unpack some of our boxes. I am relieved when my mom tells us to take a break because she wants to work on decorating tomorrow.

We get takeout for dinner since it’s late and we haven’t been grocery shopping yet. I go to bed in anticipation of the first day at our new school.

I wake up in the morning to a painful reminder that we’re not in Texas anymore. I don’t recognize the room that I wake up in or the bed that I slept in. It’s not a great start to the day to remember that everything you once knew about your life has disappeared. If Dad wanted to get a job in the city, why couldn’t he pick Dallas? At least then we wouldn’t be so far from home.

Since we don’t really have any food in the house yet, breakfast isn’t very exciting. I have a bowl of dry cereal and wash it down with the coffee that my parents made. When I’m done, I put my dish up on the counter.

“Pilar,” my mom reminds me sternly, “Do your dishes please.”

“Fine,” I sigh.

I don’t want to be here. I definitely don’t want to worry about a thing as futile as a dish with cereal dust that’s just going to get dirty again when I eat out of it the next time. I packed up and moved my whole life against my will, and now I’m getting yelled at for a bowl. The worst part is that everyone else in the family somehow seems so happy. How does it not bother anyone else that we’ve left our entire life behind? This is a terrible thing to have happened, but everyone is excited about it for some reason. Even Adrian doesn’t seem to mind. Then again, he’s not really old enough to understand the gravity of what’s happening anyway. I’ll just let him live in innocence for now.

My over-excited dad and my innocent little brother do some more decorating in the morning before it’s time for us kids to go to school and for my dad to go to work. Adrian sits proudly on Dad’s shoulders, hanging a crucifix on the wall as my mom watches and I do my dishes.

“If I were Jesus,” she says, “where would I want to be to watch over this family?”

“Probably not nailed to a cross,” I say, soliciting a disapproving look from my mom. I don’t care, though. Maybe a little bit of humor will get me through this hell of a day.

“Good morning, everyone,” my obnoxiously cheerful older brother addresses us.

My parents greet him, and then the doorbell rings. Does the person ringing have to do it so aggressively?

Victor opens the door.

“Hey!” Oh great. It’s the annoying neighbor we met yesterday. What was his name again? Felton or something? I know it starts with an F. Then I remember that I don’t care. “I couldn’t remember if we said seven or 7:15.”

“So you showed up at 6:45?” Victor asks him.

“6:40,” the neighbor responds, “I stood outside your door for five minutes before knocking. I didn’t want to seem too eager.”

At some point during that spiel, I just stopped listening and sat down with my phone. Victor leaves with the neighbor.

“Are you going with them?” my mom asks me.

“No,” I tell her bluntly. “I’ll just walk alone in the cold empty chasm that is my life.”

She rolls her eyes, and I head off to school.

The day starts out just about as lame as I expected. We only have four periods before lunch, but somehow, it feels longer than yesterday’s car ride. Every one of my classes is also in the middle of a unit, so I have no idea what’s going on. The teachers try to help me by giving me more material to study based on what they’ve already gone over, but it’s just an overwhelming amount of content. I feel so dumb as the new kid being called out in front of everyone in my classes so that my teachers can give me extra help.

Lunch arrives, and I’ve talked to no one. I might as well do something. I go outside to the courtyard to eat lunch, and I see two girls from my math class. I approach them as they’re both on their phones.

“Hey!” I say in the fakest friendly voice I can possibly muster. “Mind if I join you guys?”

They look at me questioningly.

“I’m Pilar,” I tell them. They continue to look confused. “I just started here. We’re in the same math class.”

“Oh!” one of them says. “Yeah, I think I remember you from this morning.”

“Yeah,” the other says. “You’re the new kid.”

“Yep,” I confirm.

“So what’s your deal?” the shorter one asks.

“My family and I just moved here.”

“From what country?” the taller one asks.

“Texas,” I say, quite taken aback.

“Are you Mexican?” the taller one asks again.

“Colombian, actually,” I say, now quite offended.

“When did you move to Texas?” the short one asks.

“I lived there my whole life until this year,” I correct her, now visibly offended.

“Where’d you get that jacket?” the tall one inquires. “You look like Dora.”

“Yeah,” the other one chimes in sarcastically, “if she was exploring a thrift store.”

They both laugh.

“You know what,” I say as I feel my temper flaring, “I’m gonna sit somewhere else.”

“Bye!” they both call out to me with the fakest smiles I’ve ever seen, probably faker than my own when I walked over to talk to them.

I go over to the vending machine to get something to drink. For whatever reason, the machine won’t take my money, and I can’t get anything out of it.

“Stupid machine,” I say, and I get angrier as it continues not to work. “Man! Ugh!”

“Hey,” I hear Victor’s voice address me. “How’s your first day of school going?”

“Terrible,” I tell him. “Everyone here sucks.”

“You thought everyone back home sucked, too.”

“They did,” I point out. “The world is full of fake, crappy people.”

“Pilar, you have to try,” he tells me bluntly, but I’m in no mood for it.

“Victor, stop!” I tell him. “I did try.” I tell him about the girls from my math class and the insult that they threw my way.

“Oh, hey,” a girl walks up to Victor who I’ve never seen before. “The vending machines here are the worst. Took me my entire freshman year to get a water.”

“This is my sister, Pilar,” Victor introduces me to his new friend. Why is he so much better at this than I am? Am I really that unpleasant?

“Hi, I’m Mia,” she introduces herself. She offers to help with the machine, and I reluctantly hand over my dollar bill so that she can put it in. She asks both me and Victor, “So, uh, how’s day one going?”

“Great,” I say sarcastically. “I made a ton of friends. People here are _so_ nice.”

“Somebody trolling you?” she asks. “Who?”

I point to the girls with whom I tried to sit down.

Mia chuckles. “Allison King and Katie Ellis,” she says as she puts my dollar into the machine. “Don’t worry about them. They’re gonna get pregnant and drop out. Trust me.”

I wish her words actually meant something to me at this point.

“Anyway,” she continues, “yeah, forget about those losers. You’ll find your people.”

“My people are back in Texas,” I tell her. “And even though that sounds like a bad country song, it’s true.”

I get my drink from the vending machine, and I walk away.

I eat my lunch alone at a table far away from the crowd, and I stay on my phone so that no one bothers me.

After sixth period, during the class change, I hear someone call over to me.

“Hey!” I recognize the voice from earlier.

“Hey, Dora!” the tall one calls over.

I take a deep breath and turn around to address them. “What?” I say aggressively.

“Why so upset?” the short one asks with a fake sympathy.

The tall one asks, “Missing home? Is the culture here not what you’re used to?”

That’s it! I’m not putting up with any more of their shit! Without thinking, I storm over to the girl and shove her into the locker where she’s standing.

I yell in her face as I shove her, “Just shut your stupid white bitch mouth!”

“What is your problem?!” she yells back.

“You’re being a bitch!” I shove her again.

She takes a swing at me, and I block it.

We start to draw a crowd, but before the situation can intensify any more, an administrator breaks it up.

“Hey!” she looks me and the other girl dead in the eye after pulling me away. “My office! Now!”

She points and directs us to an office that is not far down the hall. It seems she’s the vice principal.

The other girl and I leave a seat in between each other.

“Ms. Albright, I--”

“Shut it, Katie!” she says. “There is no excuse for this kind of behavior!”

“But I didn’t start it!”

“Oh, really?” I ask rhetorically. “Maybe you shouldn’t have compared me to a children’s cartoon character!”

“Oh, like you’re so special that you’re above criticism--”

“HEY!” Ms. Albright yells and gets us to shut up. “I don’t care who started it! Fighting is not tolerated here under any circumstances! Katie, you should know better!”

I raise my eyebrows at her.

Ms. Albright sees, and she cuts in, “And Pilar--”

I wince.

“Yeah, I know your name. I met your brother this morning,” she adds as an aside. “I’m disappointed in you, too. This is no way to start off your run at a new school. Your brother was at least friendly when he came in. Why can’t you be more like him?”

Ugh! I wish she would just shut the hell up! I’m so tired of people comparing me to my brother!

“I’m calling both of your parents to come pick you up early,” the vice principal tells us. “You’re staying with me until they get here.”

Wonderful. Just what I need. A crappy ending to a crappy day, going back to my crappy apartment and probably being doomed to my crappy room.

“You’ve both earned yourself a week of detention.”

UGH!!!

My mom gets to the school to pick me up. By the time she gets there, it’s so late that school is almost over anyway.

“What happened?” she asks angrily.

“That girl was being a bitch, so I put a stop to it,” I tell her.

“Excuse me??” she replies in shock.

I shrug. I tell her what the girls said about me.

“That is no excuse to get into a fight,” she says. “When you get home, you’re going to your room. Your father and I will discuss your punishment. I called him before I left and he’ll be home by the time we get back.”

“Ugh!”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

The rest of the drive is silent. I get home, and sure enough, Dad is standing in the kitchen.

“Go to your room, and quietly think about your actions while your father and I talk,” my mom demands disappointedly.

Per her instructions, I go to my room, but I don’t do it quietly. I slam my door as I enter.

After a few minutes, I hear my parents fighting. It stops abruptly, but then it starts again. I find some loud music to play to drown them out. That’s how I typically deal with their fighting.

“What part of ‘quietly think about your actions’ did you not understand?” I hear my mom yell from the kitchen, but I don’t care.

My dad comes into my room.

“Can we talk, _mija_?” he asks.

I shrug and roll my eyes.

He turns off my music.

“Your mom told me what the girls at school were calling you,” he says.

I hang my head.

He continues, “I’m sorry that your first day didn’t go well.”

“That’s an understatement,” I say with sass.

“Okay,” he says. “Look, those girls had no right to say those mean things to you. But what you did can’t go unpunished. So, you’re grounded.”

“What?!”

“You had the choice to ignore those girls, and you didn’t. You got in a fight. So you’re grounded.”

“That is so not fair!”

“It _is_ fair!” he retorts. “I don’t like the fact that people are picking on you at school, but you need to make better decisions about how you react to people like that. Got it?”

“Fine,” I say moodily.

He leaves the room, and I stay there.

A little while later, he comes back in and tells me that he and my mom decided that they want us to go to the Winter Carnival as a family. I scoff at the idea. I would rather be grounded. Then, I quickly backtrack, thinking that if I play nice, I might get out of my punishment sooner.

We head over to the carnival shortly after Victor leaves with the neighbor, who seems to be his new friend. My parents and Adrian seem so happy to be there, but it’s all just blah to me.

At the carnival, we run into Victor.

“What are you doing here?” he asks when he notices us.

My dad greets him.

“Oh, well,” my mom starts, “This is our new home. I decided we should see what it’s all about.”

“It’s great,” I say with a fake smile and fake enthusiasm as I lean into my dad. Maybe this will redeem me. “I love spending time with my family.”

“Oh! Such a nice try, but you’re still grounded,” he says.

Well, that didn’t work.

Adrian suggests getting candy apples. He and my parents race to the stand. I stay behind for a moment, and I give Victor a look of desperation.

I have no interest in feigning fun at this point. Victor said that Atlanta might not be so bad, but I’m not exactly off to the greatest start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know this one didn't have much positivity in it, but I did warn you that there will be a lot of angst with Pilar. It'll be tough because of how her story plays out, but stick with it! There will be some moments that make your day! Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far!


	9. Pilar Part 2: Unlucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another Pilar chapter! These are not exactly the happiest chapters to read, but I do hope they keep your interest. I find Pilar's dynamic very interesting
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

The morning after the carnival, I sit with my parents and eat breakfast. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday, so now we actually have food in this house.

Victor comes into the room, but I’m not paying attention to the conversation. I’m too busy looking at my phone trying to stay updated on my friends back home.

“Oh my God! That thirsty little--”

“Aah aah!” my mom cuts me off. “Pilar, I don’t think Jesus wants you to finish that sentence.”

“Eric just liked one of Giselle Rodriguez’s selfies,” I show her. I’m so sick of Giselle. She’s been trying to play the homewrecker role in mine and Eric’s relationship for far too long now. Plus, it doesn’t help that everyone else at my old school thinks about her as the hot popular girl. Why would Eric play into her little childish games?

“Okay, so your long distance boyfriend clicked hard on a picture,” my dad says dismissively, not having any idea what it’s like to feel like you could be cheated on. “Nobody died.”

“Giselle might,” I threaten, “next time I visit Texas.”

“Hey, so,” Victor gets our parents’ attention, “I need $500 to join the basketball team. It’s for travel and uniforms.”

“What are the uniforms made of? $50 bills?” our dad asks rhetorically.

“I would also like $500,” I speak up. Hey, if Victor’s getting money, I might as well get in on the action. I’m an opportunist. What can I say?

“Nobody’s getting $500,” he replies frankly. “You guys want some spending cash, you get an after-school job.”

“ _¡Ok,_ _vamanos! ¡Vamanos!_ ” our mom urges us to get going with our day.

I get up and leave for another lame day at my lame new school with lame people, none of whom I have any interest in being friends with.

The day drags on again. As if my first day wasn’t bad enough, my math teacher calls me out and moves me to the front of the classroom to separate me from Allison and Katie. Since the teacher heard about the fight, I guess she decided that I’m the problem child and that I’m the one who she has to keep a close eye on. I haven’t even been in this town for 48 hours, and somehow, I’ve already had enough embarrassment to last a lifetime.

Lunch arrives, and I couldn’t be more apathetic about it. I have no friends and no one to talk to, so I sit alone at a table in the cafeteria. It’s made even worse by the fact that somehow, Victor seems to be doing super well. Everyone seems to want to approach him, and he doesn’t even have to try. Why can’t I be that approachable? Why is it that some of us have to work so hard to be liked and for others it just comes so easily? And even worse, why does it have to be my brother who already gets everything he wants anyway?

I try to take my mind off of not having friends here by going on Instagram and following my friends back home. They all seem to be having so much fun. Without me. It doesn’t even look like anything has changed with them since I left. Do they even miss me? Do they even notice that I’m gone?

I haven’t heard from Eric since I called him upon arrival at my family’s new place of dwelling. We used to talk every day back in Texas. Now, I haven’t been able to carry a full conversation with him since before we left. He didn’t show up to say goodbye, and he hasn’t reached out to me once since I got here.

I look at Eric’s Instagram, and I hate what I see. Why is Eric with Giselle? And why is Giselle holding his arm? Am I not enough for him?

Victor and the upstairs neighbor take a seat next to me, uninvited to do so. I sigh.

“Nice greeting,” Victor says sarcastically, but I’m not in the mood.

“Eric just got tagged in a photo with Giselle at the mall,” I spill the details to him. “The mall, Victor!”

“Whoa! She’s hot!” blurts out the Rachel Maddow look-alike.

I look over to him and stare. Why the hell would he say something like that?

“Oh, sorry,” he responds and then whispers, “she’s hot.”

I roll my eyes and look down at my phone.

“Eric loves you,” Victor tries to tell me. “Don’t be crazy.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I just need to relax and trust my boyfriend.

No sooner do I think that than does Victor arise to greet a couple of girls that walk up to him. It seems like he’s doing fine with the girls at this school. It reminds me that all every man wants is just the instant gratification of having a girl who is right there at his constant disposal all the time without having to worry about anything else. Of course, my boyfriend doesn’t have that because my parents viciously ripped us apart so that we couldn’t be together in the same state anymore. No wonder he’s been so obsessed with Giselle lately.

I continue to scroll through Instagram. I have no interest in talking to crazy-hair. He gets the message and he gets up to talk with Victor and the girls.

“Dude!” he exclaims when the girls walk away and they sit back down next to me. “I’ve always wanted to go to a stoplight party! Or really any party.”

Ugh. I’m grounded, so that’s not really an option for me. I am curious what they’re talking about, though. I could use anything to get my mind off of my potentially cheating boyfriend. I tune into the conversation.

“Um,” Victor asks, “what’s a stoplight party?”

Neighbor boy explains the concept of wearing different colors to show your relationship status. Upon hearing the description, I am _definitely_ not interested. I have a feeling that if I went, I would just look like a cheesy walking Christmas decoration.

“You guys didn’t have this in Texas?” he asks in disbelief.

Oh, this guy is good. He apparently doesn’t understand anything about life outside the city.

“We had church barbeques,” I tell him. “If you wear a sundress that’s above the knee, it means you go to Hell.”

Victor laughs because he knows it’s true.

“Victor,” his new friend says after a moment of reflection on my comment, “you have to wear yellow to declare your feelings for Mia. I mean you like her, right? Why wouldn’t you?”

How does Victor like a girl here within 24 hours of meeting her? At least she’s nice. I remember her as the girl who walked up and introduced herself at lunch yesterday. Still, it’s not like she had any interest in me. I just happened to be there when she apparently wanted to obsess over my brother. What else is new? Whatever, I’m used to it. Story of my life.

The rest of the day goes by as slowly as anticipated. Now that I’ve seen Eric with Giselle, I have even more to worry about than I did before.

Since I was forced to go home early yesterday, I didn’t end up going to my seventh or eighth period classes. So I have to go through the newness of it all over again. Just two more teachers calling me out, giving me ridiculous amounts of “review” work and telling me how inadequate I am because I haven’t been in their classes, so therefore, I must not be smart enough to understand any of the material.

The day ends, but it’s not like I’m looking forward to going home. I have detention anyway. Plus, I’m still grounded, so I have to stay in my room while I’m at home unless I’m doing chores or want something to eat. It’s not like I would have anywhere to go anyway. Mia’s stoplight party isn’t exactly my idea of a great time, especially since I would be going alone with no friends. And I definitely wouldn’t want to show up at something like that with my brother.

As I sit in my room, I can think of nothing to do other than sulk while looking at my friends’ Instagram feeds. I pay a lot of attention to Eric’s. It’s filling up more and more with Giselle. He knows I can see this, right? Why would he so openly flaunt the fact that he’s hanging out with another girl?

It’s cold. I get up to go get a blanket from the cupboard in the hall.

“ _¡Hola mi nena!_ ” I hear my dad call out. “How was your day?”

Why would he want to be nice to me now? He grounded me yesterday. He passed on giving me money this morning. I’m not in the mood for this. Even my parents have fake positive attitudes towards me. I’d rather go back to sulking. Especially since everything that I’m seeing with Eric is my parents’ fault for moving us here in the first place.

I get my blanket, slam the cabinet, and rush back to my room.

I text Eric.

**Pilar**

_Hey. Wanna talk?_

He doesn’t respond. I try to forget about him, and I do some homework.

I look through the packets that my teachers gave me to catch me up on work. It’s just so much content. It’s too much. Maybe I’m really not smart enough to understand all of this.

It doesn’t help that I’m not free of distractions either. I can’t stop thinking about my friends back in Texas and my boyfriend who still hasn’t responded to my text. I check my phone just about every five minutes for a response, and nothing. I try texting him again after about two hours, but still nothing.

I keep looking at Instagram. Another picture of him with Giselle. I can’t just sit around anymore. I call him.

Eric doesn’t answer. It goes to his voicemail almost right away. Either his phone is off, or he declined my call. I take a deep breath because I know I have to keep my cool if I want him to call me back.

“Hey boo,” I say. “Wondering what you’re up to tonight. Umm, call me. Miss you.”

I hang up.

It’s true. I do miss him. I’ve been so angry at my parents for ripping me and Eric apart that I actually forgot how I truly felt about him. Victor was right earlier when he said that Eric loves me. I love him, too. But why won’t he answer me? And why has he been tagged in so many photos with Giselle today?

I sit and contemplate the situation for a few minutes. I finally decide that sometimes you have to go far and beyond for the people that you love.

I take off my shirt and I go over to my bed. I start to take pictures, smiling.

Suddenly, I hear a knock at the door, and it starts to open.

“Pilar, honey, it’s me!”

Oh shit. I hear my mom call out, and a million thoughts race through my mind at once. Why the hell didn’t I lock my door? Why would my mom just come barging in like that? What is she going to think when she sees this?

“Mom, what are you doing?” I say as I quickly rush to pull a blanket over the exposed parts of my body and hide my phone. But it’s too late.

“What are _you_ doing?” she asks sternly.

“Nothing!” I shout. “Oh my God, go away!”

“No!” she says condescendingly. “Not until I get an explanation!”

Well, I guess I’m not getting out of this one.

“Eric’s not answering his phone, and I know he’s hanging out with Giselle, and I had to do something to get his attention!” I explain, hating this conversation just about as much as I hate everything else.

“So you’re sending him dirty pictures???” she asks in disapproving disbelief. “What if those got out, huh? You would never be the first Latina president! Phone!” she demands while holding out her hand.

I am so not in the mood to be yelled at. I just wish they would stop treating me like a child!

“You gonna take away the iPad and the laptop, too?” I challenge her. “I’m not a little kid, you can’t stop me!”

“ _Pilar. Camila. Salazar_ ,” she uses her quiet, intense voice.

I give in and hand over my phone.

“What?!” I ask, frustrated. “What am I supposed to do, Mom? He’s a thousand miles away, and I’m losing him! Do you know how hard it was for me to find someone I like who _actually_ likes me back? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not for everyone.”

“ _Ay_ , honey,” she says softly after she rolls her eyes and as she sits down on my bed next to me. “You don’t have to be for everyone. You just have to be for yourself.”

I look down and away. That might be easy for some people, but not for me.

She continues, “And if Eric is your person, then he’s not gonna do anything with Giselle, because he loves you for _you_. Not because you’re throwing your boobies in his face.”

At this point, I’m just embarrassed. I look into my mom’s eyes. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m doing too much here. Mom and Victor have both reminded me today that Eric loves me, and maybe I just need to listen to them. Maybe I need to trust him.

“But,” she begins to concede, “you are a young woman now. And I can’t stop you from making your own decisions. So I am going to trust you to make good ones.”

She hesitantly hands my phone back to me. I grab it, but she hangs on.

“Mom, let go,” I say, prompting her to give my phone back.

“I’m trying,” she whimpers pathetically.

“Okay,” I say impatiently after I’m finally able to snatch my phone back from her. “Thanks.”

“Okay,” she says, and she gets up to leave. Before she walks out the door though, she turns around to address me one last time, “And can I just say, your body is developing beautifully.”

“Get out!” I shout at her. She just _had_ to ruin the moment.

“You get that from my side,” she adds on suggestively as she leaves.

As if I didn’t already feel self-conscious enough about my personality, now my mom has to add another whole layer of awkward and make me feel self-conscious about her seeing my half naked body.

After she leaves the room, I contemplate the actions that I was going to take. I look at the pictures I took, and I second guess every reason I wanted to send them. I delete them all. I put my clothes back on.

My phone rings. It’s Eric. I pick up.

“Hey! Oh my God, I thought you’d never call--”

“Pilar, look,” he interrupts solemnly.

“W-what is it?” I ask, noticing the seriousness in his voice.

“I’m not sure if I can keep doing this.”

“Wait – what do you mean?”

“Pilar,” he addresses me again, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to give you the attention that you want when you live across the country.”

“Well, what if we just--”

“Pilar, this long distance thing is just too hard.” My heart sinks as he admits this. “I think that maybe we should move on and see other people.”

“So,” I say through developing tears, trying to hold my voice from cracking, “you’re breaking up with me?”

“Yes,” he sighs. “I’m sorry.”

He hangs up before either of us can say any more. How can this be happening? We haven’t even been apart for that long.

I don’t know what to do, but I need someone to talk to. I get up and go out into the living room, where my mom sits and reads her book. There are already tears down my face, and there’s no use hiding it from her.

“Honey,” she notices my sadness immediately, “what is it?”

“Eric broke up with me,” I tell her through my tears. I approach her to sit on the couch with her. I need my mom right now.

“What?” she interjects in disbelief. “ _¡Voy a matar e rata sucio!_ ” For those of you who don’t know, in English that translates to “I am going to kill the dirty rat!”

I hang my head. I appreciate the support, but I’m not sure if threats are what I need to hear right now. She notices.

“ _Oy_ ,” she lowers her voice. “I am so, so sorry.”

“He said long distance was too hard,” I tell her. “At least I didn’t send the picture.”

She nods. It’s one of the few moments that I’m actually glad my mom caught me doing something that I shouldn’t be doing. I couldn’t imagine what it would have felt like if I opened myself up to Eric like that just for him to turn around and dump me anyway.

“ _Ay, mi amor_ ,” she addresses me gently. Much of the time, I know my parents are genuine when they speak Spanish. To them, the language is close to home, and they often use it either for terms of endearment or genuine reactions to shocking news. She gently lifts up my chin with her hand. She tries to assure me, “I know it hurts. And I know it’s hard to see right now, but there are _way_ better guys out there than your high school boyfriend.”

“But you and Dad were high school sweethearts,” I point out, recognizing my parents’ relationship as the only true example of love that I really have. “And you were meant for each other.”

“We were lucky,” she says. She pulls me in for a hug, and I exhale.

Lucky. Something I am not. Something that if I was, I wouldn’t have had to leave home. If I was lucky, I would have made friends here. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t have lost my boyfriend. At least my mom is here with me now. At least I have her support. I don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t here for me in this moment right now. At least I haven’t lost her.

Still, the word rings in my head repeatedly – lucky. I wish I was as lucky as my parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I was very heavy on the dramatic irony in this one. Expect more of that throughout all perspectives.


	10. Pilar Part 3: Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so brace yourself because - well, you know what the next part of the story is.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

After some time passes, I’m still bummed about Eric, knowing that the person I thought was the love of my life is now gone from it forever.

“Pilar,” my mom says to me one evening before I go to bed, “I need your help with something.”

“Ugh,” I scoff, not wanting to hear it.

She scowls at me in response. “You wanted to make some money, right?”

This catches my attention right away. “I’m listening.”

“Okay!” she says excitedly. “So, I wanted to keep in touch with people back home because I do miss some of our friends.”

“Then why’d we move here?” I snip.

“Because your dad got a new job, and it’s a new start for us,” she says, trying to cheer me up. “Now, listen. I was thinking that I could set up a Facebook account since I know that a lot of my friends at home have Facebook. And I could use your help setting up my profile.”

“Facebook?” I ask scathingly. “Wow, you and your friends really are old.”

“Pilar!” she yells.

“What?”

“Do you want the money or not?”

“Fine,” she got me there. “I’ll help. What do you need?”

“Yay!” she says in an embarrassingly excited voice. “I was thinking you could take pictures for my profile. And then maybe you could help me update my information?”

“Sure,” I say. “Give me your phone, I can take your picture right now.”

“What? No!” she exclaims. “I’m not ready! Let’s do it tomorrow morning after I’ve had the chance to do my makeup!”

I laugh.

The next morning arrives. My mom gets up early to do her hair and makeup.

“Ok, I’m ready,” she says as she smiles and walks into the kitchen.

“You’re really taking this super seriously, aren’t you?” I ask.

“Well, it never hurts to look your best!” She then adds as an aside, “Plus, these pictures are going to be on the internet, so I want them to be flattering.”

We both laugh.

“So how much are you paying me for this?” I ask.

“$100 and you won’t be grounded anymore,” she tells me. “Now take my picture!”

Giddy about the profits I’ll make from the job, I start to take pictures while my mom poses. Adrian, who is sitting next to me, rolls his eyes. I guess the child doesn’t understand the value of money.

“Good morning,” my dad comes into the kitchen during our photoshoot. He addresses my mom, “ _Bebita._ Wow, you are lookin’ good!”

“Good?” Mom emphasizes the understatement. “This is two hours of makeup and a full blowout. The only adjectives I want to hear are stunning, gorgeous, and--” she gasps as if it’s an appropriate descriptor.

“I’m making mom a Facebook profile so she can keep in contact with everyone back in Texas,” I explain to my dad.

“Oh, Pilar,” he addresses me sweetly, “That is so nice of you.”

“She’s paying her,” Adrian tells him.

“And there it is,” my dad’s voice drops at that reveal.

I look over at Adrian for ratting me out. Seriously, what is with this kid? Nobody asked him. Snitch.

I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to do this if my mom hadn’t offered to pay me. As much as I hate to admit it, though, I’m actually having fun bonding with my mom. Maybe we’re not all that lame after all. I don’t know what I would do without her.

“Where’s Victor?” my dad asks.

“Basketball practice,” my mom responds.

This school is weird. Why do they have basketball practice early in the morning instead of after school like most normal places? The world may never know.

“You know,” my dad says flirtatiously to my mom, “maybe we should, uh, take this new look out on the town. Show it off.”

This catches my mom’s attention immediately.

“Yeah?” she asks with a smile.

“You went through all this trouble,” he replies and smiles back at her. “Take you to dinner.”

“Alright!” she says, accepting the invitation. She turns to address me, “Pilar, can you watch your brother? Or do you have other plans?”

Ugh. She just had to bring up “other plans”.

“I was gonna watch _Scream_ on Facetime with Eric,” I say, “but then he brutally dumped me and destroyed my ability to love another human. So no. No plans.”

“Can someone else watch me?” Adrian asks in fear. I don’t blame him. I would be scared of me, too.

“No,” my mom laughs.

It’s Friday, so they go out on Saturday evening.

The evening approaches. Victor is out on a date with Mia, so I’m responsible for watching Adrian on my own. I have work to do on Mom’s Facebook profile, so I give Adrian a juice box and let him watch TV as I set up her account. We pretty much just sit in silence for most of the evening.

My mom gave me a list of names of people with whom she wanted to keep in contact, and I try to find them on Facebook after I’m done setting up her profile picture and information.

“God, Mom’s friends are all so lame,” I say out loud, I guess in an attempt to bond with my little brother. “No one cares about your kid’s soccer game, Ruth Lapidus.”

“Can I watch an unboxing video?” Adrian asks pathetically for the iPad.

“No, I have to finish making Mom’s profile,” I lay out my priorities to him. “Plus, unboxing videos are stupid. Why do you like watching a stranger’s hands take a toy out of a box?”

“I pretend the hands are my hands,” he tells me, as if that should have been obvious. He is one weird kid.

I get a notification on the iPad. I look to see that Mom has a friend request from someone who isn’t on the list.

“Who’s Roger R.?” I ask, and Adrian crawls over to me on the couch to see what’s going on.

“Looks like a pit bull,” he says, clearly not understanding the purpose of a profile picture.

I confirm the friend request, and I immediately get a message.

**Roger R.**

_Hey there, surprised you accepted <3_

“Holy shit,” I accidentally say out loud, causing Adrian to begin to freak out.

“You said--” he begins to exclaim, but I cut him off.

“I know what I said.” I need to get him out of here. “Go to your room and put on ‘Baby Shark.’”

“Victor makes me listen to that song,” he complains. “I don’t even like it!”

He might be complaining, but at least I got him to go away.

I stare at the iPad, wondering what to do. Do I respond? Do I ask Mom about it? This just seems really suspicious.

Another message.

**Roger R.**

_I know we’re not supposed to be talking but… I miss you._

What the hell?

No way. I examine the messages, and I begin to speculate what’s happening. And I can’t let it keep happening. I go into Mom’s settings and I change her password right away.

There’s another message.

**Roger R.**

_I miss you. I wish you were here. Please call me._

I put the iPad down. I can’t keep doing this right now. I can’t believe my eyes. I was actually starting to bond with my mom and have fun. I sit and quietly watch TV for the rest of the evening until my parents get home, trying to make sense of this whole situation.

“Oh,” my mom catches me off guard as she and my dad walk into the apartment after their date. “Hey. How’d it go here?”

“Great,” I lie. I turn off the TV and get up to walk over to them. “I didn’t finish setting up your account. There were some problems.”

I give her a scathing look as I head towards my room. I can’t even be in the same room as her right now.

For the next couple of weeks, I don’t say much to my mom. No one really notices, though, since I’m usually pretty quiet around my family anyway. She might not feel the tension, but I certainly do. Everyone is just so happy. That will probably change soon.

One Sunday, Victor’s friend from down the hall comes over. I know his name now. How could I not? He stayed here all day. Just another person who is super obsessed with my brother.

“Ms. S, do you make a poster for every one of Victor’s games?” Felix asks as we sit around in the living room, my mom painting a poster for Victor’s big division game.

“Uh-huh,” she confirms.

He comments on the pun that she makes. “Wow,” he says, “you are a pun wizard, and I’m under your spell.”

Oh please. What a sycophantic thing to say.

“Thank you, Felix!” my mom replies to him. “At least someone appreciates my hardcore fandom.”

“Yeah, hardcore is right!” Victor laughs in response. “Back in Texas during regional semis, she got ejected from the game for excessive dancing.”

“Since when is dancing not allowed?” my mom replies rhetorically. “We don’t live in a _Footloose_ world!”

Ugh. This conversation is disgusting. How can she have such a clear conscience after doing such a horrible thing?

“Not everyone enjoys watching you twerk like a geriatric Cardi B,” I say to put my mom in her place.

My comment catches the attention of everyone in the room. If they didn’t feel the tension before, they definitely feel it now.

“Honey,” she looks over at me, “even though the sign says Victor is number one, I’m just talking about the basketball game. I love all my kids exactly the same.”

How can she be so clueless? She never understands me. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

“But if you had to rank us, I’d be on top, right?” Adrian looks over to my mom and asks.

“Definitely,” my mom whispers to him loudly enough so that we can all still hear her. “Shh.” She looks at Victor and jokes, “Oh, you’re still here?”

It’s not funny.

She knows what she did, and she can’t hide it from us forever.

Dad picks up pizza for us to eat for dinner. He figured that since he’s doing well at work, he might as well treat us. It’s also pretty late, and no one feels like cooking.

“All right,” he says as the six of us sit down at the dinner table and he brings the pizza over. “I am so glad you were able to make it for dinner, Felix. And breakfast. It’s, uh – it’s almost like you live here.”

I guess I get the sarcasm from my dad. It doesn’t seem that Felix gets it from anyone, though, as he doesn’t understand the joke.

“Guys!” he cries out naively. “I feel that way, too!”

Others at the table laugh. Honestly, I’ve had enough of this kid. Who invited him over here in the first place? Oh, that’s right. My perfect brother who has absolutely no problems of his own to deal with and is excused for just about every single one of his actions because he can never do anything wrong.

“Pilar, it’s your turn to say grace,” my dad says to me. “And before you complain, please just--”

“Actually, it would be my honor,” I interrupt. I can’t pass up an opportunity like this. “Bless us, o Lord, and bless this pizza which you provided. Bless the hands that prepared it. But most of all, bless my mother, Isabel. She needs your guidance the most. ‘Cause she’s nasty and she knows it.” I give her a scathing look before ending my prayer, “Amen.”

“Hey!” she interjects. “I don’t care if you are jealous about Victor’s big game. You may NOT speak to me that way.”

“Your room!” Dad yells. “NOW!”

Does she really think this is about the game? How pathetic does she think I am? I look at both my mom and my dad. My dad probably doesn’t even know. It’s the only time I’ve ever actually felt sorry for him when he yelled at me.

Whatever. I’ve had enough of this stupid family anyway. I’m tired of trying to fake a good attitude and pretend that I don’t know what’s really going on. I stomp off to my room. I stay there, and I sulk.

A little while later, I hear a knock on my door. I’m really not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

“Go away!” I yell.

“Brought you the last slice of sausage,” my older brother says charmingly as he peeks his head through the door. At least it’s him and not someone else in my family. He’s the one person I actually wouldn’t mind talking to right now. And he brought me food, so that has to count for something.

I get up from my laying down position, and I give him a look.

“What’s your deal?” he asks as he closes the door behind him. “This can’t be about Mom’s pun posters.”

At least someone gets it.

“Of course not,” I tell him.

I exhale. I know he’s not going to like to hear the news, and he’ll probably push back against the accusation, but he needs to know.

“Victor,” I say matter-of-factly, “Mom had an affair.”

“What?” he denies. “No, she didn’t.”

I explain, “After I finished setting up her Facebook page, some guy named Roger R. starting messaging her all this creepy romantic crap. Look!”

I hand him my computer, already logged in to my mom’s Facebook, and I show him the messages.

“This is um,” he denies some more, but is less sure of it, “W-we don’t know what any of this means.”

I read the last message out loud to him to further engrain the reality in his mind.

“He’s probably just some internet creep, okay?” Victor denies again. “That’s why Mom hasn’t written him back.”

Oh, he’s so innocent and naïve.

“She hasn’t written back because she hasn’t seen the messages yet,” I confess. “I changed her Facebook password and said her profile got a virus. Moms really don’t understand how the internet works.”

Despite my explanation, Victor still seems to be quite grounded in his opinion.

“It’s probably just spam,” he says. “Mom stopped watching Jimmy Kimmel after he got skinny because she was having ‘impure thoughts.’ There’s no way she had an affair.”

Maybe he’s right. Or maybe the next two messages that pop up prove my point even further.

**Roger R.**

_Isabel, please. Don’t give up on us._

_Please talk to me._

I look away and shake my head. I can’t even believe what I’m seeing.

On Monday, I decide that it’s time for action. We need to expose our mother for the cheater that she is and we need to figure out who this Roger guy is. So I respond to the message. Throughout the day, while I’m at school, we exchange messages.

**Isabel Salazar**

_Hey. Happy to hear from you again._

**Roger R.**

_Really? Oh, I’m so happy to hear that!_

**Isabel Salazar**

_How have you been?_

**Roger R.**

_I’ve been good. Miss you, though._

**Isabel Salazar**

_I miss you, too._

**Roger R.**

_Well...it just so happens that I’ll be attending a conference in Atlanta this weekend. I’m staying at the Marriott downtown. Want to meet me there Friday afternoon?_

Shit. How did it escalate that fast?

“Hey,” Victor comes up to me in the hallway at the end of the day, right after I see the last message. “Even though there’s no way Mom did what you think she did, we need answers.”

“Damn!” I say with a smile. This is a twist I certainly did not expect. “Mom’s little golden boy turned on her!” I’m so proud of him!

“I didn’t turn,” he denies, “I just want to prove he’s some random stalker, and move on with our lives.”

As much as I wish it wasn’t true, I’m not as committed to denying the truth as Victor seems to be.

“So,” he asks, “should we just ask her who he is?”

“No way,” I say. “She’d just make up some lie.”

“So, what do you think we should do?”

“I’ve already been doing it,” I admit proudly. “I’ve been messaging him all day as Mom.”

“Pilar!” he stops me in the hallway and turns me around to look at him.

“What? She won’t know!” I assure him. “And get this. He’s coming to Atlanta on Friday to attend a conference, and he wants to see Mom.”

Victor sighs, “That’s not good.”

“The only conference he’s trying to attend is in Mom’s pants,” I say. I’m blunt about my next desired course of action, “I think we should go meet up with him in her place. But before you say no--”

“Let’s do it.” He catches me by surprise with his decisiveness.

“Really?”

He takes a deep breath, “Really.”

I give him a nod, and I walk away. So proud!

After school on Friday, Victor and I head to downtown Atlanta. So that our parents don’t get suspicious, we tell them that we’re staying after school until Victor’s game. His gym bag is packed so that we don’t have to go home and get it.

We get to the hotel. It’s busier than we anticipated, and there are a ton of people in the lobby.

“How do we know which one is Roger?” I ask him, anticipating what is to come, also realizing that we didn’t totally think this through. “His only profile picture is a dog.”

I see a man sitting alone on the couch in the lobby.

“Oh! Look at that guy!” I point out to Victor quietly. “By himself. Two drinks. Obviously waiting for someone. Plus, he looks like a Roger.”

“How does someone look like a Roger?” Victor asks doubtingly.

“The khakis. The receding hairline. The windbreaker.” It’s so obvious.

Victor sighs, “I’m starting to think this was a bad idea.”

No. No way am I backing down now.

“I’m going in,” I tell him.

He starts to ramble, “Oh, please stay calm, and – or better yet, just let me do the talking. It’d be better--”

“Hey!” I call out to the stranger. I don’t have time for all of Victor’s warnings. It’s time to get down to business. I confront the man angrily, “We know who you are. And we know why you’re here. Isabel already has a family.”

“What?” he asks in a faked confusion. His phony attitude disgusts me.

“Yeah,” Victor chimes in. “She has a husband and three kids who she loves very, very much.”

I yell at the man once again, “So you need to leave our mom alone!”

“Who the hell is Isabel?!” Victor and I snap our heads over to see a middle-aged woman in a blue long-sleeve shirt confronting the man that we’re yelling at.

“I have no idea!” he shouts back.

Victor and I look at each other, and I begin to realize what is going on.

“It’s that woman you’re always on the phone with, isn’t it?” the woman asks suspiciously.

“We’ve been over this,” he defends himself, “That’s Siri! She’s not a person. She _is_ my phone.”

Victor and I turn around and awkwardly walk away from the mess we just caused, and we leave the two strangers to work out their problems.

“I don’t think that was Roger,” I realize out loud to Victor.

“Uh, yeah! That was stupid!” he exclaims. Ugh. I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Why am I doing this to myself? “And as much as I love ruining random strangers’ marriages, I have a game to get to. So why don’t we just…”

He stops, and he holds my arm back. Something catches his attention. I look over in the direction that he looks. There is a man all dressed up. He’s holding flowers, and he’s being served champagne on ice.

Holy shit.

“What?” I ask him. I can tell that something is up with that guy, but I don’t know why Victor won’t say anything.

“I know that guy,” he says hesitantly. “That’s Dad’s old boss.”

“I thought Ramon was his old boss,” I question.

“Ramon was the foreman,” he tells me. “This – this guy was the big boss.”

Victor stares straight at him, and can’t look away. His voice falters. The reality seems to start to set in for him.

“I met him at the company holiday party back in Texas,” Victor tells me.

“I don’t get it,” we reverse roles, and now I try to deny it. Mom cheating on Dad with his boss? No. It can’t be. She couldn’t possibly do anything like that, right? Maybe Victor was right? Maybe Roger R. really was an internet stalker and this guy is here for someone else? It has to be. “How would Mom even know his big boss? And why would they--”

“Let’s go,” Victor interrupts me.

“We didn’t even get to talk to him--”

“We’re going,” Victor interrupts again. “I – I don’t want to be here.”

I look back and forth between Victor and the man. Victor wants to leave, but he can’t take his eyes off of Dad’s old boss. The reality starts to set in for me, too. It’s true. We know. I didn’t want it to be true, but it’s true. We both know it. We leave, and we head back to the school, not saying a single word to each other for the duration of the trip back.

By the time we get back to the school, the cheer and festivities for the game have already begun. The cheerleaders are dancing, the music is playing over the speakers, and the people in the stands eagerly await the big game.

When Victor and I walk into the gym, I look up into the stands to see our parents, Adrian, and Felix all sitting together.

“They’re already here,” I say to Victor, not knowing what my next move should be. “I can’t even look at her.”

“Promise you won’t say anything to Mom until after the game,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I concede, but I know it will be a difficult task.

When I get up into the stands with my family, I sit as far away from my mom as I can considering our seating arrangement. I purposely choose a seat next to Adrian at the end of the row. I can’t talk to my mom right now and not bring up what I know.

As the game starts, my mom starts a chant for Victor. I don’t join in. I can’t take part in this cheer knowing how messed up everything is right now.

As the game goes on, Victor makes a lot of mistakes early. I know my brother. I can sense how off he is and that it’s affecting his game. I can’t even watch. It’s just so painful.

Victor starts to argue with the official after a penalty is called on him. Then, I see him arguing with his coach.

“This is bullshit!” he yells, and he runs out of the gymnasium.

My parents look at each other in confusion, and my mom goes after him.

 _No_. _She is the worst person to talk to him and try to calm him down right now._

After my mom leaves, it becomes clear that this night is not going to go how any of us expected. My dad says something to Felix, and then he gets me and Adrian up and we follow behind my mother.

As we get outside, I hear Victor yelling at our mom.

“You cheated on Dad with his boss!”

Hm. In another surprising twist, I guess it was harder for him not to crack during the game than it was for me.

“Does he know?” he asks in a pant, almost crying. I’ve never seen this side of my brother before, and I don’t like it. It scares me. I liked it better when he was the golden boy. I like it better when he’s happy. At least I had someone in my life who I knew could be strong.

“Victor!” our dad shouts out as he rushes over to them. “I know.”

Wait. What? What the hell is going on? This doesn’t make any sense!

“I know,” Dad continues. “She told me everything, and it wasn’t easy, but hey, she was honest.”

“Honest?” Victor scrutinizes. “She got with your boss and you think she’s honest?”

“Oh, _bueno_ ,” our dad says sarcastically as he sees me holding onto Adrian as we walk out from behind the bushes. I look over at my little brother. He has a horrified expression on his face. My poor little brother has no idea what’s going on. I just want to hold him and protect him. He doesn’t deserve all this. And neither do I. “We are not doing this here. Not in front of your little brother, so just get in the car.”

Victor stands and looks at them for a second, but my dad repeats his instructions. My dad calls me and Adrian over, and we drive home in silence.

On the ride home, I can’t look at Victor or my parents. I focus on Adrian. It’s not much better. He’s confused, and I can’t explain it to him.

When we get home, my parents send Adrian to bed, and they sit me and Victor down at the table. We sit in silence for a few moments. Then, Dad starts to speak.

“The first think you kids need to know,” he says, “is that you’re mom and I, we’re – we’re not perfect.”

Ugh. Here we go with the excuses.

“But we love each other,” he continues. “Very much.”

“And what happened with Roger--” our mom is cut off by our dad giving her a disapproving look. She clears her throat and changes course, “with your dad’s old boss was – he hired me to give his son piano lessons. And, uh, we became friends. After the lessons, we would have a cup of coffee and just talk.” After a long pause, she says, “I was just – I liked having someone who showed an interest in me.”

This explanation is pure bullshit. She’s married. What about Dad? Is he not enough?

“And that was it,” she pointlessly tries to defend. “It was just a friendship. Two friends having coffee, listening to music. And then,” she exhales as she tells us the truth, “somewhere along the way – uh – I just – I need you guys to know that as soon as it crossed the line and it got physical, I shut it down. As far as--”

“Isabel, they don’t need details,” my dad interrupts. He’s right. I don’t want to hear the details. I’m disgusted enough already.

“What I did was wrong,” she admits. Duh. She is on the verge of tears at this point, but I still can’t even look at her. “And I love your father more than anything.”

“I took your mother for granted,” Dad admits. “And she needed someone to talk to.”

I hate this. I’m not sure whether it’s worse that she did it or that my dad is actually defending her for cheating on him. I’m so confused. And just when I think it can’t get any worse, it does.

“Anyway, so um,” Mom says, “after all of that, we decided that the best thing for our marriage, for the family, was a fresh start. And then Dad got this great job offer here, so--”

“Wait,” I interrupt. No way in hell am I letting her move on from that point. “This is why we moved? Because you did whatever the hell you did with Dad’s boss?”

As they answer my scolding question with silence, I can’t help but be more furious than I have ever been. And that’s saying something. I got viciously ripped out of my home and my life because my mom is a filthy lying cheater with no respect for herself or her family. My friends are gone and my boyfriend threw me by the wayside. She ruined my whole life.

“I’m so sorry, _mijitos_ ,” she tries to apologize.

I get up from the table, and I head for my room without saying another word.

“I don’t know what else to say,” she whines. She keeps trying to apologize, but I’m not having it.

I walk away and slam the door as I enter my room. I can’t anymore with this family.

I’m done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really interesting one to write. It starts to get more into Pilar's relationship with her brothers, particularly Victor, and the complexities of her feelings towards them.
> 
> I know that these three Pilar chapters were tough. But I promise you, there is redemption for her in the next one!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	11. Pilar Part 4: Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm really excited about this chapter. I cried while writing it. And after I wrote it, I have not been able to watch this episode without crying. So I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

My mom and I get into a fight. We’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Ever since we found out that she’s a lying adulteress, I’ve had quite a short fuse when it comes to her bullshit.

This morning, she comments on my jean shorts.

“Those aren’t shorts!” she yells. “They’re denim underpants!”

“People who have affairs shouldn’t be throwing stones!” I shoot back.

She continues to argue with me by making references I don’t understand. We go back and forth yelling at each other. Just like all of our other arguments, it’s an unproductive array of name-calling, yelling, and accusations that goes nowhere as usual.

“Who wants pancakes?”

We’re snapped out of our pointless debate when Victor offers up the breakfast that neither of us noticed he cooked because we were too busy dissing each other.

We both accept his offer for pancakes. I see my mom sit down at the table, and I take my breakfast into my room so that I don’t have to be near her. I’ve had enough of these people, so I’ve been avoiding them as much as possible.

\---

“Pilar,” my dad knocks on my door Monday after school.

“Go away!” I yell angrily.

He rolls his eyes, and he comes in anyway. “Since Saturday is Victor’s birthday--”

“Ask me if I care,” I snap.

He is taken aback, but he chooses to ignore my attitude. He clears his throat and keeps going, “Since Saturday is Victor’s birthday, my parents are visiting. I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

I roll my eyes and scoff.

“In fact,” he mentions, “your mom thought it was a good idea to have a party and invite Victor’s friends over, so they’ll be here too.”

“Really?” I say passive aggressively. “She thought it was a good idea to invite people into _this_ house?”

He rolls his eyes in response. “Just try to be supportive of your brother, okay?”

I give an empty shrug so that he’ll go away.

Oh great. A party. It’s just another opportunity for us to pretend to be happy about something. It’s also a chance for Victor’s friends to meet our overly-judgmental grandparents. I hope Victor is prepared for his not-so-sweet-sixteen.

I spend the next few days at school dreading the weekend. With everything going on in this family, it’s the worst time to have guests. _Abuela_ and _Tito_ are bound to find out what happened eventually, but why do we have to drag people from school into this? What a wonderful opportunity for strangers to see how lame and dysfunctional we are as a family. Making it worse, I still have no one to talk to at school. Nobody likes me here, and I don’t like anyone here. It sucks.

 _Abeula_ and _Tito_ arrive on Friday evening. I sit at home while my dad picks them up from the airport. When they get to the apartment, Victor and my dad help them with their things. I sit on the couch on my phone. There’s no use getting up. I’m not pretending to be happy. I’m sick of that.

Adrian gets so excited that he screams when _Abuela_ arrives. It’s so annoying; I wish he could just not disturb the already nonexistent peace.

When _Abeula_ greets my little brother and they walk over to the couch to sit down, she speaks to him, “Every day I wish your mother hadn’t moved you across the country for no reason at all.”

“Actually,” I chime in, not wanting my mother to be excused from revealing what a dirty rotten scoundrel she is, “there is a really good reason why we moved from Texas.”

“Which,” Victor cuts in and puts his hand on my leg to stop me from talking, “is that _Papi_ got a great new job, and hooked us up with this sick apartment.”

Oh great. Even after we find out about the scandal, Victor is still an unapologetic mama’s boy. Gross.

Our mom greets our grandparents, and it’s just so fake that I can’t stand the sight. I just roll my eyes and let it go. If I don’t, I’ll just get in a fight in front of my grandparents, and then they’ll judge both of us, and my dad will hate me, too.

“ _Oyeme_ , Victor,” _Abuela_ asks him, “What would you like me to make you for your birthday? _Buñuelos_ or _Pasteles de Gloria_?”

“Actually,” my mom cuts in, “I’m gonna be making a _tres leches_ cake, just like yours.”

“Oh,” _Abuela_ responds. “We’ll see about that.” She addresses Adrian quietly, “I thought you were joking on the phone. Is she really baking?”

Victor cuts in to break the tension and tells _Abuela_ that his friends are coming to the party. As he takes a seat in between me and our grandmother, I can’t figure out why Victor is trying so hard. He sets such a high standard, and it’s so aggravating. I am tired of Victor being everything that my parents wish Adrian and I were.

“We’re all gonna meet the mystery girl that Victor’s been dating,” says my dad.

“Oh, so Victor finally has a _novia_ , huh?” _Tito_ asks.

“ _Sí_ ,” Victor replies proudly.

Are he and Mia boyfriend and girlfriend already? Did I miss something? I probably did. No one ever tells me anything. I’m not important enough a person to hear big news when it happens.

 _Tito_ looks over at Adrian playing with his Elsa wand and says to my father, “At least one of your boys is gonna give me some great-grandchildren.”

Why does he have to be such a dick? Just because Adrian plays with pink toys doesn’t mean he’s going to turn out gay. I wish _Tito_ would just relax and not be so uptight about everything.

\---

On Saturday, I stay in my room for most of the day.

I try to mentally prepare myself to face people. Before I leave my room, I hear the doorbell ring. Just what I needed. More company to marvel at how fake my family is.

I brush my hair, since I’ve been lying in bed all morning, and I exit my room.

“You have got to be kidding me!” my mom takes immediate notice of me as I pass through the kitchen. What now? “You are not wearing that to this party!”

I assume she’s referring to my shirt, but she’s just going to have to suck it up.

“What? This is my house!” I argue. “I can wear what I want in my house!”

“No, you can’t,” she tells me. “Because I can’t have your _abuela_ giving me another lecture on how I let you listen to devil music.”

This is ridiculous. It’s my house! This is the place where I’m supposed to be able to be myself, free of judgment, but apparently I can’t even do that.

“Now please, go to your room and change, before she finishes putting on her makeup and sees you.”

“Fine! I’ll go to my room,” I snap. “But I’m not coming to this stupid party just so we can all pretend we’re still a happy family!”

“Pilar!” she calls after me, but I shut my door.

Someone had to say it. Nothing is worse than the judgment I face from my ultra-conservative grandmother and my whore mother. I just need to get away from all of these lame-ass phonies.

I stay in my room for a lot of the party. I can’t stand being around any of these people anymore. I certainly don’t want any of Victor’s friends to see me like this. I’m already enough of a pariah at school as it is. Ever since I got in a fight with those dumb bitches on day one, people have been afraid to even talk to me. They just see me as the unhinged aggressive new girl. At least Victor’s friends are nice to me. I can’t give them any reason to stop that now, or else everyone will hate me.

I sit in my room, and I feel alone. I hear the noise from the party, and I know I’m missing out. I don’t want to go, though. I know that even if I did join the party, I wouldn’t join in on the fun anyone is having. I’m that person who even when I try to get involved, I always feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines. The only way I can get any attention from anyone is when I do something shocking. But then I just get yelled at. My room is supposed to be a place of comfort, but today, it’s a cold solitary cell.

I get bored. As I get bored, I also feel angry and upset. Everyone is having a good time without me, and I’m not even invited. I mean sure, my family wants my body to be present, but they don’t want me. They don’t want me to show up as myself. They want me to show up as a boring plaster-faced model child with no emotions or expressiveness. And they just want me to plaster on a smile and forget about everything that is currently making my life hell. And I just won’t do it.

As I think about what my family expects from me, I resent it. I resent them. I decide that I _am_ going to be myself. I _am_ going to do the things that I like to do.

I go through my music, and I find a song that I know my mom will absolutely hate. I crank the volume up as loudly as I can, and I blast the music through my speakers.

“Not today, Pilar!” I hear my mom scream from the other room.

Mission accomplished. I got someone’s attention. That’s not something that I thought I would be able to do today.

A minute or so later, I hear a knock on my door, and I prepare myself to fight with my mother again.

I sit up, surprised at the sight of Victor’s plaything walking through my door.

“She sent _you_ in here?” I say. “Coward.”

“Uh, actually, I volunteered,” she tries to talk over the music. “Do you mind if I turn this…”

She half asks the question as she turns off my music. Whatever.

“So, um,” she starts, “Victor told me what happened with your mom and dad.”

Great. So now someone else knows just how sucky our life in this family is.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Pilar,” she says softly.

I sit quietly. Why would Mia want to talk to me about this? Why would she even want to be nice to me? It’s not like I’ve been all that pleasant to her. As I think that, I hang my head. I don’t really know what to say.

“I know it’s not the same,” she continues after a pause, “but when my parents started going through their shit, uh, let’s just say there wasn’t enough angry music in the world that would have made me feel better.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

I don’t know why Mia is in here, but at least I have someone to talk to who sort of understands. I sit for a few seconds. I keep complaining that I have no one to talk to, but I haven’t wanted to open up to anyone. Maybe Mia isn’t so bad.

“This thing my mom did back in Texas,” I say to her, craving an outlet for my emotions that isn’t just rage music, “It ruined everything. I mean, my family’s always been lame. But before this, we were kind of happy.”

I miss those days. My life was never super exciting. But I do miss the cheesy birthday and holiday celebrations that we used to have. I miss my mom’s embarrassing support for me and my siblings. I miss my family being warm to my friends and my boyfriend. I miss going to our community church on Sunday mornings and seeing the same boring neighbors’ faces. I miss our family dinner nights when we all sat at a table and ate together. I miss sharing fun, hearty laughs with my siblings about jokes that don’t even make sense. I miss when it all felt real and genuine.

The one thing that is still real, though, is my older brother. He has always been there for me to cheer me up, even when I didn’t want him to. He somehow fixes every problem, and even though I hate him for trying so hard, I love him for caring. He always finds something positive in every situation. At least I still have my brother. At least Victor is still Victor. I don’t know what I would do without him.

Now, Victor’s girlfriend is talking to me as if she actually cares. She has no reason to care about me, but she seems to do so anyway. Victor found a good one. I hope that they can keep it going.

“It’s pretty terrible, isn’t it?” Mia says to me. “When you realize your parents don’t actually have it all together. That they’re actually just pretending they know what they’re doing for our sake.”

I nod, and the corner of my lip twitches slightly up as Mia hits the nail right on the head.

“Well,” she shifts her tone, “the good ones bother pretending. My mom didn’t.”

As she says this, she catches my attention. I look into her eyes, and an expression of pain sweeps across her entire face. I am looking into the eyes of someone who has been through hell. I sit up, and I contemplate what Mia just said to me. I look into the mirror at my own reflection, and a word comes to mind that I have never used to describe myself before this very moment – lucky.

I never thought I was lucky before. But now, as Mia stands in front of me and hints at her difficult past, I am able to acknowledge what I have that she doesn’t. I have two parents who care enough to pretend they’re okay just to keep us happy. I have a family who tries to stick together no matter what. I have multiple people in my life who look out for me even if they don’t always show it well. My life isn’t perfect. There’s a lot of shit. But in some light, I am lucky.

“Umm, anyway,” Mia shakes her head and gets back on track, “Your family loves you. Your brother definitely does.”

“Yeah,” I give in. “I’ll be out in a little bit. I just need a few minutes. Thanks.”

“Of course,” Mia replies, and she leaves me alone to my thoughts.

I spend a couple of minutes reflecting. I put on a sweatshirt to cover the Billie Eilish shirt that my mom didn’t want _Abuela_ to see me wearing. I prepare to leave my room and join the party.

And then I hear yelling.

Of course. Why does there have to be yelling? I hear Victor yelling. That’s new. Then I hear my mom yelling at my grandmother. I was just getting ready to join in with all the cheer, and now this.

I am afraid of what I will encounter if I leave my room, but I do anyway, because of my curiosity.

“It seems like everything that matters to us is disappearing,” I hear my grandmother say. She directs her attention to my dad, “Including you, _mijo_. We just don’t understand why you had to move so far away.”

“I can tell you why,” I say as I walk up to the conversation.

“Pilar, please,” my mom says desperately as she looks over at me.

My dad shakes his head.

Victor also gives me a look of warning.

I look at all of them. In all of their eyes, I see the same thing – fear. I can’t do this to these people. Not after everything they’ve done for me throughout my whole life.

“It was better for our family,” I settle on saying. “You, of all people, should understand that. That’s why you left Colombia.”

My grandparents exchange a look with each other and seem to have that breakthrough of understanding. My brother and my parents all smile at me. I nod to my parents to reassure them. I smile. My brother pats me on the back. I don’t like what we’re going through. I’m still mad at my mom for what she did. I still have beef with my parents for moving us here in the middle of the year. I’m still upset about where my life currently stands. But at the end of the day, we’re a family. And that means being there for each other and sticking up for each other. The people in this room have done their part for me a million times over; I need to do my part for them.

Speaking of family, my precious younger brother comes into the room singing “Happy Birthday” to Victor with his Elsa wand. Victor plays along, and I laugh. I join in on the fun. It takes my grandparents a little bit of time to warm up to it, but they eventually do as well.

As we share this time, playing and laughing with my little brother, I feel included. I have a good time; just a few hours ago, I thought I couldn’t.

I have a moment where I look over at my siblings and smile wider than I have in months. My caring older brother and my precious younger brother. I will always have them in my life. They will always have me. This is what I miss. This is what makes me lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you that there would be some redemption for Pilar! Maybe now you see why I cried while writing this! Again, it was really interesting to channel this Pilar, especially now that you see she is very complex. At the end of the day, she is a decent caring person who is really struggling a lot and doesn't always cope in the best way. And she is learning a lot about life and perspective through her experiences. I hope you enjoyed, and will continue to read! Thank you for reading!


	12. Pilar Part 5: Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Don't have much to say. This is a shorter one. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

After my talk with Mia on Victor’s birthday, I definitely gained more of an appreciation for my family and how lucky I am to have certain things in my life that a lot of other people don’t. As the days go by, though, the novelty of that feeling of appreciation wears off. This doesn’t change the fact that my mom’s a cheater. This doesn’t change the fact that we moved from our home in Texas to some city halfway across the country away from all of my friends. This doesn’t change the fact that all of that led to my boyfriend breaking up with me and me not being able to fit in here. And I had nothing to do with any of those things happening. There might be some things that make me lucky, but there are still a lot of things that make me unlucky, too.

One Friday evening, I sit on our couch and scroll through Instagram. I see my friends having fun at a concert without me.

I groan.

“Pilar,” my mom addresses me from the kitchen table while she looks through papers, “you have been looking at your phone and sad-sighing for an hour.”

“All my friends back at home are at a Billie Eilish concert,” I tell her with frustration.

“Oh,” she sparks up as if this is somehow good news. She keeps speaking as I get up from the couch. “You are having what they call MOFO.”

Ugh. She’s so proud of herself because she thinks she learned a slang term.

“It’s not MOFO, it’s FOMO,” I correct her, and I walk off to my room.

I’m not having the _fear_ of missing out. I _am_ missing out. None of my friends have directly spoken to me in weeks. They’re all having fun without me. It’s like I never even existed in the first place.

I don’t know why I hoped my mom would help. It’s not like she would get it anyway.

We’ve already eaten dinner, so I go to bed early. I can’t stand to watch my friends in Texas having such a great time and not even thinking of me.

The next morning, I wake up kind of early because of how early I went to bed. It’s boring. Victor and my dad have both gone to work, and my mom is still getting ready for the day. Adrian is awake, too, but he is usually content with staying in his room.

I can’t help but notice how lonely it is in this apartment in the morning. None of my friends are texting me. Even though I just saw them at a concert last night, I check Instagram again to see what they’re up to now. They look so happy. Ugh. Why do they have to be so happy when I’m not there? Were they ever this happy when I was there?

My obsessive scrolling is interrupted by a loud knock at the door. I sigh. What do they want? I guess since no one else is available, I have to answer it.

I open the door to see Felix. What does this matted-haired weirdo want now?

“Oh, hey, uh,” he says, as I’m clearly not the person he wants to talk to, “is uh, Victor around? I need some lady advice.”

Oh please no. There’s no way I can deal with that right now.

“Not here,” I tell him frankly, and I begin to close the door.

“Oh,” he steps into the doorway so that I can’t close the door. He stomps his foot as if to say “darn it,” but he won’t go away. He makes some weird horse noise with his lips. As I look at him, he looks so pathetic.

“Fine, what is it?” I give in after a couple of seconds. I might as well listen. I’m alone and need someone to talk to. And he’s nice to me so I might as well be nice to him.

“Okay,” he rushes into the house and launches into his insane story. As he does, I close the door and walk over to the counter where he sits. “So the other day, this girl and I hooked up. It was _extremely_ erotic. Like in _The Shape of Water_ where that mute girl feeds the fish man all those hard-boiled eggs?”

Why is he telling me this? That’s way too much information, dude. And what is with the comparison? I have no idea what he’s talking about.

He sighs, “But I tried talking to her at school, and she just blew me off. Said it couldn’t happen again.”

“So?” I ask. What’s the big deal here? He hooked up once. That’s at least better than I’m doing. You know, since my boyfriend ripped my heart out and tore it to shreds and stuff like that.

“So, I want it to happen again. I _need_ it to happen again.”

Good lord, he’s so desperate.

“Okay,” I say, “who’s the girl?”

“Promise you won’t tell?” he asks with a giddy smile.

Ugh. I can’t do this. This is not that serious.

“You know what?” I say. “Don’t tell me. I was just being polite.”

“It was Lake!” he says immediately with a laugh as soon as I turn around to grab my glass of water.

Well, I guess we’re doing this.

He laughs again as he looks at his phone. “She just posted a selfie,” he begins his ramble. “Captioned ‘Brainfreeze!’ I’m gonna write back, ‘LOL.’ No! Hilarious. LOL or hilarious?”

Jesus Christ! Why is he so indecisive? And why is he so obsessive?

I take his phone out of his hand and examine the situation intently and with disbelief.

“How many of her posts do you like?”

“All of ‘em!” he replies. “Sometimes I un-like a post just to re-like it to make sure she saw that I liked it.”

Wow, this kid needs help. I can’t think of anything to say, so I just shake my head at him. That’s probably about the worst thing you could do if you like someone. As obsessive as I am, even I know that.

“And I hear it,” he says after a second. He sighs, “Oh, God.”

As I see him beating himself up over his realized mistakes, I come to terms with the fact that I’m not exactly innocent either.

“You’re not the only person who stalks somebody’s Insta,” I admit to him begrudgingly. “All I do lately is watch my friends back at home having fun without me.”

“Yeah, well _20/20_ was right,” he says, but I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Social media really is the drug in our front pocket.”

I nod. I’m not sure what he’s referencing, but it’s certainly true.

He sighs and his tone changes. “But whatcha gonna do?” he takes his phone back from me.

I think about his question. I have an idea, and I know exactly what to do.

“We could go cold turkey!” I suggest. “No phones, no temptation.”

“Oh, I--” he hesitates, but I’m not having it. We both need this.

I snatch his phone from his hand.

“Adrian!” I yell for him.

He comes into the kitchen. “Yeah?”

I hand him the phones. He looks down at them for a second, confused.

“I need you to make those disappear,” I choose my words intentionally because I know my little brother.

He does just that. “Make what disappear?” he says as he empties his hands, and mine and Felix’s phones seem to vanish into thin air.

I look at Felix and gesture towards my brother; I know Adrian wants the applause and attention for his helpful magic trick.

“How did he do that?” Felix asks in amazement.

Adrian bows, and I sip on my water.

“Well, now that your brother has my phone, can I hang out here?”

“I guess,” I say hesitantly.

We go into my room and spend some time there. We don’t do much. I sit on my bed and he sits in my desk chair. We’re kind of at a loss.

“What did people do before phones?” I ask Felix as we sit in silence, quite awkwardly.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Talk to each other.”

“Okay,” I say decisively since it’s the only thing either of us can come up with, “so let’s do that.”

He sits quietly for a second. “So, uh,” he says, “what do you want to talk about?”

Ugh. I didn’t think that far forward. I was hoping he would be able to come up with something.

“Oh, I know!” It seems he suddenly has an idea out of nowhere. “Lake posted this super funny Instagram story of her singing _Mamma Mia_ songs--”

“You’re obsessing again!” I point out to him. We gave up our phones so that we could stop doing that. If we want to get off of Instagram, we shouldn’t be talking about Instagram. Plus, he needs to get his mind off of Lake. It’s not healthy for him to dwell on that. “You’re just like my friend, Mandy, back in Texas. She _loves_ talking about her boyfriend, TJ--”

“No!” he cuts me off. “No, now _you’re_ obsessing.”

He’s right. Why is this so difficult?

I sigh. “I don’t even know why I’m acting like this,” I say. I reflect, “It’s not like my friends in Graham were even that cool. But at least I had a crew, you know? People to get coffee with. People to watch reality shows with.”

“And you haven’t met one person at Creekwood you like hanging out with?” he asks me.

“Nope,” I tell him. “Or anyone that wants to hang out with me. I’m kind of an acquired taste.”

“Hey, for what it’s worth,” he says with a smile, “I do like coffee.”

This is my brother’s best friend. Would it be weird to hang out with him? I don’t know. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He’s actually here talking to me. That’s already several steps above the effort that anyone else at Creekwood besides Mia has put in for me.

Through gritted teeth, I ask him, “Do you wanna get coffee?”

“Sorry,” he says as he holds his hand up to his hear. Ugh, please don’t make me ask again. “Didn’t catch that.”

“Do you wanna get coffee?” I say, louder this time, knowing that he definitely heard me the first time.

“I’d love to,” he responds with a smile.

I relax a little and smile. Maybe this is what I need. I haven’t really been out of the house other than school, so maybe grabbing coffee with Victor’s kind weird friend would actually be a nice getaway.

We go to the coffee shop where Victor works. We find out that Victor isn’t there because he had to go on some trip to fix a coffee machine. Of course, it was the espresso machine that isn't working, so I can't order my usual drink. I order tea instead. That’s fine. It’s probably better for me to be able to hang out and bond with someone without my brother getting in the way and stealing the spotlight like he usually does.

To my surprise, we actually have a really good time. He talks to me about what’s going on in his life, and I talk to him about what’s going on in mine. We make small talk, which I usually hate, but it just seems kind of natural. He’s really friendly. We’re even able to gossip some about things happening in the school. As we do, I begin to realize that this town and this school aren’t quite so boring after all. There’s a lot happening all around me. I’ve just pushed it all aside because I’ve been too focused on being angry about being here in the first place. In fact, there is so much to talk about that we stay all day at the coffee shop and talk for hours. The sun is setting by the time we realize what time it is.

I laugh at a joke Felix makes, and then I look down in reflection on our day.

“What?” he notices.

“I just,” I start with a smile, “I realized I haven’t thought about my friends back in Texas for like, two hours.”

We’ve definitely been talking longer than that, but I have been able to sort of gradually phase thoughts about my old friends out of my mind.

“Yeah,” Felix seems to have his own moment of epiphany. “I haven’t even thought about Lake.”

“Nice,” I congratulate him.

“No,” he replies, now seeming anxious. “No, Lake.”

My attention turns to the door. I see Lake walking towards us. This should be interesting. Felix ruffles his hair, as if it is going to make a difference.

“Oh. Hey!” he greets her awkwardly. “What up?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” Lake responds. “Other than the fact that I posted _nine_ Instagrams today and you didn’t like any of them. And you like everything! You even liked it that time I accidentally butt-posted a picture of the inside of my pocket.”

Wow. This dude really is insane.

“So what’s your deal?” she asks him.

“Um,” Felix looks over at me. I smile at him and give him a look of encouragement. It turns out that playing hard to get is something that actually gets Lake’s attention. “I’ve, uh – I’ve realized I was coming on too strong.”

“Oh,” she says. “Thank you.”

“It’s just, when the best thing that ever happens to you actually happens, you try to do whatever you can to keep it going.”

Oof. This just got awkward. He was doing so well. I drink my tea so that the two of them can hash out their dialogue. What comes next catches me by surprise.

Lake leans over to failingly whisper in his hear, “Well meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.” She then takes off towards the bathroom.

Evidently, Felix is caught off guard as well.

I raise my eyebrows as I drink my tea. Damn.

Felix gets up to chase after her almost immediately.

“Wait,” he comes back over to address me before getting too far, “you don’t mind, do you?”

“Yeah right,” I say sarcastically. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I actually enjoy my brother’s best friend’s company. “’Cause I had such a great time hanging out with _you_.”

“I did, too,” he says.

He says it in a way that acknowledges my sarcasm, but I guess we’ve been talking long enough that he has learned how to see through me. I don’t mind, though. I laugh and roll my eyes.

He takes off and runs after his lover, leaving me alone. It’s not a bad alone, though. It’s a peaceful type of alone. I reflect on my day and on recent events. I don’t obsess over my friends anymore. I stay off Instagram for the rest of the weekend, and I feel a million times better not worrying about what my friends are doing without me. Maybe things are actually starting to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love character growth for Pilar! And have I mentioned how much I LOVE Felix??? No?? Well, get used to it, because he is amazing, and he will be appearing in most chapters after this one, and I will continue to tell you that I love him. Thanks for reading!


	13. Pilar Part 6: B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I spend some time the next week talking to Victor’s friends. They’re actually really nice people. Mia is amazing. I’ve never met someone so caring and considerate. We developed a friendship after Victor’s party, and this week, I take the opportunity to talk to her more, especially since Victor is busy. I’m not sure why Victor is too busy to spend time with his girlfriend, but I don’t think about it too much. That just means we get to spend more time developing our friendship. Out of all the girls Victor could have found at Creekwood, I couldn’t be happier that it’s Mia.

In the mornings, we eat breakfast more as a family. Victor seems to be missing in action most of the time, though. It’s weird. Usually he’s the one that likes to make sure that we’re all happy and together. He’s just been getting up later and rushing to school, I guess.

Anyway, I become more comfortable joking around my family and saying things that I know they wouldn’t approve of anyway. I make one joke about forging Dad’s signature. Well, it’s kind of a joke. I actually do it sometimes, but I present it as a joke.

Friday evening, it’s just four of us at home because Victor is on his basketball trip.

“We should play a game,” I suggest, “as a family.”

My parents look over at me questioningly.

“Is this a trap?” My dad asks my mom.

“Someone has to bring this family together while Victor is away,” I say.

“Alright!” My mom says excitedly. “Since it was your idea, what game would you like to play?”

“Monopoly,” I say decisively, and still with some lingering irritation with my mother. “Just because I want us to come together doesn’t mean I’m not still cold-blooded and ruthless.”

As we get some of the way through the game, my mom takes a call. Also, I forgot how terrible I am at this game. I watch my dad rack up sums of money while my mom congratulates him and my little brother doesn’t understand what is going on. I thought that maybe I would stand a chance since Victor wasn’t here, but that doesn’t seem to be happening either.

On my turn, already frustrated, I draw a card.

“Ugh. Go directly to jail?” I read it, aggravated.

Adrian starts to chant, “Lock her up! Lock her up!”

What the hell? I look at my dad, wondering why my brother suddenly sounds like a political rally.

“The remote got stuck in the couch, and your brother spent the day watching Fox News,” my dad explains.

Of course he did.

My mom comes back into the room and finishes her call.

“Guess who just booked her first piano lesson!” Mom says in the most embarrassing voice, doing the most embarrassing dance.

“Why are you so embarrassing?” I mock.

Ugh, I thought that this game would bring us together, but now I’m just upset again.

“Um, Pilar,” my mom addresses me more calmly now, “I was thinking about getting some new work clothes at the mall tomorrow. Do you wanna come?”

Is this woman crazy? Why does she think that I would want her to drag me along on some shopping trip to watch her pick out clothes for herself?

“Aw, I totally would,” I say with fake admiration. “But I don’t want to.”

“You can get whatever you want,” she offers enticingly, “as long as it’s not sexy, crazy, or over $40.”

Hmm, maybe I’ll test the waters here a little. I don’t expect her to say yes, but it’s worth a shot.

“Can I get my cartilage pierced?” I ask.

“Uh, no,” my dad chimes into our conversation. “That would fall into the crazy category.”

Well then. Way to be blunt. I pretty much expected them to say no, but he just _had_ to call me crazy.

“She can always take it out,” my mom tells my dad encouragingly.

Wait. I wasn’t expecting that. This is something I’ve wanted for a long time. Maybe I actually have a chance here.

My dad looks up at my mom. When he looks over at me, I give him the cheesiest smile, and I prompt him to say yes with my squealing excitement.

After a few seconds, he gives in and laughs, “If you look like a pirate, I will pull it out with my own hands, okay?”

That’s a yes!

Excited, I jump up from my seat and hug my mom. I don’t remember the last time that’s happened.

I realize that I have work to do. I turn to my brother.

“Adrian, come help me decide if I should go helix or snug.”

“I don’t know what any of those words are,” he says confused.

“Come on!” I pull him to my room anyway.

When we get to my room, I explain the difference between helix and snug to my brother.

“Okay,” he says at the end of my explanation, seeming bored.

“Well!” I say. “Which one should I get?”

“I don’t know.” He then asks, “Which do you want?”

I think for some more time.

“I’m going to go back to our game now,” he loses his patience.

“Fine,” I say. “You’ll just miss out on the fun in here.”

He leaves.

I can’t believe that my parents are actually going to let me do this!

The next day comes, and my mom takes me to the mall. We walk around for a while and pick out her clothes before we go to the body shop.

“Do you know what you want?” my mom asks me before I go back.

“Yes!” I say excitedly. I haven’t bonded this much with my mom in a long time.

“Pilar!” the person at the register reads my name off the list.

I jump up.

“Can I go back with you?” my mom asks.

“Why do you have to be so embarrassing?” I get frustrated.

“Only one person back at a time,” the employee tells us.

I smile, I look at my mom, and I grab her hands to reassure her. “Trust me.”

She takes a deep breath, and then exhales. “Okay,” she agrees.

I shriek from excitement, and I go back.

I tell the person doing the piercing what I want. Then I get nervous.

“How badly is this going to hurt?” I ask.

“It will hurt a little, but don’t worry, it will wear off,” she responds.

I choose the earring I want to wear. The piercer goes through with the job. She puts the earring in. That wasn’t so bad.

“Will that be all for you today?” she asks me.

Hmm. I can do more? I’m feeling brave.

“Actually,” I say, “I want one more.”

I tell her where I want it.

“And your mom is cool with that?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I lie. The next sentence is so painful to say that I have to hold back a wince, “My mom is so cool.”

“Great!” she replies. “You’re lucky!”

I nod. Maybe my mom won’t notice.

“This one is going to hurt a little more,” the piercer warns me.

She’s right. It does hurt. A lot. She puts the pearl ring in.

“Alright,” she says. “You’re all set!”

I couldn’t be happier. I just have to hide the second piercing from my mom, and that’s it. We’re out of here, happier than ever!

“Pank u!”

Shit. I can’t talk. Alright, this might be harder than I thought. It’s fine. I’ll just smile and nod.

We come out from the back of the shop.

“Ah! Finally!” my mom says when she sees me. “I was starting to worry you were back there getting devil horns tattooed on your forehead.”

I shake my head and laugh along. I’m glad her worries are more extreme than the reality. No talking.

My mom’s expression suddenly drops. She looks over at a stranger and says, “Which is a very good look for some people.”

I look back to the stranger, who has devil horns tattooed on his forehead. Awkward.

“Can I see it?” my mom excitedly turns her attention back to me.

I brush my hair aside from my ear to show her the piercing. I smile widely because of how happy I am.

“Oh it’s cute! A little hoop!” I am so happy that my mom actually likes it! This weekend is going so much more magically than I expected it to go! “Do you love it?”

“Mm-hmm!!” I exclaim through my closed mouth, and I go to give my mom a hug.

“You’re rad,” the piercer goes up to the cash register. Shit. Payment. I forgot that was a thing. She’s going to find out. “My mom never let me do anything like this.”

Oh my god, I wish she would stop talking.

“Well, yeah, I’m a cool mom. I just really believe that you have to let your children express themselves. Right, Pilar?”

I give her a wide, close-mouthed smile and two thumbs up, nodding. No talking. I’m glad she thinks that, though. Maybe that will soften the blow.

“That’ll be 80 for the two piercings,” the piercer rings up the price.

And that’s my cue.

I start to walk away, but my mom puts her arm out and stops me.

“Two?” And her smile is gone. I still don’t talk. “What did you do, Pilar?”

It’s no use. She’s going to find out eventually. I can’t stay silent forever. I stick my tongue out, and I show her.

She gasps right away.

She doesn’t know what to say. She’s speechless.

I give her a desperate look.

“Go sit down,” she tells me sternly.

“Bu--”

“Sit down!”

I follow her orders. I see her walk over and argue with the piercer. It doesn’t look like she’s winning the argument. She hands over her credit card, and when she walks back to me, I see that the number on the receipt is $80. Maybe she’s letting me keep—

“You are taking that out the minute we get home,” she demands.

We get in the car, and we go home. We are both silent the whole car ride. It's quite an awkward trip, and that's quite a bit of an understatement.

“Go to your room and take that out!” she tells me. “Don’t come out of there until I have a chance to talk to your father!”

“Bu he aht work!” I manage.

“Well you should have thought about that before you punched a hole in your tongue!” she screams at me.

Whatever. I stomp off. I slam the door to my room as I enter.

My dad comes home shortly after. I hear the two of them fighting about me. I can’t make out all of the words that they’re saying, but I do hear my name. I know they’re fighting because of me.

Their fight ends abruptly, and I sit in my room for a while, sulking. No one comes in to talk to me.

Night falls. I can’t just sulk anymore. I look at myself in the front facing camera on my phone. I hold the tongue pearl up to where the piercing is. It doesn’t even look good. Why did I do this? Maybe I just wanted something for me. Everything I’ve been doing lately has been for my family. I moved here because they made me, and recently, I’ve been trying to warm up to them because it’s what they want. But what about what I want? Do I get to do anything for myself? I guess this piercing is something, but I don’t even like it. And it hurts.

I hear a knock on my door.

“What?” I call out

“Can we talk?” my dad asks.

I turn around, fully expecting him to yell at me. He doesn’t.

“Pilar,” he starts. I put the ring down, turn off my front facing camera, and sit up. “I know it’s been a tough year, but all this sulking in your room, and the tongue piercing – it’s got me wondering, are you okay?”

“Ma tum hurs pre bad,” I can barely manage to tell him.

“I mean,” he takes a seat next to me on my bed, “generally, you seem angry. A lot. Especially at your mom.”

I look down and away from my dad. He’s right. I am angry at my mom. No amount of cozying up to me and trying to make me feel better by giving me what I want is going to make me stop being angry at her. My whole life got flipped on its head because of the mess that she caused. Even if things hadn’t gotten so dramatic and we were back in Texas, she can’t undo what she did. How can I love someone who can’t even stay faithful to her own family?

“You have to forgive her, Pilar,” my dad urges me. “She made a mistake. And if I know your mother, she will beat herself up about this for the rest of her life.”

I roll my eyes. She should.

“But she’s still your mom,” he continues. “Same one who sung you lullabies about Pilar, her star.”

I remember back to a simpler time. I do miss those days. She did that because she cared. I can’t ignore that fact.

“So I’ll say it again,” my dad presses on. “You – you have to forgive her, Pilar.”

Honestly, I want to forgive her. But how can I? This may have affected my life, but she didn’t cheat on _me_. I’m not the person whose forgiveness she needs right now.

“Hab bu?” I ask.

“What?”

Ugh. I’m so tired of this stupid tongue piercing getting in the way of my speech. I sure can’t wait until that wears off.

I annunciate better this time, “Have you?”

He pauses. He looks me in the eyes and says quietly, “Of course.”

That’s what I needed to hear. If my dad forgives her, I guess there isn’t any reason that I can’t. I give him a look to assure him. He smiles softly at me, and he gets up to leave.

I sit for a few minutes and reflect. What am I doing? My dad is right. All this time, I’ve been so mad that I’ve forgotten to appreciate everything that’s around me. We live in a nice apartment, we have nice clothes, and we go to a good school. My mom actually advocated _for_ me getting my cartilage pierced, and my dad cared enough to ask if I was okay. Victor has built a network of friends that support me as well as him. And my family is right here. I’ve always thought of Texas as home. But home is wherever my family is.

After some time, I come out of my room, and I find my mother on the couch. I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure there is anything to say. Instead of speaking, I sit by her, and I lean my head on her shoulder, comforted to finally feel connected to her again.

\---

I go to school on Monday morning, and I meet up with Mia. She is letting me borrow her heels for the dance on Friday.

“So here are the shoes,” she pulls them out of her bag and hands them to me.

“Thank you so much!” I say.

“Absolutely!”

I thank her again.

“Oh don’t mention it,” she says. “I’m not going to wear them with my dress anyway.”

“Well they look really great,” I say.

“Yeah,” she responds.

“Hey,” I hear Victor come up behind us.

“Hey,” I greet him with a smile. I show him the heels Mia is lending to me. “How dope is Mia for letting me borrow these for the school dance? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. She’s way too good for you.”

“Thanks,” Mia awkwardly laughs at my comment.

It’s true.

I go about the rest of my Monday, minding my own business. For once, I’m finally happy. Now that everyone has forgiven my mom, I figure that everything will be okay at home now too.

Or maybe not.

I’m proven wrong when we go to eat dinner as a family. Victor isn’t there. He’s at Mia’s. My parents aren’t talking to each other, for whatever reason. What the hell happened today while I was in my room listening to music after school? I know I was home before my dad was, and my mom was still giving her piano lessons, so nothing could have happened while I was at school.

I struggle myself to say anything during dinner, as I can feel the tension between them, and I don’t want to blow things up. Even Adrian seems to be able to feel the tension between them.

“Um, this is really good turkey, Mom,” he tries to break the tension. “Just the right amount of cumin.”

The poor kid has no clue what’s going on. A smile sneaks onto my face as he compliments our mom. I look over at her. She doesn’t say anything. My dad looks over at me. The hint of a smile that was on my face disappears as quickly as it appeared in the first place. What the hell is their problem?

“What’s wrong?” Adrian asks. “You guys think it’s too much cumin?”

My mom puts her hand on Adrian’s. I can’t do this. I can’t let him sit through this.

“I’m gonna go take Adrian out for ice cream,” I say. “Let you guys hash out the source of this awkward-ass dinner.”

I turn my attention to Adrian. “Come on. Put on your shoes.”

“Okay,” he follows.

I get Adrian ready to go. I tell him to stay in his room while I look for money.

“If you hadn’t beaten the crap out of Roger after what happened,” I overhear my mother say as I re-enter the hallway, “you wouldn’t have been fired, and we would have never had to move here!”

I see Victor walk in the door, and I can’t deal with this right now. It’s going to get ugly. I walk back into Adrian’s room. I close the door and tell him to stay put. We can hear the fighting through the door, but we can’t hear exactly what words are being said.

I thought we were done with this. Guess not. Dad beat up his boss and got himself fired. All this time, I’ve been mad at my mom when I should have been mad at both of them. My mom and my dad are both gone. The only person left in my support system is my older brother. He’s the only person in my life who I can trust. Other than Adrian, Victor is the only person who hasn’t made my life hell.

When the fighting stops, I go back to my room and look for money for ice cream. I still want to get Adrian out of the house. I realize that I don’t have enough money to take Adrian out for ice cream. I don’t want to ask my parents when they’re this tense. They’ll probably just say no. Plus, I don’t want to be put in a worse mood right now. Victor should definitely be a safe person to approach.

I want to ask Victor, but he’s in the shower.

I open the bathroom door and call to him, “Hey, Vic, can I borrow ten bucks for ice cream?”

“I can’t hear you!” he shouts.

“Okay,” time to improvise. “If I can go into your room and take ten bucks out of your wallet, say nothing at all.”

He says nothing. I smile. It’s fine. He’ll understand.

As I head towards Victor’s room, I am thankful to have someone as solid and as trustworthy as him in my life. I think about how he has always been the golden boy who can do no wrong. Even though it has always bothered the hell out of me, I realize that I kind of appreciate having someone there who is as steady as a rock and cares for other people so much that he couldn’t possibly do anything that would hurt another soul. And now, he’s all I have left.

I go into Victor’s room, and I start to look for his wallet. I search in his backpack. It’s not there. I search in his new jacket. I don’t find the wallet, but I find a piece of paper.

I’m curious. What is this?

I open up the paper. It’s a letter. I begin to read. My eyes widen at the sight of the first sentence. My eyes are fixed on it.

_B,_

_First of all, I am so sorry for kissing you. But please, just hear me out…_

I don’t keep reading. I don’t want to. I shake my head in denial. I can’t believe what I am seeing. I’m in shock.

_Who the hell is “B”?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And let's not forget that this show revolves around Victor! Here we go with the drama! How will Pilar react? Tune in next time to find out!!!
> 
> Also, I just want to add a note that I really appreciate all my readers, especially those who have stuck with this story. You guys give me life, and your comments get me excited to post the next chapter! I don't thank y'all enough, so I'm going to try to start making that more of a habit. I truly appreicate the attention you give to this story!


	14. Pilar Part 7: Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >> **Pilar** >>Lake>>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It can’t be true. But it’s right here. In writing.

I hear the shower turn off, and I quickly stuff the letter back inside of Victor’s jacket. I don’t want him to know that I saw it. I rush out of the room, but as I do, I see his wallet, and I take $10. I still want to take Adrian out for ice cream. I really don’t want to be in this house right now.

“Come on, let’s go,” I tell Adrian.

“Finally!”

I ignore his interjection. My mind is too focused on other things.

I walk out the front door. Mom and Dad are still in the kitchen, and they quietly watch us leave. I don’t look at them. I can’t. Nothing makes sense.

I take Adrian to the ice cream parlor down the street and buy him a cone. I don’t get anything for myself. I’m too depressed to eat. I’m so confused. Which one of my parents am I supposed to trust, if either of them? Who is B, and why did Victor kiss her? He’s not a cheater, is he? I guess he gets it from our mom.

“What’s wrong with Mom and Dad?” Adrian asks me somberly while he eats his ice cream.

I look at him and lie, “They had a bad day.”

“We should bring them some ice cream!” he suggests with a smile. “Maybe that will cheer them up!”

“No!” I say a little bit more aggressively than intended, startling my little brother. I soften my tone, “No, I mean, I think that they just need to be alone for a little while.”

“Okay,” he says sadly, and he continues to eat.

I continue to look at my little brother with a feeling of pity. Everything in our lives right now, including our family, is falling apart. But he doesn’t need to know that. He’s too young and innocent. He just needs to eat his ice cream. I can’t burden him with all of this just so that I have someone to talk to.

In a situation like this where both of my parents are having issues, I would normally seek emotional support from my older brother, but that’s out of the question at this point. I can’t talk to Mia, either. I’ve developed a friendship with her, but our friendship is pretty much entirely based off of hers and my brother’s relationship. Because it’s so present on my mind and one of the things causing the turbulence within me, there is no way I would be able to avoid mentioning the letter I found in Victor’s jacket. What would that do to my friendship with Mia? It would probably render myself irrelevant in her life. Why did Victor have to do this to her? She’s such a great person, and she deserves so much better. The only other person I’ve really talked to and gotten along with at Creekwood is Felix, Victor’s best friend. If Victor told anyone that he cheated, it definitely would have been Felix. I’m right back to where I was when we first arrived in Atlanta – alone.

When I get back home with Adrian, our parents are still sitting at the kitchen table. They get quiet when Adrian and I walk in the door. I don’t look over at them.

“Adrian, it’s time for bed, okay?” I say quietly. “Make sure you brush your teeth because of all that sugar you just had.”

“Okay,” he responds, and he goes into his room to get ready for bed.

I don’t get much sleep at night. In the morning, it’s eerily quiet, more so than usual. Neither of my parents are awake before Victor and me, which is quite odd. I don’t talk to Victor. He seems to notice.

“Did you hear any of last night’s conversation?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say passive aggressively. “I took Adrian out for ice cream because I was able to _read_ the situation pretty well.” I emphasize that word, hoping that my brother will get the hint; he doesn’t.

For the rest of the day, and for the rest of the week, I return to being super closed off around my family. My parents are somehow able to act as though nothing happened. I’m so sick and tired of this game they play of brushing everything aside so that they can pretend like everything is okay. We know it’s not. I wish that they would just deal with their problems already and cut the act of being so happy that it hurts.

I don’t know whether Victor has given the letter to B yet, but I don’t go looking for the letter all week. As tempting as it is to read the rest of it, I really don’t want to know. If I know more, then out of responsibility to a friend, I’d have to tell Mia. I don’t want to be in that position. Somehow, though, it feels like I already am. But I can’t be the one to break her heart. If Victor cheated on her, then he needs to tell her. But of course he’s not going to do that. I’m just so conflicted.

During the week, I go back to my usual Creekwood routine of staying away from everyone and avoiding eye contact with people. The friends that I thought I made are people who it’s dangerous for me to talk to right now. Plus, I’m so upset over everything going on that I can’t possibly make a good impression on anyone anyway.

I realize that I still have Mia’s heels that she let me borrow for the dance on Friday. Ugh. The dance. I’m supposed to go with Victor and his friends, but I don’t even want to anymore. Since I already bought a ticket, I don’t really have a choice whether to go or not.

I spend the day at school Friday dreading the dance. Victor’s friends are all going to come to our place in their fancy clothes after school and take pictures because our parents want to celebrate something despite the hell that we’re living in right now. And I have to put on a pretty dress, pretending to be happy and ignoring the fact that I’m alone in the crowd.

I put on my dress for the dance, and I painfully slide my feet into the shoes that Mia lent to me. I resentfully put on my makeup.

“Hey,” Victor walks over to my open door as I’m finishing putting on my makeup, “Umm, which of these do you think Mia will like better?”

I look over at him, and he is holding two different ties. I don’t examine them closely at all.

“I’d go with option _B_ ,” I say.

“Uh, thanks,” he doesn’t seem to take this hint either. “Pretty crazy about Dad punching is boss, huh?”

“Yep,” I say as I put on my lipstick. Ugh. I wish he wouldn’t try to make small talk with me. He’s not innocent. He knows what he did. “Not surprised he kept it from us, though. This family’s full of liars.”

As I say this last sentence, I give him a menacing look. I’m tired of the dishonesty. I know he won’t confess, though, so I just turn around and finish getting ready. Victor scoffs and walks out of the room.

A few minutes later, his friends start to show up. Once everyone is here, my mom insists on taking a lot of pictures, just as I expected. Victor and his friends all have dates. Of course they do. I’m always the one who is left alone. It just reminds me of the love that I’ve lost. Why is everyone here happy except for me? Will it always be like this? Probably.

I stand on the end of the line, awkwardly posing all by myself. I have so many conflicting and confusing thoughts running through my head. The only other person here who should be able to relate to having their heart broken and being left stranded on their own island is Mia, but it seems we’re still a few days early, so I can’t say anything to her about it. My parents seem happier than ever to be taking our pictures, which I know is just some little show that they’re putting on for our guests. I’m so sick of these pointless festivities when none of it even feels genuine. Everyone else has someone to talk to, but I just stand there, waiting for my mom’s next instructions, being ignored by everyone. Felix and Lake even have dates that aren’t each other, which is really confusing, but nothing makes sense anyway, so I let that one go.

“Okay, now,” my mom says, “boys, stand behind the girls, and put your hands on their waists.”

Great. Just another thing to remind me of the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. Also, another thing that reminds me that my parents don’t actually have any consideration for my presence at all. They pretend like I don’t even exist.

“Okay, Adrian, go do it to your sister,” my mom tells him.

Uh, I liked it better when they pretended like I didn’t exist.

“Please don’t make me,” he refutes.

“Yes, I’m making you. Go,” my mom commands him.

He slams the iPad down, and he walks over to me. My mom thanks him. He puts his hands on my waist.

My mom gasps, “This is so cute.”

“And we’re done,” I say as I move my little brother’s hands off of me. My mom gripes about it, but there is no way I can keep this up. She calls it cute, but I call it weird. This just feels so wrong on so many levels. And I definitely don’t want it immortalized in a picture. I walk away from the picture line, and I wait for the rest of the group to leave.

We go to the dance. I stay behind the rest of the group. I don’t really want to bother anyone, and I really don’t want anyone bothering me. I just want to get through to the end of this hellish night.

At the dance, I don’t feel like dancing. I have no one to dance with. I have no one to talk to. It’s the most awkward I’ve ever felt. My first high school dance consists of standing and watching from the sidelines, wishing that someone would pay any amount of attention to me, but also wishing that I could just get out of here. I can’t leave now, though. I came with people. If I go home, my parents would start asking me a bunch of questions that I don’t want to answer. Plus, Victor would notice by the time he left, and he would be on my back about it, too.

As I stand alone in the corner, watching everyone on the dance floor having fun and partying without me, my entire world of thoughts passes through my brain. I think about my loneliness with regard to the fact that I’ve been single for a few months now and with regard to the fact that I have no friends here who support me. I think of my family’s downward spiral with my parents’ anger at each other. My dad said that he forgave my mom, but with the tension that has been present lately, I have a feeling that the worst is yet to come. I think of my younger brother’s innocence and reminisce about a time that was much simpler, when I didn’t have anything to worry about other than a new family member coming into my life. At least that turned out to be a happy occurrence. Then I think of my older brother.

I spent all week not wanting to know what happened between him and B. But not knowing is killing me. He won’t tell me anything about it, and there’s a part of me that just feels like I need to have all of the information. I don’t really know why. I guess I’m just tired of secrets. I’m tired of lies. My parents hid so much from us lately, and the world seemed to fall apart. I’m not putting up with that from my brother, too. He should know better. He should be better.

I look out onto the dance floor, and I see Victor and Mia dancing together. They both seem to be having a good time. It disgusts me. Victor doesn’t deserve her. And she definitely doesn’t know what happened. Then, I see Felix. He’s closer to me than Mia and Victor, and his date just walked away from him. This is a prime opportunity. I need answers. I’m going in.

Felix starts to walk away from the spot that he’s standing, but as I walk towards him, I grab his arm and turn him around to face me.

“Has Victor told you anything lately?” I ask upfront. “A secret?”

“A secret?” he asks nervously, immediately indicating to me that something is up. “Nope. Well, you know, Victor and I aren’t close, really, so--”

“Cut the crap, Felix,” I cut him off. Felix is Victor’s best friend. Unless, of course, Victor is cheating on him with another best friend. And he just uttered way too many nonsense syllables for what he’s saying to be believable. I decide to be straightforward with him, “Did he cheat on Mia?”

“What? No,” he defends, taken aback by my accusation. “Why would you say that?”

“I found a letter he wrote about kissing some girl named ‘B’,” I reveal.

Felix’s expression drops. He looks past me to the spot where Victor and Mia are dancing. I don’t look back.

“You know something,” I call him out. “I can tell.”

“Oh,” he tries to cover for his cheating friend. “You know, that – that’s just his creative writing class.”

“You’re Mia’s friend, too!” I’m so done with his excuses. Felix may not have been the one who cheated, but he’s guilty by association. “If Victor’s sneaking around behind her back, you should tell her!”

“He’s not sneaking around,” Felix tries to tell me quietly, but I don’t buy it. “It was a one-time thing on a work trip, and he’s handling it. So just give him a little bit more time.”

“So B is someone he works with?” That’s an interesting piece of information. I figure that it’s all I’m going to get out of Felix, so I take that piece of information and walk away.

After I walk away, I wish I would have tried harder for more information. I don’t know any of the people that Victor works with. How am I supposed to figure this out now?

Some time passes during the dance. I’m not sure how much, but it feels like an eternity. I still have no idea what’s going on, but I’m determined to figure it out.

A slow dance starts. Just what I need. Another reminder that I’m alone and have no one.

I look over to see Mia with her head on Victor’s shoulder. Victor doesn’t have a smile on his face. He seems uncomfortable. I can imagine that holding onto a lie would do that to a person.

I’m at a loss. How am I supposed to figure out the identity of the mystery girl with whom Victor is cheating with the small bit of information that Felix gave me and nothing else?

I overhear a conversation happening, “Benji, I literally have two left feet. Don’t make me dance.”

I look over, and I recognize one of the guys in the conversation. Of course. Benji introduced himself to me at Victor’s birthday party along with his boyfriend. I think his name was Derek? Benji works with Victor at the coffee shop. He could be my source of information. I have a lead, so I’m going to use it.

I walk over to him quickly, with a purpose.

“Hey guys,” I greet them with a feigned friendliness. “Quick Q, Benji. You and Victor work together, like, every day, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” he says. “Pretty much. Why?”

“Do you work with any girls?” I’m on a fact-finding mission.

“Uh, there’s Sarah,” he says, “but she’s more of an angry woman than a girl.”

Hmm. Sarah. That doesn’t start with a B, but I’m not really sure what B stands for. Maybe a pet name or something? That would be terrible. Then I would know that Victor is really seriously cheating on Mia.

I press on with my interrogation, “Did Sarah and Victor ever go on a work trip together?”

“Um, no. Don’t think so.”

Well that wasn’t helpful. I guess he doesn’t know anything. I feel bad for bothering this guy. He barely even knows who I am.

“You know, uh,” he says after a few seconds of silence, “we were actually leaving soon, so we’re gonna go dance--”

“Eh, why are you asking him all these questions?” Benji’s boyfriend asks me.

“Something happened on that trip,” I tell him. It’s no use, though. Benji doesn’t know anything, and it would be pointless to bother these two with the details. “But forget it.”

I walk away. I may never find out the truth.

Later on, it’s time for the announcement of Spring Fling king and queen. I didn’t vote. I haven’t even been paying attention. I don’t know anyone here anyway, so it’s not like I care. And I’m certainly not popular enough to ever be considered. Nobody knows who I am outside of a few people that are afraid of me because I got in a fight on my first day here.

“Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks!”

Ugh! Of course it would be them! Why is everyone so obsessed with my brother? He always gets everything that he wants, and he doesn’t even deserve it!

The crowd applauds. They don’t show up on stage. This is odd. Why would neither of them be here?

“Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks!” the person on stage repeats.

The crowd goes quiet, they’re still not anywhere to be found.

“Okay, fine. If you don’t want the Olive Garden gift card, then I’ll take it.”

For some reason, Lake gets up on stage.

“Um, hi. I’m Lake, accepting on behalf of Mia, who has disappeared.”

I’m so confused. What’s going on?

“Um,” she continues nervously, “And I would like to invite Felix Weston to accept on behalf of Victor.”

Well, I guess this is nice. She goes on a spiel about him making her happy or something. Good for them. I can’t think about this right now. This is way too cheesy and dramatic for me. They kiss, and everyone applauds. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t continue to watch everyone else have an amazing night and falling in love while my world falls apart.

I make for the exit, and I walk out.

As I walk out the door, I see three people. I see Mia, looking distressed. She stands with a tall guy who is on the basketball team. I think his name is Andrew. Standing somewhat away from them, I see my brother in tears.

“Goodbye, Victor,” Mia says, and she walks away with the other guy.

Oh, well this is just _rich_.

“She found out, didn’t she?” I walk over behind Victor. He seems startled by the sound of my voice, and he turns around to look at me. I call him out immediately, “That you’ve been cheating on her.”

“Pilar, it’s not what you think--”

“I don’t believe you,” I tell him frankly. I don’t want to hear his excuses. My whole life and my whole family are full of lies and disappointment. And I let him know it, as I’m on the verge of tears. “Mom and Dad ripped us out of Texas and moved us here. I lost all my friends. My boyfriend broke up with me. Mom turned out to be a cheater. And Dad got himself fired. My whole world has been collapsing around me all year. But I thought, at least I still have my brother. At least Victor is still Victor. You were the only person I thought I could trust, and now I feel like I don’t even know you.”

“Pilar, of course you do,” he tries to assure me.

He hesitates to say any more.

I don’t know what else there is to say, either.

He breaks the silence and tells me, “I’ve been going through something. And I want to explain it to you, but not here. Okay? So can we – can we please go home?” As he talks, I see him break. My brother isn’t supposed to be the fragile one. He’s supposed to be the strong one. When I see him break, I break too. “Please?” he begs again, now on the verge of his own tears.

“Yeah,” I nod, no longer able to contain my emotions. I’m crying at this point, my eyes are red, and I have no idea what to say. My voice shakes, “Yeah, we can go home.”

“Okay,” he whispers.

He puts his arm around me, and we walk, each footstep in Mia’s heels feeling like another dagger into my feet.

Victor asked if we could go home.

Home. I don’t even know where that is anymore.

**_Next: Lake_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *exhales*
> 
> Okay, I know that that was a tough one to read. One of the reasons I loved writing Pilar's perspective is because it shows that character development isn't linear. It spirals up and down, and we know that right now for Pilar, this is a major down.
> 
> Also, this is the last of the chapters from Pilar's perspective. And yes, I purposely did not include the final scene. I'm in this for the long run. Lake's perspective is next, followed by Felix. So far, New York and Pilar have been 7 chapters each; since Lake and Felix had bigger roles, they will have more content. 9 chapters for Lake and 10 for Felix. I'm really looking forward to posting those and getting closer and closer to the heart of the drama.
> 
> Okay, that was a lot of notes, but thank you for reading!! I hope you are continuing to enjoy!!


	15. Lake Part 1: Image

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Yes, I'm a day early! I just couldn't wait! This is the first Lake update, and it is a short one, but I hope it is sort of meant to set up the perspective. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

Image is everything. That’s why I make sure I’m always caught up on the latest trends so that I can stay fashionable and fierce. Plus, I have big shoes to fill with my mom being the top rated anchor in the Atlanta area. Every morning, I make sure to dress nice, put on a smile, and stand tall.

“Are you excited for the Winter Carnival tonight?” I ask Mia as we stand at her locker.

Mia is my best friend in the world. I moved to the Creekwood area when I started middle school because it became too much for my mom to commute to work in Atlanta every day from western Georgia. I met Mia on my first day of sixth grade, and we bonded instantly. Thanks to her, Atlanta has felt like home to me ever since I got here.

Mia and I have shared a lot of experiences in our lives. She introduced me to her friend, Andrew, who I have always found attractive. I met and loved her family until it fell apart. I felt bad for Mia when that happened; I still do, because I know she struggles with it. In middle school, I put on a lot of weight, and I struggled with my image of my body in my freshman year of high school. I didn’t feel like I had the confidence to be able to talk to boys or even really present myself in public. Mia supported me through my effort to lose that weight. Sometimes, I still struggle with my weight, but I generally try not to think about it. As long as I present myself in a flattering way, my image will hold up.

I don’t know what I would do without Mia. We tell each other everything, and we’re always there to support each other. And even though we have different personalities, we seem to click really well with each other. That’s the kind of friend that I need.

“Yeah,” she says. “The weather is supposed to be really nice.”

“Ooh, yeah,” I respond. “I was thinking about wearing my nice orange sweater and the jacket with the stripes. You know, some nice autumn colors.”

“In Winter?” she questions.

“Yeah!” I tell her. “Fashion doesn’t take a break for the seasons. Besides, it’s typical nice fall weather. Here, let me show you a picture.”

I take out my phone to show her a picture of the outfit I plan to wear. As I do, I notice the vice principal, Ms. Albright, walk away from some kid I’ve never seen before. He must be new. And he’s actually kind of hot. He immediately captures my attention.

I run up to him.

“Hi, new kid!” I get his attention so that he’ll turn around for me to be able to take his picture.

“Uh, whoa,” I seem to catch him off guard. “Hi. What are you doing?”

“Taking a picture for my new Creek Secrets post about the new kid,” I explain to him.

What can I say? I’m a journalist at heart. I don’t know; maybe it’s genetic. Anyway, I like to keep people informed, and there’s no better way to do that here at school than through the school’s blog, Creek Secrets. You can find some juicy stuff on there. Sometimes the stuff you find can be kind of boring, but I always make sure to keep it interesting.

“Name?” I ask.

“Victor Salazar,” he says as he opens his locker.

“Well, give me some deets,” I urge him. I want to know all of it. He already seems like he’s going to be an interesting subject. “Where are you from? Why’d you move? Are you cuffed?”

“Cuffed?” he laughs.

“Locked down,” I clarify.

“I – I’m sorry. I really don’t--”

“In a relationship,” I say. How can he be that clueless? “Did you move here from 1984?”

“Easy, Lake!” Mia calls out to me from back at her locker. “Hey, maybe let the new kid open his locker before shoving a camera in his face.”

Ugh, I guess. I'm just trying to have some fun here!

“Hi, I’m Mia,” she introduces herself.

“Victor,” he responds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry – I’m sorry about her,” Mia says.

Wow. What a way to introduce your best friend.

“No, it’s cool,” he says. “No one’s really been that excited to take my picture since my mom used me as a model for her piano lesson flier, so.”

“Wow, you were a piano lesson model,” Mia says.

 _What?_ I look over at her, interested to know why that’s suddenly so interesting.

“Oh yeah,” Victor says. “Yeah, check this out.”

He poses as if he’s playing a piano.

Okay, this conversation got weird fast.

“Wait, uh, why is the piano the same height as your face?” Mia asks.

“Well, you see, it’s a standing piano, so it’s good for my back.”

“Oh,” Mia says.

“Yeah.”

They both laugh.

As Mia laughs, she looks down at the ground, and her face turns red. Aha. I see what’s going on here.

“Okay, well, hi. Hi,” I say, trying not to let either of them forget that I’m standing right here. It feels like this has suddenly become the show about Mia and the new kid, and I would like for myself not to be erased from the picture here. I technically met both of them before they met each other. “Still waiting for my answer. Is there a girl back home, or…?”

He pauses, and he looks at Mia. Well, that’s interesting. Very interesting.

I raise my eyebrows at him to try and crack the code.

“Nope,” he says, “No girl back in Texas.”

I look over at Mia.

“Mm,” I say, noticing her blush. I smile. “So _do_ mess with Texas. Got it.”

As Mia seems not to be able to take her eyes off of the hot new kid, I have to pull her away so that we can get to class. As I do, she stammers a goodbye to him that just completely gives her away.

“Okay, what was that?” I ask suggestively as we walk away.

“I don’t know,” she says while actively avoiding eye contact with me.

“You’re blushing,” I point out, smiling. She lets out a chuckle. “I told you things would look up.”

Mia’s dating life hasn’t exactly been amazing. In fact, it’s been pretty much nonexistent. Now, with the hot new guy for whom she is apparently already head over heels, it looks like there might be a spark.

“Go to class!” she urges me.

“Fine,” I laugh. “Meet you at lunch?”

She nods, and we both go on our way.

\---

At lunch, I wait for Mia in the courtyard of the school. For the most part, I just scroll through my phone on Creek Secrets.

All of a sudden, it seems that people’s attentions are turned towards the center of the courtyard. I turn my head to see what’s going on.

Is that Andrew and the new kid?

“You’re just trying to humiliate me because I destroyed you in that basketball game,” Victor says to his face.

Ooh, damn! I haven’t seen someone talk to Andrew like that since – well, ever! This kid has some serious nerve! He’s feisty!

“Oh, you think I give a shit about some stupid gym class basketball game?” Andrew shoots back.

I don’t think he does. He’s a tough guy. That’s one of the reasons I like him so much.

“Yeah,” Victor responds harshly. “I do.”

Whoa! Forget the picture that I took earlier of the new kid at his locker. This is _much_ juicier.

I take out my phone, and I start to take pictures of the exchange.

“Just give everyone their money back,” Victor says after he looks around and it’s quiet.

Andrew gives him a cold dead stare and says, “You got it,” before pushing past him, causing Victor to drop his lunch.

Ooh. Now _this_ is worthy content.

As Victor picks up his lunch, Benji, maybe one of the hottest people at school, helps him up.

“You okay?” he asks Victor.

“Ow, ow! Get it, new kid!” a guy behind me calls out to him.

Victor looks over, and he turns back to Benji, coldly saying, “I’m fine.”

I watch the new kid as he walks away. Damn. He has a bit of a temper, doesn’t he? Well, I know exactly what to post:

 _The New Kid’s Got a Short Fuse:_ “Is the new kid crazy?!? Victor Salazar went off on Andrew Spencer today”

Now that’s some good journalism right there.

I let that simmer the rest of the day, knowing that I’ve done my job.

\---

“Lake!” Mia comes up to me after school. “What is this?” she asks, showing me the picture.

“What?” I say, not seeing anything wrong with my ability to capture drama in real time. It’s news and entertainment at the same time!

“You know what,” she says to me. “Come on, this guy is clearly having a rough day as it is. Why do you have to contribute to it?”

“I didn’t.” I remind her of what happened and let her know the importance of information, “He made the decision to go off, and I simply just did my duty to my fellow classmates to keep them informed of the news.”

“Lake, you know that that’s not fair.”

“Oh, come on. People crave gossip,” I remind her.

“Lake, I just met Victor. Could you please try not to ruin that?”

Damn, she must be really obsessed with him already.

“I’m just doing what the public demands of me,” I tell her.

“Lake!”

I take a good look at Mia, and I know she’s just trying to look out for the kid.

“You’re right,” I sigh, recognizing that maybe I went too far with the story this time. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was too much.”

She relaxes a little.

“Taking it down now won’t do anything,” I realize. “People have already seen it. But I promise, no more negative posts about the new kid.”

“Thank you,” she says. “No more posts.”

“Well,” I laugh, making sure she heard me correctly, “I didn’t say that. Just no negative ones.”

\---

We go to the Winter Carnival in the evening, and we have a good time, just like we did last year. It’s a little chillier than I expected, but that just makes the jacket that I’m wearing that much more practical _and_ fashionable.

As Mia and I eat popcorn and talk, she looks at something behind me. I snap my head around to see Victor approaching us.

“Hey,” she greets him.

“Hey,” he says with a smile. He then nervously asks, “Um, would you want to ride the Ferris wheel with me?”

Aww! She’s stunned!

I look over at her, anticipating her response.

“Uh,” she says nervously and looks back and forth between me and Victor, “Yeah – yeah, I’d love to.”

Okay, good, she said yes.

He laughs, as if releasing a lot of tension in his breath that he had from asking her.

Oh my gosh! This is such a cute moment!

I watch with a smile as Victor and Mia go over to the Ferris wheel, and I eat my popcorn as if watching a romantic comedy. They get on the Ferris wheel, and the smiles on both of their faces are so cute that I just can’t handle it.

I get my phone out, and I get it ready so that I can take their picture when they get to the top. This is so exciting! I know exactly how to compensate for my earlier post.

Buckle in, and get ready for the love story of a lifetime!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Now we dive into the mind of Lake Meriwether! I will probably be back the day after Christmas with another update, but I'm visiting my grandmother either Saturday or Sunday (not sure yet), so it will be sometime this weekend.
> 
> Thank you for reading! And remember, your comments are always appreciated! They are very motivating!


	16. Lake Part 2: Stoplight Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Been a weird updating week, I know. Wrapped up in holiday stuff. And it's been almost a week since last post, but here's another one! Should be back on schedule this week!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I get to Mia’s in the morning before school on Friday. Occasionally, we’ll head over together so that we can both start the day off right with good attitudes.

I ring the doorbell.

“Door’s open!” I hear her yell, so I come into the house. “Alright, give me, like, two minutes!”

I walk in and close the door behind me so that I can talk to Mia while she finishes getting ready.

“So did you see the post about you and the new kid on Creek Secrets?” I ask, referring to my latest masterpiece. “Can you believe it?”

“Yeah, I can believe it. You posted it,” she says.

“Wait,” I notice her with her dad’s checkbook, “your dad lets you write checks? Also, your dad still has checks?”

“Yeah, somebody has to pay the housekeeper when he’s not here,” she says.

“Ugh. Where in the world is Harold Brooks this week?”

I know that her dad travels a lot. But at least she gets the house to herself. I would kill to have some alone time.

“Uh, Berlin?” she says. “Some, uh, fundraising thing for the university.”

“Oh,” I say, an idea coming to me. “We have to have a party. You know. Small, curated guest list, some digestifs, fromage, aperetifs – whoa, do I speak French?”

“No more parties, Lake,” Mia says to me.

Oh, come on. This is the perfect opportunity, and she’s going to dismiss it just like that?

Hmm, I think I know what will convince her.

“You can invite Ferris wheel boy,” I say suggestively. I lean in as she smiles at the comment, “Come on, I know you wanna tap that Tex ass.”

“Oh, okay,” she admits. “Okay, there is something about him. I mean, that entire time we were on the ride, he didn’t brag about himself, or do any of the – the lame stuff guys usually do like accidentally graze my boobs.”

“So, yes?” I say hopefully. She has a chance here, and I want to see her take it! “It’s Friday night! Come on. Who else has a baller mansion with zero parental supervision?”

Mia hesitates for a second, and I give her an anticipatory look.

“Yes,” she finally agrees.

Yay!

“Great!” I interject. “I’ll get to work on the invitations!”

When we go to school, I think about what type of party we should have. Clearly, it’s not going to be enough just to have people come over. There has to be some sort of theme, some sort of hook. We have to get people interested enough to want to show up.

I meet Mia for lunch, still not quite sure what to do.

“Any progress on the party yet?” she asks me. “Sent any invitations?”

“Not yet,” I say. “But don’t worry, I’ll get to it. Ooh, there he is,” I get Mia’s attention and point over to Victor, who sits at a table in the cafeteria with a couple of other people. “We should go over there.”

“Lake, come on,” she says.

“You can invite him to your party!” I urge her.

She gives me an evil eye, which means I’ve convinced her.

I walk over with her, smiling giddily. I can’t wait to see this interaction. Those two are somehow so adorable. I can already see them being super happy together.

As we walk over, Victor gets up to greet us politely. I have to hide the giggle that’s about to come out. What a gentleman! It’s awfully nice of him to stand up when his lady approaches!

“Hi,” Mia says nervously as the interaction begins to unfold. “Uh, I – I hope people haven’t been giving you too much crap about the Creek Secrets post.”

Oh, come on. I roll my eyes. They’re meant for each other, and they both know it. They might as well share it with the world!

That thought sparks an idea.

“This school is desperate for drama,” Mia continues. “People are – are still talking about the time, um, a pigeon flew into the cafeteria and ate a chicken nugget.”

Oof, I remember that story.

“Hashtag ‘cannibal pigeon,’” I say. “Never forget.”

Suddenly, a weird kid comes up to us from behind Victor. Do I know him?

“Hi. Hello. Victor’s best friend here,” he says. He shakes Mia’s hand, and then he goes to shake mine. “Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies.”

What in the world? I pull my hands back, not wanting to be spotted touching this weird kid.

“Okay. It’s actually one p.m.,” I say, “but, uh, Victor, did Mia tell you she’s hosting a little get together tonight?”

“What’s the occasion?” he asks.

“The occasion,” I say, noting that there doesn’t need to be anything super special to have fun, “is a free mansion with zero adult supervi-sh. Starts at nine. Also, it’s a stoplight party, so dress accordingly.”

Because I know that my friend will have a reaction to this, I pull her away from her new crush before she can say anything.

“Wait, what?” she suddenly snaps out of her trance, but we’re already moving away. She’s flustered as we walk out, but I ignore it.

“Why did you tell him it’s a stoplight party?” she asks me, sounding annoyed.

“Because,” I explain clear as day, “People hook up faster at themed parties. Haven’t you seen ‘Eyes Wide Shut’?”

I’m kind of a movie junkie. I like some old classics, like “Fight Club,” “The Parent Trap,” “Jumanji,” “Eyes Wide Shut,” “Romeo and Juliet” – you know, stuff that was popular a long time ago, in the ‘90s.

“What’s up nerds?”

“Andrew,” I smile at him in a flirtatious manner, trying to greet him warmly so that I can maybe have a chance with him someday. “Hey. Did you get a haircut?”

“Uh, I did not,” he says bluntly.

Oh. Well, that flopped.

“Right on,” I say, trying to recover quickly. “Uh, we’re having a stoplight party at Mia’s tonight.”

“Really?” he turns his attention towards her. “You know, it’s funny. I would have thought you’d be too busy taking random charity cases on carnival rides.”

Ooh, he’s such a bad boy. You know, one thing I like about him is that he doesn’t feel the need to fit right into the status quo. He’s interesting, exciting. I need that in my life. And he is so my type.

“Bye, Andrew,” Mia says, and she grabs my hand.

Does she really have to pull me away from him? I hang back and long for the guy who might one day be my future boyfriend.

“Oh you know what?” Andrew says to her. “There’s a freshman with scoliosis. You could take him on the spinning teacups.”

I don’t know what it is about his rebellious and arrogant nature, but it just has this magnetic pull. I smile as I turn around and we walk farther away from him.

“I can’t believe you like him,” Mia says. “He’s such a jerk.”

“I know, he’s so mean,” I say with the widest smile on my face and the smallest giggle beforehand. He stands out. I really look for that in a guy.

After our back-to-back encounters with Victor and Andrew, I realize that I need to send more invitations out to people. I don’t really know that many people outside of Mia, Andrew, and his friends on the team, but it’s not much of a party with just a few people. I decide to post the invitation on Creek Secrets, and I make sure to say that anyone who feels like they’re cool enough to show up can. That will get some of the hot kids here, and keep some of the image-destroying people away.

I go to Mia’s place to help set up for the party. I bring my dress in a dry-cleaning bag so that I can change into it later.

“Hey!” I greet her. “Ready for a totally awesome party tonight?”

“Why did you invite the whole school?” she asks.

“I didn’t,” I clarify. “I invited those who feel cool enough to come. It’s not like that’s everybody.”

“It’s still a lot of people that are going to be in my house.”

“Oh, come on,” I say. “It’ll be fun. And Victor will be here, so that’s what matters.” I wink.

“You said a small, curated guest list,” she reminds me.

“Yeah, well,” I say, “I lied.”

She rolls her eyes. That’s fine. I’ve already decided that I would ask for forgiveness rather than permission on this matter.

“So,” she says to me, “since this isn’t a small party, I assume that I should just put a bunch of alcohol out for anyone to drink whenever they want?”

“Exactly!” I say. “Now, do you have digestifs or apéritifs?”

“Lake, do you even know what those words mean?”

“Alcohol, right?”

“That's not quite the complete definition,” she corrects me.

“Well, whatever. Just find what you have.”

I look around. It’s already super nice in here.

“I was going to offer to help clean up,” I say, “but it seems the place is already spotless. And the décor is quite nice.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you have a rich dad and you’re the only one in this gigantic house. You don’t really have to worry about making messes.”

“We should set up the back patio,” I suggest.

“Sure,” she agrees. “That sounds like a good idea. At least that might make it less crowded in here.”

“Oh! And we should open the pool!”

“Wh – Lake, it’s winter. It’s too cold to go swimming.”

“No!” I say. “It’s not too cold! I mean, it’s a little chilly, sure. But we can call it a polar bear plunge!”

“Alright,” she concedes.

We set up the patio and we open the pool. We also get out the beverages and hors d’oeuvres. When I see the time, I realize that we both need to put on our party outfits. I change into my dress in Mia’s guest room.

When I’m done changing, I wait for Mia. She’s taking forever. It’s nine o’clock. People begin to arrive, and I have to let them in to greet them. I have to tell some of them that Mia will be down shortly.

I wonder what is taking Mia so long, so I barge into her room to find out.

“Come on! People are here!” I say as I walk in. When I do walk in, though, I notice Mia wearing a black dress. Black? Really? “Why aren’t you wearing yellow?”

“Oh,” she starts, “I just – I thought if there is something between me and Victor, I’d want it to be natural, you know?”

I mean, I guess that makes sense.

“Not forced by some weird party game,” she says. Then she notices my dress. “Wait, why are you wearing red? You’re single.”

“Because,” I explain, “There’s nothing hotter than being unavailable, so when Andrew sees me wearing this, he’ll think I’m dating someone, and want to get with me.”

“But you’re not dating anyone,” she laughs.

Well, yeah, I know that. But this is an act.

“Sure, I am!” I stay in the character that I want to portray tonight. “His name is Bruno. He’s a freshman at Georgia Tech.” I pull up the picture on my phone that I found and saved earlier today to show people in order to pretend that’s my boyfriend. “Here. Look how hot we look together, hmm?”

“That is one hundred percent your cousin, Robert,” Mia says to me.

Well, yeah. She knows that, but other people don’t.

“Wait, Lake, that picture’s from your nana’s funeral!”

“Whatever! Nana would have wanted me to find love with Andrew!” Wait, she’s changing the topic. I know this trick. She’s flipping the script on me because she doesn’t want to confront her own feelings. I take a deep breath, and I flip the script back. “Back to you. Want to know what I think?”

“Not really,” she says as she puts on her earrings.

Too bad. I was just being polite.

“You like a boy for the first time in forever, and you’re scared to put yourself out there,” I tell her. “Sometimes in order to be happy, you need to be vulnerable. So just yellow up. Oh-kurr?”

The doorbell rings, and I leave the room, excited to welcome more guests.

As more and more guests arrive at the party, I stop answering the door. I just unlock it and let people come in. The party grows to an even larger number of people than I expected, and Mia might have had a point that I invited too many people. It’s fine. We have alcohol, the music is great, and people seem to be having a great time. Plus, Victor’s here, and he’s wearing yellow, so that’s a good sign. I just wish Mia would finally come out of her room!

“Oh! Andrew!” I call over to him and approach him when I finally find him in the crowd of people. “You are so lucky you get to wear green. I just _had_ to wear red,” I try to say nonchalantly.

He gives me a confused look.

“’Cause of my boyfriend,” I clarify. “Bruno. He’s in college, yeah. Uh, lacrosse scholarship.”

I show him the picture, acting all proud.

“Hey, Salazar!” Andrew yells past me. “Why don’t you come on back?”

Alright, I guess that didn’t work. He could at least have the decency to respond to me rather than just ignore me. He didn’t even say a word to me!

I walk away as Victor and his oddball friend approach them.

“Sorry, it’s a team thing,” I hear someone say, and I turn around to see Teddy blocking Victor’s friend from going outside with them.

I watch the interaction that he and Victor have.

“Do you mind?” Victor asks his friend, “Uh, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh sure. Yeah, I’ll- I’ll be fine,” the friend responds.

He looks like he went shopping at an outlet store that was closing down and trying sell the remainder of their yellow sweats.

Ugh, that group seems to be very exclusive. Maybe it’s not just me. Maybe they do that with everyone.

Whatever. I look down at the picture on my phone and question my decisions. Lacrosse scholarship? Come on, how did I even come up with that?

“Oh, hey,” Victor’s weird friend approaches me.

Wait, what’s happening?

“So uh,” he continues, “this, uh – this Bruno guy – is it, uh – is it, is it serious?”

Oh god. Please tell me he didn’t wear that getup for me. You know what? I’m just going to walk away and pretend like that didn’t just happen.

I walk around for a while, and I try to enjoy the rest of the party. It’s hard, though, since I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Mia doesn’t come downstairs, for whatever reason, and I basically become the host.

After a while, I go over and stand near Andrew, Victor, and some of their teammates who sit with some girls on the couch outside. I catch the tail end of one of Andrew’s stories, and I laugh really hard at it. Potentially too hard, as he looks over at me in confusion.

I clear my throat.

“Sorry,” I say, trying to come up with a reason that doesn’t make me look like a desperate fool. “Yeah, I just got, like a really funny text from my boyfriend, Bruno. So…”

“You’re not even holding your phone,” Andrew points out.

I look down at my hands.

“Right,” I say, and I walk away. Ugh! How could I have missed a detail like that? Really, could I have been any more obvious?

“Hey, you look familiar,” a guy wearing green says to me as I’m walking away. “Have we met before?”

“Uh, I don’t think so,” I say, but then I smile at him. “I’m Lake.”

“Hmm,” he says with an investigative gaze. “Oh! Are you related to that news lady?!”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I tell him. “Georgina Meriwether is my mom.”

“Oh, that’s so cool!”

“Yeah, sure!” I say. I try to start a conversation, “So, how are you? Enjoying the party?”

“Yeah! It’s totally awesome!” he says. “I’m Jared, by the way.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you.”

We hang out for a bit. He seems nice. Maybe if it doesn’t work out with Andrew, I have someone else who—

“Hey, do you think you could get me your mom’s autograph and maybe say that catchphrase?” he demands not ten minutes after we meet.

I stop in my tracks. Why does this happen so often?

“What’s my name, Jared?” I ask him scathingly.

“Uh…Mary…wether?”

Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m done with this guy.

I stay away from Andrew and Jared for the rest of the party. I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough. I don’t even feel like socializing anymore. Instead, in Mia’s absence, I wait on people at the party, making sure they are comfortable and have what they need. At least I feel like I have some reason for being here. At least I have a sense of purpose.

After the party is over, I stay behind. I go up to Mia’s room and find her there. I should have known that this wouldn’t be the night I thought it would be. Mia’s not really a party person, and really, why would Andrew want anything to do with me?

“Hey,” I say to her, now tired. “How was your night?”

“It was good,” she says.

She tells me that she ended up talking more with Victor and that she felt like they connected. As tough as my night was, I’m actually really happy for her. I’m happy that she was able to open up and feel vulnerable. It’s clear that they like each other, and they deserve each other, too.

As Mia hangs up her clothes, I sit on her bed and look at my phone. I stare at the picture of me and Robert at my Nana’s funeral, and I reflect. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? Nana sure would have wanted me to find love, but not like this. Plus, Robert is my cousin; that’s just weird.

I delete the picture.

Mia approaches me to sit down next to me. She smiles at me, and she leans on me to let me know it will be alright. I smile, too. There’s just such a comforting nature to her embrace, and I need that right now.

“You okay?” she asks me.

“I will be,” I shrug. I concede to her, “You were right. I was a total embarrassment to myself tonight.”

“Hey,” she says, “don’t say that about yourself. You’re an amazing person, and any guy would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks,” I smile. It’s still a bummer that I don’t get to be with the guy I want. It just seems like people aren’t really interested in me. But at least she knows how to try to make me feel better. “I’m glad things went well between you and the new kid, though.”

“Me too,” Mia smiles back at me.

“Well,” I say, “It’s late, so I should probably get going.”

“Thanks for the party, Lake,” she says.

“It was my pleasure,” I respond to her.

I walk out and head home. As I do, I reflect on my night. I’m glad that between me and Mia, one of us had a good night tonight. Still, I realize that I have to take the wins where I can get them. I may not have gotten the guy I wanted tonight, but I don’t know what I would do without my best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Your comments and feedback motivate me to keep posting!


	17. Lake Part 3: Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate biology class. The teacher is Ms. Thomas. I see her twice a day, once for health and once for biology. Today is frog dissection day. Anyone who knows me even slightly would know that poking around in dead animals is just about the last thing on Earth I would ever want to do. Yet, here I am.

The frog is absolutely hideous. I mean, it’s a frog and it’s dead, so it never really had anything going for itself in the first place. If only there was a way I could make this more bearable.

Oh! I know!

Before I begin my dissection, I take some eye shadow out of my purse and begin the makeover.

“Meriwether!” Ms. Thomas calls out to me.

“Hmm?” I perk up and respond.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh,” I reply, “I just thought that this, uh, creature could use a little bit of a fix-up. Too bad she’ll never appreciate it, since she, you know, _croaked off_ ,” I laugh.

“Ha ha,” Ms. Thomas laughs mockingly, “Very funny, Georgina Jr.”

Ugh! Why does she have to call me that?

“Plus, it’s a male frog,” she adds on. “You would know that if you’d been paying attention.”

I scoff.

“Anyway,” Ms. Thomas says, “I am going to write you an in-school suspension slip.”

“What? Why?”

“For putting makeup on a frog instead of doing your work!” she replies as if it should have been obvious. As she hands me the slip, she says, “Report to the principal’s office first thing tomorrow morning, and show this slip. In the meantime, finish the lab.”

“Ugh, fine.”

\---

I hate in-school suspension. It begins with a day of being scolded by the principal for whatever thing you did, even though she knows well that whatever she says won’t change anyone’s behavior. Then, you sit alone and have work from all of your classes funneled to you by your teachers. It’s like jail.

Whatever. I get through the evening knowing that I have Battle of the Bands to look forward to on Saturday. I’ve been once before; most of the bands that perform aren’t very good, but it’s a fun time anyway. I’m going with Mia. She’s never been before, but I told her all about it and ended up convincing her that we should check it out this year. Despite anticipating my sentence, I sleep well at night knowing that I have the weekend to look forward to.

When I get to school in the morning, I get a text from Mia.

**Mia**

_Hey, um, can I take a rain check on BOTB? Victor wants to go with me on a date._

Oh. Well, I guess I’m not going to get the bonding time with my best friend that I thought I would. But I can’t fault her for it. I mean, she’s going on a date! This is her first date with the hot new kid, and I’m really happy for her! This is super exciting! Still, it means I have no one to go with. This day just got somewhat more gloomy and happy at the same time.

I reply to her:

**Lake**

_Np. So happy for u!_

I take a deep breath before I walk into the office. Not the best start to my Friday, but one way or another, I’ll find a way to stay positive and make my day good. I put on a smile, and I cheerfully trot into the office.

“Hey, Diane!” I say to the principal’s secretary with whom I’ve become quite closely acquainted due to the number of times I’ve been in here. I hand her the slip and compliment her, “Love the bangs!”

“What you in for?” a voice comes from behind me.

“Oh. Andrew,” I notice him as I turn around. “Uh, I gave the frog I was dissecting a smoky eye. You?”

“I pantsed Coach Ford in practice,” he tells me. “Turns out he doesn’t wear underwear. We saw _everything_.”

Um, gross.

As I approach him to take a seat while I wait for my scolding, the TV comes on.

“ _Tonight, on the five o’clock news_ …”

Ugh. Why in front of Andrew? This is so embarrassing. Plus, it reminds me of Ms. Thomas’s “Georgina Jr.” comment.

“… _would you shop at a haunted super market? I’m Georgina Meriwether. Stay peachy, Atlanta!”_

“Does it ever get weird seeing your mom on TV?” Andrew asks me.

“Uh, the TV part you get used to,” I say, reflecting on the fact that it’s not so hard to get used to something when you live your whole life under that set of circumstances, “but not the randos coming up to us in public, and being like, ‘Will you say it?’ And she’s all, like, ‘No, no, no. I couldn’t possibly…Stay peachy, Atlanta!’”

He laughs.

Wait, did I just make Andrew laugh? I look at him, realizing that we actually had a somewhat genuine moment.

You know what? This is it. This is the time to take a shot.

“Hey, are you going to Battle of the Bands?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he responds. “Teddy and Kieran are performing. They do heavy metal covers of prescription drug side effects. They’re called ‘Pharmaceutakill.’”

What the hell?

“That’s…random,” I say. That is very much the polite version of what I think about that. “Uh, well, I was supposed to go with Mia, but now she’s going on a date with Victor, or whatever.”

“What?” Andrew scoffs. “She is?”

“Uh, yeah," I say, confused by his obsession with the two of their relationship. “Why are you so pressed about it?”

“No, I’m not,” he says. “I just don’t know what she sees in that kid.”

Oh, come on. It’s obvious. But since he doesn’t know, I’ll explain it to him.

“Well, he’s hot,” I start. “He’s kind, he’s smart, he’s good at sports, great skin, his eyes twinkle, he smells good, and I bet he’s nice to animals.”

“ _I’m_ nice to animals,” Andrew jumps in quickly. “What kind of psychopath isn’t nice to animals?”

“Well, regardless,” I laugh off his weird skepticism about a relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with him, “tonight’s the night it all begins for them. Next thing you know, they’ll fall in love and get married, and have a slew of gorgeous bilingual babies.”

Ah yes, what a beautiful future. Maybe I’m eager with my fantasies, but someday at least one of them is destined to come true!

“Well, maybe we should double,” Andrew suggests suddenly. “We go together. They go together.”

“Really?” I ask out of a genuine disbelief. It’s a good disbelief, though. An exciting one. Does Andrew actually like me? He’s actually interested in me!

“Yeah,” he says. “Why not?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I get flustered at his smile. Oh my god! I can’t believe this is actually happening! “I’d, I’d – I’d love to.”

_I knew this would be me year!_

I look over, and I see Andrew giving me a confused look. Why is he giving me that—

Wait, did I say that out loud? Yikes. Oh no. Um—

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I manage.

Well, that was embarrassing.

Either way, we move on past it.

Andrew gets scolded by the principal before I do. Then I get mine. Since the principal saw us talking and being friendly with each other when we both got here, she puts us in separate rooms so that we will focus on our work.

While I’m in my jail cell, I text Mia with an update.

**Lake**

_Hey, Andrew suggested the two of us double date with the two of you! I’m so excited!_

She doesn’t respond right away, probably because she’s in class. I carry out the rest of my in school suspension, and then I go home to relax.

I get a text from Mia later in the evening:

**Mia**

_Hey, so new plan. Victor wants to go somewhere other than BOTB for our date. Sorry._

**Lake**

_Totally fine. At least I have Andrew!_

**Mia**

_Good luck! Hope it goes well!_

I’m quite confident that it will. Otherwise, why would he have asked me?

I spend Saturday afternoon getting ready for my date with Andrew. I put on a nice red blouse with a floral jacket and a healthy amount of cherry red lipstick. I curl my hair, and I find a pair of cute heart-shaped earrings that will really show Andrew how I feel about him.

As I walk to Battle of the Bands, I get another text from Mia.

**Mia**

_He took me to an art gallery!_

Aw! That’s so sweet! I know how Mia feels about her art, and apparently, so does Victor. She’s so lucky to have a guy who is so thoughtful!

I get to the coffee shop, and I look around to try and find Andrew. When I spot him, I start to walk over in his direction.

“Lake!” I am stopped by Victor’s friend, the weird kid from the party. “I’m so glad you came! You look amazing!”

Aw, well that’s nice, but – who are you again?

“You, I – You look good,” he tones it down a little.

“Thanks, um,” I pause, not remembering his name, “you.” I chuckle. I don’t think he actually ever told me his name.

“Felix,” he says.

“Oh,” I respond.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I knew,” I lie.

“Can’t wait for you to hear my fire beats! Waka, waka.”

Okay, this is getting weird.

“Cool, well, good luck with that,” I say with a smile, not wanting to be mean or give him the cold shoulder like I did at the party, but wanting to get to my date. “Bye.”

I walk towards Andrew.

“Hey!” I say flirtatiously to my date as I approach him. “You got us a table.”

“Huh?” He responds as I get his attention. “Oh. Yeah. No. I just – love sitting.”

I laugh. Maybe humor isn’t quite his strong suit, but that’s okay. I’ll play along.

“That is _so_ funny,” I exaggerate. “You should do stand-up.”

“Hey, where are Mia and Victor?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, they’re – they’re not coming,” I say, realizing that I forgot to tell him that before. “They decided to go to some art gallery instead.”

“They’re not coming?” he questions. “Thought we were all supposed to hang.”

“Well, they bailed, but we don’t need them to have fun, right?” I encourage him.

“Right,” he agrees. “Right. Hey, have fun at your _fart_ gallery.”

Yikes. Does he actually think that’s funny? I have to try extra hard now.

“Oh my god,” I laugh so that it’s convincing. “Is this an open mic? You are killing me.”

Andrew tells several more cheesy jokes throughout the night, but I continue to laugh along with him. I’m just happy to be here with him. It’s kind of weird, though. He seems a little off from his usual self.

“Next up,” the coffee shop manager announces, “Pharmaceutakill.”

Yikes. This should be a sight to see.

Their “song” starts immediately with a drum fill and they start to scream side effects. Somewhere in the middle of the song, the people in front of the stage start dancing around like maniacs. It’s actually really horrifying. I lean into Andrew for cover, as I start to feel really anxious because of the loud random sounds coming from the stage along with the disorienting movement of the people in front of us.

“That one is called ‘Cyclobenzaprine’!” Kieran shouts. “And it goes out to all you lovely ladies in the audience tonight!”

Yeah, no.

“Well, that was distressing,” the manager says as she gets up on stage and Pharmaceutakill leaves.

Distressing is right. That’s actually putting it mildly. It’s hard to get any more random than that.

“Next up is…DJ F-Bomb.”

I stand corrected.

I see a guy with a giant round head get up on stage. Oh boy.

“This one goes out to a very special lady!” he says into the microphone.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested to see where this is going.

He actually starts out okay. He picks a worthy song to start his set. The disguise is super weird, and I’m not sure how he’s going to attract any girls with that, but I do look forward to listening to the rest and seeing—

Never mind. He crashes and burns very quickly. I look up at Andrew to see how he reacts. Andrew and I exchange a look while this so-called “DJ” tries to recover.

A horn blasts. Yikes.

“Sorry,” he says nervously, “um, technical difficulties.”

“Who is that?” Andrew asks me.

“I’m not sure,” I respond and then joke, “but the bomb is bombing.”

He laughs.

DJ F-Bomb gets booed off stage. Well, that was certainly a show.

“So, has – has Mia texted?” Andrew asks.

What? Why is he so pressed about that?

“No. Why would she?” I ask rhetorically. I remind him, “I mean, I already told you, she’s on a date with Victor.”

He hangs his head and stays quiet. Okay, something is up here, and I want to figure out what it is.

“What’s your deal?” I ask. I joke, “Are you, like, in love with her or something?”

Even though my question was a joke, he snickers instead of responding, telling me everything I need to know. No wonder he was so fazed when I told him Mia and Victor were going on a date. It all makes sense now. He _used_ me!

“Did you invite me here tonight just so you could be around Mia?” I give him the opportunity to confess.

“’Course not,” he says unconvincingly.

“Wow. You’re lying,” I reflect. I can’t believe I fell for a stupid trick like that. “I actually thought you wanted to hang out with _me_.”

“Lake, I think you’re overreacting--”

“No, do you know, I’ve spent basically my whole life being known as Georgina Meriwether’s daughter?” I point out. It’s painful to have my own independent personality erased because of proximity to someone who is more popular and higher-profile. I am not just Georgina Meriwether’s daughter; I am Lake Meriwether. But I guess according to Andrew, I’m just Mia Brooks’s friend, who he can use to get close to her. “But tonight, I thought I was finally hanging out with a guy who was interested in spending time with _me_. You know what? I get it. I get why you like Mia. Mia is awesome. But I’m awesome, too. And I’m just so tired of waiting for someone to finally realize that.”

Clearly, this isn’t going to work out between me and Andrew. I start to walk away, but I come back, realizing that I have one last zinger left in me.

“Also,” I say, “you’re really not that funny. I’m just a good actress. Another awesome thing about me. Okay!”

I put on a smile after really breaking the truth to my former crush, and I walk away, lifting myself up. I _am_ awesome. I realize that. Why can’t anyone else?

I am able to give myself some confidence for a short period of time, but that fades since I now stand alone in the crowd. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I want to leave, but I hate ditching stuff early.

I go on my phone to update my Instagram, but I see a text from Mia.

**Mia**

_We kissed! And we’re on our way over._

Oh, thank god. At least I’ll have some company soon. And at least this night turned out well for one of us. Again.

And at least the band that’s performing right now actually sounds good. They’ll probably win.

I start to type to tell Mia about what happened with Andrew, but I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to ruin her good night. Frustrated, I decide against sending her anything.

As I make that decision, I turn my head and see Andrew standing beside me and staring down at me. Oh god, what now?

“Hey, Lake,” he starts. “Asking you here was, um – You know, I shouldn’t have--”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘sorry’,” I say. Why does he have to be so arrogant that he can’t even properly apologize? Why did I ever like him in the first place?

“Yes,” he says. “That. Um, I--”

“You know what, I just – I don’t get it,” I interrupt his aimless murmuring. “If you liked Mia, why didn’t you just ask her out sometime in the fifteen years you’ve known her and she was single?”

“It’s complicated,” he says. “You won’t tell her, right?”

“No,” I assure him. “She’s too happy right now. She doesn’t need your drama.”

“Thanks,” he says. “And you were right, by the way, about what you said.”

I perk up, anticipating his next words.

“You _are_ awesome. And one day, there’s gonna be a guy who doesn’t need to be _told_ how awesome you are. And whoever he is, uh, he’s very lucky.”

Seeming not to be able to find his next words, he nods and walks away.

I smile. I’m at least happy that he acknowledged that. Maybe Andrew isn’t such a bad guy. Maybe he’s just a little rough around the edges.

I consider what he said, though, and I’m honestly not even sure if I believe it. I would like to hope that it’s true, but I don’t know. No one has really taken that much of an interest in me. I just hope that changes soon.

“Hey,” a guy comes up behind me who I soon recognize to be Victor’s friend, the one who approached me earlier about his upcoming performance. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Oh,” I try to recall seeing him on stage, but I can’t. “Uh, I don’t even think I saw you perform, but um, I’m sure you’re better than that DJ with the bowling ball head.”

“No, yeah, of course,” he laughs, “I was better than him. He, uh – he sucked.”

“Oh, _sucked_!” I emphasize. “Which is a total bummer because I actually love DJs. They make music into more music.”

“I always say that!” he says excitedly.

I suddenly remember the party. He was dressed in yellow, and he tried to make a move on me. I’m not sure he’s exactly my type, and he doesn’t quite have the image I’m looking for, but I should at least try to be friendly towards him. He at least has some interest in me, which is more than I can say about most guys. Just because we don’t date, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

“Well, great minds Felix,” I say, “great minds.”

“You know my name!” he says, somewhat stunned.

“Mmm, yeah I do.”

“Hey, man!” Victor turns Felix around as he approaches behind his friend.

“Hey!” Felix greets him. “You made it!”

“I’m sorry we missed your set, man,” Victor says to him. “Did we miss everything, or…?”

“Oh, I think the winner gets to play an encore,” Mia says, “so at least we’ll get to see whoever was least terrible.”

Victor and Mia both chuckle. Oh, they’re just so cute together.

Suddenly, there’s some feedback from the microphone.

“Alright, hello?” the manager gets up in front of the crowd one last time. “And the winner is – not a big shocker, since they were the only ones who were halfway decent – The Sticky Beaks! Come on out here, guys!”

Yep, not very surprising. That’s exactly what I predicted. Even though they just performed, I’m in a better state of mind to enjoy them now than I was a few minutes ago.

“Woo! Benji, take your shirt off!” I yell as the crowd cheers.

Felix looks over at me questioningly.

“What?” I say. “We’re all thinking it.”

Benji is actually quite hot. Being the lead singer in a band makes him hotter. Honestly, if he wasn’t gay, he might be the only guy at Creekwood who is worth any girl’s time. Well, except for maybe Victor, but he’s more Mia’s type than mine anyway.

They give their moving performance, and I sway along as they do. I’m just happy to be alongside people who appreciate me.

After the performance is over, Mia asks us if we’re ready to leave. I reply with a relieved “yes” as I’m pretty tired of being here at this point.

As we walk out, Mia comes up to me.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Had a good night?” I ask her with a smile.

She nods. “How’d it go with Andrew?”

“Um,” I say, not wanting to give her too much detail, “not so well. I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

“Oh,” she says. “Well, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” I say. I then whisper with a smile, “Happy for you, though.”

She giggles, and I know she’s happy.

She goes back over to Victor, and I’m glad that the people around me are happy. That makes me happy, too. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! I love hearing your thoughts!


	18. Lake Part 4: Mia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I spend the next couple of weeks hanging out with Mia, Victor, and Felix. I’m happy that my social circle is expanding because of Mia’s relationship with Victor. He’s a nice guy, so it’s good to hang around the two of them. Felix is actually quite strange, and he probably isn’t someone I would spend much time around had the circumstances not dictated it, but he’s still nice, too. Overall, it’s nice to have a somewhat larger crew.

The four of us hang out at lunch on Monday.

“I just can’t with this dinner,” Mia says in reference to her dad’s Friday plans to introduce his girlfriend. “Every time my dad gets a new girlfriend, they just get younger and dumber.”

“What kind of car does he drive again?” I joke to break the tension, aware that even though it’s not who I am, my outer vibes fit the young dumb blonde stereotype.

“Ha ha,” Mia fakes laughter.

“So, if you’re meeting the girlfriend on Friday, does that mean you can’t come to the game?” Victor asks her.

“Oh, no. I can do both,” she tells him, and then she gestures toward me. “Lake, here, is coming with me to the dinner so she can get us out of it early.”

“Mm-hmm,” I confirm.

“How?” Felix asks.

“Oh, uh, I’m the excuse queen,” I boast, “so…”

“What does that mean?” Victor seems to ask skeptically.

Well, that should be obvious from the wording, but since he doesn’t get it, I’ll put on a show for him.

“Well, it means--” I begin. I pretend to receive a text, and then dramatically shift my tone as I look down at my phone, “Oh, my god! Uh, you guys, my little brother just swallowed a golf ball, and now he’s in the hospital!”

“What?” Victor asks dramatically.

Quite quickly, Felix chimes in, “Oh my gosh, is he okay?”

“Excuse queen,” I say smugly, now breaking the character of frightened older sister.

Victor and Felix both laugh. Like I said to Andrew, I’m a good actress. That’s an awesome thing about me. Victor nods, acknowledging my skill.

“Oh my god!” Felix says. “That – you’re like the next Judi Dench!”

Oh, that’s, um…nice? I’m liking the praise, but that’s quite an odd comparison.

“So, how are you guys so sure your dad’s girlfriend’s gonna be terrible?” Victor asks.

At that question, it becomes clear to me that Victor hasn’t experienced much family drama, or at least not nearly as much as Mia has.

“’Cause they’re all terrible,” Mia responds. “Starting with my drunk mother, who checked herself into rehab on my twelfth birthday and _never came back_.”

Oh. Oh, no. I know that that’s not what happened. But I also know that it’s the story she tells people. I wish she would just own her reality. For me, I feel like it would hurt more to lie about it. But Mia isn’t me, so it’s not my place to tell her how to cope. I need to let her deal with her demons in the way that she feels she needs to deal with them. The bottom line is this – I love my friend, and I want to support her. I have sympathy for her. I know that what happened with her mom weighs on her a great deal. I know that when her dad gets a girlfriend, it all comes back to haunt her. I strive to be there for her whenever it does.

“Sorry,” Mia says. “We had good banter going. Did I kill it? I killed it.”

“I’m so sorry, Mia,” Victor says, the mood now clearly shifted all around the table. “I – I knew your mom wasn’t around, but I didn’t--”

“No, it’s fine,” Mia cuts him off. “It was a long time ago. I am _very_ over it.”

No she’s not. If she were over it, she wouldn’t have said that. But no one needs to point that out. It’s something that she needs to figure out in her own time.

“It’s weird,” I chime in, trying to keep the conversation going in a productive direction. “Before your mom left, I used to think she was the coolest.”

“Hmm,” Mia shrugs. “Guess we don’t always know what’s going on with our parents.”

As Mia hangs her head, I reach over and extend my hand out to comfort her. Even though I’ve never experienced what she has, I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel like you know someone so well only for them to end up being a completely different person or leave you in the end. I consider myself lucky that it has never happened to me. I certainly hope that it never happens to Mia again.

The rest of the week goes by, and I get to Mia’s house early on Friday.

“ _Bonjour_ , _Monsieur_ Brooks,” I say as Mia’s dad opens the door and I enter into the house.

“Lake!” he greets me. “Good to see you! Hate to keep the greeting short, but I have to go tend to the lamb. Mia’s in the dining room.”

I smile, and I go to the dining room to find Mia setting the table.

“Hey--”

“Hey, can you help me set the table please?” Mia interrupts my greeting.

“Uh, sure,” I tell her.

“Sorry, I just want everything to get done so we can get this over with.”

“No problem,” I say.

As I help her set the table, we move at lightning pace. She really wasn’t kidding when she said she wanted to get this over with.

I sigh somewhat out of exhaustion as we finish setting the table in record time.

“Alright,” Mia says, examining the place settings. “Now remember, get in, get out. Meet Harold’s new playmate. Smile blankly as she shows us pictures of her Chihuahuas that are probably named after _Bachelor_ contestants. Hear about how she’s thinking of starting a new jewelry line.”

“And at eight on the dot,” I chime in, “I’ll excuse queen our way straight to Victor’s game. Hashtag ‘Not My First Rodeo.’”

I’ve done this several times for Mia. I’m able to come up with something new every time with varying levels of drama so that it’s always believable. One time, I even helped Mia rig a smoke detector to go off at a particular time, effectively ending that dinner date.

We hear the doorbell ring.

“Mia!” her dad calls out from the other room, “Sweetheart, she’s here!”

Alright. Game face.

We walk over to the door and—

Wait a second, she’s actually attractive _and_ age appropriate. And she presents well. This is pleasantly surprising.

“Hmm. This is weird,” Mia whispers to me. “She’s like twice my age, so not his type.”

“She must be great in the sack,” I say, potentially a little too suspect, as I see Harold help take the woman’s jacket off.

“Lake, why would you say that?” Mia asks.

“What?” I say, noting that I’m just being honest here. “An older woman knows how to do things a young woman doesn’t. You know, in the _baño_.”

“I think you mean in the _boudoir_. _Baño_ means bathroom.”

“Ooh, kinky.” Now that’s an interesting thought.

“Mia, Lake,” Harold brings the woman over to us, “I want you to meet Veronica.”

“Hi,” Veronica says sweetly and kindly.

“Hi,” Mia says. “It’s very nice to meet you--”

She’s interrupted by Veronica leaning in and giving her a hug. I stand back as it happens, letting it play out. The hug is actually quite nice, but I’m not sure how Mia will take it from a woman that she doesn’t even know.

“Hi, Mia,” Veronica says as she hugs Mia. “I’ve been waiting to meet you for weeks, but your dear old dad thought it might be too soon.”

Aww, this is such a cute conversation.

“We can talk about his stubbornness later,” Veronica jokes pleasantly.

“Please, it wasn’t just me, alright?” Harold laughs. “She’s been swamped with work. Veronica runs the Global Women’s Advancement Initiative.”

Ah, this is the perfect opportunity for me to play along. I nudge Mia to get her attention before I play into the game.

“Is that a jewelry line?” I anticipate.

“No,” Veronica corrects me as Harold chuckles, “actually, it’s a nonprofit that supports women through economic and social initiatives.”

Oh wow, that’s impressive! I turn and show Mia my smile as I get excited about the fact that her dad’s new girlfriend actually doesn’t suck this time. She doesn’t seem to get excited with me, though.

“She’s out there trying to make the world a better place,” Harold says. “That’s one thing I love about her.”

“Aww!” I can’t stop myself from reacting.

At the same time I do, though, Mia repeats the word, “Love,” and raises her eyebrows. I look over at her, and I can tell we clearly do not have the same perspective of what’s happening here.

“Alright, so who’s hungry?” Mia’s dad asks. “I tried to make this fancy lamb thing, but, uh, I want to make sure we have enough time to order takeout just in case it’s inedible.”

Honestly, that’s a mood.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be great,” Veronica says. “He cooks, which is one of the things _I_ love about _him_.”

I look over at Mia at the repetition of the word “love,” and I can tell she is clearly in shock. I’m not sure what’s going to happen here tonight, but Veronica is far better than most of the girls that her dad has brought home. In fact, she’s a woman rather than a girl, which is already a notch above the rest. I just hope that Mia gives her a chance.

At dinner, we get to know Veronica quite a bit more. She’s so kind and sweet! I would _love_ to have a woman like that in my life. I become even happier for Mia’s dad, and honestly, I become happy for Mia, too. Someone like this walking into her life is probably something that she could use.

Mia’s dad tells the story of when he and Veronica met, and it’s just so adorable!

“The fundraiser’s almost over,” he says, “and this pretty lady hands me a napkin with a large number written on it. I’m thinking she wants to make a donation to the university.”

When Veronica laughs, I get caught up in the story and say, “It was your number!” I turn to Mia, “Oh, she was giving your dad her number.”

It’s just so sweet and romantic, like something out of one of those cheesy hallmark movies where the acting is bad and the script is terrible, but you watch it anyway because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Mia doesn’t seem to think so, though.

“Mm-hmm,” she says quite bitterly. “Got it.”

Hmm. This does not seem to be going well at all for Mia. I notice her discomfort, and I’m not really sure what to do. Wouldn’t it make sense for Mia to like this woman? Or at least like her more than her dad’s other girlfriends? It just seems like she’s making even less of an effort tonight than she normally would. I wonder what’s bothering her so much about this.

“Great, Lake and I are gonna clear the plates,” Mia says suddenly.

“Okay, yeah,” I say, a little caught off guard by Mia’s haste. I figure that it would behoove both of us if I got up and helped her in the other room, though. “Uh, sure.”

We clear the table, and I follow Mia into the kitchen, where she asks, scolding, “Why were you laughing at her? That was mildly humorous, at best.”

I scoff somewhat at Mia’s displeasure. Am I doing something wrong here? Are we really just going to ignore that fact that Veronica is actually a nice lady who may be deserving of Mia’s dad?

“I don’t know,” I say, and I continue honestly, “She’s charming and age-appropriate. I thought you’d be glad she’s not some 20-something floozy who thinks Kamala Harris is a Real Housewife.”

“I thought I’d be glad, too, but for some reason, I’m not,” she tells me.

I remember that the reason I’m here is not to drool over Harold’s new girlfriend, but to support Mia, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

I sigh, and I ask, “Well, do you wanna bail early? I created a fake text saying my parents are in the hospital for carbon monoxide poisoning.”

“God, no,” Mia laughs. “Hmm, I don’t want to go just yet. Something’s not right.”

“Oof, yeah,” I agree. “Your dad’s lamb is not sitting well.”

“Alright, hold off on the excuse,” she says as she picks up the desserts from the counter. “I want to figure out what her deal really is.”

Wait, what? What does that mean?

I try to stop her, but she walks out of the kitchen before I can.

As she walks into the dining room, she slams the dessert onto the table

Oh god, I hope she doesn’t do anything too out of the ordinary.

“Yes, please!” Veronica says. “The diet can start tomorrow.”

I laugh. She’s just so charming and funny!

“So, Veronica,” Mia starts suddenly. Oh god, what’s happening? “Ever been married?”

What? Why ask that question?

“Um, no. Actually, I haven’t,” Veronica responds.

“Hmm. That’s odd,” Mia says.

Odd? Why is that odd? What is she doing?

“An accomplished, intelligent, pretty-enough woman like you,” she continues. “What happened?”

Oh no. I’ve tried to stay cool throughout this dinner while I knew Mia was uncomfortable, but I can’t hide my own discomfort anymore. I shift in my seat, looking from Veronica to Mia and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It’s awkward. I wish she would stop; this is not going anywhere good.

“Mia,” Harold addresses her softly. “Come on, you’re being a little rude.”

“It’s okay, I’ve testified before Congress,” Veronica says with a smile. “This is nothing.”

I do have to admit that I’m glad she’s able to handle this with a level head.

“I guess I just haven’t really prioritized my personal life,” Veronica says. “For many years, I was really addicted to--”

“Pills?”

_What???_

As I sit at the end of the table, I can’t comprehend why Mia would accuse Veronica of something like that when she doesn’t even know her. I raise my eyebrows in shock. I get that Mia is uncomfortable, but I’ve never seen her sink this low. I don’t like it.

“No,” Veronica responds. “I was going to say I was addicted to my work. I have a tendency to place my career first.”

At this point, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.

“Got it. Ever have any children?”

Oh god, Mia, why?

“No,” Veronica responds.

“Well, how many partners have you not had children with?”

“Mia Brooks!” her dad yells, halting the interrogation.

I begin to wish that I had gotten us out of here earlier.

“Oh no!” I say as I pick up my phone and look at it. “My house has monoxide!”

It’s not convincing at all, but I panicked. I have no idea what to do here. The train has already run off its tracks, and the dinner has blown up.

“I’m sorry about this, Veronica,” Mia’s dad ignores me. “My daughter has clearly gone insane.”

Yeah, I actually have to agree with him on that one.

“It’s okay, Harold,” Veronica says. “I think I understand what’s going on here.”

“Hmm.” Mia raises her eyebrows, responding to what she seems to perceive as Veronica’s smugness.

“You’re acting out because your dad is in a real relationship, and that freaks you out.”

Oh damn, she’s right.

“I get it,” Veronica continues. “But Mia, I just want you to know, I’m not trying to replace your mother.”

Oh no. Wrong thing to say!

“I wish you would replace my mother, because then you wouldn’t even be here!” Mia shouts.

“Hey!” Harold shouts at her. As she gets up to leave, he continues, “What the hell has gotten into you?!”

I get up to try and chase after Mia. I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t have a choice at this point.

As I get up, Mia picks up the bag that she previously told me that Veronica picked out for her in Paris, and she slams it in the garbage can. She walks out the door.

Oh, Mia, why?

I really do not like seeing this on my best friend.

“The lamb was everything,” I say in a panic, not wanting to just ditch the two people remaining at the table, “so…”

Befuddled and uncomfortable, I quickly follow Mia’s path to the door.

Before I leave, I take the handbag out of the garbage can to salvage it, and I turn to Veronica and say “Love this,” to try and show her some kindness. I figure that she could use that tonight.

I rush out the door, and despite the fact that I’m wearing heels, I nearly have to run to catch up with Mia.

“Mia, stop!” I shout out to her.

“Nope,” she says stubbornly.

“Well, can you at least tell me where you’re going?” I ask as I continue after her.

“The basketball game.”

Okay. Fine. At least that’s a safe place to go. I walk behind Mia to make sure that she doesn’t do anything else crazy. I have trouble keeping up. She doesn’t speak to me all the way to the game, and I worry.

“So,” I say as we enter the gymnasium, “are we gonna talk about that dinner and how ‘jealous daughter’ is not a good look on you?”

“No. We’re here to support Victor and have fun.”

Oh come on, she should really talk about it. I know that it was a bad night for her, but I just don’t want her to bottle it all up.

“Go, Grizzlies!” she says aggressively while pounding her fist and not looking back at me.

I sigh, and I pick up the bag after Mia walks away.

“Your mommy is cray,” I say to the bag and then kiss it. It really is such a gorgeous bag. The fact that Mia could even _think_ about throwing it away is just beyond me.

When Mia and I take our seats in the stands, I realize that she just needs some time to calm herself down. She’s here to have fun, so I’m going to help her get to a place where she can actually do that.

We hear a chant as the game is beginning.

“Hmm. Must be Victor’s parents,” Mia says, and I look over at her. “At least one of us has a normal family.”

I feel bad, and I don’t really know how to respond. I look up to where Mia was looking, and I see Victor’s family. Damn!

“Ooh!” I exclaim. “Mom keeps it tight, and Dad has a full head of hair. That bodes so well for your someday babies.”

“Oh my god,” Mia smiles. At least I got her to smile.

The game begins.

Victor gets the ball early, and he misses a shot. He seems to be zoned out in the beginning of the game.

He gets the ball again, and he throws it to the other team. I’m not entirely sure how basketball works because I don’t play sports, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to give the other team the ball.

Victor is approached by Andrew on the court. That’s strange.

I squint, and I cringe in confusion as I watch Victor’s surprisingly poor gameplay. Something doesn’t seem right here.

The official blows the whistle.

“Traveling!” he signals.

“You called that before I even touched the ground!” Victor argues.

What’s happening?

“Creekwood,” the official turns to the coach, “get your point under control.”

“I’m under control!” Victor argues again.

Coach Ford points to the bench.

Yikes. I may not know much about sports, but I do know that star athletes don’t take it very well when they are taken out of the game.

“You’re benching me?” Victor asks, outraged. “This is bullshit!”

Goddamn, what is this guy’s deal? He’s been so kind for the past few weeks while we’ve known him. This doesn’t make any sense. I’ve never even seen him get mad before. How does he suddenly escalate to this?

He storms out of the gymnasium, slamming his way through the doors.

I watch the events unfold, and it’s all so tense and dramatic. I see Victor’s mom gather her things and get up to follow him. Mia leans forward to see what’s going on, and I pull her back so that I can see, too. The rest of Victor’s family leaves shortly after his mom does.

“What’s going on?” I ask Mia.

“I have no idea,” she says. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Mia, I don’t think you can go back home right now,” I say to her, aware of the parent whose girlfriend she just yelled at waiting for her there.

“I know, but I don’t want to be here either,” Mia responds. “Let’s go.”

“Okay.”

I won’t argue with that. I walk with her to the coffee shop, and we sit there for a bit, not saying anything.

“Mia,” I say in a desperate attempt to get her to talk about her feelings, “I know it’s been a crazy night. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Lake,” she says, “I love you, but I think I need to be alone right now.”

“I understand,” I concede. “Just please be safe on your way home when you do go back.”

“I will,” she says.

I hug her, and I go on my way.

As I head home, I try to figure out what has happened today. I haven’t really had time to reflect on myself or take any time for myself today. I love my best friend, but I make sure to do that when I get home.

This has been quite a strange evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite strange indeed. Next update will be in a few days. Thanks for reading!!


	19. Lake Part 5: Spontaneous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

“Of course we’ll be there, right?” Mia says in response to Victor telling us about his birthday party as we sit in the coffee shop.

Things have really wound down in the week since the dinner and the basketball game. Somehow, the events that night seem to have brought Mia and Victor even closer together. I am really happy for them, but at this point it’s actually starting to get a little weird. They pay so much attention to each other, it’s as if no one else is ever in the room.

“Uh, depends,” I say to Mia. “Who else will be there? Any Insta-models? Influencers? Kardashians?”

“No,” Victor cuts in with a smile, “Just you guys, my family, and my grandparents.”

I begin to laugh. It’s funny to think of a “party” without a big crowd of people and almost as many adults as young people. That’s not really a party. I figure that a hot popular guy like Victor must be joking when he says that. Until I look around and see that I’m the only one laughing.

“Oh,” I realize. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Victor’s family is a delight,” Felix says. “I like to think of myself as the third Salazar kid.”

“Adrian’s the third Salazar kid,” Victor tells him.

“Adrian…” Felix ponders.

In the meantime, I ponder how this so-called “party” is going to be any fun with just the four of us and Victor’s family.

“Um, this means I’m gonna meet your parents?” Mia asks Victor.

“Yeah,” he smiles. “Is that cool?”

“Yeah,” Mia responds with a wide cheesy grin on her face.

“That’s awesome,” Victor whispers.

He takes her hand, and they stare at each other, apparently forgetting that Felix and I are even here. This is a cute moment, but it’s also getting a little uncomfortable.

“Okay, can you guys stop gently smiling at each other?” I cut in. “We have some serious business to discuss. Victor’s party is going to blow without some more bodies.”

I take a second to try and think about how to solve the issue. When I see something out of the corner of my eye that catches my attention, I have an idea.

“Uh, hey! Benji!” I call out to him.

“Hey,” he nods and walks over.

“Victor is having a birthday party on Saturday, and his ratio of hot people to old people is totally tragic,” I tell him candidly. “Wanna come?”

Benji looks over at Victor to confirm that he’s actually invited.

“I mean, only if you want to!” Victor says. “There’s – there’s no pressure.”

“Sure, I’m in,” Benji says.

Yay! At least there will be one more young stud there to make the party more bearable.

“I’ll bring Derek,” he continues. “I mean, if that’s cool?”

“Yeah!” Victor says. “I love Derek!”

“Great,” Benji responds. “We’ll be there.”

Awesome! Well, that somewhat settles that issue. I still wouldn’t call it much of a party, but at least it’s closer now.

Victor’s break ends, and he gets up to leave the table.

I express my satisfaction with the fact that we’ll have two more people to make the party exciting, and I try to figure out how to expand it even further. Mia urges me to leave it alone, though, so I do, and we just enjoy the rest of our afternoon.

On Saturday, I get ready in the morning, and I meet Mia at her place to leave from there. When I get there, I’m surprised that she doesn’t even know what she wants to wear yet.

“Okay, well, show me what you have,” I tell her, wanting to help get her to Victor’s party feeling comfortable and presentable.

She leads me into her closet, and I look through her vast assortment of clothing.

“Ooh!” I say when I see a nice maroon evening gown. “What about this one?”

“Too formal,” she cringes.

“Alright,” I say, as I continue to look. I find a blouse and suggest that she wear it with jeans.

“Oh, no. Way too casual,” she says.

Okay, fine. I keep looking.

She rejects a couple more outfits, including a purple blouse with leggings, as well as a fall orange floral dress that I probably would have rejected too. I’m honestly not even sure why I pulled it out and showed it to her.

I keep searching through her closet, becoming frustrated that I can’t find anything. Suddenly, I see something that captures her very essence.

“Ooh!” I pull a black floral dress off the hanger, and I show it to her. “What about this one? This is perfect!”

“I guess,” Mia says hesitantly.

Oh come on. I know she’s worried about the way she looks, but she’s literally just meeting the parents; it’s not like she’s starring on some reality show or whatever. Plus, this one is black, so it goes with anything.

“You have to pick _something_ to wear,” I remind her.

“Okay, fine!” Mia concedes, and she goes to change into the dress.

A couple of minutes later, when Mia walks out of the bathroom, the dress looks even more gorgeous on her than I had imagined!

“Oh. My. God,” I say to her, “You look amazing!”

“Yeah, I do actually really like this,” Mia says.

“See?” I say, knowing that she would. “I told you!”

“Great, now makeup.”

I can’t believe how little she has figured out. I know she wants to look perfect, but you would think that if she was this stressed about it, she would have a lot of it figured out already.

“Want me to give it a shot?” I ask her. “I’m really good at that.”

“Fine,” she says.

I do Mia’s makeup, hoping that she likes the look. When I’m finished, I wait anxiously as she looks in the mirror to figure out whether she likes it or not.

“It’s too much eyeliner,” she says, and I can just tell she’s going down the rabbit hole of anxieties about meeting Victor’s parents. Plus, I tried not to go overboard, and somehow it’s still too much? “Okay, I need makeup that says, ‘Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Salazar. I’m Mia, a perfectly respectable girl for your son to date.’”

“This totally says that,” I say, “while also hinting that you have a wild side. If they really love their son, they’ll want that for him.”

It’s true. They were our age once, too. They are aware of the fact that their happiness was once partially dependent on primitive instincts and spontaneity. Of course they’ll want their children to get that experience, too.

Mia groans at my remark.

“Why are you so stressed about this?” I ask her.

“I guess – like, Victor’s family is like, his whole world, and he’s becoming a big part of my world, so I just need them to like me!”

As she speaks, I am just totally engrossed in the words coming out of her mouth and the way that she speaks about Victor.

“Oh my god, you’re like, next level into him, aren’t you?” I laugh, seeing how big this is to her.

“No, I’m – maybe. I don’t know. Stop,” she says timidly as she blushes and walks away.

This is honestly just so adorable.

“I wish I had a super sweet, super cute boy who wanted to parade me around,” I banter. Or girl. That would work too. But we're talking about Victor here.

“Oh. Are you still bummed it didn’t work out with Andrew?” she asks.

“Oh, no,” I say, honestly not having thought about that in a few weeks. “No, I’m over that. Andrew’s just as blah as all the other guys at Creekwood.”

It seems that everyone at Creekwood is just kind of boring. I want excitement. I want fun. Too much predictability just gets old really fast.

“I want someone exciting. And spontaneous,” I tell Mia. “The kind of guy who isn’t afraid to do something crazy and unexpected, like rob a bank.”

“So, a criminal,” she says.

“It’s not a criminal if you don’t get caught,” I say.

“Mm, that’s not at all how it works,” Mia tells me.

Well, whatever. She gets the point.

“Do you really think Victor’s parents will like me?” she asks nervously.

“They will love you,” I assure her. “You’re a parent’s wet dream.”

“And mostly because I don’t say things like that.”

Again, she gets the point.

“Just relax,” I say to her. “You’ll be fine.”

“You’re right,” Mia lets out a deep breath. “I’ll just take off this eyeliner, wrap Victor’s gift, and we’ll be on our way.”

After she does what she says she is going to do, we head to Victor’s place. It’s quite a dinky little building, but hey, props to living modestly, I guess.

“Happy birthday!” Mia and I both shout as Victor opens the door.

“Hey guys,” Victor offers us a friendly greeting. “Thanks for coming. You look really nice,” he says to Mia.

“Right?” I say, not even trying to hide the fact that I’m making fun of Mia. “And the craziest part is she didn’t even think about the way she looked. No, it didn’t cross her mind.”

“Yeah, shut up,” Mia says as she pushes me inside, but I don’t really care.

Victor leads us into the living room, and he introduces us to two men, one noticeably older than the other. It must be his dad and grandfather.

They stand up to greet us, and they both smile when Victor tells them that he’s dating Mia. At that point, I also become less relevant. Mia impresses Victor’s family with her surprising knowledge of sports, and they seem to love her so far. I told her that they would like her! Plus, they do seem really nice. They’re such welcoming people.

“I don’t know how you tricked her into going out with you, but, uh, do not screw it up,” Victor’s dad says.

Aww. They really do like Mia.

“I’ll try not to, _Papi_ ,” Victor laughs in response.

“Oh, uh, should I meet your mom?” Mia asks Victor.

“Yeah, yeah,” Victor says. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

As they go off to meet Victor’s mom, I awkwardly try to make a good impression on Victor’s family, too.

“Great mustache, by the way,” I say as I smile at Victor’s grandfather.

“Thank you,” he chuckles and says, flattered.

Hey, just because I’m the friend and not the girlfriend doesn’t mean I can’t make a good impression too. I don’t know these people, and it’s certainly not my type of party, but what’s wrong with a little kindness? Plus, Victor’s family already seems to be so warm and inviting. I’ll return the favor, albeit somewhat awkwardly since I’m more used to talking to young attractive people and not old men.

Since it’s the only open seat in the room, I sit down on the chair beside Felix. The soccer game stays on, and I have no idea what’s going on.

“Do you know what’s happening?” I turn to ask Felix quietly.

“Nope,” he replies.

They call an “off sides” foul.

“What does that mean?” I ask Felix.

“I dunno,” he says in oblivion. “I think it’s when they run too fast or something?”

“What?” I say, confused. “How can they run too fast? Isn’t this a sport about running?”

He shrugs.

“Hey, do you speak Spanish?” he asks me.

“No.”

“Hmm,” he reflects. “I can’t seem to understand most of the stuff Victor’s grandfather is saying.”

I nod, knowing that I really can’t help him here. I get up, and I go to get a snack.

“Lake!” Victor suddenly calls over to me from the kitchen, catching my attention. “Would you be able to do me a huge favor and run to the Mexican bakery and pick up a _tres leches_ cake?”

He seems to know that it’s quite a weird favor to ask in the middle of a party, as he gives me a desperate begging smile.

“Oh,” I say, having a hard time saying no because of how desperate he looks.

“I’ll come with you,” Felix suddenly appears.

Oh, uh, that could be awkward. I haven’t really ever hung out with Felix alone, and I do still remember the stoplight party. He wore yellow. Also, his usual strangeness is kind of diluted when we’re in a group together.

“Uh, Victor’s grandfather said I’m no longer allowed to follow him around with Google translate,” he says, “so…”

I see Victor’s smile, and for whatever reason, this seems important to him, so I agree to the task.

“Fine. We’ll go.” I say to Felix, “Just don’t be weird.”

“Oh,” he laughs. “I wouldn’t dream of it, m’lady.”

“And you failed,” I say to Felix, and I begin to walk towards the door. I guess he doesn’t know how not to be weird.

I sigh as Felix follows me. I then open the door to Benji, who stands there about to knock.

“’Course I have to leave when the one sexy person shows up,” I think out loud. “No offense, Victor!” I shout back to him as I walk out the door.

Felix and I set off on our mission to get a cake. My pace is brisk. He asks me if I can slow down at one point, but I tell him no. Victor wants a _tres leches_ cake, so we’re going to get him a _tres leches_ cake. And we’re going to get it to him as fast as possible.

We walk into the bakery, and I approach the cash register.

“ _Hola_ ,” I say to the clerk, and I cut to the chase, “We need your biggest _tres leches_ cake.”

“ _Si_ ,” Felix says, trying to figure out his Spanish, “ _ese una_ cake _emergencia_.”

Seriously, what part of “don’t be weird” did he not understand?

“Look,” the cashier says frankly, “as much as it pains me not to help out two flustered kids with their cake…‘ _emergencia_ ,’ this is the last one I got. And I just sold it to that guy.”

Felix and I turn around to see a man standing by the store window.

This just got a little more complicated. We’re on a mission here, and we need to deliver.

“Okay,” I say to Felix. “Let me handle this.”

I put on my game face and a smile, and I approach the man.

“Hello, sir,” I say in as friendly a voice as I can muster. “Uh, you seem to have gotten the last _tres leches_ cake, and I was hoping to buy it from you.”

I turn to Felix and smile, showing off my undeniable bartering skills.

“Look, I’d love to help,” the man says, “but it’s an apology cake for my wife.”

An apology cake? That seems kind of odd.

“I called her sister ‘shrill’ and then tried to defend my point,” he explains. He then mutters as an aside, “Way to go, Jeff.”

Okay, well that certainly isn’t how I expected that interaction to go. It’s kind of hard to argue with anything he just said.

“Sir!” the cashier calls to him.

He nods over to her, and he shrugs to me, suggesting that there is no way he can help.

I turn to Felix as the man walks over to the cash register. I shake my head. I thought for sure that would work.

Felix gives me an assuring smile as if to say, “I got this.” I mean, why not? What I did didn’t work, so he might as well give it a shot.

“Hi,” he goes over to the man. “Sir, uh today is my best friend Victor’s birthday. This cake is his favorite dessert in the whole wide world. So is there any chance you’d be willing to take a different cake?”

“No,” the man says.

I look over at them, disappointed that it seems like we won’t be getting a _tres leches_ cake after all. Seriously, why does Felix think that plan was going to work?

“Well, I’m uh – I’m sorry you feel that way,” Felix says, and I begin to think of—

Suddenly, Felix slams some money down on the counter and grabs the packaged cake.

“Lake, run!” he says, startling me, and my head jolts quickly back and forth between him and the man from whom he just stole a cake. He quickly says again, “I said run!”

Having no choice, I run after him out the door.

“Go, go, go!” he says as I follow him.

“Felix, what are you doing?” I begin to freak out, confused about what’s going on.

“Hurry, hurry!”

We keep running a couple of blocks, and I have no choice but to run after him.

Smiling because of the excitement, I shout after him, “I’m wearing heels!”

“Come on!” he shouts back, also smiling.

He stops behind a fruit stand, and he looks back to see if anyone is coming after us. When I catch up, I am finally able to catch my breath.

“I cannot believe you did that,” I say, smiling from the adrenaline rush. “It was like, straight out of a movie!”

“I know! We were like Bonnie and Clyde,” he says, his voice cracking.

I laugh. He’s so right. That was so exciting! It was so crazy and unexpected! I mean, who would have guessed that someone like Felix would just steal a cake right out from under a man’s nose? I haven’t felt this much adrenaline in years!

“But seriously, though,” he says, “I think my heart is going to explode. Here, feel!”

He takes my hand, and he puts it on his chest where his heart is. I’m in a little bit of shock as he does this, and I look at my hand on his chest. Then, I notice his heart beating really fast. I look up at his face, and his eyes soften. As I look into his eyes, I see desire. And I see—

Wait, what’s happening? No, it’s just the adrenaline. That’s all. It’s just an adrenaline high, and I push the thought out of my mind.

“Um, okay,” I break my contact with him, “well it looks like the coast is clear, so we should probably get back to the party and pray there are more guests,” I say, knowing that there won’t be. “I’m on the prowl for a spontaneous hottie, so…”

I walk away, and as I turn so that he can’t see my face, my expression shifts to one of confusion. What was that? That moment was so weird. I felt something that I have never really felt before. But it’s Felix. It doesn’t make sense. I continue to convince myself that it was just the adrenaline, and we go back to the party.

“And since we’re being true to ourselves,” someone I haven’t yet met says as we walk in the door, “my _tres leches_ cake was garbage, so I threw it out!”

Felix and I exchange a look.

Really? What was that excursion even for?

I quickly sense the tension in the room, and I pull Felix into the kitchen where Benji, Derek, and Mia all stand.

We hear the rest of what seems to be a feud within this family, and I have to say, it’s not exactly the greatest first impression of Victor’s mom or grandmother. They both seem to be struggling, though, so I understand. I guess I judged Victor’s family too quickly; I just assumed there wasn’t drama. I guess I should know better, though. Even those who seem like they have it all together have fallen apart somewhere along the way. I mean, just look at my life. It’s not perfect by any means, but I present myself to others as if it is.

At one point during this whole conversation, Victor's grandfather mentions something about "boys kissing boys instead of girls." I look to Benji. He definitely seems hurt by the words. I get it. I am too. Coming out was hard for both of us. I'm thankful that I have Mia who supported me through all that, and it's good that Benji has Derek with him. I never really got super close to Benji, but I've been his personal cheerleader now for quite some time, and I think he has appreciated that. Maybe we should talk and hang out more.

The tension is broken by Victor’s little brother, and the family seems to bond back together again. Whatever this family is going through, I have sympathy for them. But given the intensity of that fight and the nature of the celebration that commenced afterwards, it seems like they are all bonded so tightly to each other that they can rebound from anything, no matter how bad. I am one hundred percent certain of that truth. I’ve never seen such a close group of people before in my life. I don’t know if any of them see it from within, but no storm will be too difficult for them to navigate.

We hang out a while longer. I get to know Victor’s family a little bit more, including his brother and sister. His little brother is adorable, and honestly, I would claim him as my own son if I could.

Victor’s mom thanks me and Felix for getting the cake. We sing "Happy Birthday", and we have our cake. I talk to Felix quite a bit more now that we have that shared experience of getting that cake. As I get to know him apart from our group of friends, I realize that he’s actually quite funny and charming.

Later, Mia tells me that she is now officially Victor’s girlfriend. That’s exciting news!

The party ends, and Mia and I say happy birthday and goodbye to Victor before we leave.

Despite this not being the typical party that I’m used to experiencing, against the odds, it was actually still a lot of fun. I connected with people with whom I never thought I would connect, and I saw a glimpse into a world completely different from my own. I realize that I need to do more of that.

Anyway, even though today is Victor’s birthday, I walk away feeling happy, too. I don’t really know why, but the feeling is welcome. Somehow, today, I feel like I’ve found something for which I’ve been looking for a long time. I’m not quite sure what it is yet, but it’s definitely there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Victor's birthday party is full of revelations, and there will be more to come! Next chapter will be soon!


	20. Lake Part 6: Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this one! It was interesting to write, as there's a lot happening.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

It’s movie night at the Meriwether household. Every other weekend, my dad and I get together to watch a cult classic movie. I get my love of movies from him. He has already seen a lot of them, but he likes to introduce them to me. I have fun watching. Sometimes, my mom joins in, too. She can’t tonight, though, since she has to work.

As we prepare for the movie, a question enters my mind. It’s one I’ve thought about before, but I’ve never actually asked.

“Hey, dad,” I say, “Why did you name me Lake?”

I’ve always noted that it’s an interesting name, one that must have some sort of meaning to it. I don’t know very many people with the same first name. I’ve always wondered why not some more common name like Abigail or Ashley or Rebecca? It just seems so niche.

“Oh,” my dad responds, “well, it’s a British name that fits well with Meriwether. Also, your mother and I wanted to give you a name that was unique.”

“So why Lake, specifically?” I ask out of curiosity.

He begins to explain, “We’ve just always believed in the power of water. It’s always in motion, yet somehow still. And when you look into a lake, it’s almost like a mirror. It shows your reflection. It shows you who you are. It shows the truth – things you want to see, and things you don’t. The water seems to have this purity and this ability to reveal deep truths about oneself. I think we wanted you to always see who you are while having that constant motion and peace.”

“Wow, dad,” I say, impressed with the poetic quality of his words. “That’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” he says. He then adds on, “Plus, you were conceived by a lake.”

“Oh, gross,” I laugh. That was definitely more information than I needed to know.

“Let’s watch the movie,” he laughs as we sit down on the couch. “Want some?”

“Uh, I think I’ll skip the popcorn tonight,” I say as he offers me the bowl. “I’m trying to watch my figure.”

“Okay,” he says. “Suit yourself.”

“So what is tonight’s movie?” I ask.

“This one is a really special one. It came out nearly a decade before I was born, and it’s _still_ popular!”

I perk up.

“Get ready for one of Spielberg’s earliest career movies,” he says, “‘Jaws’!”

We have a good time watching the movie, and I actually really enjoy it. Movie night with my dad is satisfying as always.

On Monday after school, I feel bold and flirtatious. I decide to get dressed in a cute red shirt and choker, and take a picture for my Creek Secrets blog. I do want to attract a hot guy or girl, so why not?

I decide not to post it on my own personal blog. Instead, I post it under a pseudonym. I can’t appear too desperate.

I post the picture under the “Hottie of the Week” category. That’s sure to attract someone!

Tuesday in health class is sex ed. It can be quite a bit of an awkward topic, especially for the faint of heart. I’m not too fazed by it, though. I think the most awkward part is sitting around a bunch of people who treat it as such an awkward subject.

Andrew turns around in his seat to address Mia, and he jokes, “I guess you and Victor are probably doing a lot of sex ed these days, right?”

“Could you grow up, Andrew?” Mia snaps suddenly.

Whoa. I haven’t seen Mia snap like that since the dinner with her dad and Veronica. Andrew also seems to be caught off guard by Mia’s sudden ferocity, but I’m not really focused on him. I’m more focused on Mia. Something is definitely off with her today.

I walk with her in the hallway after class.

“What was that?” I ask her.

“What do you mean?” she questions.

Oh, come on. I give her a look. She knows what I mean. Plus, I can read her like a book.

“Okay, fine,” she admits. “Uh, it’s just that Victor likes to take things slow.”

“Hmm,” I tune into Mia’s explanation, beginning to understand her frustration with Andrew’s question.

“Like, really, really slow,” she adds on.

“Wait, how far have you guys gone?” I ask, trying to figure out where she is and where she wants to go.

“We’ve kissed,” she answers.

“With tongue?” I ask, knowing that it’s probably not too big a deal if they haven’t gone much further than that. It seems about right. They’ve known each other for a little over two months now, and they’ve officially been boyfriend and girlfriend for just over two weeks.

“Of course,” she says, but then adds, “Okay. Our – our tongues have definitely…grazed.”

Wait, what? Okay, that seems a bit odd.

“Hmm.” I wonder, “Is he a virgin?”

“I don’t know. Probably,” Mia predicts.

“But _you’re_ ready?” I ask to make sure.

“I think so,” she says. “I mean, I definitely want to take things to the next level. Or any level. We’ve kind of been stuck on the ground.”

Hmm. I know what she means. That can be a tough spot to be in a relationship.

“God, and I really like him,” she adds almost obsessively.

“Mm. Two virgins about to make passionate love,” I imagine. “It’s like a Shakespeare movie.”

My favorite Shakespeare movie is “Romeo and Juliet” with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes.

“Okay, so the first thing you need to do is just send him a sexy message or two,” I tell her.

She cringes. I know that’s a little out of her comfort zone, but I’m just trying to help her out here. Like I said at the party – sometimes, in order to be happy, you need to be vulnerable.

“I’m just saying, sometimes you have to show a guy that you’re open to their advances. _Par example_ …” I show her my “Hottie of the Week” post.

“You posted that about yourself?” Mia critiques.

“Yeah. But under my pseudonym,” I point out, “Jackie St. Boon.”

“Okay, isn’t that a little desperate?” she asks.

I certainly don’t think so.

“I’m just throwing some chum in the water and waiting for the sharks to come.”

I see that she’s quite perplexed by my metaphor.

“Sorry. I just saw ‘Jaws’,” I tell her. “It’s not as good as _47 Meters Down_ , but it’s solid.”

It’s the graphics. Steven Spielberg definitely could have splurged on a better special effects budget.

Mia takes out her phone, and she gives me somewhat of a stink eye as she starts to type. Once again, she knows I’m right.

“And now we wait,” I say as Mia puts her phone away and opens her locker.

A minute or so later, Mia gets a response.

“He thumbsed-up my text,” she says, frustrated.

I take a look at her phone to see the message that she sent.

**Mia**

_I miss your muscular legs._

“Wait, that’s what you wrote?” I say in shock. Oh god no. What an embarrassing thing to say. “Let Mama Lake take it from here,” I say, taking her phone out of her hands, knowing that she needs all the help she can get.

I begin to type a message.

“Lake, come on,” Mia says, trying to get her phone back.

“Do not rush me,” I urge her to trust me. “I am an artist.”

I finish typing the message.

“There. Done. You’re welcome,” I say as I hand Mia’s phone back to her.

“Lake!” she exclaims after reading the message.

“What?” I say defensively.

“Don’t you think that might be a little too much?”

“You have to take chances if you want magical things to happen,” I remind her.

I walk to my next period when the bell rings because I don’t want to be late.

At lunch, Mia tells me that she hasn’t yet gotten a response. She won’t let us go anywhere near Victor because she is too afraid to face him after sending that text. I wish she wouldn’t be so afraid to open up and take a chance. I get it, though. It’s outside her comfort zone, and she’s nervous.

She texts me after school to let me know that Victor accepted her invitation. Great! Oh! I’m so excited for her!

Mia pleads with me to come over and help her prepare for the big night. I bring a box full of supplies and candles to help decorate. I can tell that she’s nervous because when I get there, she doesn’t even seem to notice how much stuff I have; she would usually make some sort of playfully snarky comment about it, but this time she doesn’t.

While she picks out an outfit and puts it on, I decorate her room with candles and lamp shades to create some mood lighting. While I do, I wonder what is taking her so long to get changed. She’s probably struggling to pick out an outfit again, just like for the birthday party. I can at least understand why she’s more stressed about this than about that. This is a huge milestone.

As I decorate, I hear Mia sigh on the other side of the room. I turn around to see her in a hot black dress, looking at herself in the mirror.

“Ooh. Girl, you are serving me up some sexy Professor McGonagall realness, and I am here for it,” I say to her.

“You mean I look like Maggie Smith?” she groans. “Changing.”

“What? No!” That’s not what I meant at all. “It’s perfect! You look all hot and witchy.”

Mia really does look superb. Also, what's wrong with Maggie Smith?

“Hmm. Why does my room smell like sunscreen?” she asks.

“Uh, that is a scented candle,” I say. “Feuille de Lavande by Diptyque. Plus, I blasted your throw cushions with body spray just for good measure.”

You never know; that could make the difference.

“Hmm,” Mia fidgets and looks around uncomfortably.

“You know, it’s totally okay to be nervous,” I assure her. “I mean, tonight’s your first time. That’s a really big deal.”

She fidgets again and pets the bed in some weird way, not responding to what I have to say.

“I mean, it is your first time, right?” I ask, now skeptical because of her silence.

She shakes her head as her eyes widen.

What? She didn’t tell me about her first time? I know we haven’t known each other our whole lives, but I’ve known her since the beginning of middle school! I thought for sure that she would have told me about a milestone like that, but apparently not!

“Oh, my god. I am your best friend,” I remind her. “Why didn’t you tell me? You tell me everything!”

“Because it was a one-time thing, and it was too soon, and awkward, and a total mistake,” she says. “Hmm. Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s fine,” I say, relaxing my posture quite a bit. “I get it.”

I do get it. I figure that all of our firsts may not always be exactly what we imagine them to be. For example, my first kiss was with another girl, and I wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. Talk about a sexual awakening. Either way, Mia has never even had a boyfriend, so I can only imagine how awkward it probably would have been for her to tell me what happened.

“But who was it?” I ask out of curiosity.

“Just some random other counselor at camp,” she tells me.

“Mm. Wow. Well, the most exciting thing that happened to me at summer camp was when I accidentally bumped a beehive with my selfie stick. But then they evacuated us to the Marriott,” I reflect on the positive part of that experience. “Mm, thank you bees.”

Mia laughs, and I’m just glad that I can ease some of her nerves at this point.

“Do you think you could stay until he gets here?” she requests. “I could use the company so that I don’t work myself up too much.”

“Of course,” I tell her. I want her to be able to relax before tonight. Even if it isn’t her first time, the nerves still make sense. It _is_ her first time with _this_ guy, and I know she really likes him; that must feel like a lot of pressure.

I hang out with Mia until it gets close to time for her to meet her boyfriend. I help her set up in her living room because her dad isn’t home. We make popcorn and set glasses of water out for her and Victor. Mia may be nervous, but she seems to have planned a pretty great night. Start out with a romantic movie and then move things to the bedroom. Smooth.

I gather my things, and as I do, she continues to move things around on the couch in the living room. She’s shifting so much, that it’s actually making _me_ anxious. At this point, I actually have to sigh to let go of my own nerves.

“Okay, relax,” I say to her as I see how pristine her living room looks. “You look amazing. And if Victor doesn’t hook up with you, I will.”

It's a joke, quite obviously, because we've talked and agreed that we are strictly friends. But if that wasn't the case, I really would. (What?? She's hot!)

The doorbell rings, and I go to get it. As I answer the door, I put on a smile. The sight of what is on the other side of the door wipes away my smile. I say nothing, and I rush back to Mia.

“Twist,” I warn her. “And not the cool, M. Night Shyamalan kind.”

Victor and Felix walk up beside me, and Felix announces his presence in the absolute strangest way possible.

“Who’s ready to take a journey to the island of Catan?” he says.

I look over at Mia, and I can tell how frustrated she is already. I certainly would be, too, if I were her. She tries to smile, but it doesn’t last long. God, this is going to be a long night.

“So let’s play?” Felix says to break the silence.

“Sure,” Victor agrees.

“Alright!”

Ugh, this is really not sexy at all.

“Hmm,” Felix says as he approaches the table, “I’m worried there might not be enough space for the board.”

Oh god.

I stand there as Mia clears off the coffee table to make room for Felix’s dumb game. The only table clearing that should have happened here tonight were if things got so hot between Mia and Victor that they wiped it all to the floor in a fit of passion, but any chance of that happening has just been totally blown out of the water.

“Ooh, popcorn!” Felix notices.

“Yeah,” Mia says sarcastically, letting her irritation show. “Can I offer you something to drink with your snack?”

Yes! I’m glad that she’s not shying away from showing her true feelings about this spoiled night!

“Oh! That would be great! Do you have any orange juice?” Felix asks.

What the hell? Doesn’t this guy know how to read the room?

“I’ll get it,” I say in a desperate attempt to get out of there for a minute.

I also know that Mia does, in fact, have orange juice. I checked her fridge earlier. This night is already ruined, so I might as well just give him what he wants. I get a glass of water for myself, too. I haven’t quite decided yet whether I want to drink it or drown myself in it.

I sit down next to Mia on the couch, and we start Felix’s stupid board game.

After some time passes, I turn to Mia, and say, “Okay, this is the most bored I have ever been. And I’m including that time you tricked me into listening to a podcast.”

And that was a _really_ boring podcast.

“That would make it my tenth victory point and crown me King of Catan,” Felix finishes his long speech and does some weird toast with his orange juice or something. He awkwardly gulps some of it down, and it’s just so annoying. “Ah. Alright! Who’s ready to start playing?”

“Wait, we haven’t started?” I let my frustrations show out loud. “What have we been doing for the last _45 minutes_?”

“A tutorial,” Felix tells me.

UGH!!!

All I can do at this point is lean back and scream into a pillow. I just want this disastrous night to end.

“Okay. Uh, you guys start without me,” Mia says as she gets up and leaves the room.

“I’ll come with,” I say as I see the opportunity to get out of this myself.

I follow her up to her room.

“Are you okay?” I ask, knowing that this night is far more awful for her than it is for me.

“Not really,” she responds.

I sigh, knowing that there is nothing I can do to make this night better.

“God, this sucks,” I say. “I’m sorry that this night turned out like this.”

“Whatever,” Mia replies, clearly upset. “I was probably delusional anyway.”

Oh, I just wish she wouldn’t think like that. I just feel so bad. Not as bad as Victor should feel, though.

“Lake, can I just be alone?” she requests. “I don’t really feel like talking anymore tonight.”

“Okay,” I say to her, recognizing that she needs some space.

I order a Lyft, and I walk out of the room.

When I get out of Mia’s room and into the hallway, I see Victor coming towards me.

“Hey,” he says somewhat anxiously. “Um, where’s Mia?”

“In her bedroom,” I tell him. “Being furious.”

He exhales and looks to the side, seemingly wanting to avoid the consequences of his actions. I’m not going to let him do that. I’m going to tell it like it is.

“She planned this whole special night for the two of you. And then you brought your weird friend and screwed it all up,” I recall the horrid events of the evening. “I just don’t get it. Do you not like her? Is there someone else? Are you gay? What is it?”

I realize that each guess I take gets more and more out there, but I figure it has to be something. I mean, I get that any one of them could be a possibility, but it just doesn't seem like any of it would be true. It has seemed like he likes Mia. And I wouldn't suspect Victor to be a cheater. And if he was gay, wouldn't he have had enough of all this attention about him and Mia by now? The point I’m trying to make is that there don’t seem to be any explanations for this that make any sense. He's just been sending so many mixed messages and I'm sick of it.

“I do like her,” he says after some hesitation.

Seriously, why would he hesitate to say that if it’s true?

“’Kay,” I at least try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t pull punches. “Well then, start acting like it. Because this crap that you’re pulling here tonight, it’s just cruel.”

I show him the anger in my eyes before I walk past him and go downstairs. I actually thought Victor was a nice guy. But then he goes and does something like this? What is his problem? Something isn’t right with him. He might as well have just stood her up; at least that would have been a less cruel way of signaling that he’s not interested. Whatever. It just better not become a pattern.

When I get back downstairs, I find a lonely Felix watching TV. Great, just another thing in this house that he can use that isn’t his.

“Wanna watch _Planet Earth_ with me?” he asks in a small voice, seemingly trying to be cute or whatever.

“Nope!” I say, wanting to get out of here. “Already ordered my Lyft. Elang should be here in nine minutes.”

He looks up at me.

“You should probably go, too,” I recommend. “I don’t think they’ll be down for quite some time.”

As I wait for my Lyft to arrive, I get up to date on Creek Secrets. I check my post to see if anyone has said anything about it yet. It’s been several days since I posted it, and it didn’t get much attention to start.

“What the hell?” I say out loud as I notice that one of the commenters insulted my appearance.

“What?” Felix jumps up out of concern. “What happened? Is Elang okay?”

“No, look,” I show him the post.

“You, uh – you look amazing,” he stammers.

“No, not the photo, idiot, the comments,” I point out. “They called me a six. _A six_! I am _at least_ a low nine!”

I look at him, and he doesn’t say anything.

Hmm. You know what? Put tonight aside. I need an opinion.

“Well, you’re a boy,” I say to him. “Tell me the truth. Mm. What’s my number?”

“N-no,” he stammers and laughs. “No way. I- I can’t do that. I--”

What? Why not? How am I supposed to keep up my image if I don’t know how others see my image?

“Okay, stop with the chivalry, and just give me a number,” I push for a response. I need the truth and not just some kind white lie to try and make me feel better about myself. “And do not tell me I’m a 10 because I totally won’t believe you.”

He pauses. “I – I think you deserve a guy who – who doesn’t reduce you to a number.”

Ugh. I sigh, realizing that he’s no help. I just go back to checking the status of my Lyft.

“Somebody like, um,” he continues, “like him.”

He points at the TV, which shows some weird looking fish thing.

“I deserve to date a nub?” I ask, insulted.

“Okay, so he’s not Brad Pitt.”

Yeah, tell me about it.

He continues, “And technically, he doesn’t have any eyes. But anglerfish are total romantics. That fish only cares about one thing in the entire world. Her.”

He points to the TV screen again, which now shows the female anglerfish.

I’m really not sure where this is going, but I kind of just want it to be over soon.

“He spends most of his life sniffing around the ocean, looking for his mate. And when he finally finds her, you know what he does?”

“Tells her a long, boring story?” I ask, hoping that he’ll take the hint.

He doesn’t.

“He bites her,” he tells me.

Gross.

He continues, “And releases this enzyme in his saliva that fuses them together like superglue. Then he dies and becomes a part of her body, and she swims away, never thinking about him again. But he doesn’t mind. Because he got what he always wanted – to be with her. Forever.”

That story all of a sudden became so sweet. But what does that have to do with—

“That’s what you deserve, Lake. A guy who would sacrifice everything because he knows that the only thing that matters in this entire world is _you_.”

As Felix says this, I look into his eyes again. Once again, I feel that feeling that I had after we ran away from the bakery.

What Felix just said is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

“You are – so weird,” I say, trying to brush off my feelings, but he chuckles softly, and I can’t deny it anymore. There’s just something about him that makes me feel some sort of way.

I can’t control myself anymore, and I lean in to kiss him.

It’s short at first, but I want more. I think he tries to say something, but I don’t care. I kiss him again, and it lasts.

“How’d you get so good at this?” I ask at one point, surprised by how someone so dorky and unpopular can have such great kissing skills.

“YouTube,” he tells me.

“Oh.” Well, I guess he had to learn somewhere.

He reaches his head down toward my neck, and tries to kiss me there.

“No!” I stop him immediately. “No hickeys! No one can know about this. This has to stay our little secret.”

I don’t think I can take the image-shattering weight of people knowing that _this_ is the guy I’m hooking up with.

“Well, three can keep a secret if two of them are dead,” he laughs.

“What?” I ask horrified. Why would he say such a frightening thing? Is he going to kill me??

“Sorry, Benjamin Franklin quote. I – I won’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, no more talking,” I urge.

“Okay.”

We keep kissing.

“Uh, wow,” he says after a few more minutes.

“Yeah, uh,” I try to make sense of what is happening here, “that was um – nice.”

“Cool,” he laughs. “Uh, it’s getting pretty late. We should probably get going.”

“Yeah,” I say, realizing that I haven’t seen any sign of Mia or Victor. I wonder if he left already. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Good night,” Felix says to me with a smile.

“Good night,” I smile back.

I turn around and walk out before he does. My Lyft was here a while ago. She left, but I don’t care. I need to get out of here as quickly as possible, even if it means walking home.

What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. That was a lot. If anyone is gonna drag Victor for how he's been acting, it's gonna be Lake. She's very protective. Also, we finally got some Felake! Three more Lake chapters, and then it will be onto Felix! Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!


	21. Lake Part 7: Community

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This update comes a little later in the day than usual, but it's here! It's also a little longer for this story. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

For the rest of the night, and when I wake up Friday morning, I try to figure out what the hell happened with Felix at Mia’s place. And why it happened.

I try to brush it off. I just can’t take that kind of a blow to my image. Instead, I go about my day, posting on my Instagram like I normally do.

After I make my post, I see immediately that Felix likes it. Seriously, it’s not even two seconds later. Normally, I would like the attention, but it’s actually a little creepy. Plus, I look back and see that he has liked every single one of my Instagram posts in the past two weeks. And I’m on Instagram _a lot_.

I go to school, trying to stay cool. It’s all just so weird.

Speaking of weird, as I walk in the hallway in the morning, Felix suddenly approaches me out of nowhere.

“Hey,” he comes up behind me.

Oh god, why?

“Hi,” I say, trying to be polite but cool.

“ _Loved_ your Instagram post this morning!” he says.

Ugh, why does he have to tell me that in person? He liked the post. That should say enough. There’s a like button for a reason.

“‘Felt cute, might delete later,’” he recites. “You are, and ya shouldn’t!”

“Thanks,” I say, accepting the compliment but also quite overwhelmed by his nagging presence.

“So I’m not sure what you’re planning Saturday night, but my cousin works at the botanical garden, the corpse flowers are about to bloom. I mean, they’re supposed to smell _terrible_ , but if you just want--”

That’s it. I can’t take this anymore. He needs to stop talking. I interrupt his rambling by grabbing him and pulling him into a janitor’s closet.

“Whoa!” he exclaims as I pin him up against the wall. “Here? Now? Awesome!”

He closes the door.

He just doesn’t get it.

“Let me just take out my Invisalign--”

“We _never_ hooked up,” I say to him, “okay?”

“Yes, we did,” he reminds me, confused, “On Mia’s couch?”

“No, I know we did,” I clarify. It’s a figure of speech! Why can’t he get that? “But what I’m saying is, it can never happen again.”

I just can’t do this with Felix. He’s my friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. Plus, he’s a weirdo. I can’t be seen attached to someone like him. It would tank my social status, which I need to keep up. And he’s just so clingy. I can’t deal with that.

I leave him in the janitor’s closet, and I come out acting as if nothing happened.

“Oh, Megan! Love your top!” I say to one girl. Just act natural and like my normal self.

At lunch, Mia tells me that Victor wasn’t ready last night and that she forgives him for how he handled it. I’m just glad that the two of them were able to work out whatever it is that they needed to work out. And he gets to meet her dad at the fundraiser tomorrow! That’s exciting!

For the rest of the day, I still can’t seem to shake the thought of Felix from my mind, no matter how hard I try. There’s just something about him. I can’t focus on any of my work, and I can’t think straight. He pays no attention to me after I pull him aside into the janitor’s closet, and I really miss his attention.

Saturday morning, I get some frozen yogurt. Still, I can’t stop thinking about Felix. I decide to post something on Instagram. He always likes my posts. Every single one. At least when I see that he likes it, I know that he’s thinking about me.

I check a couple of hours later, and I see that Felix still hasn’t liked my post. That’s weird. It’s usually immediate.

I post another one. No response.

I post several more throughout the day, and I still don’t see anything from him. Why won’t he pay attention to me? Ugh, I know I said he was clingy, but he’s so sweet. And as surprising as it is, he’s so good at the physical stuff.

That’s it. I know I like him. I have to be less passive and do something.

I decide to go to the coffee shop. Maybe if I make an Instagram post of myself there with some other people, he’ll be jealous that he isn’t there with me, and he’ll have to start paying attention to me.

I walk into the coffee shop, and to my surprise, he’s already there. And he’s with someone. Wait, is that – _Victor’s sister_?

Ugh, okay. New plan.

I approach them.

“Oh. Hey!” he says awkwardly as I go up to them. “What up?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” I say, trying to be nonchalant. I can’t keep it up, though. “Other than the fact that I posted _nine_ Instagrams today and you didn’t like any of them. And you like everything! You even liked it that time I accidentally butt-posted a picture of the inside of my pocket.”

It’s true. He is _so_ obsessed with me. Or, at least, he was. What happened?

“So what’s your deal?” I try to perk up a little more so as not to scare him off too much.

“Um…I’ve uh…” he stammers, “I’ve realized I was coming on too strong.”

“Oh,” I say, not knowing what to say next. “Thank you.”

I say it almost as if it’s a question. He is actually kind of right. He really has been coming on very strong. That’s one of the reasons that I felt like I had to distance myself from him. Somehow, though, it’s also one of the reasons I’m so drawn to him. I mean, he literally told me that I’m the only thing that matters in this world.

“It’s just, when the best thing that ever happens to you actually happens,” he says, “you try to do whatever you can to keep it going.”

“Huh.”

Am I really the best thing that’s ever happened to him? That’s actually really sweet.

I can’t resist him anymore.

I lean over and whisper flirtatiously, “Well meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.”

I walk over to the bathroom, and I wait there for him. I don’t wait long, though. It’s definitely not two minutes. Normally, I would find his eagerness annoying. But this time, it’s actually kind of hot.

We make out again for quite some time. God, he’s so amazing. I fight through the cognitive dissonance of knowing that I shouldn’t be with him, but honestly, that just makes it hotter.

When we both finally do get tired, we smile at each other.

“Meet me tomorrow?” I ask him in my sexiest voice possible.

“We’ll see,” he says to me.

Ooh, I like this new playing-hard-to-get thing that he’s doing. I giggle, and I can’t control it.

Of course, being the person he is, he comes back and says, “Oh, but definitely let’s meet tomorrow, in case that wasn’t clear. What time?”

“I’ll let you know,” I smile flirtatiously, switching the roles up on him.

We meet up with each other every day for the next week. We meet in the janitor’s closet at school during lunch and after school. I still don’t want to be seen with him, but I can’t get away from him. The secrecy is important, though. I can’t have everybody figuring us out. Even so, he starts to give me hickeys, and I don’t stop him. He’s just so good at it! I do my best to hide them every day so that it doesn’t become obvious. Honestly, though, this sneaking around thing is kind of fun.

\---

“Lake, you look perfect in pink,” Felix notices my outfit and says to me as he sits down in our health class the following Friday morning. “Like a sexy bottle of Pepto-Bismol--”

I cut him off and shush him.

“Get ahold of yourself, man,” I say to him. We’ve had several close calls, but this is by far the closest. Still, I’m flattered by the compliment. “But thank you.”

Suddenly, Mia interrupts my moment with Felix by coming into the room, slamming her bags down, and grunting. What’s wrong with her all of a sudden? Something’s not right.

“Uh, everything okay?” Felix asks what we’re both thinking.

“I was supposed to hang out with Victor this weekend,” Mia explains, “but I guess he and his dad planned some last minute boys’ trip.”

“So after bailing on meeting your dad, he’s bailing again?” I say in disbelief that he would do that.

Apparently, he actually stood her up for the fundraiser. And now, he’s standing her up again. What the hell is wrong with this guy? I know Mia likes him, but something doesn’t feel right about all this. He’s giving off some major red flags at this point. I hope she sees it, too.

“The nerve!” Felix interjects. “And what is this about a boys’ trip? I mean, I was not invited, and I’m pretty sure I’m a boy!”

“Pretty sure?” I ask him. I wonder what he means by that. Hmm. I guess I'll ask for more details later.

“Shut it!” Ms. Thomas interrupts our conversation as she comes in the door and slams it behind her. “I am in a terrible mood! My boyfriend, Omar, dumped me.”

“Well, he’s making a huge mistake, Ms. Thomas,” Andrew says to her for some reason. “You’re a catch.”

She thanks him and calls out the inappropriate nature of his comment, but she takes it anyway. She must really be in a bad state of mind.

She instructs us to get our textbooks out and read the chapter on self-esteem and depression. Kind of a bummer, but I follow her instructions.

As we begin to do our reading, Felix turns around to me and winks. Ugh, he’s so bad at flirting, but it’s so cute!

I can hardly contain myself. I pick up my phone to send him a message.

**Lake**

_Meet me later to kiss this pepto-bis_

I await a response, and I get one.

**Mia**

_WTH???? Who is this for?_

Oh shIt. I see that I’m texting Mia and not Felix. I don’t want her to know. It’s too embarrassing. I have to recover.

**Lake**

_You! Wanted to borrow your lipstick. I had a breakfast burrito this morning that didn’t agree with me._

She looks back, and I grip my stomach and shake my head to make my indigestion believable.

I’m not sure whether she believes me or not, but I can’t take any more close calls. I decide to put my phone down and wait for a time when I’m more focused to message Felix.

Suddenly, I get a text from Felix. Before I can read it, I hear a bunch of phones buzz at the same time. I see that he also texted Mia and Andrew.

**Felix**

_Feeling a little left out. What we all texting about?!_

  
I give him a look, trying to indicate to him that he needs to do a better job at playing it cool.

“Congratulations!” Ms. Thomas suddenly says. “Lake, Mia, Felix, Andrew…”

Oh great. She heard all of our phones.

“You’ve all earned yourselves Saturday detention,” she continues. “For texting in class!”

What?! Saturday detention?? This is tyranny!

“Told you I was in one of my terrible moods!” Ms. Thomas interjects.

Ugh, if only Felix would have been a little more patient. I was going to text him again in a few minutes.

Whatever, at least I’ll be there with my best friend, Felix, and Andrew. It’s a bearable crowd.

\---

Felix and I decide to see the silver lining to our detention sentence, and we go to the school early to meet each other and keep up our usual thing. As we’re making out, though, the fact that we’re in the wide open hallway and not the janitor’s closet makes me nervous. I peek around the corner to make sure there’s no one there.

“It’s the weekend,” Felix says, frustrated, as he notices me looking around. “Nobody’s coming.”

He begins to kiss my neck. At this point, the secrecy isn’t so hot anymore, but it’s still necessary. I need to let him know.

“Love this, but um, no more hickeys,” I say. “You’re my sexy little secret.”

“Right,” he says, somewhat flustered. “Right, right. It’s like a – a forbidden romance. Between two spies, like _Kissin’ Impossible._ ”

“Exactly,” I say in response to his strange comparison. “Um, okay. Come on. Detention time. Um, I’ll just head in there, and you stay here and count to ten." No, I need more insruance. "Thousand.”

I leave the spot that we’re standing, and I put on my detention face. I need to switch gears so that no one suspects me of anything.

I go to the spot where we’re supposed to meet for detention, and I see Mia already there.

“I cannot believe I’m here on a Saturday,” I say as I approach her, getting back into my exasperation for having to be at school on the weekend. I continue to complain, “I’m missing the hot dad next door teach his kid how to swim.”

That actually is true. I planned on spying on that event while pretending to tan in my backyard.

“Did you guys come here together?” Mia asks.

I look over to where she’s looking, and I see Andrew standing by the railing of the staircase. I didn’t even notice him until Mia mentioned something.

“Me and Andrew?” I laugh, “No. He wishes.”

Suddenly, Mia pushes my hair aside.

Holy crap, why is she doing that? I don’t want her to see my neck!

“Is that a hickey?” she suddenly begins to interrogate.

“What?” I suddenly react and play dumb while pushing my hair back over it.

“Are you hooking up with someone?”

“No!” I lie. “No, I burnt myself on a curling iron.”

“Huh, your hair is straight today,” she points out.

“Who are you? The hair police?” I try to cover up the truth with a joke and some humorous siren sounds. “My hair’s straight. I surrender!”

“They’re _my_ DVDs, Omar!” Ms. Thomas shows up on the phone with her ex at just the right time, distracting both me and Mia from this conversation. “I’m keeping them, okay?”

There’s a pause.

“You don’t even watch _Rizzoli and Isles_!” she shouts.

Damn, she has some serious issues.

She hangs up with Omar, and she addresses us.

“Welcome, detention-ees. Uh, today, we’re gonna be getting this place in tip-top shape for the Spring Fling.”

Ugh, cleaning. This is going to suck.

“Andrew and Lake, you’re a team,” Ms. Thomas tells us.

Normally, I would rather be with Mia, but given how close she is to figuring out my secret, I’ll take this pairing.

“Mia and--” Ms. Thomas says, but interrupts herself, “where’s Lone Stone?”

Oops, I didn’t mean to make him late.

“Here!” he comes running in, out of breath. “I’m here! Sorry, I was going to the bathroom.”

“I hear it takes longer to pee when you only have one ball,” Andrew says to him.

See, this is one of the reasons why I can’t be seen with Felix. What are people going to think of me if they find out that I’m hooking up with “Lone Stone”?

“That is not at all medically accurate,” Felix defends. “And just to be clear, I have _two_ balls!”

Ugh, why did his voice have to crack when he said that? He’s really not doing himself any favors.

“There’s no shame in just having one,” Ms. Thomas says for some reason. “My father just had one, and led a very full life. Now get to work.”

Well that was odd.

I approach the cleaning cart to get some supplies and get started. Out of everyone here, I’m probably the person who likes this work the least, but I also just want to get started so that I can be done with it already.

“Hey, you. Goofball,” Andrew comes up behind me and shows me something that he pulls out of my hair. “Look at this.”

Yikes. That’s a sticker from the bulletin board that Felix had me up against.

I’m not even going to try to come up with an explanation for Andrew.

“Stop,” I say instead, and then I threaten him with the spray bottle I’m holding, “I have a weapon.”

I spend most of the day working with Andrew, and thankfully, it’s not that bad. He’s able to take the edge off of our work a little bit. I also never thought that someone could learn how to be funny, but apparently Andrew has. He seems to be his funniest when he’s fake flirting. I know that it’s nothing serious, so it’s fine.

“Andrew!” I hear Felix call out later in the day while we’re working in our separate areas. “Ms. Thomas wants us to switch.”

“Fine by me,” Andrew agrees. “I’ve been pretending to mop for, like, an hour now, so you got a lot of work to do there, Lone Stone.”

I actually wouldn’t mind working with Felix. We can’t do any of the usual stuff we do, like kissing or anything, but at least it might be nice to—

“So, you’re hooking up with Andrew?”

What? Where did that come from? Why would he accuse me of such a thing?

“What are you talking about?” I laugh, caught totally off guard by the accusation.

“Oh, cut the charade,” he says aggressively. “Mia told me everything.”

What? Mia? How is she involved in this—

“Oh!” I realize what must be going on. “She saw the hickey you gave me and assumed it was from Andrew.”

“Oh,” he drops his defense and chuckles.

“This is why I said no hickeys,” I laugh and playfully hit him. “But this jealousy thing is kinda hot.”

“Look, Lake,” Felix says, not seeming to take the compliment, “I’ve been trying to be cool because I don’t want to mess this up, but I’m starting to feel like you’re _super_ embarrassed by me.”

“No,” I say with a forced smile after a quick exhale. He’s not too far off, and I feel bad, but I can’t admit to that. “No, Not super embarrassed,” I settle on saying. “Medium.”

“Is it the Lone Stone thing?” he asks me.

Oh god, I hate this.

“Doesn’t help,” I tell him honestly. I make sure to make a point of the offer, “But I – I’d love to keep doing what we’re doing. You know. On the DL.”

Instead of responding with words, he shakes his head, sighs, and walks away.

I look after him longingly as he walks away from me. Am I losing him? I’m stuck here. It’s just such a precarious position. I don’t know what to do. People can’t know that we’re hooking up. But I don’t want to stop.

I reflect for a few minutes, trying to think of my next course of action. While I clean, I finally decide that I need to do something. I at least need to address Mia about what she said to Felix.

I find Mia in one of the classrooms as she scrapes gum off the bottoms of tables.

“Mia,” I get her attention as I walk in, “why would you tell Felix I’m hooking up with Andrew?”

“I don’t know. Because you are,” she suggests wrongly. “Not that I care. Live your life.”

“I swear on my crocodile-embossed Chanel 2.55 handbag with the black and gold clasps that I am not hooking up with Andrew,” I say. And that’s a big thing for me to swear on. I _love_ that handbag. “But clearly, you do care. A lot. So, what’s up?”

She hesitates for a second, and then says, “He kissed me.”

I gasp.

“No, don’t gasp,” she tells me.

How can I not? It’s shocking! I mean, I knew that he liked her, but I thought that he would at least respect her space since she’s in a relationship. And Mia seems to be stuck on it, so did it actually mean something to her? Whatever happened, it seems like a big deal.

“I shut it down right away,” Mia continues. “Or almost right away. It was the night Victor stood me up for the fundraiser, so I was already feeling weird, and Andrew was there. He was looking hot in his blazer, and I – I guess he thought we were having a moment.”

“Well, were you?” I ask to get to the bottom of things.

“I don’t know!” she says. She then shifts uncomfortably before adding on another thing. “Okay, do you remember how I told you I lost my virginity to some rando at camp?”

I nod, remembering that story. I’m afraid of what that has to do with this conversation.

“Well, it wasn’t at camp, and it wasn’t some rando,” she tells me.

I gasp a second time.

“You and Andrew,” I say in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because,” she says. “The night it happened, I was feeling really sad about my mom, and it was just a mistake that I try never to think about.”

I get it. Her mom leaving her was something that she’s never totally gotten over, and I can only imagine some of the ways she must have coped with that. This one certainly wasn’t healthy, but I can’t help but to think about the possibility that it happened for a reason.

“Anyway, I’m sorry,” she says. “Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other.”

Ugh, god. As soon as she says this, it triggers my feelings of guilt. She’s right. Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other. But I’ve been keeping a secret from her. She deserves to know. And the person who I’m keeping secret deserves not to remain a secret.

“Um,” I admit nervously, “I’m actually hooking up with Felix.”

Mia gasps.

“Are you, like, totally grossed out?” I sigh.

“No! I’m just – uh, s-surprised?”

“Me too,” I say truthfully. “Just sort of happened. And then it happened again. And every day since.”

“Aw! Well, Felix is so sweet, and sleeper cute,” she says. “And it’s about time you like an actual nice guy.”

“He is cute, isn’t he?” I reflect, letting my true feelings about him show for the first time in front of someone else.

“Yeah,” Mia smiles.

We both smile. I finally realize that what I like about Felix isn’t just his kissing. I actually like _him_. He’s such a sweet guy, and he treats me like royalty. Plus, he’s exciting. He might be weird, but that makes him unique and interesting. He stands out from other guys at school in so many of the best ways. And he’s probably more genuine than any other person I’ve met. Honestly, how could I ask for anything better than that? I don’t just want to hook up with Felix; I want to date Felix. I want to have a relationship with Felix. He cares about me. And I think I care about him.

As I continue on with detention for the remainder of the day, I realize that maybe I’m putting a little too much emphasis on my social standing. I do think it’s important, but maybe something needs to give just a little.

\---

Toward the end of the day, I find Felix sitting on the step, looking upset. I hate it. I hate seeing him sad. I like seeing his smile, and I know that I made him upset. I can’t stand that. I know I need to fix this.

I sit down on the step next to him.

“Sure you want to sit next to me?” he says, clearly upset. “The janitor might see.”

I sigh. Oh god, I can’t believe this. I’ve been such a jerk to him today.

“I’m sorry. About earlier,” I say. “You’re not embarrassing. _I’m_ embarrassing for caring about status or whatever.”

I look over at him, and he hangs his head. I can tell he’s hurting. And somehow, that hurts me, too.

“I’m not ready for everyone to know,” I tell him. “But I did tell Mia about us. So baby steps. Mkay?”

“Okay,” he says softly in the cutest voice.

I kiss him on the cheek, and he flashes an adorable soft smile.

“Guys! Children!” Ms. Thomas interrupts our moment. “Come over here! Come here.”

Mia, Andrew, and Ms. Thomas all congregate around the stairwell where Felix and I sit.

“I have some amazing news,” she seems excited. “Omar’s taking me back.”

Yeah, I really don’t care.

“Yeah, he really liked the edible arrangement I sent,” she says, “so, um, I gotta rush home for some sweet, sweet--”

Gross.

“Corn!” she blurts out.

Mm-hmm. Sure.

“So, uh, you’re all free to go home,” Ms. Thomas tells us.

Mia chuckles.

“Thank god,” she says after Ms. Thomas walks away. “Is anybody else hungry?”

“Starving,” I tell her. “Hot dad neighbor usually barbecues on Saturdays, so maybe I’ll be able to make it home in time to see.”

Mia laughs. I’m glad to be able to have a somewhat normal end to this crazy day.

The four of us go to a food truck for our dinner, and we have a good time hanging out.

I never thought I would have the relationships with these people that I have now. Mia is someone I met in middle school who became my best friend. Andrew is someone with whom I was absolutely obsessed not too long ago, and now we’re sort of casual friends. And Felix. Never in a million years did I think that I would get with someone like Felix, but here we are. I’m happy. I guess we don’t always end up having exactly the kinds of relationships we thought we’d have with the various people in our lives. I can’t wait to see what kind of shakeup comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enoyed! A win for Felake in this chapter! Thank you for reading!


	22. Lake Part 8: Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

Monday at school, Felix and I keep sneaking around. I’m so happy and so lucky to have him around. It’s so fun to be with him. All this time that we’ve been friends and I’ve avoided his advances, I can’t believe what I’ve been missing out on.

As we kiss in the janitor’s closet, he interrupts it.

“Mm, Lake, Lake,” he says as our lips break contact with each other. “I’ve been thinking. I should be more honest with you about what I want.”

Wait, what does that mean? What we have is good. I don’t want to mess it up.

“Look, I think we should go to the dance together,” he says.

Oh no. I told him I wasn’t ready for everyone to know. But I know he doesn’t want to be kept secret for too long.

“I’m not really into dances,” I lie, not being able to bring myself to tell him the real reason I don’t want to go.

“What?” he questions. He reminds me, “You love everything dance related! _Dancing with the Stars_ , _World of Dance_ , Dance Dance Revolution, ‘Dirty Dancing,’ _So You Think You Can Dance_!”

Damn, he’s good.

“Ugh, you’re such a good listener,” I say.

That makes him that much more attractive, but my dilemma now is that he pays too much attention for me to tell him anything other than the truth. And he deserves the truth. I hate lying to him.

“Felix,” I start, knowing that he’s not going to like what I have to say, “couples who go to dances are scrutinized, and I’m just not ready to put us under the Creekwood microscope.”

“So we can only see each other in a supply closet?” he asks rhetorically. “I can’t live in the shadows, Lake. I’m pale enough as it is!”

Aw. He’s so cute and so innocent. He’s also funny. I really like him, and I hate this. I hate keeping this a secret. Plus, he has a point. I would love to get out of this closet. It’s just so confining.

I try to think of something, and I have an idea.

“Well, uh, my parents won’t be home after school,” I say to him, and he perks up as I do. “Wanna come over? Maybe it’ll be so hot you’ll – catch a tan.”

“Oh my god, umm--”

“And just to be clear,” I interrupt to make certain he doesn’t get the wrong idea, “we’re not advancing bases; we’re just advancing to an actual bedroom.”

“Totally understand,” he says. “Just one thing, is this a no-shoes household? Because if so, I want to plan my sock situation accordingly.”

“Shh,” I say. There is no reason to be weird right now. Let’s just kiss instead.

We do just that. Ugh, I just love the jacket he’s wearing. It’s so warm and comforting while his arms are around me.

After school, I take Felix to my house for the delightful afternoon that we plan to enjoy.

“Lake, your room is beautiful!” he says when we enter into it.

I smile at him. I appreciate the compliment. I’m glad he thinks so. I work hard to keep up appearances, not only my own, but also that of my belongings and space.

“Oh my God!” he laughs in a weird way. Is that you as a little girl?”

He picks up a picture on my dresser from when I was an infant.

“Oh!” he admires it. “Look at your little baby cheeks, I could just bite ‘em!”

As much as I appreciate his appreciation of my obvious adorableness, I did not bring this guy over to my house to look at baby pictures.

“Okay, can we not make this about me as a baby?” I request. “We finally have some privacy!”

“You’re right, what’s wrong with me?” Felix says, and then we proceed to make out.

“Sweetheart, I’m home!”

Oh god no. Not now. This is the worst time for this.

I break my contact with Felix.

“Uh, Crap,” I start to panic, “uh, my mom’s home early.”

Ugh. What do I do? She can’t see me here with Felix! She _definitely_ will not approve.

“Just…” I try to think of an instruction for Felix so that my mom won’t see him when she walks into the room. I can hear her footsteps approaching quickly. “Just get under the bed. Okay? Go.”

As I push him towards the bed, he stammers. I don’t like doing this, but I don’t have time to explain.

“Go,” I say.

He sighs, but he complies with my direction.

“Hurry,” I say to him as he approaches, “she’s coming. Okay? Go, go!”

Right after I say that, my mom opens the door.

“Hi, Mom,” I smile at her as she walks into the room. I try to act as natural as possible.

“Whose bag is that?” she notices Felix’s bag immediately.

Crap. I hid Felix, but I didn’t even account for hiding his stuff.

“Uh, mine,” I lie to try and cover my tracks. “Boy bags are the new trend.”

Really? “Boy bags are the new trend”? I couldn’t have come up with a better explanation than that?

“Oh, honey, no,” she says to me. “Even as far as boy bags go, that is a very ugly backpack.”

Okay, moving on.

“Um, thought you were getting your hair toned tonight,” I point out, quickly glancing toward the bed, realizing that I am not going to have the privacy with Felix that I thought I would have.

“Well, my stylist bailed because her ‘child has croup.’ Wah-wah.”

Um, okay?

“Anyway,” she continues, “I was already at the mall, so I did some shopping for you, so fashion show!”

I look over at the mounds of clothes that she brought into my room. Now is quite literally the worst possible time.

“Oh, uh, that’s okay,” I say politely to try to get out of this.

“Lake,” she begins to chastise me. Again. “You’re traipsing around school with a boys’ backpack, this jacket just makes your shoulders look like you’re a bouncer. Please? I really want you to go through some of these looks.”

I look down at the bed. It’s where both the clothes and Felix are. I feel bad for Felix. But I can’t shake my mom. I know she won’t leave until I do what she wants. Plus, I can’t stand for my mom to say any more embarrassing stuff about me in front of Felix in an effort to convince me to try on clothes.

“Uh, okay,” I give in.

“Yay! Fun!” she responds excitedly.

I feel bad. Felix is laying under my bed, and now he has to wait for this to be over.

I try on some clothes, and I get more and more impatient as my mom critiques literally everything that I try on. She bought a lot, and she has something to say about all of it. She keeps making comments about my figure in each outfit I put on. I keep Felix waiting under my bed for over an hour.

“Oh, honey, this one’s a keeper,” my mom says as I come back into the room in another outfit.

“Thanks, Mom,” I say. But my patience is gone at this point. This is taking forever, and it’s been so embarrassing. Plus, this isn’t fair to Felix. I’ve kept him waiting too long. I continue, “Um, I really appreciate it, but I think I can do my own shopping.”

“Oh, you just worked so hard to lose all that weight, and I just want you to present yourself in the most flattering light possible!”

Oh my god, why did she have to say that? She has said embarrassing things throughout this stupid “fashion show” of hers, but why did she have to mention my weight loss? That’s not something I ever wanted Felix to know about! He doesn’t need to know!

“I think I’m presenting just fine,” I start to get annoyed, but try to keep my cool.

“Just fine?” she scolds. “I mean, do you think I’d be the top rated anchor in greater Atlanta if I presented just fine?”

“I guess not,” I admit hesitantly.

“No, you bet your ass, I wouldn’t!” she says. “I mean, when I first started as a production assistant at Channel Nine, do you know what they called me?”

I don’t care, but she keeps talking anyway.

“‘Omaha,’” she says before I can respond. “Because I was a small town girl from Omaha with a crappy haircut and polyester clothes.”

God, I hate these stories. She tells them all the freaking time. And I just have to listen. And she always makes a point about how superior she is to everyone, including me. What makes this even worse is the fact that Felix is under the bed, hearing all of this.

“So I lived on ramen and air until I could afford an appointment at the nicest salon in town,” my rambling mom continues. “And on the weekends, I scoured thrift stores to find designer clothes. A year later, ‘Omaha’ was the youngest field reporter in Channel Nine history.”

Great for her. I guess. Can we just be done with this already?

“Now look,” she says, apparently not done with this, “you do fine in school, but clearly your grades aren’t going to open any doors.”

Really? Does she really have to go there?

“So you need to get used to putting your best foot forward,” she says. “And that means knowing how to look curvy but not big, and attractive but not like a floosy. Public perception is crucial.”

When she says this, I look down at the bed, once again looking towards Felix. Public perception is crucial. That’s why Felix is hiding under my bed right now. It’s also why this conversation needs to end. Right now. Because Felix can hear everything.

“Uh,” I say, not knowing any other way to get out of this, “yeah. You’re right. Thank you. Um, I’ll just try the rest on later.”

“Oh, that’s my girl,” she says to me with a smile and a laugh.

She walks past me to leave. I never thought she would leave.

I close the door behind my mom as she walks out, and I feel more insecure than ever with Felix in my room, knowing I’m about to have to face him. I just can’t do it.

“Okay, for the record,” he says as he gets up from under my bed, “she is insane. Your body is literally perfect--”

“Felix, please,” I interrupt him. I can’t do this right now. It’s just too horrible. “I’ll just sneak you out the back door. I can’t even look at you knowing you heard that conversation.”

I begin to walk past him without looking up, but he stops me, takes me by the shoulders, and looks me in the eyes.

“Actually, I want to take you somewhere. Show you something.”

As he looks in my eyes, I can tell he is being genuine. He has a look of empathy in his eyes. I can see that he cares and wants to make me feel better.

“Okay,” I agree after some hesitation. I’ll go with him. He’s been good to me so far, so at this point, all I can do is trust him. “Let me go change.”

He does, and I change out of this terribly uncomfortable outfit that my mom put me in that I don’t even like that much. I put on the jacket that she said makes me look like a bouncer, having trouble shaking the guilt that I feel because it’s my favorite jacket.

After I change, we sneak out the back door so that my mom doesn’t see us. He leads me on a familiar route to his and Victor’s building. It’s a long walk. Is he taking me to his place? Why?

When we get up to the third floor, he leads me to apartment 301.

“So, this is where I live,” he says with some sort of laughter.

I try to wrap my head around why we’re here.

“I’ve never shown my apartment to anyone before,” he says, “not even Victor.”

Why? What’s so secret about it? It’s just an apartment, right?

He opens the door, he leads me inside, and he turns on the lights.

Holy crap.

I walk in, and I’m immediately overwhelmed by the mess. How does he live here? I’m speechless. I don’t even know what an appropriate thing is to say here. All I can do is look around slowly at the piles of junk all over the place as my focus shifts back towards Felix.

“Believe it or not, it didn’t always look like this,” he tells me. “My mom and I have lived here since I was born.”

As he speaks, it’s hard for me to focus on anything but the mess. I keep looking at everything around me. Once I think I’ve seen everything, something new catches my attention. I continue to stand stunned while Felix continues his speech.

“Used to be a normal, fun place to live. I had a ton of toys.” He starts pointing to areas where some of his stuff was, “All my Legos went in that corner. I had an Xbox over there at one point. And I had this trampoline that drove the downstairs neighbors crazy.”

Hmm. That sounds like a lot of fun. But what happened?

“But uh,” he continues, “I realized eventually that my mom was buying me all that stuff to distract me from what was really going on. She always suffered from depression.”

Oh my god. As Felix tells his story, I see so much more of him. I see his life. I see why he is the person he is. I see that because he acts so happy all the time doesn’t mean that he always is. I see a new depth to Felix that I’ve never seen before. And I feel sorry for him and his mom.

“Over time, it got worse,” he tells me solemnly. “And she developed this inability to part ways with stuff.”

“So your mom’s like a – a hoarder?” I ask, not having spoken since we left my house.

“I like to think of her as a…overactive collector,” Felix laughs. “But yeah, no, hoarder works too.”

I look around again quickly, and I exhale. This is so much to take in at once, and I just have to wonder why?

“Felix,” I say, “why are you showing me this?

“I saw your life,” he says sweetly. “I wanted you to see mine.”

I feel a lot right now. I don’t even know how to describe any of the stuff I’m feeling; I just know that there are a lot of emotions there.

“Look,” he says softly while approaching me, “this might be where I live, but this is not a reflection of who I am. The way your mom sees you is not a reflection of you.”

I don’t even know how to respond to the words that he’s saying right now.

“You are already the best version of yourself,” he continues.

I can’t even begin to think of a response to that other than to smile. How is it that he knows exactly what to say?

“You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re beautiful. And for the record, I know what beauty looks like. There’s about a thousand Cosmo magazines in that corner to prove it.”

Now, I know what I feel. I feel happy. I feel happy being here with Felix and about him saying such sweet amazing things to me. I can’t help but to smile as he sees all of the very best parts of me, some of which I don’t even see sometimes. I chuckle, knowing that there is only one word I can use to describe this feeling – love. I love Felix. He is the best person ever to have walked into my life.

“Thank you, Felix,” I say. “I really needed that.”

“Of course,” he says.

I notice the time, and I realize that it’s late. And I’m tired. Plus, we have school tomorrow, and I need some time to recover from such an emotional day.

“It’s kind of late,” I say. “I should probably go.”

“Right.”

I order a Lyft, and it’s not too far away. Felix walks me outside like the kind gentleman he is.

“So, um, thank you for coming,” he says.

“Thanks for bringing me,” I smile. “Meant a lot.”

It really did. I’ve never been clearer about my feelings for anyone than I have been about my feelings for Felix. He reminded me of who I am, and that’s the kind of person who I want to be with.

“Oh. Looks like my Lyft’s here, so…” I say as a car pulls up and I notice the notification on my app.

I smile and chuckle at the boy I love before walking over to my Lyft.

“Lake!” he says suddenly as I approach the car.

I turn around to listen.

“Come to the dance with me,” he says out of nowhere.

Oh god. We’ve had such a good night. I really don’t want to do this now.

“I mean, who cares about public perception?” he says. “We’re _great_ together!”

I sigh. _I_ care about public perception. Public perception is crucial.

“I can’t,” I choke on the words, knowing that I’m hurting him by saying it. I say honestly, “It’s just – I care too much. About what other people think.”

“I understand,” he nods slowly.

“Thank you,” I say softly, knowing how painful it is for him to acknowledge that. But I know that he’s willing to endure that for me, and that’s one of the reasons that I love—

“But whatever this is, Lake, I can’t do it anymore.”

What?

“I’m sorry,” he says harshly. “This is over.”

Oh.

I look at him for a second, and I know he’s serious.

I can’t speak. He just lured me in and ripped my heart out.

I turn away, and I get into my Lyft, not saying another word. I cry as we drive away from the boy who broke my heart.

When I get home, my mom asks where I’ve been. I tell her it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. I was with the boy I thought I loved, and then he destroyed my spirits right after lifting them up again.

As I go to bed at night, I can’t sleep. I am soaked in my own tears of sorrow, of pain, and of guilt.

What’s worse is that I didn’t just lose a potential boyfriend tonight. I lost a friend that I never even knew I had.

It’s a dark night. They say that darkness reveals truths that no sun can bring to light. I just hope that in the midst of this darkness, I will find that truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a little Felake angst. Guys, there is one more Lake chapter left, and then we're onto Felix!!! Thank you for reading this far, and I appreciate your feedback!


	23. Lake Part 9: Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This is my last Lake chapter, so I really hope you all enjoy it! This perspective has been doing better than I thought it would, so I want to thank you all for that!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>> **Lake** >>Felix>>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

For the rest of the week, I spend my time with Mia. I tell her about how Felix dumped me. Not only does it hurt, but it’s so embarrassing! How did _I_ get dumped by _him_? Based on each of our social standings, it should have been the other way around if it was ever going to happen. Still, it never should have happened.

I have a rule with Mia that we don’t talk about Felix. I avoid him for the rest of the week.

Unfortunately for Mia, her week hasn’t been too great either. It turns out that her dad got Veronica pregnant and that they’re going to tie the knot soon. I actually think it’s really sweet, but I know that it’s a lot for Mia to take in. It’s like her dad is starting a whole new family all around her. I let her vent to me about that during the week, too.

Friday morning, I begin to feel really sad about the Spring Fling. I know that I wasn’t going to go with Felix anyway, but I still would have liked to have the option. Plus, I might have tried to go in our group of friends and hang out with him anyway to get around the public scrutiny. But now, I can’t be around him at the dance at all. He ended things, and as brutal as it is, I think that’s it for us.

I meet Mia at her locker in the morning.

“How are you holding up?” she asks.

“Fine, I guess,” I say, letting my feelings show. “You and Victor are going to the dance together, I suppose?”

“Yeah,” Mia says. “You’re welcome to join us if you’d like. Pilar is coming, too. We’re meeting at his place later.

“And Felix?” I ask, wanting to avoid him if I can.

“He’ll probably be there. He does live in the building,” Mia points out.

I sigh. I just want to be able to enjoy the dance with my best friend. But my best friend has a date, and I don’t, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to enjoy the dance with anyone. I already bought a ticket last week, anticipating that I would want to go. Now, because I’ve spent the money, I have to figure out some way to make this work. I’ll have to go with Mia and Victor, even though Felix will probably be there, too.

“Come here,” Mia pulls me in for a hug.

The embrace of my friend is a comforting one. I know that Mia and I are always there for each other no matter what. So if I can’t have Felix, I’m glad I have her. Plus, I’m glad that at least she’s happy. Victor has been sending her mixed signals lately, but he was there for her when it mattered most.

On our way to class, we see Victor and Felix talking. Mia looks over at me to get my attention.

“Oh no,” I catch on to what she’s trying to signal, “Do not drag me over there.”

“I’m going to talk to my boyfriend,” Mia says stubbornly. “You can come with me or not.”

Ugh, fine. I’ll follow her. But I’m not going to be happy about it.

Mia and Victor exchange greetings.

“Hey,” I say tensely to Felix, not sure whether I’m actually trying to be polite.

“What’s up?” he responds just as coldly.

Suddenly, a girl named Wendy walks up to our group.

“Hey guys. Umm, Felix,” she says, and she hesitates, “come on, Wendy, you can do this - um, do you want to go to the dance with me tonight?”

_What? Seriously?_

How does Felix get a date to the dance before I do?

“Wow,” he says, “Yeah! No, I’d love to!”

Oh, come on! How can he just move on that quickly? Clearly, to him, I’m as desirable as chopped liver.

Wendy gets excited about Felix being her date, and she walks away.

I look over at Mia. She knows how upset I am right now.

“Wow,” Felix turns to me, “Can’t believe someone wants to be seen publicly with me at a dance.”

Oh, he wants to play that game? Well, I have tricks up my sleeve, too.

“Uh, well, just so you know, I actually have a date tonight, too,” I lie, “so…”

The bell rings.

“See you tonight,” I say.

“See _you_ tonight,” he responds.

We go our separate ways. I don’t wait for Mia, and he doesn’t wait for Victor. We just walk away.

“Lake,” Mia says in a chastising voice as she catches up to me, “I _know_ you don’t have a date for the dance tonight, and you obviously like Felix. Look, why don’t you just apologize for how you’ve been acting?”

“No!” I stand my ground. He dumped me. I let him into my heart when I didn’t even know if I wanted to in the first place, and he broke it. I can’t apologize for that. Plus, maybe we’re not right for each other anyway. “What we had was fun, but we’re from different worlds. No, Felix should be dating Wendell.”

“You know her name is Wendy.”

“And _I_ ,” I say, ignoring her, _“_ should find myself a broad-shouldered future iBanker, just like God intended.”

“Well, if it isn’t the future Spring Fling queen herself?” Andrew suddenly approaches us with his friends, Teddy and Kieran. I assume he’s talking about Mia.

“Kieran,” I decide to address him. He’s cute. Why not? “Do you have a date to the dance tonight?”

“No way,” he says. “We’re all flying solo. Just me and my boys! We’re gonna make fun of all the lame-ass couples.”

I have a better idea.

“You and I are going to the dance together,” I tell him.

“Oh, okay!” he eagerly accepts my invitation. Not that I’m surprised. I’m irresistible. It’s a marvel why Felix couldn’t stick with me.

“Great,” I respond. “Text you my addy. See you at six.”

I walk away. Mia follows.

“Lake--”

“Nope,” I interrupt her. Don’t want to hear it.

Kieran meets me at my house in the afternoon, and I compliment his suit. He likes my bright red dress, too. I just love wearing red. It’s so flashy, and I know it looks hot on me.

I let Kieran know that we’re meeting over at Victor’s place. He drives me there since he has a car.

Once we get to Victor’s apartment, the only person there who is not in Victor’s family is Mia. I’m surprised to see her wearing such a bright sparkly dress. It’s a little bit of a step away from her usual style of dark and cool colors. But the silver really does look good on her. Maybe tonight will be the night that big things happen for her. I mean, she looks like a queen.

Felix and Wendy show up in a little bit. His tuxedo is so cute, but it sickens me that the color of his bowtie matches the color of her dress. I mean, come on, do they really have to go that deep into it? They hardly even know each other!

While Victor’s parents take our pictures, I glance over to Felix and Wendy to see that they’re… _bonding_.

Ugh, that’s it. I have to do something. I want Felix back. The only way to get him back is to show him what he’s missing out on.

I take Kieran’s hand and put it right on my boob.

“Oh my God, Kieran! PDA much?” I laugh, getting everyone’s attention. I then joke, “This one and his hands, right?”

“Lake, you’re – you’re hurting me,” Kieran says.

Ugh! He’s going to blow our cover!

“You’re so funny,” I giggle to try to stay believable.

We keep posing for pictures, but I can’t get Felix out of my head. Kieran’s arms aren’t Felix’s arms. It’s just not the same.

The group breaks up, and Mia comes over to me.

“You look really good,” she tells me. It’s in times like this that I know how lucky I am to have a friend like Mia.

“Thanks,” I say, and I return the compliment, “And that dress really is killing it.”

“Thanks,” Mia laughs. She then asks, “You doing alright?”

“Yeah!” I put on a smile. I can’t let Mia see my frustration. Instead, I smile and wave over to Kieran. But then I notice something. It’s the sight I least want to see. “Wait, why is he talking to Felix? This was not the plan.”

“Breathe,” Mia tries to calm me down. “Just try to have a good time tonight.”

I do as she says. I take a deep breath, and I relax.

“You’re right,” I say. “I’ll go to the dance and have fun.”

That’s really all I can try to do at this point. Obsessing over Felix all night is just going to make me sad. I just have to hope that he does see me with Kieran and get jealous enough to realize that he has no choice but to take me back.

We leave, and we head to the dance. On the way, Kieran talks my ear off about the lamest topics. He rambles on about fantasy sports. As we get close to the dance, he starts talking about fantasy football. It’s not even fall! We have four months until football season! And I don’t even like football! Still, that doesn’t stop him from giving me a super long explanation about the details and how it works. It’s so annoying!

When we get to the dance, I just can’t take it anymore.

“Hey,” I say to Kieran, “I’m gonna go talk to Mia for a little bit. Is that alright?”

“Oh, yeah sure,” he says.

Awesome.

I rush to Mia.

“Come do a lap with me,” I say desperately, breaking character for the first time in a while. “I need to take a break from Kieran. He won’t stop talking about how fantasy football works, okay?”

I don’t even feel bad about pulling her away from Victor. I just need to get away from Kieran.

“Alright,” she says, and she apologizes to Victor.

We start to walk around the gym.

“Already sick of your date?” she asks me.

Ugh, why does she have to press me about it?

“You know, you asked Kieran to come here with you, right?” Mia says. “Not the other way around.”

“I know,” I respond. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

“So you’ll talk to Felix?”

“What? God, no.” There’s no way I can do that! Playing hard to get is the only way I’m going to get what I want here! “I’m going to keep it up with Kieran. When Felix sees me having a good time with him, he’ll realize how irresistible I am, and he’ll have no choice but to get back together with me.”

“Lake, you’ve tried this before. Do I need to remind you how it turned out?”

I know she’s talking about Andrew and the stoplight party, but what she doesn’t see is that that was a much different situation.

“The difference is that Felix already has an expressed interest in me,” I remind her. “So this time, it’s sure to work.”

“I think you underestimate Felix,” she says.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Felix is a nice guy. If he sees that you’re happy with Kieran, if anything, he’ll probably be happy for you.”

“Please,” I scoff. “Did you see the way he talked to me this morning after Wendy asked him here?”

“He’s just hurting,” she says. “In time, he’ll get over it. Because that’s what nice guys do.”

Okay, I’m done with this conversation. I would rather get back to talking about fantasy sports – ick, gross; I can’t believe I said that.

“Believe what you want,” I dismiss. “I have a hot date to get back to.”

I get back to Kieran, and I act more flirtatious than before. I need to appear sexy and charming to Kieran in order for it to have any effect on Felix. Plus, I have a really fun time being sexy and charming anyway.

After a while, it gets hard to keep up the act. Who am I kidding? I’m just not into Kieran like I’m into Felix. And Felix hasn’t spoken to me since before we left. I even slow dance with Kieran at one point, but I just don’t feel anything. I look over to see Felix and Wendy slow dancing. Ugh, it looks like they’re having a good time, too. At one point, I actually pull Kieran so that Felix is in my direct line of sight.

Wait, he’s with Victor now, and not with Wendy. Is this a good sign for me?

Then, suddenly, I see Victor pull Andrew aside. That’s odd. What’s going on here?

Whatever, I can’t deal with problems other than my own right now.

Plus, Felix goes back to Wendy, and my brief moment of hope disappears.

A few minutes and a couple of songs later, I keep dancing with Kieran. He starts talking about his workout routine. God, I can’t stand this. If I hear one more word out of his mouth, my ears may begin to bleed. He just won’t stop talking!

“But if Tuesday is leg day, then Thursday becomes arm day, which means I have to do abs on Friday instead, actually.”

Agh!!! What does any of that even mean???

“Wow, that is so interesting,” I feign interest unconvincingly. He’s not really bright enough to see through it, though. I just need to get away from him. “Um, will you excuse me a minute?”

“Oh, yeah,” he says.

“Yeah.”

Thank god.

I go over to the punch bowl to get something to drink.

“Oh. Hey,” Felix comes up as I’m getting a drink.

Ugh. Why now?

“Oh, hi,” I greet him with a fake, plastered on smile, knowing that I still need to sell this if I want him back. “Just recharging,” I lie and laugh, “Kieran is _unstoppable_ on the dance floor!”

“Huh, cool,” he says. “Yeah, Wendy’s, uh, changing the Band-Aids on her feet. She wants to be in tip-top form in case the Cupid Shuffle breaks out, so…”

I chuckle softly. After that, I just kind of stand there. I don’t even reach for the spoon to get my drink. I don’t know how to interact with Felix at this point. I think I just have to wait for him to make the next—

“I’m glad you’re having fun, Lake,” he says to me.

What?

“You are?” I say, confused, not expecting that reaction.

“Of course,” he continues. “I want you to be happy. And if Kieran is what you’re looking for, I’m glad you found him.”

Ugh, god, Mia was right. Why does Mia have to be right? I’m usually the one in our friendship who is always right.

I look into Felix’s eyes, and I can tell that he’s being genuine and sincere. I can tell he’s being genuine because I see his pain. I see the look of longing in his eyes, even as he’s trying to reassure me that he’s glad I’m happy. But I’m not happy. I’m not with him.

I can’t do this. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I duck my head down and walk away from him without even getting my drink.

I go back to Kieran, and I can’t even fake the enthusiasm anymore. Coming here with him was a total mistake. I want Felix back. Making him jealous obviously wasn’t the solution. He’s too nice. And I begin to realize that _I’m_ the one who’s being a jerk. _I’m_ the one who kept him a secret. _I’m_ the one who admitted to being embarrassed by the other. _I’m_ the one who pushed and kept someone down in lower social ranks so that I could maintain my status. _I’m_ the one who wouldn’t go public with the relationship that I wanted. He didn’t break up with me because he’s a jerk. He broke up with me because _I’m_ a jerk. But I won’t settle for that. I won’t let myself keep doing that. I want him back. I love him, and I need him to know that at any cost.

It comes time for the announcement of the Spring Fling king and queen.

“Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks!”

Hooray for them! I knew they would get it!

After a few seconds of the crowd cheering, neither of them are on stage.

“Uh, Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks!” the announcement is repeated.

Still, neither of them are anywhere to be found.

I don’t know what’s going on with them. But I have an idea. This is my opportunity.

I say nothing to Kieran, and I make my way to the stage. What I’m about to do will change everything.

**_Next: Felix_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Lake's final chapter! I know that I didn't include the ending scene. Things that you didn't get in this perspective will definitely come in another one! Felix is next! We'll finish out January, then have a Felix February, and then....Benji!!!! I know y'all holding your breaths for that one haha. Thank you all for reading, and as always, I appreciate your feedback!


	24. Felix Part 1: Whimsy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix February starts a week early because I said so (and also because it lines up with the end of February lol). This was the first of the perspectives that I attempted to write, and I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope you all enjoy!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I like to think of myself as a mystical, whimsical being. I live the moments in life in every sense of the phrase. Some events are good, and others – well, not so much. When I get down, though, I get back up. I have to. There’s no point in being anything but cheerful about life. Otherwise, the bad stuff just takes over.

I live with my mom, and my dad isn’t around. I love my mom to pieces, though. I was also never the most popular kid in school. I never had a lot of friends. I’m what most would consider a huge nerd. That on its own doesn’t make me stand out, though. Unfortunately, things that happen early on in one’s schooling tend to follow them for the rest of their school career. On the first day of fifth grade, I played a game of dodgeball in gym class, and I got hit with the ball in the crotch. It hurt like hell. As if that wasn’t enough, a kid named Andrew started rumors about me. I was already kind of an awkward kid; the last thing I needed was my very own bully to solidify my status as a social pariah. Yet, I heard soon after that Andrew began spreading the rumor that I lost a testicle. Now, five years and two schools later, people still call me “Lone Stone.” It might have actually been funny if it wasn’t so cruel. I try not to let it bother me though. Like I said, I like to stay positive and cheery.

Despite never having had many friends, I love people. They give me life. Too many people can be overwhelming, but I really cherish those who care about me; I always care about them an equal amount, if not much more. I always strive to meet new people and have some of my positivity rub off on them. It’s also kind of nice to be able to get a fresh start with people you haven’t met before so that your story doesn’t have to be the one that everyone else has pushed on you. That’s why this past month, I was super excited when I heard there would be someone new moving into the empty apartment in my building. I knew I would have to wait a bit before they arrived, but when the time got close, my anticipation grew. I didn’t know much about whoever would move in, but I had high hopes. I wasn’t really sure what I hoped for. I guess I just hoped they were nice.

As I sit at home in my bedroom, letting time pass by, I see an exciting sight out my window. An SUV pulling a U-Haul drives up.

_New neighbors!_ I think to myself. I want to set a good impression. I need no help putting a smile on my face, as I feel giddy about getting to meet the people with whom I suppose I will share a home. I rush downstairs and out the front door. _A family_ , I notice, _maybe I can make friends with the kids_. There are three kids, one young and two a little older.

As I walk out the door, I hear the dad saying something about landing a middle management position in the building.

“Congratulations!” I say with a smile on my face and a charmed laughter, “What a great gig!” I make sure to express my enthusiasm so that they know how excited I am to meet them.

“Uh, thanks,” says the dad with a bit of hesitation.

“I saw you guys pull in,” I realize that I haven’t introduced myself. I do so, and I shake their hands. “Hi, I’m your new upstairs neighbor, Felix. If you guys need a cup of milk, I’m your guy!”

The younger kid says he really needs to pee. In an effort to connect, I laugh, “small bladder, I feel that man!” There probably couldn’t be a more awkward thing to say at that time, but I don’t let it bother me; I just keep that real smile on my face as the small child’s parents take him inside. I couldn’t be more excited.

“So, you guys going to Creekwood?” I ask the other two, as I am hopeful to make new friends.

“Yeah, Pilar’s a freshman,” the brother says, signaling towards his sister, “and I’m Victor, a sophomore.” He stands with a soft, friendly smile.

“Awesome!” I respond. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven!” I know it’s a bit eager, but I can’t help but to be extra friendly to the new students at school who happen to live next door. I just like making people feel like they belong. Maybe it’s because I never really belonged, but I like to think that I just have a kind heart.

Unexpectedly, in response to my enthusiasm, Pilar groans in disgust and walks away, seemingly to Victor’s surprise and dismay. I decide to focus on Victor.

“Oh! And I got a little something for us to keep in touch,” I pull out the old walkie-talkie that I grabbed on my way down. I have had it for a while, and I figured it’s time to actually put it to use.

Victor eyes it questioningly for a second. “Um,” he says, seeming perplexed, “can’t we just text?” He laughs.

“Ah, but where’s your sense of whimsy?” I respond in a chipper manner. Plus, I figured it would be a nice creative way to de-clutter a bit. I don’t say that part out loud though. He laughs, and I immediately sense that I have won him over with my charm and positivity.

“Thanks,” he tells me, “I should get going upstairs so that I can help move in.”

“Oh, of course!” I say, “Welcome to the neighborhood!”

I go back in to my apartment and let the new neighboring family unpack. The rest of the day passes.

\---

I wake up at six o’clock. After a good night’s sleep, I feel refreshed and recharged. I am so excited to escort my new friends to their first day at Creekwood! I take a quick shower, get dressed, and eat breakfast. As soon as I’m done getting ready, I head down to the new family’s apartment. It’s 6:40 when I arrive. It’s super early. I wait, and I get more excited with every passing second. Five minutes go by, and I can no longer contain my enthusiasm! I ring the doorbell multiple times. A few seconds later, Victor answers the door.

“Hey!” I greet him immediately, “I couldn’t remember if we said 7 or 7:15.”

“So you showed up at 6:45?” he asked, somewhat perplexed.

“6:40,” I admitted, “I stood outside your door for five minutes before knocking. I didn’t want to seem too eager.”

“Okay,” he understands. I lead him to school. I couldn’t be more excited to have a new friend!

As we get closer to the school, I think about all the exciting new opportunities Victor has at Creekwood as the new kid. I envy his position to an extent, as he gets to write his own story. How thrilling!

“Man, you’re lucky,” I confess to him. “I would _kill_ to be the new kid at school.”

“What?” he asks as if he thinks I’m insane. “Why?”

“The whole world is your oyster!” I remark at his surprising lack of glee. “New school, you can be whoever you wanna be. The rest of us had our destinies determined years ago.”

I want to convey my point to him in a way he’ll understand, and I guess I can see why he might be a little apprehensive about being the new kid. Without thinking very much about it, I tell him the Lone Stone story. He doesn’t say anything. I think that I may have told him too much. I don’t want to overwhelm my new friend on the first day with my insecurities.

“I mean, now it’s hilarious. I’ve reclaimed it,” I say as an attempt at a recovery, “but for a while there, it really hurt.” It wasn’t a total lie. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but it still gets under my skin sometimes.

Either way, I still recovered. As long as I don’t tell him about my mom, he probably won’t get too overwhelmed.

“The point is,” I continue, re-focusing on my positivity, “you are a blank canvas. Today, you paint the brush strokes that define who you wanna be.”

I try to be as encouraging as possible. That’s why I let him know he has a blank slate. That’s why I tell him that he gets to decide. Some of us aren’t that lucky. I figure that if I can make a friend and help set him on a path for success in his own life, then I’m accomplishing what I set out to do.

“So,” I begin to question encouragingly, “Who are you, Victor?”

He doesn’t respond. He looks up at the school building we’ve approached rapidly in what I can only assume is a hesitant yet marvelous curiosity. I gesture to him to follow me inside.

“Welcome to Creekwood!” I say, gesturing to the halls. I ask who he has first period. He tells me that he is supposed to meet with the vice principal, and he asks me if he’s cool. Our vice principal is a little bit dramatic; it makes sense given that she was promoted from the position of drama teacher.

Before I can respond, the vice principal walks up and greets Victor with a smile on her face. Her smile disappears as she turns and sees me. “Get to class, Lone Stone,” she says sternly.

“Alright,” I say resignedly and head off to my locker. I don’t really know why she’s rushing me. We still have plenty of time before first period actually starts.

I get my stuff for first period, and then I walk down the hall. On my way to first period, I spot Victor at his locker with Lake Meriwether and Mia Brooks, two of the most popular girls in school. As Mia walks away, I see her blush. I can’t help but to be proud of my new friend already killing it with the ladies.

I approach Victor with a proud smile on my face that I just can’t hide. “Dude,” I say, “You just made Mia Brooks blush!”

“Okay, so?”

How does he just say _“okay, so?”_? He makes a girl blush and he can’t get excited about it?

“You don’t understand. She is the hottest girl in our class,” I explain. “She basically _never_ dates, and _you_ just made her blush.”

After a second, I see him blush. “You’re blushing too!” I laugh.

He denies it, but he can’t hide it. I know a blossoming romance when I see one!

“Yes you are!” I say excitedly. “At first, I couldn’t tell because of your beautiful cinnamon complexion, but you totally are! You’re falling in love! Being your best friend is going to be a wild ride, isn’t it?” I can’t wait to have a friend whose life is actually eventful!

I walk him to his first period, gym, and I show him where the locker rooms are.

“Gym first period,” I say, “I do not envy you. Just got dressed, you’re still digesting breakfast.” I suddenly have a thought that probably stems from my less-than-ideal experiences in gym class. “Why do we even have P.E.? It’s not like we’re going to become professional dodgeball players. Oh!” I set aside my tangential thought to give Victor some actual advice. “Baby powder, bring it. What else?” I think of other words of advice.

I suddenly notice that he isn't talking much while I explain to him. He must be a fantastic listener. That’s a good thing, because I have to warn him about Andrew. I explain that he’s the one who started the Lone Stone nickname and that he is bad news. “If he tries to make eye contact with you, just run the other way. At least, that’s what I do.”

Before I can continue giving Victor advice, a friendly acquaintance walks up behind me. I presume it’s because he sees Victor and wants to get to know him.

“Oh, hey, Benji,” I greet him.

“Hey, Felix,” he responds.

Instead of introducing himself right away, he does his Benji thing by making casual conversation. He compliments Victor’s shoes. They have some sort of brief dialogue about how cool Victor’s shoes are. It’s quite a bit awkward. I can tell Victor is nervous to meet someone new. Since I’ve been there, I don’t judge too much. The bell rings, and they introduce each other and shake hands.

When Benji walks away, I try to reassure Victor that he doesn’t need to be too afraid to meet new people.

“Benji’s chill,” I say so that he feels better about interacting with his new classmates. Suddenly, though, a thought occurs to me that I feel I should bring up for Victor’s sake. I warn, “Also, he’s gay. Just so you know. I mean, I don’t care, but you don’t want people to get the wrong idea.”

I don’t want Victor’s social status to be dependent upon other people’s perception of his interactions with someone else. I know what it feels like to have my status completely determined boy others based on lies. He nods in agreement, and we both go to class.

I carry on with my day, happy to have found a new friend. I plan to meet back up with him at lunch.

When I get to lunch, I see Victor standing over Andrew at one of the tables. This is what I feared most. Why would he even interact with that guy? I warned Victor about Andrew. Did he think I meant someone else? This can’t be good. I hear the start of their conversation.

“It sounded like those basketball dues were gonna be a little steep,” taunts Andrew, “so I sent a link around and people actually donated.” He says it with some sort of maniacal laughter as if he’s proud for picking on the little guy.

“Just shut it down,” Victor stands up for himself.

Andrew taunts him once again. He gets up, and he starts to cause a scene.

He keeps talking, “There is nothing that you need to be ashamed of,” he continues with that sinister nod. “Yeah, I heard you’re living in Lone Stone’s building?”

There we go again with that god forsaken nickname. What a jackass. And why did he have to bring me into it? The last thing I want is more attention for being the outcast. I look around, as I worry for myself and for my newfound friend.

Andrew mentions that money is tight near where I live. This just isn’t fair to Victor. _No, Victor_ , I think to myself, _don’t engage_.

If only I could communicate with him, maybe he would actually heed my advice. He goes in anyway, picking on Andrew right back. At this point, I just want to help the poor kid. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do.

Andrew shoves Victor and walks away. I see Benji help Victor up and someone taunts him for it. I wish I could just stop everything that is happening to him and give him a better day. He rushes off.

I check my phone to see a post on the school’s gossip network, Creek Secrets: _The New Kid’s Got a Short Fuse_.

How? It just happened.

I rush after Victor to try to console him. I eventually find him in the hall and catch up.

“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened,” I say to him. I just feel awful that I witnessed such a demeaning event for him. “Andrew is a dick.”

“Yeah,” he says in response. I can tell he is irritated.

“I did think you should probably know that Lake, um,” I don’t want to deliver the bad news, but I feel the need to make him aware of it, “she published a post about you on Creek Secrets.”

He turns around apprehensively, and I feel terrible. I show him the post.

“Perfect,” he says. He’s so upset that he almost chokes on the word. I want to be cheerful and maintain my positivity, but I just don’t know what to say. He starts to walk away, and I feel stuck. What do I do to make him feel better? I just want to help him feel like he actually belongs here.

I’m not letting this happen. I’m not letting Andrew write his story like I let him write mine.

Before Victor gets too far, I chase after him and catch up. It’s my job to give him hope, so I think on my feet.

“I think you could still come back from this!” I say somewhat facetiously, but also hopefully. “You’ve just gotta show everyone it was a one off, and no better way to do that than to hit up the winter carnival.”

Felix, you’re a genius! You’ve done it again!

“So, what time should we head over? 7? I could swing by your place, or we could just hang out--”

“Please, just stop talking!” Victor exclaims out of nowhere. “I don’t want to go with the winter carnival with you, Felix! I don’t know you! We’re not friends. We’re just two guys that happen to live in the same building!”

Wow. His words sting. A lot. I tried to be good to him all day. I just wanted to make a new friend. Why is he so angry at me for that? I mutter some words to mask the fact that I’m holding back tears. So much for making a new friend.

The rest of the day, I slump through school. I thought today would be a good day, but it turned out to be pretty upsetting. I know I just met the guy, but I just wanted to show him that he could have a good time here and fit in. I failed miserably, and it doesn’t feel great.

I go home, and I have a lazy day. Even worse, I don’t have anyone who wants to go with me to the Winter Carnival. Like I said, I don’t really have that many friends. Who would I even invite? I decide to lay down for a while. I don’t really feel like doing anything. My mom is in bed, too, which doesn’t help. She’s having one of her off days.

After about an hour of being at home and sulking, I hear a crackling sound. I look around in wonder before I realize that it’s coming from the walkie-talkie that I gave to Victor yesterday.

“Uh, Victor to Felix,” I hear him say. I am glad he calls. “I don’t know if you’re there, but--”

“I’m here,” I say. It comes out before I let him finish. I try to hide my feelings about earlier in the day, but it ends up sounding a little bit aggressive. I don’t know if he notices or not. “Over,” I soften up on that word.

“I um,” he hesitates, and I listen, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have taken my bad day out on you.” He pauses. “Are you going to the Winter Carnival?”

I don’t hold grudges. I like to forgive people, especially when I know they have their own stuff going on. Victor sounds sincere, so I give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I’ll pick you up at 8,” I say more calmly and softly than before. I don’t think he needs a long explanation about how I forgive him. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. My goal for the night changes. I’m no longer excited because I have someone with whom I can go to the Winter Carnival; I’m happy because I get to show the new kid who had a bad day a great time. That’s who I am. I want to help people. Any gesture I can make towards someone to help them, I’ll do it. Victor seems like a nice guy, despite his outburst earlier. He deserves a place to belong, and I want to give him that.

“I’ll see you at 7:45,” he jokes. I laugh. This could be the start of a great friendship.

We get to the winter carnival, and I show him around. So many great memories. I used to come here with my mom all the time. I become aware of how much I am talking his ear off. I rush off to get us a couple of apple ciders; the apple cider here is one of the most delicious beverages I have ever tasted.

As I scramble to get the ciders, I see popcorn and candy apples, so I just have to stop and get those too. I just can’t help myself. I’m weak. I drop a couple of candy apples, though. Unfortunately, I just have to ditch those. I re-settle the popcorn and ciders, but by the time I do that, Victor is out of my line of sight.

Where did he go?

I look around, and I see him on the Ferris wheel – with Mia. I acknowledge in my own mind that he’s had a rough day. Maybe this is the turnaround that he needs. Maybe this isn’t just the start of a great friendship. Maybe this is the beginning of a great love story. He deserves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's your intro to Felix! Felix's perspective is tied for most chapters at 10! So you'll get a lot of him! I'm really looking forward to this one, so I hope you are too! Thanks so much for reading!


	25. Felix Part 2:Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

The morning after the winter carnival, I pick Victor up early enough so we can stop and get some coffee. There’s a really good place nearby called Brasstown, and I’m never disappointed when I go.

“So,” I ask Victor when we walk into the shop, “You turnt up for day number two?”

He looks around in the way he seems to do when he arrives somewhere new and unfamiliar. He turns back toward me to answer.

“I don’t know,” he responds, “I just want to fly under the radar today, you know? Just go 24 hours without appearing on that stupid Creek Secrets.”

My phone buzzes as he talks. As I listen to what he has to say, I check the notification. Unfortunately for him, he isn’t going to get his wish. When I open my phone, I see him as the subject of yet another post on Creek Secrets.

“Well, the bad news is you made it zero hours,” I tell him. I look again, closer at the post. “But the good news is this time the story’s positive.”

The story is about Victor and Mia riding the Ferris wheel together. As I continue to read, I see that my new best friend’s social status is on the rise. It seems like Mia is good for his popularity.

As happy as I am for him, I internally acknowledge my own shortcomings in the social atmosphere.

“You’ve been dubbed a hottie?” I exclaim with a bit of a prideful shock. “I would give my appendix to be called a hottie on Creek Secrets! I mean,” I mutter to myself, “if I still had an appendix. Thanks a lot, Dr. Zarian!”

I utter that last comment a bit sarcastically. Seriously, though, I would love for my social status to rise even an ounce. Victor hasn’t even started his second day yet, and he’s already getting praise.

“I went on a Ferris wheel with some girl,” he says dismissively and laughs, “Why is this news?”

He still doesn’t get it.

“Mia is not just some girl,” I clarify, “ _Everyone_ is obsessed with her. Even the bathroom graffiti about her is respectful.”

It’s true. People pick on each other a lot through bathroom stall messages. I’ve been on the receiving end of that multiple times as Lone Stone. There are also so many obscenities that people like to write for whatever reason. But I once saw, scratched into the stall of the boys’ bathroom, a poem dedicated to “Beautiful Mia Brooks, who has stolen my heart.” It was actually kind of creepy, but it certainly did give her praise.

I hear the barista call for the next in line. That’s us. I walk up to the counter and I order for both of us.

“Wait, are you guys hiring?” Victor asks the barista, seemingly somewhat excitedly.

She hands him an application, which he starts to fill out. She dismisses him from the counter and tells him somewhat aggressively to fill it out on his own time. We walk away from the counter to wait for our drinks.

“You’re getting a job?” I ask, surprised at the step he is taking. I am also somewhat apprehensive about my best friend working a job. Does this mean I’ll get to see him less? It’s going to take up so much of his time.

He confirms and tells me that he wants to work to be able to pay to be on the basketball team. “We’re not ‘Creekwood rich,’” he says.

I’m not really “Creekwood rich” either. I know the feeling. Sure, he might spend a lot of time at his job, but I understand why he needs it. Getting a job just isn’t something that I have thought about before. I’m proud of him for taking that step.

We walk to school. Most of the walk is quiet. When we get to school, I think of something that has been on my mind for a while.

“Hey, now that you’re dating Mia, do you think you can put in a good word with Lake?” I ask. “I kind of have a thing for her.”

Lake is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I don’t even know her that well, but somehow I care about her a lot. Since Lake and Mia are basically best friends, I figured I would ask Victor for the favor. I’m best friends with Lake’s best friend’s soon-to-be boyfriend. That’s my in. That has to count for something!

I tell Victor about the period romantic novel I have been writing about Lake. It takes place in 1875. In the story, I’m a young sheriff living next door to Lake, a widowed candle maker-

“No, no, no,” Victor interrupts as he waves his finger in the air, “don’t spoil it.”

I appreciate his desire to be left in suspense.

“Also,” he continues, “I’m not dating Mia.”

“Well, Creek Secrets says otherwise,” I point out to him. “One of the commenters already gave you a combined couple name: Victor-ia.”

“Dude, you’re insane. No one’s gonna care about this.”

He’s such a skeptic. Little does he know that this is going to be the beginning of new life for him! If I can’t make him see it, though, he’ll find out soon enough on his own. I’ll go ahead and let him be pleasantly surprised.

We walk into the school building. As soon as we do, all eyes are in our direction. I’ve never received this type of attention before. Not positive, anyway. People stared when Lone Stone started. Of course, I know they’re all looking at Victor, but I’ll take what I can get.

The first people to spot us are these three really pretty girls who flirtatiously turn to look in Victor’s direction. He waves so nonchalant with a soft smile on his face; I wish I could be that cool. We run into another group of guys who actually applaud him. One gives him a fist bump. I must be cool by association, right? I put my hand up for a high five. He leaves me hanging, so I guess my social status hasn’t risen at all.

Everyone from the most popular and athletic jocks to the most socially awkward band geeks turn their attention towards us as we continue to walk down the hall. We both look around and then at each other as he becomes aware of what’s happening. Despite me figuring out that this doesn’t help my status at all, I couldn’t be more excited for him. This is wild! He definitely bounced back from yesterday! Go Victor! I suddenly think about this event as a way of sticking it to Andrew. The new kid that he picks on his first day suddenly becomes the new kid dating the hottest girl in our class!

“I gotta go to first period,” Victor snaps us both out of our trance, “Meet you at lunch?”

I agree.

Until lunch, I eagerly await it. That’s the time of the day where everything fell apart for Victor yesterday. While I don’t anticipate that happening again based on his new status, I am glad that I get to spend the time with him because I think it will just be better that way.

I meet up with Victor at lunch. We find his sister, Pilar, and we sit down next to her to give her some company. She groans.

“Nice greeting,” Victor says to her sarcastically.

“Eric just got tagged in a photo with Giselle at the mall,” she replies.

I don’t know who these people are, so I just go along with it.

“The mall, Victor!” she says for emphasis.

I peek down at Pilar’s phone to see the photo so that I can be involved in the conversation. “Whoa, she’s hot!” I accidentally exclaim out loud.

Victor gives me a stare and puts his finger to his lip. I must have been too loud.

“Oh, sorry,” I whisper to compensate for my outburst, “she’s hot.”

“Eric loves you. Don’t be crazy,” Victor says to his sister.

Right. Eric is Pilar’s boyfriend. I definitely should have gotten that. Oops. Hopefully I didn’t just make it worse.

Suddenly, I see Victor jump up from the table. I wonder what is going on.

I hear Mia’s voice, and I catch on to Victor’s eagerness.

“Hi,” she says somewhat apprehensively. She then says something about the Creek Secrets post, but I forget it after I hear that Lake is with her.

I try to work up the courage to go and talk to her. I don’t have a lot of time, so I jump out of my seat.

“Hi, hello,” I say nervously as I approach the two girls conversing with Victor. “Victor’s best friend here,” I introduce myself to Mia, and shake her hand. I turn to Lake, and suddenly, I become Irish, “Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies,” I say to her. I offer a handshake to her as well, but she raises her hands up and pulls away.

“Okay, it’s actually one p.m.,” she says.

_Why are you like this, Felix?_

“But, uh, Victor,” Lake turns to address him, “did Mia tell you she’s hosting a little get together tonight?”

“What’s the occasion?” he asks.

“The occasion,” she clarifies, “is a free mansion with zero adult supervi-sh.”

I look over at Victor. This is great for him! He just got invited to a party hosted by Mia Brooks!

“Starts at 9,” Lake gives the details. “Also, it’s a stoplight party, so dress accordingly.”

Mia and Lake walk away, and Victor and I sit back down. This is an incredible opportunity. I hope Victor knows how lucky he is to get this invite. Of course, I’m definitely going with him.

“Dude, I’ve always wanted to go to a stoplight party,” I say to him to make it clear how big a deal this is. “Or really any party,” I add as an aside to myself. I don’t really have friends, so I don’t really get invited to stuff.

“Umm, what’s a stoplight party?” Victor asks.

I can’t believe he’s never heard of a stoplight party! Upon the realization that he has no idea what we’re talking about, I interject, “Oh, everyone wears a color to show their relationship status. If you wear green, it means you’re single, ready to mingle. Red means you’re in a relationship. And yellow means you’re into someone at the party.” I look back and forth between Victor and his sister as I explain, as she doesn’t seem to know what I’m talking about either. “You guys didn’t have this in Texas?”

“We had church barbecues,” Pilar responds, “If you wear a sundress that’s above the knee it means you go to hell.”

Victor laughs at Pilar’s comment.

“Huh,” I resign. They must have some dark humor in Texas. That does not sound like a very fun time.

“Victor,” I turn my attention over to him once more, “You have to wear yellow to declare your feelings for Mia.”

He pauses. He doesn’t seem too sure about the idea.

“I mean you like her, right? Why wouldn’t you?” I nudge him in that direction. It’s my job to let him know that he should be comfortable with his feelings and declare them. That’s what friends are for, right?

After school, I go home and put on a yellow sweatshirt and yellow sweatpants. I have to show Lake how I feel. Tonight is the night.

I am eager to get to the party, so I show up at Victor’s place early. His mom answers the door.

“Oh, um, hi Felix,” she greets me somewhat hesitantly, “are you here for Victor?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“I’ll go get him. Come in, have a seat!”

She’s a rather nice lady. I take a seat on the couch in their living room and wait for Victor to come out of his room. I eagerly await the presentation of whatever outfit Victor decides to bring out of his closet to the party.

I see Victor coming down the hall. “You wore yellow!” I laugh proudly.

“Yeah, I did,” he replies. “Like you said, why wouldn’t I?”

I’m so proud that he’s letting his true feelings show!

“What about me?” I ask. “I want to make it super clear that I’m into Lake.”

“Yeah, I think it’s clear.”

I put on my yellow headband, and we both laugh.

Victor’s dad comes home. “Well you two look like a couple of bananas getting ready to split,” he jokes. Now that’s my kind of humor!

“We’re dressed like this for a party,” Victor says to clear up confusion.

Victor’s dad seems apprehensive about the two of us going to the party. “Whose party?”

I chime in, “Oh, this girl Mia. She likes Victor.”

As I say it, Victor turns around and gives me a quite terrifying stare. Before he or I can say anything else, his dad starts to catch on to the hype.

“Who is this girl? Is she cute?”

“Dad,” Victor sighs, “don’t be weird.”

“Oh, she’s gorgeous!” I interject. “Kinda like a young my mom,” I say, nodding.

What? My mom was attractive when she was younger. It’s just a fact.

Victor’s dad wishes him luck with Mia on our way out.

\---

We get to the party. The house is huge. It’s incredible. There are so many people there by the time we arrive. Victor and I look around in awe of what we have just stepped into. The music is playing, and people are dancing and drinking. I feel Victor reach behind my head as he pulls off my headband and hands it to me at chest level. I look at him and then down at it. A million thoughts run through my head as Victor’s new basketball teammates greet him with high fives and smiles while greeting me with silence and demeaning stares. Did the headband make me look too dorky? I can pull it off, right? Am I really that lame? Am I really that embarrassing? How am I ever going to survive this party if I can’t even figure out that my clothes make me look like a loser?

We walk further into the party. I see Lake wearing red and talking to Andrew about her boyfriend, apparently named Bruno. Of course. The girl I like is taken. Just my luck. Why am I even here? I wore yellow, and now I feel like a fool. What am I supposed to do now? It hurts not to be wanted. At least I still have Victor by my side for the night.

No sooner do I think that than does Andrew take note of our presence. He invites Victor to join him and his friends. I figure that Andrew must be warming up to Victor. I start to follow Victor outside. I am stopped by the hand of someone on the basketball team who greeted Victor and ignored me as we walked in the door.

“Sorry, it’s a team thing,” he says, much to my disappointment.

Victor notices this and turns around to address me. “Do you mind?” he asks considerately, “Uh, I’ll be right back.”

I do mind. I don’t have any friends here. I don’t want to keep Victor held down, though. Why should I let my awkwardness and pariah status get in the way of his gaining popularity? If he wants to hang with the team, I should let him hang with the team. I just want him to have a good time.

I cover up my feelings and say, “Oh sure. Yeah, I’ll- I’ll be fine.”

I don’t know what to do now. Victor is the only reason I felt okay coming to this party. Now he’s gone.

I turn around and I see Lake. I might as well take a shot. What else do I have going on for me tonight?

“Oh, hey,” I stammer through my words, recalling that she said her boyfriend’s name is Bruno, “so uh, this, uh – this Bruno guy – is it, is it serious?”

She turns and walks away. I sigh. She doesn’t even give me the decency of responding. Why is it so hard to get a girl to talk to me? Why is it so hard to get _anyone_ to talk to me?

I don’t know these people. My crush won’t talk to me, and my best friend is off with his cool popular friends. So much for having fun tonight. No one is going to want to talk to me. Am I supposed to just wait for Victor? How long is he going to be gone? What if he doesn’t want to be my friend after hanging out with the cool kids?

I put a smile on my face and try to greet a couple of people at the party. I figure that I should at least try. No one seems interested in carrying on a conversation past “hello.” And typically, others don’t even say that; I do. I have to find something to do. I have to get these thoughts about my ever-dwindling social status out of my head.

I look over and see some alcoholic beverages on a table in the other room. I know I shouldn’t, but what else is there for me to do here? No one seems to want to talk. I’ll just drink. At least it will keep me occupied until Victor gets back.

I pour one drink into a plastic cup. I start drinking it, and I try to socialize with people. It doesn’t work too well. Maybe I just get too anxious.

I finish the first drink and pour another. I finish that one.

Some time passes, and I keep refilling my cup. After some time, I don’t really feel all that nervous to talk to anyone anymore.

I stumble on outside and I see Victor sitting with his new friends.

“Where’ve _you_ been?” I say drunkenly, beginning to slur my speech.

“Oh hey,” I think he responds. I sit down and put my arm around him. “I’ve been with the guys.” He notices that I’m not sober. “Are – are you okay?”

“Ah, well,” I start to respond truthfully, my speech pattern now slow and distorted, “you were gone a while, so in order to calm my _crippling_ social anxiety, I made a new friend,” I refer to my cup of beer. I giggle at the end of that sentence. “Can you believe Lake has a boyfriend?” I ramble on. “Ugh, _Bruuunnnooo._ Even his name is cool.” 

I take another sip of my drink.

“Let’s take it easy, alright?” Victor says as he gets up from his seat, causing me to fall softly onto the spot from where he just got up, my hand with the drink still in the air.

I continue to drink. The light around me fades. I feel sleepy. I become unaware of my surroundings.

\---

As I regain some consciousness, I feel myself leaning on someone. I think someone is walking me through a hallway. There aren’t many people around anymore. I realize the person carrying me through the hall is Victor. We come to a door, and on the other side of the door, I see a figure I slightly recognize as Mia.

“Oh, hey,” Victor awkwardly greets Mia.

“Hey,” Mia says with a chipper tone, and then sees me, “Uh, what are you doing--”

“There was a sharpie situation and a line for the bathroom downstairs.”

As Victor says this, the memory of someone drawing on my face comes back to me.

“Can I wash up?” I say. Or at least, I think I’m saying that. There is a slight chance that I may just be awkwardly motioning toward my face.

“Uh, you can use mine,” Mia offers.

“Great, thank you,” says Victor.

Victor leads me to Mia’s bathroom. I wave to Mia. I think she waves back. I am so out of it. I stumble on over to the bathroom with Victor’s assistance. I start to wake up and become capable of more coherent speech.

“I can’t believe Lake has a boyfriend,” I groan.

“Hmm,” Mia somewhat laughs, “No, it’s just her cousin.”

“That’s worse!” I respond as Victor begins to scrub the writing off my forehead. “I can’t compete with family!”

As I become more and more aware, I also feel sicker. The headache sets in, and I feel really dizzy.

“You know, I’m just gonna lie down on this nice cold floor,” I say as I dizzily get up off the toilet seat and lie down awkwardly.

The next thing I hear Victor say is, “Let us know if you need anything, buddy.”

“Mm-hmm,” I murmur and give him a thumbs up. I lie down and close my eyes to rest.

Mia and Victor start talking. I don’t really know about what. I’m too out of it, and I can’t really focus on someone else’s conversation. I can barely focus on my own thoughts at this point.

All of a sudden, I feel cold.

“Guys,” I whine, “Could I get a blanket?”

Victor takes off his green jacket and tosses it to me to use as a blanket.

“Thank you,” I say up to him.

He lets me rest for a few more minutes before alerting me that we need to go home. He practically drags me to the bus stop. The bus is late, and I lean on him for support just about the whole way home.

_I’m leaning on my friend_ , I think drunkenly, _just as I want him to someday be able to lean on me._

When we get to our building, I think of the events of the evening and start laughing about them. I recount them to Victor, who is probably just tired and wants to go to sleep. As I laugh loudly, he shushes me.

Victor’s dad opens the door to their apartment.

“Hey, you’re late,” he notices.

“Dad!” Victor says, alarmed.

His dad looks at me up and down. “You guys been drinking?”

I don’t want to get in trouble. I don’t want to get Victor in trouble. I’m also not totally alert still. Not a second passes before I frantically and hysterically respond, “What? Drinking? I’ve never been soberererer.”

“No, no,” his dad catches my mistake, “Too many ers. Go home, have a glass of water, and sleep it off,” he tells me. “Go ahead.”

I follow his instruction. I have a huge headache. I sigh as I begin to walk up the stairs. I hardly make it, but I do. I drink a glass of water and lay down in bed. I definitely do not want to make this a habit.

Just before I fall asleep, I think I recall hearing Mia say earlier that Victor is a good friend. He really is a good friend. He cares enough that he helped me through tonight and was there with me even though it meant missing out on other fun stuff at the party. Tonight may not have been my night, but at least I still have my best bud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to hug Felix throughout so much of this episode! Hope you enjoyed and are looking forward to the process of landing on DJ F-Bomb! Thanks for reading, and I appreciate feedback!


	26. Felix Part 3: DJ F-Bomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit shorter compared to my usual updates. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

Every so often, there comes a time in a young lad’s life where he is gifted a golden opportunity to make his dreams come true. For me, that day is today.

This morning, I stop at Brasstown to get some coffee before going to school. It takes a little longer than usual, so I look around at the decorations. I notice a flier on the wall advertising Battle of the Bands. The coffee shop hosts the Battle of the Bands every year. Anyone in the community can perform as long as they sign up at least twelve hours in advance of the show. I remember hearing Mia and Lake talking about how excited they were to attend, and suddenly, I have an idea.

I grab the flier off the wall and leave quickly, without even getting my drink. I already paid, but I’m too ecstatic to think about that. Once the lightbulb goes off in my head, there’s no stopping this train from chugging along.

When I get to school, I find Victor in a hurry. I catch up with him after first period. I find him at his locker. I stand and wait for him to close his locker so he can see me. He shuts his locker and is surprised by my sudden presence.

“I have the ultimate plan to win Lake’s heart and brain,” I start obsessing while holding up the flier that I grabbed from the coffee shop, “and if I’m lucky, all of her other organs too. Check it out! Battle of the bands – I’m performing!”

I hand him the flier, and he looks at it questioningly.

“You’re in a band?” he asks, surprised.

“No, no, no,” I correct him joyfully, “I’m a DJ, which is even better because a DJ makes music into more music!”

“I didn’t know you were a DJ,” Victor remarks gleefully.

I feel a sense of pride in Victor seemingly recognizing something about me as cool.

“Well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Victor!” I say as he laughs. I start listing off some other unique things about myself that make me stand out, “I sponsor a manatee named Jessica, I’m a meme in Japan, I make my own shampoos – damn it! I just spoiled your birthday gift.”

I’m in the process of making a homemade shampoo for his birthday coming up in a few weeks. Oh well, so much for the element of surprise.

The other stuff is true too, though. I once found this site online where you can donate money to a wildlife foundation in the form of sponsorship of an animal. The money is used to obtain the resources to clean up the water. As I was on the site, I found this adorable manatee named Jessica, and I just couldn’t resist. Now I send them five dollars every month and get a thank you card; helping the environment is the only thanks I need! I also once took a trip to Japan, and I guess I just have a very meme-able face. I marveled at Itsukushima Shrine, a popular tourist attraction, and my reaction started to spread like wildfire.

Victor laughs at my comment about the shampoos. “Have you ever performed before?” he begins to interrogate.

“Not in front of people who aren’t my mom, no,” I begrudgingly admit, “but I’ve been practicing for months, and I’m definitely ready.”

It’s true. I have a lot of free time. It’s kind of easy to find a lot of time when you don’t have a lot of friends. Still, I have gotten very good at what I do, and it’s about time for me to show my skills off to the world! Er, to Brasstown coffee and the Creekwood High community, anyway. My mom likes it, though, so why wouldn’t the rest of Atlanta?

I continue, “All that’s left to do is to figure out my look.”

“You’re getting your haircut?” Victor asks in an excited shock.

“No! I just got one!” What’s wrong with my hair? “My DJ disguise,” I clarify, “like Daft Punk or uh, Deadmau5, or Mrs. Doubtfire.”

“Mrs. Doubtfire wasn’t--”

“Not a DJ, but such a good disguise!”

Victor looks at me and passively addresses my rant, “Well, I can’t wait to see what you land on. I’ll be there with Mia,” he pauses, “on a date.”

“Yes!” I say excitedly in three syllables. It’s about time those two get things going! They clearly like each other! I’m also so thrilled that Mia said yes to Victor. I’m proud of the guy and also really happy for him. “Alright, well,” I attempt a joke, “you can’t spell stud without…”

I pause to let him figure out the punchline. He remains speechless.

“U,” I clear up in an anticlimactic manner after waiting a few seconds for him to catch on.

“Never do that again,” he says matter-of-factly while pointing at me as the bell rings.

“Understood,” I concede. Why does no one appreciate good humor? That’s fine; I guess I’ll just see him later.

I spend the rest of the day at school trying to figure out what I want my DJ name and costume to be. I can’t think of a single idea. If I can DJ, then why is it so hard to come up with a stage name? When I get home, I begin to look through the apartment for ideas.

There’s so much stuff in here. There must be something I can use as a costume.

As I dig through my cluttered living room, I find some Paper Mache, cardboard, and duct tape. Suddenly, I feel inspired. Instead of finding a costume to wear, I can make one. I sit and ponder different ideas. I still don’t know what my stage identity should be. I toy around with a few ideas. I start with DJ Felix. Too obvious, but I like the idea of incorporating my name. I want something that will make me sound like a badass.

What about that? I could do “badass,” right?

Nah. I decide against it. The swearing is too forward.

Suddenly, I have an idea.

How about ‘DJ F-Bomb’? It incorporates my name, and it makes me sound like a badass!

Felix, you’ve done it again with your spectacular creative wit!

It’s late, so I jot it down and go to sleep.

In the morning when I wake up, I get right to work. I have the day, so why not use all of it? I begin gluing the Paper Mache and cardboard so that it makes a round shape. I decide to make a Paper Mache bomb to wear on my head. I cover it with the black duct tape that I found last night so that it looks convincing. I find some paint, too, and I use it to make it look shinier. I add the fuse on the top. This costume is sure to get me a lot of attention!

I prepare for my set. I practice a few times before gathering my equipment and heading over to Battle of the Bands. I get there super early so I can set up. Turns out, there isn’t much to set up, so I sit in the coffee shop for a while. I help the manager of the shop set up some of the decorations and speakers since I don’t really have anything else to do.

As people begin to arrive, I feel my social anxiety creep in again. Thankfully, there is no alcohol this time.

The crowd grows larger and larger. Finally, I see Lake walk through the door. I rush over to her. She looks great in her outfit.

“Lake! I’m so glad you came! You look amazing!” I chuckle as I realize that I might be coming on a little too strong. “You, I – You look good,” I tone it down.

“Thanks, um,” she pauses, “ _you_.”

Ouch. She doesn’t even know my name. It’s time for that to change.

“Felix,” I politely correct her.

“Oh,” she acknowledges.

“Yeah,” I say with a laugh.

“Yeah. Yeah, I knew,” she says.

No she didn't. I move past it. “Can’t wait for you to hear my fire beats! Waka, waka,” I joke in an odd voice that I don’t even recognize from myself.

“Cool, well,” she hesitates and then proceeds to say dismissively, “good luck with that.”

She walks away. I am rooted in place. I start to mutter something, but I don’t even know what. Love does weird things to the human brain.

She’ll see how worthy of her I am once I get up on stage and perform.

I start to prepare my disguise as my performance is soon. Right before me are guys singing about side effects of prescription drugs. I figure that that’s not too much pressure to follow.

The store manager gets up on stage after they finish and makes a remark about the distressing nature of their performance. Then she introduces me, “Next up is DJ F-Bomb.”

I start to make my way up to the stage. I feel nervous, but also excited.

This is your chance, Felix! This is the opportunity of a lifetime to show everyone just how awesome you really are!

As I make my way there, I realize that it isn’t very easy to see out of the holes that I cut for my eyes. I find the keyboard as I talk myself through starting. It’s time.

“This one goes out to a very special lady!” I say into the microphone. I want to impress Lake, so I of course have to give her a shout out.

I start the music, and it actually starts really well! People dance and start cheering! I get really into it and start dancing and fist pumping myself.

I start to do my DJ thing by mixing tracks, and just my luck, I hit the wrong button. I try to adjust quickly. I look down, but I can’t see the button on my keyboard that I want to press. I frantically press one, hoping it’s right; it’s not. I start pressing more buttons, and it gets out of control. I go directly to my laptop and try to fix the error by typing in the right song name. It turns into me just pressing a bunch more random buttons. I hit another button on my keyboard that sounds an alarm and stops the music. At this point, the dancing has stopped, and people are staring in confusion. I crash and burn. How humiliating.

“Sorry, um,” I address the crowd in shame from which I failingly try to recover by laughing and playing it off as funny, “technical difficulties.”

I try to fix my equipment, but I still can’t see. I want the show to go on. I try to unplug my keyboard from one of the devices. I can’t seem to get the connection to come undone. I start to fidget with the microphones and amplifiers, causing obnoxious feedback to occur. That’s it. I can’t go on.

“Uh, Yeah!” I raise my fist in the air and pretend like I own my performance. The crowd boos me off the stage, and the coffee shop manager dismisses me.

Well that was a disaster.

I change out of my costume while the next few bands perform. I disappear for a while to collect my thoughts and avoid the people who just saw me epically fail. I rejoin the party when I realize that I have to confront Lake and let her know that I’m not a _total_ loser.

“Hey,” I say nervously as I find her and approach her. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” She saw me. I have to at least try to save face.

“Oh,” she responds somewhat surprised, “Uh, I don’t even think I saw you perform, but um, I’m sure you’re better than that DJ with the bowling ball head.”

She reminds me that no one could actually see my face. I decide not to own up to it. That costume is the only thing tonight that kept my embarrassment level and social pariah status from rising exponentially. Maybe it’s just better to let Lake see what she wants.

We both laugh, as I do so somewhat ironically.

“No, yeah, of course,” I lie, “I was better than him. He, uh – he sucked.”

“Oh, _sucked_!” she stings a bit more. “Which is a total bummer because I actually love DJs. They make music into more music,” she says somewhat flirtatiously.

“I always say that!” I reply, excited that I have a thought in common with Lake Meriwether!

“Well, great minds, Felix,” she continues to present herself with a flirtatious smile, “great minds.”

“You know my name!” I say in a bit of an admiring shock.

“Mmm, yeah I do.”

She’s flirting with me! Maybe I actually have a shot! At least this night wasn’t a total disaster!

Before our conversation can progress any further, Victor taps me on the shoulder from behind and greets me.

“Hey, man!” he says with a huge smile on his face.

“Hey! You made it!” I say, glad to see my friend at the event.

He becomes apologetic, “I’m sorry we missed your set, man.”

I forgive him. He’s there for me all the time, and he seems genuine. Plus, he’s on a date! I want him to be happy, too!

“Did we miss everything, or…?” he asks.

“Oh,” Mia chimes in, “I think the winner gets to play an encore, so at least we’ll get to see whoever was least terrible.”

We all laugh. Unfortunately, it definitely won’t be me performing that encore.

The store manager announces the winner, “The Sticky Beaks!”

That’s Benji’s band. The crowd cheers for them as they come on stage.

“Woo! Benji, take your shirt off!” Lake yells.

I look at her and wonder what motivated her to say such an awkward thing.

“What?” she turns when she notices my staring. “We’re all thinking it.”

All I can do is laugh. Lake is so funny, and she has such a great sense of humor. I warm up to the idea of a beautiful love story beginning here tonight.

Benji introduces his band, and they perform a cover of “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. I sing along and dance. Well, at least I try to sing along. I don’t really know the words all that well, so I kind of mumble some nonsense as they sing. It’s a nice ending to the evening.

After they finish playing, we applaud. Mia asks us if we’re ready to leave, and it seems like a good time to do so. I know my night got off to a rocky start. I push the humiliation from my horrific performance aside. The night ended very well. Lake knows my name, the last band to perform was great, and Victor really seems to have something going with Mia. I am so glad that he has someone who is going to make him happy. This night must be perfect for him. I can’t even begin to express how incredibly lucky I feel to be a part of such a happy group of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the inner workings of Felix's brain in this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	27. Felix Part 4: Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm a day late, sorry about that. But alas, it is Felix February! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit shorter because Felix wasn't in this episode much, but I hope that you will find it interesting and offering some valuable insight into Felix's character. Enjoy!
> 
> CW: depression
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I always want to be there for the people in my life to whom I’m close. That’s why I invest my energy into helping Victor and his family prep for his first division basketball game as a Grizzly!

I sit in Victor’s living room with his mom and his siblings. “Ms. S,” I ask as she works on her fan poster for Victor, “Do you make a poster for every one of Victor’s games?”

“Uh-huh,” she confirms.

“Salazar is a Sala-Star,” I read the words out loud as Victor walks into the room. “Wow, you are a pun wizard, and I’m under your spell.” I do my best to charm my friend’s mom. I also do appreciate her clever word play.

She laughs, “Thank you, Felix! At least someone appreciates my hardcore fandom!” As she says that last part, she turns to look at Victor in a jokingly scolding fashion.

“Yeah, hardcore is right!” he responds. “Back in Texas during regional semis, she got ejected from the game for excessive dancing.”

“Since when is dancing not allowed? We don’t live in a _Footloose_ world!”

The exchange is quite funny, mostly because that definitely sounds like something I would do.

“Not everyone enjoys watching you twerk like a geriatric Cardi B,” Pilar suddenly chimes in in a rather moody way. It sends a bit of a shock through the room, and things pause.

Their mom seems to assume that Pilar is jealous of the attention Victor is getting. She reassures Pilar that she loves all of her kids the same, despite the sign saying “Victor is #1.”

“But if you had to rank us, I’d be on top, right?” Adrian, Victor’s younger brother, whispers to his mom.

“Definitely,” she jokingly whispers back to him.

Adrian smiles at the remark and seems to be quite satisfied with himself. That kid is so precious that I could just squeeze him.

A few moments later, Victor’s dad gets home with pizza that he picked up from a nearby Italian restaurant. We gather around the table and get ready to eat.

“Alright, I am so glad you were able to make it for dinner, Felix,” his dad says to me. After a short pause, he adds, “And breakfast. It’s uh – it’s almost like you live here.”

“Guys!” I respond, feeling honored, “I feel that way, too!”

I did spend all day at their place. It’s a nice place, nicer than mine, anyway. Plus, the family is just so welcoming!

Victor’s dad asks Pilar to say grace. He anticipates her complaining, but she readily complies.

She starts to pray, “Bless us O’ Lord, and bless this pizza which you provided; bless the hands that prepared it. But most of all, bless my mother, Isabel.”

Her mom raises her eyes up in anticipation, and begins to smile. At that moment, I think that even though I’m not religious, it’s nice to hear a daughter supporting her mom like that.

“She needs your guidance the most. ‘Cause she’s nasty, and she knows it. Amen.” While finishing the prayer, she gives her mother a scathing look.

I am speechless and taken aback by the comment. Other members of the family around the table look up in a collective mixture of confusion and distaste.

“Hey!” their mom responds. “I don’t care if you are jealous about Victor’s big game. You may NOT speak to me that way!”

“Your room!” yells their dad, “NOW!”

I sit in silence throughout the exchange, feeling quite awkward. Pilar seemed tense throughout the day, but she always seems that way. I don’t know what is going on with her. I don’t want to involve myself too much in the family drama, either. That’s their stuff to figure out.

We wait for Pilar to get to her room as we all ponder what caused such an outburst.

“So,” I say in an effort to break the tension, “Do you guys, uh, always do grace roast style?”

My jokes usually get people to laugh, but this one falls flat.

Victor’s mom shakes her head. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, Felix,” she apologizes.

I can tell Victor and everyone else around the table are uncomfortable, so I say awkwardly, “No problem. It happens. Should we eat?”

“Yes,” Isabel sighs, “let’s eat.”

We mostly eat in silence. Things are tense after Pilar acts out. When we finish eating, I politely excuse myself. It’s not that I don’t care; I just think that me getting out of their way is probably better for everyone.

On Monday, I sit down to eat lunch with Lake, Mia, and Victor. I don’t know how I ended up hanging out with a group of popular kids, but it’s a welcome twist.

Mia starts to tell us about her dad and his new girlfriend. She is apprehensive about meeting her, and for good reason. I couldn’t even imagine if my mom started dating again; that would be so weird for me. It also seems like he doesn’t really date age appropriate women, which I can imagine makes it all the more awkward for Mia.

“So,” Victor starts, “if you’re meeting the girlfriend on Friday, does that mean you can’t come to the game?”

I feel bad for Victor in this moment. I see the disappointment on his face upon discovering that his new girlfriend might not be able to come to his first game. Thankfully, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

“Oh, no! I can do both!” Mia responds. “Lake, here, is coming with me to the dinner so she can get us out of it early.”

“How?” I ask, as I don’t see what bringing Lake along will do. I also want to take this opportunity to learn more about Lake. I hope the look on my face doesn’t give away my longing admiration.

“Oh, uh,” she responds, “I’m the excuse queen, so…”

“What does that mean?” Victor asks, lost.

“Well, it means--” she begins to explain before looking down at her phone in shock as if she just got a horrifying text. “Oh my god!” she exclaims. “Uh, you guys, my little brother just swallowed a golf ball, and now he’s in the hospital!”

“What?” Victor asks out of shock.

“Oh my gosh, is he okay?” I ask out of concern.

She shifts back to her normal demeanor. “Excuse queen!” she brags.

She had me fooled. I laugh, “Oh my god! That – you’re like the next Judi Dench!”

She doesn’t seem to be very receptive of the compliment, so the conversation moves on.

“So,” Victor begins to address Mia, “how are you guys so sure your dad’s girlfriend’s going to be terrible?”

“’Cause they’re all terrible,” Mia explains. Victor laughs, but she isn’t done. “Starting with my drunk mother, who checked herself into rehab on my twelfth birthday and _never came back_.”

Damn, that’s dark. The table quiets as we begin to feel Mia’s sorrow. That’s not a story that I would want to have.

“Sorry,” she snaps herself out of it, “we had good banter going. Did I kill it? I killed it.”

“I’m so sorry, Mia,” Victor rushes to say, “I know your mom wasn’t around, but I didn’t--”

“No, it’s fine,” she interrupts. “It was a long time ago. I am _very_ over it.”

“It’s weird,” Lake chimes in. “Before your mom left, I used to think she was the coolest.”

“Hmm,” Mia responds, “Guess we don’t always know what’s going on with our parents.”

In this moment, my heart is filled with nothing but support for Mia and with love for my mom for all the stuff she goes through. I understand what it’s like when your mom is an addict. It’s not always their fault, but it does have an effect on their kids. I love my mom to pieces, and I don’t know what I would do if she just left. Mia’s story tears me apart. I can’t show it, though. I’m not ready to open up about my mom’s depression and unhealthy habits.

The rest of the week goes by, and the night of Victor’s basketball game arrives. I sit with Victor’s family when I see them in the stands. We cheer for our home team as they enter the court.

As the game begins, his mom begins a chant. What a supportive family! I clap and chant along.

I watch, excited to see Victor show off his skills on the court. Unfortunately, it’s a different story. Victor misses several shots and throws a few interceptions. His game seems to be really off. I’ve seen him play before, and he usually isn’t this bad. Something must be going on with him. The ref calls a penalty on Victor. I see the coach approach Victor and point towards the sideline.

“You’re benching me?” Victor says in exasperation, just loudly enough so that I can hear. “This is bullshit!” he then yells. He storms off the court and out of the doors to the gymnasium.

I can tell his parents are troubled by the scene. His mom gets up and follows him out. I want to chime in, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t really know what is going on. What reason would Victor have to act out like this? His dad, along with the rest of the family, take off shortly after the mom does. I refrain from following them. I figure that they know Victor better than I do, so it is probably better for them to deal with whatever is going on. I also don’t want to overwhelm Victor with another person’s presence.

I stay and watch the game. Victor and his family don’t return. Creekwood loses.

The night goes by, and I don’t hear a thing from Victor. I don’t want to bother him. I wait until the next morning to call.

“Hey,” I say when he picks up, “what happened last night? Where did you go?”

“I went home,” he tells me.

“Is everything okay? You acted really intense at the game last night.”

He hesitates to answer, “I’ve just been going through a lot lately.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” I assure him.

“I just have some stuff going on in my family right now that is hard to deal with,” he says reservedly.

“Victor--” I start to say to be supportive before he cuts me off.

“Felix, I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m still processing stuff, and it’s a lot.”

“I understand,” I respond. “Just let me know if you want to talk.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.”

I don’t see Victor today. I can only hope that he is holding up alright. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk to me. If only I had an opportunity to show him that I’m always on his side, without it seeming like I’m pushing him to open up.

I think about Victor’s situation, and throughout the day, Mia’s words from earlier in the week resonate in my head, _Guess we don’t always know what’s going on with our parents._ I think about my mom and the things that might be going on with her that I don’t know about. I decide to approach her today.

“Hey mom,” I knock on her door, waking her up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s alright Felix, good morning,” she yawns.

“How are you doing?” I ask.

She notices my concern. “I’m fine, why do you ask?”

I hesitate before responding. I recognize that my approach is a bit sporadic. “Um,” I sigh, “it’s just that you’ve been in bed a lot for the past few days, and I’m starting to worry.”

My mom sighs. “I’ve been kind of down for the past few days,” she admits and then pauses, “what makes you ask now?”

“My friends seem to have a lot of stuff going on with their parents. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was alright.” I have trouble maintaining my smile, but I do anyway, because I know my mom could use the cheerful presence.

I see my mom smile, which helps my smile become a little more natural.

“Thank you, Felix. I’ll be alright. Sometimes depression sets in, and you just have to acknowledge it and take a day for yourself,” she explains. She smiles warmly and then continues, “I’m very lucky to have such a thoughtful son.”

We stand in silence for a few seconds. “Uh,” I begin, “Well, do you want to do something?” I know that it’s hard for her, but I want to get her out of bed. It would be good for her to get her mind on something other than her depression. “I can make breakfast!”

“Sure!” she perks up, and I feel glad that I am able to help one person get out of their funk today.

She gets out of bed, and while she showers and gets dressed, I make bacon and eggs.

“This bacon is delicious, Felix! Cooked perfectly!” she says as she takes her first bite. “Thank you!”

“It was my pleasure!” I say, happy that I am able to put a smile on her face in the midst of a difficult stretch. An idea comes to me, “Let’s make today a mother-son bonding day! What do you think?”

She smiles at me, “That would be wonderful.”

“Great! So what do you want to do after breakfast?”

She begins to think. “I’m not sure.”

“Catan?” I ask.

“Catan!” she agrees excitedly.

My mom and I spend the rest of the day together. As I bond with her, I make a note to keep Victor and Mia in my mind, hopeful that their situations turn around in a positive way like my mom’s did today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you met Felix's mom today! I wrote this long before they announced that she would be in season 2, so I'm really excited to see how they portray her. She's a character who I was disappointed not to see in season 1, so I had to write her in. Anyway, I will come back with another update this weekend. Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!


	28. Felix Part 5: Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am actually kind of happy with how this chapter turned out and wasn't as redundant as it could have been since it's basically the third installment of Victor's birthday party haha. But I think you may find some information in this chapter interesting. So enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

Since our group of four friends – consisting of Lake, Mia, Victor, and myself – became more solid, we have adopted the tradition of hanging out at Brasstown after school so that we could still spend some time with Victor while he is at work. We would typically go over together after school. Lake, Mia, and I talk amongst ourselves and Victor joins us occasionally while he is working or during his break.

During one break, he walks over to where we are sitting, and we talk for a few minutes. After a little bit of conversation, he starts to talk about his birthday coming up. Victor turns sixteen on Saturday, and I can’t wait! I already gave him his gift, since I spoiled it a while ago. Still, I’m excited to see what he has in store!

“Hey, guys,” he addresses us, “My birthday is on Saturday, and I was thinking about having a party at my place.”

“Party?” Lake asks suggestively.

“Yeah,” Victor responds. “You guys can come over to my place, and we can celebrate.”

“Yeah, of course!” Mia says excitedly. “Of course we’ll be there, right?” she turns her attention to Lake.

“Uh, depends,” Lake says conditionally, “Who else will be there?”

I look up from my drink, wondering why Lake cares so much about who else will be at Victor’s party. I know that I’ll be there no matter what to support him.

She continues, “Any Insta-models? Influencers? Kardashians?”

“No,” Victor cuts her off with an amused smile, “Just you guys, my family, and my grandparents.”

Lake laughs as if Victor just told a joke.

“Oh,” she recognizes the genuine nature of Victor’s comment, “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Victor’s family is a delight!” I chime in with the compliment. I then brag smugly, “I like to think of myself as the third Salazar kid.”

“Adrian’s the third Salazar kid,” Victor tells me with a correcting nod.

“Adrian…” I ponder out loud. I’ve never seen an Adrian at school. I think about who Adrian could – oh, right. He’s the little one.

My wandering thoughts about pinpointing the image of Victor’s little brother distract me from the conversation that takes place right after. I hear Lake’s voice, and I snap out of my trance.

“Okay, can you guys stop gently smiling at each other?” she addresses Victor and Mia, who just look adorable in the moment. “We have some serious business to discuss. Victor’s party is going to blow without some more bodies.”

Victor seems a bit taken aback by the comment while Lake seems distressed about the lack of young people. Lake suddenly spots Benji serving a table near us.

“Uh, hey! Benji!” she calls for his attention.

“Hey,” he takes notice and walks towards us.

“Victor is having a birthday party on Saturday,” Lake begins to explain, “and his ratio of hot people to old people is totally tragic.”

What? I’ll be there! Isn’t that enough for her?

As she invites Benji over and says this, I see a little bit of discomfort in Victor’s expression.

“Wanna come?” she invites him.

He gives a small chuckle.

“I mean, only if you want to!” Victor rushes to say. “There’s – there’s no pressure,” he says with a bit of an uncomfortable laugh.

“Sure, I’m in,” Benji accepts. “I’ll bring Derek. I mean, if that’s cool?”

Derek is Benji’s boyfriend.

“Yeah!” Victor exclaims with a seemingly extremely exaggerated enthusiasm. “I _love_ Derek!” As Victor says this, his voice goes high and his motions are exaggerated.

“Great. We’ll be there,” Benji replies and then gets back to work.

Lake perks up at his response, happy that there will be another young attractive person at Victor’s party. It’s becoming hard to tell whether Lake has a crush on Benji; it’s not going to get her anywhere, considering the fact that he is gay.

“Hey guys, my break’s over,” Victor says suddenly and awkwardly.

“Okay. Bye!” Mia replies with a smile as Victor gets up from the table and gets back to work.

I see Victor walk away with yet another look of discomfort on his face.

Well that was weird. Are Victor and Benji close? I guess it would make sense, since they work together. Still, why did Victor seem so uncomfortable inviting Benji? Maybe he doesn’t want to mix his work and personal worlds too much? And what was with the tone in his voice when he responded to Benji’s request to bring Derek? I recall that Victor’s family is religious and might not be very receptive to an openly gay couple at their place. I begin to understand Victor’s apparent apprehension. Knowing Victor’s family, though, I don’t anticipate anything really bad coming from that. They are such kind people. I also hope that Victor can get past whatever his family thinks about some other guys; it would be different if it was himself in that situation, but this ultimately doesn’t have much impact on their family or on his life. I let my thoughts about the situation go, as I continue to spend some time with Lake and Mia.

The rest of my hang with them is mostly them talking and me listening. Victor is the person in the group to whom I am the closest, plus I just like to hear Lake talk.

\---

A couple of days pass before it is time for Victor’s party. I show up an hour early since I am eager to get to the party and meet Victor’s grandparents! In addition, that family loves me, so why not?

Victor opens the door.

“Happy birthday!” I say to him.

“Hey! Thanks, Felix,” he greets me, as if caught off guard by my arrival, “you’re really early.”

“I know,” I reply in a similar smug manner to which I did on Victor’s first day of school. “I was hoping I could meet and spend some time with your grandparents. You know, since I already know the rest of the family.”

“Umm, sure,” he says. “Come on in. We’re about to watch the game.”

Victor leads me into the living room where his dad and his brother sit with a man who I presume to be Victor’s grandfather.

“Who’s this?” the man doesn’t hesitate to ask.

Victor introduces me, “ _Tito_ , this is my friend, Felix.”

I greet him.

“Nice to meet you, Felix,” the grandfather says, “you can call me _Tito_.”

“Nice to meet you, _Tito_.” We shake hands.

“Sit! Watch some _fútbol_ with us!”

I look over at Victor in confusion.

“Soccer,” Victor clarifies.

I understand, and I sit down to watch the game.

I should mention that I have no idea how soccer works. I don’t know the rules, and I’m not really sure what the point is. As I watch, I don’t understand why the players don’t take more shots at the goal. I really don’t understand anything that is happening. I don’t even know which team the Salazar family is rooting for. In order to gain favor with the men in Victor’s family, I cheer along and follow the lead of whatever they are doing. If they cheer, I cheer. If they boo, I boo. If they complain about some sort of penalty or bad call, I agree with them without giving too many details because of how lost I am. It’s insane how hyped up this family gets about this game. I only wish that I could keep up. It doesn’t help me that they’re speaking Spanish, which I can’t speak to save my life. There is even one point which a goal is scored and I start cheering, but then I see that their exclamations of “Oh!” are negative, so I change my expression to match theirs.

“Sports…” I mumble in a frivolous attempt to connect with the people watching.

Thankfully, as that happens, the doorbell rings. Victor volunteers to answer.

“Happy birthday!” I hear Lake and Mia shout after Victor opens the door.

Oh thank god. I am relieved that there are more people I actually know!

They mumble a conversation by the door as the game continues. They then walk in, catching the attention of Victor’s dad and _Tito_.

Victor introduces Lake and Mia and clarifies that he is dating Mia.

The introduction is interrupted by something that happens in the game. Victor’s dad yells something in Spanish, and Mia looks over at the TV to see what is going on.

“Come on,” Mia chimes in, “wait, they were totally off sides!”

“Yes, thank you!” Victor’s dad agrees in exasperation.

Oh come on! Even Mia knows what’s happening!

At this realization that Mia knew something about soccer, Victor’s dad and grandfather express their pride and approval of the girl Victor is dating.

Victor then takes Mia into the kitchen to introduce Mia to his mom. I am just thankful that Lake is here and I’m no longer the only one who has no idea what’s going on.

I focus on the game to try to figure out what is going on. I also take out my phone to try and figure out what _Tito_ is saying. I don’t understand a word of Spanish, so it’s quite difficult to know what’s happening.

“Lake!” I hear Victor call her a few minutes later while she is getting food. “Would you be able to do me a huge favor and run to the Mexican bakery and pick up a _tres leches_ cake?”

I jump up to join them. I recognize this as my chance to do two things: spend some time one on one with Lake and have a legitimate reason to get away from the soccer game.

“Oh-” Lake starts to say before I make it all the way over, but I rush over and interrupt.

“I’ll come with you,” I offer somewhat more nervously than I intended. “Uh, Victor’s grandfather said I’m no longer allowed to follow him around with Google translate, so…”

It’s true. He caught me, and apparently was slightly disturbed by it. What am I supposed to do, though? I wouldn’t be able to communicate with him at all otherwise.

Victor laughs at the comment.

“Fine,” Lake sighs apprehensively, “we’ll go.” She then directs her attention to me, “Just don’t be weird.”

“Oh,” I turn British, “I wouldn’t dream of it, m’lady,” I say as I bow towards her and smile awkwardly.

“And you failed,” she says abruptly, and starts walking to the door.

I exchange a slightly embarrassed glance with Victor, who knows how I feel about Lake. He doesn’t say anything, so I proceed to awkwardly follow her to the door.

As Lake opens the door, we see Benji about to knock.

Lake sighs, “’Course I have to leave when the one sexy person shows up.”

My look of annoyance goes unnoticed, as I think to myself how much it hurts that she can’t see me that way.

“No offense, Victor!” she yells as she walks out the door.

I squeeze past Benji and follow Lake, too unamused by her comment to greet him with anything more than a passing glance. We do see Derek in the hall, though, and we exchange small greetings.

I struggle to keep up with Lake, as she walks at a rapid pace towards the bakery.

“Could you slow down?” I ask, starting to get tired.

“No!” she replies aggressively. “We are going to get that _tres leches_ cake back to Victor’s party in record time!”

Even though I’m tired, I admire that she walks with a purpose.

We arrive at the bakery.

“ _Hola_ ,” Lake greets the store clerk, “We need your biggest _tres leches_ cake.”

“ _Sí_ ,” I begin to stutter in a futile attempt to speak Spanish, “ _ese una_ cake _emergencia_.”

“Look, as much as it pains me not to help out two flustered kids with their cake…‘ _emergencia_ ,’” she mocks us (my Spanish isn’t _that_ bad is it?), “this is the last one I got.” She motions to the cake she is packaging at the moment. “And I just sold it to that guy.” She nods to motion across the bakery.

Lake and I look over at the man standing by the window near the entrance.

“Okay,” Lake says to me confidently, “Let me handle this.”

She walks over to the man.

“Hello, sir,” she says with a smile to try to charm him. “Uh, you seem to have gotten the last _tres leches_ cake, and I was hoping to buy it from you.”

I stand behind Lake, hoping that this works. I smile as I hear her pitch. She looks back at me as if to gloat about how well she is handling the situation.

“Look, I’d love to help,” the man responds, “but it’s an apology cake for my wife. I called her sister ‘shrill’ and then tried to defend my point.”

I cringe in a bit of what is sort of a disappointed confusion.

“Way to go, Jeff,” he mumbles to himself.

“Sir!” the clerk calls out to Jeff.

He walks over to pay for the cake, and Lake turns around and looks at me helplessly. I think of a Plan B, and just in case that fails, I think of a Plan C. I smile and nod at Lake, letting her know that I think I can get it.

I approach the man and tap him on the shoulder to greet him. “Hi, sir, uh today is my best friend, Victor’s, birthday. This cake is his favorite dessert in the whole wide world.” I see the cashier roll her eyes, but I keep on executing Plan B anyway. “So is there any chance you’d be willing to take a different cake?”

“No,” Jeff responds after hesitating for a second.

Plan B, being nice and asking kindly, didn’t work. So it’s time for Plan C. My heart starts racing, but on the outside, I remain calm as long as I need to be.

“Well, I’m uh,” I start to say as I reach into my wallet to grab some money, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Once I get the money, I slam it on the counter, and grab the cake. “Lake, run!” I say as I begin to head towards the exit. Lake stands, confused for a second, but there is no time. “I said run! Go, go, go!”

“Felix, what are you doing?” she yells after me as she runs out the door behind me.

“Hurry, hurry!” I don’t have enough time to form a coherent sentence. I just run and hope that she follows.

We run around the corner and about two blocks away from the bakery so that Jeff and the bakery cashier can’t find us or catch up to us. I keep running so that I’m sure they won’t find us.

“I’m wearing heels!” Lake shouts after me.

“Come on!” I encourage her to go a little farther.

When I think we are far enough, I duck around behind a structure and check to make sure we are not being followed. All clear!

After tiring me out on the way to the bakery, now Lake is out of breath.

“I can’t believe you did that! It was like, straight out of a movie!” she says to me with much adrenaline.

“I know,” I laugh with her with just as much adrenaline, “we were like Bonnie and Clyde. But seriously, though, I think my heart is going to explode. Here, feel!” I take her hand and I put it on my chest for her to feel how much my heart is racing.

Suddenly, in that moment, our eyes meet, and I feel a connection with Lake that I have not felt before. I would expect my crush on Lake to keep my adrenaline going and my heart racing, but her hand on my chest is so calming. She looks at me with the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Her smile fades, not to a frown, but to a calm and relaxed face. I’ve never seen Lake let her guard down like that before. My smile fades to the same type of face. I still feel a bit of adrenaline, though, as I look my crush in the eye and anticipate what happens next.

She pulls her hand away. “Um, okay, well,” she starts out flustered, “it looks like the coast is clear, so we should probably get back to the party and pray there are more guests.”

Just when I thought my fantasy was coming true, I find myself having to move on. I nod and laugh in agreement, trying to hide my disappointment.

“I’m on the prowl for a spontaneous hottie, so…” she turns and walks away.

Before I follow, I take a moment to recognize the pain I am in. I thought I just had a moment, but it turns out it was an adrenaline high. I fix the part of my shirt that her hand wrinkled, recovering from a moment that was too good to be true. I take the cake and walk a little bit behind her on our way back to mine and Victor’s building. I don’t say anything the rest of the way back. I just text Victor to let him know that we’re on our way back with the cake.

When we finally get back to Victor’s apartment, it seems to be at a bad time. We open the door to Victor in the same room as his parents and grandparents, Benji and Derek looking alert, and a feeling of tension that could be cut with a knife.

“And since we’re being true to ourselves,” I hear Victor’s mom say, “my _tres leches_ cake was garbage, so I threw it out!”

Oh, come on! I exchange a look with Lake and we communicate non-verbally, almost telepathically. What was that whole excursion even for?

“What?” I start to whisper to Lake, but before I can, she grabs my hand and leads me into another room. We both roll our eyes.

“What now?” I whisper when we get out of earshot of the rest of the family.

“Let’s just put the cake down in the kitchen, and give them some space to figure out whatever it is that is going on right now.”

We do just that. We put the cake down, and we stay at the far end of the room until their family conflict reaches a resolution. Derek, Benji, Mia, Lake, and I all stand in the kitchen as we can’t seem to get far away enough from the drama. We just have to watch it play out. I learn more about Victor’s family dynamic. I look over at Benji and Derek when _Tito_ says something about “boys kissing boys instead of girls,” understanding that that may have had something to do with the conflict starting. Others in the room and I try to comfortingly gaze over to Benji. I know that his life has been rough. He never told me his whole story, but besides Derek and his parents, I was the first person to whom he came out, and we were never even that close. We still aren't. I can't imagine that this is an easy moment for him.

Thankfully, Adrian comes in with a toy and breaks the tension. What started as a conflict turns into a nice family moment. Those of us standing in the kitchen all exhale a sigh of relief.

The tension and adrenaline of the moment melts away slowly. Lake and I join the family in the living room when it feels appropriate, and Victor’s mom later prepares the cake.

“Thank you guys,” she says to us calmly and apologetically at one point. “I’m sorry to have to send you on that run.”

“It’s alright, Mrs. Salazar,” I assure her, “it was our pleasure.”

After some time, I hear Victor’s mom yell in a much happier voice, “Hey, everybody! Cake time!”

We jump up excitedly for cake, and we all start singing happy birthday.

After Victor blows out his candles, I go over to him and give him a hug. “Happy birthday, man,” I say with a big smile on my face. I get my cake, and the rest of the evening goes smoothly. Victor even tells me that Mia actually referred to herself as his girlfriend, and that they are official!

I go home with a lot on my mind. Victor’s family still seems to have some unresolved issues, and I hope things get better for them. I am also kind of upset that I didn’t get to Lake how I wanted to today. I find joy in wishing well for other people, though. Even though I didn’t make progress in my own great love story, I am happy that my best friend was able to make progress in his. Sixteen will be a great year for him; I can already tell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I include a tiny bit of Benji backstory in the Felix perspective? Oops, I guess I did :o Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! I always appreciate your feedback!


	29. Felix Part 6: Creekwood Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Felix Part 6! I get a little salty about the timeline in this chapter just so y'all know haha (as many of you have probably done before). Anyway, hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I sit with Victor in our drama class. We had an assignment where we were required to write a monologue, and we had the option to present them. I definitely decided not to present mine. I really only signed up for this class for the fine arts credit.

It is presentation day. Because of how long it takes to present the monologues, we all got out of the classes we have immediately beforehand so that we could extend the length of class. At least it gets me out of sex ed. One girl, Wendy, jumps at the opportunity to present hers. As she gives her monologue, I sit confused, wondering what the words in her speech even mean.

“What on Earth?” I hear Victor mumble under his breath.

“I have no idea,” I respond, incorrectly assuming that he is referring to the performance. “I think her husband was named Willy or something, and trapped her in a box--”

“No,” he cuts me off to correct me, “not the monologue, Mia.”

He shows me a text that he received from her.

“ _I miss your muscular legs_ ,” I read out loud, and then laugh astonished, “Holy cow, she wants you bad!”

I am shushed by one of the teachers who overhears.

Victor looks uncomfortable and starts to fidget in his seat. “What should I write back?” he whispers so as not to disturb the performance any further.

“I don’t know,” I tell him, “nobody’s ever missed my legs before.”

I can only wish that someone would give me that type of attention! It is honestly quite an odd thing to say, though. It seems like Mia is really super into Victor! Their relationship seems to be going from smooth to spicy.

I keep listening to Wendy’s monologue. Victor gets another text, and I look down to see it. I nearly jump out of my seat because of how shocked I am while reading it:

**_Mia_ **

_Ok, I was thinking we could hang out on Friday. Want to come over to my place? My dad won’t be home. We can have lots of fun and get saucy, if you know what I mean!_ 😉 🍆 💦

“Whoa!” I react and then say suggestively, “Looks like somebody’s gonna be dancing the midnight Macarena.”

“I don’t think so,” Victor denies the reality of the situation, “I think she just invited me over to her house with a whole bunch of emojis?”

I knock some sense into him, “Either she’s going to be making you eggplant parmesan, or you’re getting lucky this Friday.” In reality, I think we both know which the most likely scenario is.

Thursday approaches, and I recall that it is getting close to time for Victor’s big date. He tells me that Mia rescheduled for Thursday, so it’s time! I see him all dressed up as he walks out the door of his apartment.

“Well!” I greet him, potentially to his surprise, “Don’t you look like a man whose life’s about to be forever changed by the touch of a good woman?” I really can’t help but to keep my congratulatory yet suggestive tone.

Victor shakes his head hesitantly, “Guess so,” he laughs uncomfortably. “What’s that?” he asks about the box I am holding.

“You’ve never played Settlers of Catan?” I say in amazement.

He shakes his head.

“Oh, it’s awesome!” I tell him. “Me and my mom throw down every Friday night.” We don’t limit ourselves to Fridays. When we have time, we like to play when we can.

“Sounds like fun,” he says.

“It is!”

“And not filled with the crippling pressure to perform!” he nods uncomfortably.

“Hey,” I see his nervousness. I can tell he feels like he is under a lot of pressure, and I want to let him know that he doesn’t have anything to be worried about. “Good luck tonight, buddy. You’re gonna do great!”

“Thanks,” he sighs.

I begin to walk back to my apartment, but before I get far, I hear Victor yell after me, “Hey, Felix! Uh, wait up!”

I turn around to listen. “Yeah?”

“Um,” he pauses. I can see he is uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong?” I ask to get him to speak.

“I, uh,” he pauses again, and this time I listen, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Wait, why not?” I ask, wanting to be supportive.

“Well,” he begins, seeming quite nervous, “I’m not sure if I – I think, um, I might…be…” He pauses again.

I give him an anticipatory glance to let him know that he can say to me whatever he needs to say.

“I’m not ready,” he concludes.

I give him a warm smile, “That’s totally okay.”

“I know, I just--” he is clearly quite a bit flustered, “I don’t know what is going to happen if I show up by myself.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” I offer my support.

“What about your mom?” he asks considerately. “Weren’t you gonna--”

I cut him off before he can finish, “I think she’ll understand.”

“Um,” he starts again uncomfortably, “could you not tell her the specifics of the situation? I feel like that would be kind of weird.”

“What, that I am going with my friend to his girlfriend’s house to help him get out of sex?” We both laugh. I assure him, “I’ll just tell her that I needed to help a friend. Give me a minute to go put this away, and then I’ll come with you.”

“Actually,” he interjects, “could you bring the game?”

“Sure!” I say excitedly. “Mia might not get her physical love fest tonight, but we can have a different kind of fun!”

“Okay, let’s go,” Victor laughs and somewhat ridicules my joke.

“Okay,” I resign, catching on to the tone in his voice.

We get to Mia’s house, and Lake answers the door. She greets us with a smile, but her smile quickly fades as she sees me smiling back at her. She rushes over to the other room where Mia is sitting and says something that I don’t comprehend.

I join Victor, Lake, and Mia in Mia’s living room. I announce my presence with a mimicked trumpet fanfare. Mia’s smile fades as I say excitedly, “Who’s ready to take a journey to the island of Catan?”

I can tell Mia is a bit surprised, and maybe not in the best way, but I ignore it. I know I’m crashing her night, but that is exactly my intention. I take over the room and become the demanding guest, knowing that it will be a real turn-off for Mia to have me here asking for hospitality.

We sit down, and I explain the rules of the game. Mia and Lake don’t seem very quick to catch on, but I make sure to be as clear as possible in my explanation. To be as thorough as possible, I spend quite some time describing how the game works.

“Alright! Who’s ready to start playing?” I exclaim.

“Wait, we haven’t started?” Lake says in exasperation, alternating a look of annoyance between me and Mia. “What have we been doing for the last _45 minutes_?”

“A tutorial,” I say, not realizing that she had no idea what was going on.

Lake sighs and groans into a pillow.

“Uh, you guys start without me,” Mia says as she starts to get up to leave the room with no explanation. Lake follows her.

I watch as they leave the room, and I then turn to Victor and say, “Operation ‘no hanky panky’ seems to be going pretty well, don’t you say?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Hey, look, Felix, I appreciate you doing this, but Mia’s definitely pissed.”

“So? Let her be pissed.” I say. I don’t want him to feel bad about getting out of something that he isn’t ready to do. Mia shouldn’t pressure him, and he needs to do what he thinks is best for himself. If that means delaying sex, then he should absolutely wait if he wants to. I further emphasize so that he knows I stand with him, “Alright? If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. _Your_ body, _your_ choice.”

He hesitates for a second. “Yeah, I-” he sighs again, “I think I’m gonna go and check on Mia.”

I don’t blame him for wanting to at least talk to her about it. “Alright! But don’t take too long! I don’t know if I can trust myself around all these wheat cards!” I joke.

“Okay,” he says dismissively as he walks out of the room. I can tell that the game doesn’t seem to be for him.

As I am left alone without anyone else to play Settlers of Catan with me and without anyone to talk to, I quickly get bored and feel a bit lonely. I turn on the TV to the science channel. As I do that, Lake comes back into the room.

“Wanna watch _Planet Earth_ with me?” I ask hopefully.

“Nope!” she replies decisively. “Already ordered my Lyft. Elang should be here in nine minutes.”

I glance at her, slightly disappointedly.

“You should probably go, too,” she advises me. “I don’t think they’ll be down for quite some time.”

I sigh. I don’t want to leave without Victor. He needed me tonight. I just hope that he doesn’t compromise his own desires and give in to the pressure that Mia sets on him.

“What the hell?” I hear Lake say, snapping me out of my deep thinking and concern about my friend.

“What?” I begin, noticeably concerned. “What happened? Is Elang okay?” I jump from the floor where I’m sitting up onto the couch with Lake out of concern for her Lyft driver.

“No, look,” she shows me a picture on Creek Secrets of herself in a beautiful red outfit.

“You, uh,” I say, wondering why she seems so shocked, “You look amazing.” I unintentionally smile as I compliment her, possibly letting my true feelings show.

“No, not the photo, idiot, the comments.” Ouch. Why does she have to call me an idiot? “They called me a six. _A six_!” she repeats for emphasis. “I am _at least_ a low nine!”

I’m not really sure how to respond to that. Before I can craft a reply, she looks at me and exhales. “Well, you’re a boy,” she says.

I make an expression indicating that I wonder where she is going with that.

“Tell me the truth,” she continues. She flips her hair and puts on her charming smile. “Mm. What’s my number?”

I am shocked at such a question. I hesitate and I shake my head. “N-no,” I laugh politely, “No way. I – I can’t do that. I--”

I think Lake is beautiful, but I can’t assign her a number! That’s horrible! Why would anyone even do such a thing? People are so much more than these artificial beauty standards set by society.

“Okay, stop with the chivalry, and just give me a number,” she pries. “And do not tell me I’m a 10 because I totally won’t believe you.”

I try to think on my feet. Clearly, I have to say something here. I’m just not sure what it is yet.

“I – I think,” I say slowly as I figure out my next words, “you deserve a guy who – who doesn’t reduce you to a number.” My sentence is slow and choppy as I acknowledge within myself that I’m not giving her the answer to the question that she asked.

She sighs, clearly out of disappointment for not getting the answer she expected.

I continue, “Somebody like, um,” I turn and see the nature documentary that’s on the television showing two anglerfish, and I begin to make the comparison, “like him.” I awkwardly point to the screen, hoping that my comparison will be welcome.

Lake looks up and sees. “I deserve to date a nub?” she says, confused.

“Okay, so he’s not Brad Pitt. And technically, he doesn’t have any eyes.” I begin to explain after that throwaway comment, “But anglerfish are total romantics. That fish only cares about one thing in the entire world. Her,” I point to the female anglerfish when it shows up on the screen. I continue, “He spends most of his life sniffing around the ocean, looking for his mate. And when he finally finds her, you know what he does?”

“Tells her a long, boring story?” Lake asks sarcastically and frustrated.

I laugh it off this time. I’m not offended. I know that my interests and knowledge can be a bit eccentric. I just let this one go, and I keep explaining with a smile on my face.

“He bites her,” I say, realizing that I need to do more explaining than that, “and releases this enzyme in his saliva that fuses them together like superglue. Then he dies and becomes a part of her body, and she swims away, never thinking about him again. But he doesn’t mind.”

Lake looks up at me, seemingly beginning to understand the story. As I tell it, I find myself slipping further and further into my feelings for Lake. I feel such a deep connection that I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to be subtle.

I continue explaining, “Because he got what he always wanted – to be with her. Forever.” I nod, and I can’t help but to think of my own desires and my own feelings towards the girl that is sitting right next to me on this couch. I feel such a sense of longing that I can’t tell if it shows.

She exhales and looks down, seemingly questioning everything she is taught about how to perceive her own worth.

“That’s what you deserve, Lake. A guy who would sacrifice everything because he knows that the only thing that matters in this entire world…,” I pause. I can feel myself shaking. This is it. I am indirectly telling her how I feel, but I think the message is clear. There is no subtlety here. I finish “…is you.”

I look into her eyes and await her response.

She sighs, and after a long and tense few seconds, she says, “You are – so weird.”

I laugh uncomfortably. Not the response I expected, but it does relieve some of the tension. I’ll take it. I know I can be weird. And I’m okay with that.

We have a moment. She looks directly into my eyes, and I experience the same feeling that I felt when our eyes met after running from the bakery with the cake on Victor’s birthday. This time, though, it is undeniable that the moment is real. She doesn’t pull away. We lean in towards each other, and before I can process a thought, our lips touch. It’s only for a brief second. We both pull back and I begin to mumble something, but she leans in again and kisses me even more. It’s passionate this time, and it lasts. Her lips on mine feel just as amazing as I imagined, if not more. A huge wave of emotion sweeps over me as I lean into her and keep it going.

She stops it to ask, “How’d you get so good at this?”

“YouTube,” I say hastily as I don’t want it to end. The fact that I learned how to kiss from online videos might seem sad to an outsider, but I can tell you that it was well worth it!

She acknowledges it briefly, and then we continue to kiss. I move down towards her neck to kiss her there.

“No!” she says abruptly. “No hickeys! No one can know about this. This has to stay our little secret.”

“Well, three can keep a secret if two of them are dead,” I laugh nervously.

“What?” she asks confused, and clearly freaked out by the comment.

“Sorry, Benjamin Franklin quote. I – I won’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, no more talking.”

“Okay.” I recognize that there is a time to be weird and there is a time to kiss. This is the time to kiss.

In our state of ecstasy, we exchange a couple of brief syllables of nonsense, and then we continue to kiss for the next few minutes.

When it’s over, we are both tired but high on adrenaline.

“Uh, wow,” I say with a laugh.

“Yeah, uh,” Lake hesitates, “that was um – nice.”

“Cool,” I am beyond flustered at this point. All I can think is, _It’s finally happening! My fantasy is actually coming true!_

I suddenly realize what time it is, and I realize that we haven’t seen Victor and Mia yet. “Uh, it’s getting pretty late,” I say. “We should probably get going.”

“Yeah,” Lake responds. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Good night,” I say.

“Good night,” she replies with a smile, causing me to smile back in the biggest and cheesiest manner possible.

I schedule a Lyft, and I spend the time waiting for it reflecting on what just happened. It’s a dream come true. I came here to get Victor out of having sex – who knows whether or not that worked – and I ended up hooking up with the girl I have been crushing on for as long as I can remember. That’s a twist that I certainly did not expect. It’s welcome, though! The night has an ironic ending, but I couldn’t ask for a better one.

I go to bed that night thankful that Lake finally sees the value in me that I see in her. This could be the beginning of a new, amazing era in the life of Felix Weston!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this installment! Getting closer and closer to Benji! Thanks for your reading, and I really appreciate feedback!


	30. Felix Part 7: Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

The next day, I go to school feeling giddy as can be, wanting so badly to tell someone about my night with Lake. Luckily, not too long after I get to school, I find Victor by the vending machines.

“Dude, I have some hot gos!” I approach him rapidly and suddenly, smiling all through the first uninterrupted bit of my monologue. “Now, I was gonna text, but I wanted to see your face when I told you.” I take a breath in the midst of my fast excited speaking to reveal the news, but Victor interrupts me before I can continue.

“You and Lake hooked up,” he says, and to my surprise, with an abundance of certainty.

“Oh my god!” I whisper, thinking of how Victor could know this already. I start to ramble, “It’s already on Creek Secrets? I mean, w-what are the kids calling us? Is it Felake? Or Lakelix? _Please_ let it be Felake.”

“No,” Victor laughs in response to my ranting, “It’s not on Creek Secrets. I saw you both, and you looked like two snakes trying to swallow each other.”

“Oh, stop it,” I say flatteringly of myself with a huge cheesy smile that I don’t even try to hide. I take his graphic description as a compliment.

Suddenly, I spot Lake walking towards us in the hall. “Oh!” I exclaim distractedly. “There she is! Alright, wish me luck. I’m goin’ in!” I say confidently to Victor.

“Hey!” I rush to Lake’s side quickly, wanting to talk to her about anything.

“Hi,” she responds softly.

“ _Loved_ your Instagram post this morning! ‘Felt cute, might delete later.’ You are, and ya shouldn’t!” I compliment her and laugh.

“Thanks,” she says in a somewhat passive manner.

I continue to talk really fast, “So I’m not sure what you’re planning Saturday night, but my cousin works at the botanical garden, the corpse flowers are about to bloom. I mean, they’re supposed to smell _terrible_ , but if you just want--”

As I ramble on, Lake suddenly and ferociously grabs me by my shirt collar and pulls me into the nearest supply closet. She must have _really_ enjoyed last night! I catch on that something heated is about to happen, and I suddenly get super excited. My heart rate increases to just about its maximum rhythm, and I welcome the advance.

“Whoa! Here? Now?” I mumble nervously yet excitedly as I motion to shut the door so that we can have some privacy. “Awesome!” I begin to prepare myself, “Let me just take out my Invisalign--”

As I reach to remove my dental equipment from my mouth, Lake grabs my hand and moves it out of the way of my face. She looks at me with such a ferocity that I am not sure what is about to happen.

“We _never_ hooked up, okay?” She says every word slowly and deliberately.

I’m confused. Is her memory lapsing?

“Yes, we did,” I correct her, letting my confusion show, “On Mia’s couch?”

“No, I know we did,” she acknowledges, leaving me more confused for a second. “But what I’m saying is,” she pauses and sighs, “it can never happen again.”

She releases my hands, she turns around, and she walks out the door of the supply closet, without saying another word to me. She carries on and talks to the people in the hall as if nothing happened.

I just stand there for a few seconds. It’s the bakery all over again. Does she even want this? I care so much about her, and if she doesn’t, I wish she would just tell me. I’m trying everything I can without being overly aggressive because I know what lines not to cross, but this is just exhausting. I want to be with Lake. But she keeps sending me super mixed signals. And it hurts. I _know_ that last night meant something. I just wish she felt the same way.

I re-collect myself before I leave the supply closet. I’m an emotional mess at this point, and I don’t want anyone to see. Just when I think something good happens, it all falls apart. I avoid Victor for the rest of the day. I’m not ready to talk to him about this yet.

\---

Saturday approaches, and I want to vent. I knock on Victor’s apartment door in the morning because I need someone to talk to immediately. Pilar answers.

“Oh,” I say, expecting to see Victor instead of Pilar. “Hey, is uh, Victor around? I need some lady advice.” I am kind of embarrassed to be saying this to Victor’s sister, yet, here we are.

“Not here,” she says smugly and begins to close the door.

I stop her from closing the door. “Oh,” I say, pondering my next move, “huh.” I really need someone to vent to. My best friend is unavailable, and I don’t really feel comfortable approaching Mia about my issues with Lake. I don’t know what to say, so I just kind of stand there and sigh.

Pilar gets the signal and says in resignation, “Fine, what is it?”

I invite myself inside, and I immediately start to talk to her about my problems. “Okay, so the other day, this girl and I hooked up. It was _extremely_ erotic. Like in _The Shape of Water_ where that mute girl feeds the fish man all those hard-boiled eggs?” I sigh after my side comment that sort of came from nowhere. “But I tried talking to her at school, and she just blew me off. Said it couldn’t happen again.”

“So?” Pilar asks, clearly not getting the big picture here.

“So, I want it to happen again,” I lay out for her clearly. I shift my tone, “I _need_ it to happen again.”

“Okay. Who’s the girl?” she asks out of what I can tell isn’t really a genuine curiosity, rather a somewhat bored desire to humor me for the time being.

“Promise you won’t tell?” I ask for assurance.

“You know what?” she loses interest. “Don’t tell me. I was just being polite.”

“It was Lake!” I laugh. I just can’t help it. It’s like she has me under some sort of spell!

I don’t notice Pilar’s reaction, as my phone dings. I check it. I laugh.

“She just posted a selfie,” I say with a charmed smile of admiration for my dream girl. “Captioned ‘Brainfreeze!’” It’s a cute picture of her eating frozen yogurt. She’s just such a catch! “I’m gonna write back, ‘LOL.’ No!” I say indecisively. “Hilarious.” I continue to question myself, and I ask Pilar, who I suddenly remember is still there, “LOL or hilarious?”

She rolls her eyes and takes my phone from my hand. “How many of her posts do you like?”

“All of ‘em!” I say matter-of-factly. “Sometimes I un-like a post just to re-like it to make sure she saw that I liked it.”

I look at Pilar, and she shakes her head and gives me a disapproving stare. I think for just a second.

“And I hear it,” I realize as I tap my fingers on the counter. Maybe saying it out loud was what I needed to understand exactly how crazy and creepy that is. I sigh, “Oh, God.”

I feel embarrassed that I am suddenly telling my best friend’s sister about how much I obsess over some girl.

“You’re not the _only_ person who stalks somebody’s Insta,” she admits to make me feel better. She begins to vent about her own stuff, too. “All I do lately is watch my friends back at home having fun without me.”

“Yeah, well _20/20_ was right,” I reference, “Social media really is the drug in our front pocket.” Despite recognizing how addicted I have become to my phone and obsessing over people’s stories, I push the revelation aside. “But watcha gonna do?” I say as I take my phone back from Pilar.

“We could go cold turkey!” she suddenly pitches an idea of which she seems to be proud. “No phones. No temptation.”

Is this girl crazy? There’s no way I’m going to be able to do that!

“Oh, I--” I shake my head hesitantly, but I am cut off by Pilar calling her younger brother’s name.

“Adrian!” she yells to get his attention while taking my phone out of my hand again.

Adrian comes into the room.

“Yeah?” he asks tiredly.

I watch in astonishment as Pilar hands him both of our phones. He looks down at them, wondering what to do with them.

“I need you to make those disappear,” Pilar directs.

Adrian gives a menacing smile and says humorously, “Make _what_ disappear?” He holds his hands up, without our phones anywhere in sight.

Pilar motions with pride to her little brother.

“How did he do that?” I ask amazed.

He bows.

I don’t know how the world got this spectacular tiny magician, but I have to admit that I am impressed. I don’t have a phone, though, so that kind of sucks.

With Victor away, Pilar and I decide to hang out at their place. We sit in Pilar’s room for a while. It’s quiet. Something is missing. We’re bored. Pilar and I haven’t seemed to have that much in common since the Salazars moved to Atlanta, so it doesn’t really feel organic. We ponder what to do and what to say. It’s awkward for a while.

“What did people do before phones?” Pilar sort of breaks the tension by acknowledging her boredom.

“I don’t know. Talk to each other,” I suggest, not really knowing where to go from there. As I sit in her room, I just look around to take in the surroundings in order to quench my boredom.

“Okay, so let’s do that,” she decides.

It seems like a fine enough idea. I wait for her to say more. She doesn’t. I try to come up with something to say. I don’t. It’s weird.

“So,” I try to break the ice, “uh, what do you want to talk about?”

I have an idea. “Oh, I know! Lake posted this super funny Instagram story of her singing _Mamma Mia_ songs--” I begin to laugh before Pilar cuts me off.

“You’re obsessing again!” she calls me out, and unfortunately, she is right. “You’re just like my friend, Mandy, back in Texas. She _loves_ talking about her boyfriend, TJ--”

“No!” I cut her off in return. “No, now _you’re_ obsessing.”

I am grateful that we have each other there to call the other one out, but this is much harder than I thought it would be. Granted, it was Pilar’s idea in the first place, not mine.

She sighs. “I don’t even know why I’m acting like this. It’s not like my friends in Graham were even that cool.” Her tone shifts to a more solemn one, “But at least I had a crew, you know? People to get coffee with. People to watch reality shows with.”

I suddenly get a glimpse into Pilar’s world.

“And you haven’t met one person at Creekwood you like hanging out with?” I ask.

“Nope,” she shakes her head and then adds somberly and somewhat facetiously, “or anyone that wants to hang out with me. I’m kind of an acquired taste.”

I feel for her. I was never the popular kid. We’re not that much alike, but people tend not to warm up to my eccentricity very quickly. I know what it feels like not to have a lot of friends. I know what it’s like not to feel wanted. I know that in those times, you just need someone to reach out to you and show you that they actually do want to get to know you. Most people never did that for me, with maybe one exception. But maybe I can be that person for someone else.

“Hey, for what it’s worth,” I chime in supportively with a soft smile, “I do like coffee.”

She hesitates and says under her breath, “Do you wanna get coffee?”

It’s working. I put a little extra effort in to help get her out of her shell.

“Sorry. Didn’t catch that,” I lie.

“Do you wanna get coffee?” she says, louder this time, but still with a tone of apprehension. That’s enough for now. I acknowledge that while it’s important for her to step out of her comfort zone, I don’t want to make her too uncomfortable.

“I’d love to,” I smile.

She smiles back, both of us glad that we have something to do. I am glad that I am finally able to make her feel a little more comfortable here with someone. I can tell she needs it.

We head over to Brasstown to hang out. It takes us some time, but we find some stuff to talk about. Despite Pilar seeming really standoffish when she got here, she’s actually pretty cool. Once you get to know her, you find out that she just has a really kind heart and a lot of emotions that she struggles to work out. And she’s actually a really good listener.

Pilar starts to tell me stories about people she has met at Creekwood that she just hasn’t had anyone else to tell. I consider the fact that she helped me today just as much as I give myself credit for helping her. I make it my goal to listen to her instead of talking too much, because I know that I can talk a lot when I get going and that she deserves the same type of unyielding attention that she gave me.

To my surprise, she has _a lot_ to talk about. She throws a lot of names at me, and at one point, I even joke that I feel like I should be taking notes!

We both laugh, and I see Pilar look at me with a smiling expression that is somewhat intriguing.

“What?” I ask with a laugh, as I sip my coffee.

“I just--” she starts, giddy, “I realized I haven’t thought about my friends back in Texas for like, two hours.”

Upon that comment, I look outside and see that it is now almost dark. I realize that we have been talking in this coffee shop for hours. The time just flew by.

It becomes clear to me that Pilar is building experiences here in Atlanta, and she is just hesitant to let that become her new foundation, undoing her previous one. I begin to understand, more so than from any conversation I have ever had with Victor. I even remember that conversation that I had with Victor on his first day at Creekwood. Being the new kid might mean you start with a clean slate, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you want that. I realize that starting with a clean slate also means leaving behind a life that you know and cherish, whether you like it or not. It means leaving behind your roots. We’re all just trying to figure out who we are, and I’m sure that moving halfway across the country in such a developmental stage of life doesn’t help with that. My story isn’t exactly the best in the world, but I have lived in Atlanta for my entire life. My entire identity and sense of self came from everything that has happened to me here. I couldn’t imagine packing up and leaving in the middle of the school year and permanently moving to some place that is totally foreign. I have a whole new appreciation for what Victor and Pilar must be experiencing. It must be really hard for them. I decide in that moment that I will never take what I have here in Atlanta for granted.

I briefly think of Victor and what, if anything, he left behind. I wonder why I never got the same sense of him missing home as I do with Pilar. Did something happen? Is he keeping something from me that I could help him navigate?

All of these thoughts and revelations happen in an instant. I also realize that my mind has been entirely on Pilar and her stories this entire time.

I respond to her, “Yeah, I haven’t even thought about--” I am interrupted by the sight of Lake walking into the coffee shop. My tone changes immediately to a panicked one, but it happens so quickly, it is as if I’m just finishing the sentence, “Lake.”

“Nice,” Pilar congratulates me with a smile, thinking that I had formed a complete thought.

“No, no,” I correct her and motion to the door, “Lake.”

I fix my hair as Pilar looks towards Lake, who walks over in our direction.

“Oh. Hey!” I try to be nonchalant and fail. I ask awkwardly, even for me, “What up?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” Lake responds in a slightly higher pitched voice than usual. Her tone then becomes much more serious and low-pitched, “Other than the fact that I posted _nine_ Instagrams today and you didn’t like any of them. And you like everything! You even liked it that time I accidentally butt-posted a picture of the inside of my pocket.”

I certainly did not expect this rant from Lake. I hope she isn’t mad.

She exhales air at the end of her rant, and her voice becomes high pitched again as she tries to sound a little bit more friendly. “So what’s your deal?”

“Um…I’ve uh…” I look over at Pilar for support. She nonverbally communicates that I am going to have to deal with this one. I decide to be honest. “I’ve realized I was coming on too strong.”

“Oh,” Lake then adds confusedly, “thank you.”

I explain further to clarify my reasons for being so clingy. “It’s just, when the best thing that ever happens to you actually happens, you try to do whatever you can to keep it going.”

I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel at this point. Actually saying it takes a lot of weight off of my shoulders, though. It can be scary to speak your truth, but doing so feels incredible, even when you don’t know what the end result will be.

“Huh,” she responds, seemingly not knowing what to say. She stands there for a second, and then leans in and whispers decisively in my ear, “Well meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.” She follows her words with a soft giggle as she walks away.

Holy shit! Is this actually happening???

I can’t hide the look of happy anticipation on my face. I can tell that Pilar overhears, and she raises her eyebrows as she drinks her drink.

I can’t wait two minutes! I get up and I start to run after Lake!

Before I get far, I realize that it would mean I have to leave Pilar alone. I go back to the table.

“Wait, you don’t mind, do you?” I ask, to be considerate.

“Yeah, right. ’Cause I had such a great time hanging out with you.” I can tell she is being sarcastic, but I think that’s just to cover her image.

“I did too,” I assure her with a smile.

I am happy about our new friendship.

I remember Lake and I run towards the bathroom. We make out again, and it’s just as amazing as the first time!

It’s funny. Some days, you start to wonder whether or not you even have a place or belong in this world, and you find so many answers that you weren’t even looking for. That day is today. I wondered whether Lake even wanted me, and it turned out that the main thing turning her away was how desperate I was. I went looking for Victor to vent about it, and I found a wonderful new friend in Pilar. Every moment of today was special, and I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix with some character development and a new outlook on life? Yes!! Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!


	31. Felix Part 8: Affirmation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.
> 
> cw: depression

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

The week goes smoother than ever as I explore my new and exciting relationship with Lake. We have our science class together, and I look forward to seeing her when that happens. We still sneak around, so I’ll take the small victories.

I don’t see much of Victor for whatever reason, but I do get a lot of time with Lake, Mia, and Pilar.

I walk in and sit in front of Lake on Friday in our health class as I see her wearing a really pretty pink outfit.

“Lake,” I say without hesitation, “You look perfect in pink. Like a sexy bottle of Pepto-Bismol--”

She quickly shushes me and interrupts quietly but sternly, “Get ahold of yourself, man. But thank you,” her tone shifts from stern to flattered.

We smile at each other as she accepts the compliment. It’s a little weird that she doesn’t want me to compliment her out loud.

Mia comes into the room and aggressively sits in the empty seat next to us, groaning. I look over, concerned.

“Uh, everything okay?” I ask.

“I was supposed to hang out with Victor this weekend,” she responds, “but I guess he and his dad planned some last minute boys’ trip.”

Lake chimes in critically, “So after bailing on meeting your dad, he’s bailing again?”

“The nerve!” I say. I love Victor, obviously, since he’s my best friend, but that’s quite rude. He needs to be there for his girlfriend. What is going on with him? I suddenly realize that it sounds a little fishy. “And what is this about a boys’ trip? I mean, I was not invited, and I’m pretty sure I’m a boy!”

After I make that comment, Lake directs some kind of a look my way. “Pretty sure?” she asks sarcastically.

Before I can respond to her wit, our teacher, Ms. Thomas, comes in in a really bad mood. She starts to talk about the mood that she is in, but I don’t really pay attention. I am too focused on thinking about why Victor bailed on Mia. It just doesn’t add up. I haven’t seen him in school today. Would he and his dad really plan a boys’ trip that starts on a school day? And why wasn’t Adrian mentioned in any of this? I don’t buy it. There must be something else going on. I don’t want to bother him too much about it, though. I just hope that everything is okay with him. Ever since last weekend when he went on his impromptu work trip that caused him to miss meeting Mia’s dad, he has been acting quite strange.

As everyone starts to focus on their textbooks under Ms. Thomas’s instruction, I turn and wink at Lake since no one is looking. After that, though, I see Lake, Mia, and Andrew looking at their phones and exchanging glances with each other.

I decide I want in on the situation, so I text all of them:

**Felix**

_Feeling a little left out. What we all texting about?!_

All three of their phones buzz. Loudly. Andrew turns around to look at me, and I return the awkward stare.

“Congratulations!” I hear Ms. Thomas say, out of nowhere. “Lake, Mia, Felix, Andrew. You’ve all earned yourselves Saturday detention. For texting in class!”

Shit. I roll my eyes. That is not what I was going for. There goes my weekend. I regret sending that text, and I put my phone down at the edge of my desk. I caused this. If it weren’t for my group text, they all would have gone unnoticed.

“Told you I was in one of my terrible moods!” Ms. Thomas shouts over-enthusiastically.

The rest of the day is pretty uneventful. Victor isn’t around, and Lake doesn’t want to be seen with me in public, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I play a game of _Settlers of Catan_ with my mom, and I anticipate detention the next day.

\---

On Saturday before detention, I meet Lake at school early to relish in our glorious affair. I just love kissing her. It’s like the whole world stops and everything except for the two of us seizes to exist in the moment. It’s amazing!

Unfortunately, I’m not sure she feels the same way. As we make out, I notice her eyes open and move to look around the corner of the wall by which we stand.

Our kiss breaks, and I sigh. “It’s the weekend. Nobody’s coming,” I assure her.

I move down to her neck.

“Love this, but um,” she says somewhat hesitantly. I break my lips’ contact with her neck and move to listen to her. “No more hickeys. You’re my sexy little secret.”

“Right,” I say after a bit of a pregnant pause. It’s quite a shame that I’m still a secret. I don’t want that. Why can’t we just be honest? We are together, aren’t we? What’s the big deal? Since I want to keep Lake around and make her happy, I decide that I’ll just move on in the moment. “Right, right. It’s like a – a forbidden romance. Between two spies,” I say suggestively, before cringingly adding, “like _Kissin’ Impossible._ ”

“Exactly,” she entertains the idea. She reminds me that it’s time to go to detention. “Um, I’ll just head in there, and you stay here and count to ten.”

Alright, I can do that.

“Thousand,” she adds nervously, taking me by surprise.

She leaves quickly, and I am left feeling somewhat unimportant.

I start counting. When I get to about 200, I start to think, _Wait, why am I doing this?_

This is ridiculous. All it’s going to do is make me late to detention. Why should she care about being seen with me? She is probably already there by now anyway. If I just leave, I know that it won’t be perceived that we came here together.

I also realize that I’m late. I make a mad dash for the hall where we’re supposed to meet.

“Where’s Lone Stone?” I hear Ms. Thomas say as I approach.

“Here! I’m here!” I say in response, out of breath, as I just ran across the school to get here. “Sorry, I was going to the bathroom,” I lie.

“I hear it takes longer to pee when you only have one ball,” Andrew unwelcomingly pokes.

If I had the capacity within myself to hate another human being, then it would definitely be Andrew. But I don’t hate. He’s lucky.

“That is not at all medically accurate,” I quip back. I also remember that Mia, Lake, and Ms. Thomas are listening. “And just to be clear, I have _two_ balls!” My voice crack doesn’t help prove my point, but it’s still true!

“There’s no shame in just having one,” Ms. Thomas tries to encourage me. At this moment, it would be an understatement to say that I feel awkward about my science teacher commenting on rumors about my testicles. “My father just had one, and led a very full life. Now get to work.”

Detention sucks. Our day consists of cleaning the school. We spend all day there. What did we do to deserve this punishment? We just texted in class. Shouldn’t that warrant at a maximum an hour of detention and a temporary phone confiscation? To make matters worse, I’m stuck here with Andrew. He has never been anything but a jerk to me. Lake is here, too, but she doesn’t want to be seen with me. It’s not like we can help each other feel better about being stuck at school all day on a Saturday if she doesn’t want anyone to know about us. And Mia is pissed at Victor, so she’s not in a great mood, either. The day just sucks.

As I scrub graffiti off of the walls, I see so many derogatory remarks about “Lone Stone.” I just want this to end. Why do people have to be so cruel? And why did Andrew have to start that stupid rumor?

As I scrub “Lone Stone Sucks” off of one wall, I look over to see Mia aggressively scrubbing off the phrase, “Amanda Rogers is a Ho-Bag.” I walk over to her because I need someone to talk to and something to take my mind off of Lone Stone.

“I know, right? So offensive,” I say to Mia, who turns around in surprise. “I mean, it’s 2020! Women can be sexual beings without being labeled a ho-bag! If anyone got to know Amanda Rogers, they’d understand that she’s just super affectionate. Mostly with the football team,” I add as an aside.

Suddenly, Mia drops a bombshell on me, “Did you know that Lake and Andrew are hooking up?”

“What?” I look over to see them laughing with each other. I am in utter shock and disbelief. No wonder Lake wants to keep us a secret! She’s cheating, and doesn’t want Andrew to know. I am furious. I am hurt.

Mia continues, “I mean, I don’t have a problem with it. Obviously. But I just don’t see them together, do you?”

“No,” I respond as my heart sinks. I try not to lose it in front of Mia, but every bit of me is on fire. I’m already having a bad enough day, and I already feel shitty enough about myself as it is. “I definitely do not. Will you excuse me a minute?” The tone in my voice gives away that I’m about to break.

I hand over my cleaning supplies to Mia, and I walk over towards Lake and Andrew. I need to confront her. I am not going to let myself be stepped on again.

“Andrew!” I call out to him to get his attention and get him away from Lake, “Ms. Thomas wants us to switch.”

“Fine by me,” he says indifferently, “I’ve been pretending to mop for, like, an hour now, so you got a lot of work to do there, Lone Stone!”

In order to confront Lake like I need to, I pretend that that doesn’t hurt as much as it actually does. It gets me to a more emotional state, though. I take a second to collect myself before I walk over to Lake.

“So,” I start, “you’re hooking up with Andrew?”

She laughs, “What are you talking about?”

I can’t stand her lies anymore. “Oh, cut the charade. Mia told me everything,” I say, at this point quite obviously aggravated and out of patience.

Lake stands for a second in silence. “Oh!” she finally says after coming to a realization. “She saw the hickey you gave me and assumed it was from Andrew.”

At that moment, I feel like an idiot. I shouldn’t listen to someone on the outside. I just need to trust Lake. “Oh,” I say, letting my guard down and letting out a relieved chuckle.

“This is why I said no hickeys,” Lake laughs playfully. “But this jealousy thing is kinda hot.”

Even upon hearing that Lake isn’t cheating on me, I still don’t feel that great about my position. I don’t want to be anybody’s secret. It’s just stressful. We wouldn’t even be in this situation if she was okay with telling Mia about us. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

“Look, Lake,” I say without accepting her backhanded compliment, “I’ve been trying to be cool because I don’t want to mess this up, but I’m starting to feel like you’re _super_ embarrassed by me.”

“No! No, not super embarrassed. Medium,” she corrects, as if she thinks that makes me feel any better.

“Is it the Lone Stone thing?” I ask insecurely.

“Doesn’t help,” she says frankly. She then tries to say sweetly, “But I – I’d love to keep doing what we’re doing. You know. On the DL.”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be with someone who is embarrassed by me. If Lake really likes me for me, then why would she even entertain any of those dumb rumors? That shouldn’t get in the way of us being happy together. I’m ever more frustrated by the fact that she just doesn’t seem to get it. I’m speechless, so I just shake my head and walk away.

I can’t work. I just feel hurt and upset. I disappear and I find a bench on which to lay down. This day has just drained me so much. Everything that has happened just reminds me of how much of an outcast I am. I try to focus on the positives, but it just feels like there isn’t anything positive right now. My optimism dissipates as I reflect on how difficult my life actually is. I remember what it felt like before I had a friend like Victor, who disappeared for some mysterious reason. And I definitely don’t believe whatever story it is that he told Mia. I need someone to confide in, but there is no one here who I feel actually gets me. I know I can be a lot to handle, but at least Victor is patient enough to deal with it. I sulk in my sorrow and pain until the last person I want to see comes by to torment me once again.

“Quit slackin’!” Andrew says before slapping my leg with his cleaning gloves. “Let’s go!”

I sigh. “You know, you’re like,” I struggle to find my next words, “a tall…super tall giant.”

“Are you…hitting on me?” Andrew says, confused.

“No!” I correct him, frustrated. “No, I’m insulting you. I’m not good at trash talk because unlike you, I’m a good person.”

“I’m a good person,” he falsely claims, with a stupid arrogant smile on his face, “I just like busting your ball.”

He laughs, but it’s empty. I don’t return the laugh. I am, once again, hurt and furious.

I get up to face him. “Do you know how many times I scrubbed the word Lone Stone off these walls today?” I ask gravely seriously.

He shakes his head.

“21 times,” as I talk, my voice shakes, and I can’t hold back anymore. “And each time is _your fault_. Ever since you created that stupid nickname, I wasn’t I person. I was a _joke_. And no girl wants to date a joke.”

As I talk, my insecurities and my feelings about Lake whir together in my mind, and I have to stop myself before I go too deep into it with the person for whom I don’t even know if I have enough respect to mention him by name.

He clearly doesn’t get it, as he says, “Oh come on, man. I just like to make people laugh.”

That’s it. It’s time for him to realize what he is, and it’s time that someone sticks it to this arrogant bully.

“Nobody’s laughing because you’re funny! They’re laughing because they don’t want to be the next victim of a dumb cliché jock straight out of an ‘80s movie!”

I storm off. I wish I could say that it felt good to say that, but it didn’t. I don’t like being stern with people. I don’t like telling people negative things about themselves. But I had to stand up for myself. I’m done just taking whatever is thrown at me by some shitty people who have no respect for anyone other than themselves. It didn’t feel good to say it because I never even should have been in the position where I had to say it in the first place.

I go on with my detention duties, waiting to see if my day can get any worse. After a while, though, my emotions kick back in, and I just can’t do anything. It’s already night, and we’ve been here since this morning. A regular day at school doesn’t even last this long.

I sit on the stairs in my deep state of sadness. I just feel horrible about how everything today has gone. Nothing seems to be going my way, and I just don’t know what to do. I know that Mia is upset because she hasn’t heard from Victor; I haven’t heard from him either. I just need someone to talk to, and I have no one.

Lake approaches me and sits down. She doesn’t speak.

I look over at her, and in my grief, I say sarcastically yet calmly and somewhat chastising, “Sure you want to sit next to me? The janitor might see.” I can’t even look her in the eyes.

She sighs. “I’m sorry. About earlier. You’re not embarrassing. _I’m_ embarrassing for caring about status or whatever. I’m not ready for everyone to know. But I did tell Mia about us. So baby steps. Mkay?”

When she says this, I feel a weight lift off of my shoulders. For the first time, I feel like she actually cares about me. I hadn’t gotten that sense at all before; it just seemed like everything was about her and how she could be happy. Now it actually seems like she cares about my happiness. I look over at her with a gentle smile of relief.

“Okay,” I whisper, and I take the small victory. It is clear from the tone of my voice that I am holding back tears as a result of my excruciating day.

Lake leans in to kiss me on the cheek, and most of it melts away. I want to cry and just release all of those feelings right then and there, but I don’t feel like I can with other people around.

Suddenly, Ms. Thomas comes over to us and informs us that her boyfriend is taking her back. Honestly, I couldn’t care less.

“I gotta rush home for some sweet, sweet…,” she begins to become extremely suggestive. I look at her questioningly. “Corn!” she most likely lies to protect whatever innocence she is under the false assumption that we have as teenagers. “So uh, you’re all free to go home!”

“Thank god!” Mia says quietly in relief as Lake drops her gloves. “Is anybody else hungry?”

“Starving!” Lake replies.

I miss the next thing she says, as I just take the time to reflect on my day and exhale.

I walk over to the cleaning supply cart to put away the mop and supplies. I see Andrew writing something on the wall.

“Andrew!” I motion towards him, trying at least to be polite in letting him know that everyone is leaving.

“Yeah, yeah, here I come,” he says in a tone that isn’t reminiscent at all of his usual mockery. He puts the cap on the marker and rushes out in a weird way.

I stand and stare for a second, wondering what is going on in his head. I apprehensively walk over to the wall where he wrote something. I push aside the flag to see what he wrote. It reads:

“Felix has massive Balls. Plural.”

I laugh. It’s a really dumb compliment, but I’ll take it. I don’t know if Lone Stone can actually be undone, but it seems like what I said actually got through to him. Maybe there is a side of Andrew that isn’t so bad after all.

I leave there feeling more confidence and a higher self-esteem than I have in a long time. I can’t believe it took some jock commenting on the size and existence of my genitals, but here we are. I at least know that his intentions were good, which is something that I never have suspected about Andrew.

Since it’s getting late, the four of us go out and get dinner from a food truck. I never thought I would make witty banter with Andrew, but I’m actually kind of happy that it’s happening. Victor isn’t there in the moment, but somehow I don’t need him to be. For the first time in a really long time, I feel like I actually belong. I feel wanted.

When I get home, I let my emotions flow. I cry, like I wanted to before, and it’s extremely cathartic. I spend the rest of the weekend thriving on that feeling and sense of belonging, recognizing that there is almost no better one. The craziest part is that I realize that it wasn’t Lake or Andrew who made me feel like I belong. It was _me_. _I_ stood up for myself to both Lake and Andrew. _I’m_ the one who stood my ground. _I’m_ the one who didn’t stoop so low as to insult Andrew and take revenge. _I’m_ the one who showed them my value. And I couldn’t have done that if I didn’t first realize my own value.

I like to focus on the positives. Most of today sucked, but I re-frame it. Today is the day that I realized that I don’t need other people to approve of who I am; only I get to do that. And although I’m not perfect, I am perfectly happy with who I am, because who I am is amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so major character development for Felix! PSA for whoever might need to hear it that you are amazing and that you don't need anyone else's validation <333 Thanks for reading if you got this far!


	32. Felix Part 9: Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this one, as I think it might be the best Felix chapter (in my opinion anyway)!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

Early on Monday morning as I lay in bed, I am woken by a crackling sound that I can’t quite identify right away. It’s too early for this. I’m typically a morning person, but I hear this noise at dawn.

“Hey, Felix,” I hear Victor’s voice in what I quickly recognize to be the radio, and I reach for it to respond, “A-are you awake? Over.”

“I am now,” I yawn. I realize that I haven’t seen him since before he left for his boys’ trip, and I am glad to hear from him. It worries me, though, as he usually doesn’t call this early. “What’s up, man?”

“C-Can we talk?” he sounds nervous.

“Yeah, sure” I say more solemnly, “what’s going on?”

“Can I come over and explain?”

“Meet me outside the building,” I say decisively, not wanting him to see my apartment. “I’ll be out soon.”

I put on a jacket and rush outside in my pajama pants and slippers. Victor sits on the ledge outside the front of the building, his arms crossed, shaking.

“Hey, man,” I say, quite concerned for my friend.

His head jerks around quickly when he hears my voice.

“Hey,” he starts, “I could have come to yours.”

“Oh, no,” I say as I sit down next to him, trying to think on my feet about what excuse to give him. “No, my um – my mom’s a really light sleeper,” I lie.

He nods in understanding.

“So what’s up?” I ask, making my concern clear.

After a moment of hesitation, he starts to talk as I look at him in anticipation, “I don’t know how I’m gonna say this, but I know that if I don’t say it now, I’m gonna lose my nerve, so um, here it goes…” He sounds so afraid for some reason. His breath falters as he says these last words, and he pauses between parts of his phrase.

I was worried before, but now I’m really worried. His position hasn’t changed since I walked out of the building and found him sitting there. His back is hunched over, his arms are crossed, his shoulders are tense, and his posture seems to be one attempting to protect himself, as if he is afraid to be vulnerable. I just hope that he’s okay. I hope he knows that he can tell me anything.

I look him in the eye and give him an encouraging nod, trying to pass on the message that whatever he has to say, he can say it to me.

He breaks our eye contact and looks down at the ground, holding his head down. He looks really scared and almost like he is about to cry. “Can you turn around?” he says out of nowhere.

“Seriously?” I ask, wondering what could be so big that he can’t even look me in the eye to say it.

He nods. I sigh and turn the other way, because I want to be supportive in any way that I can right now.

“I’m – I’m sorry,” he says quickly and nervously, “It’s just too much pressure with you staring at me. Especially since you hardly ever blink.”

“ _What_ are you talking about? I blink a normal amount!” But do I? I forget for a second that we are having a serious conversation and I become aware of my own blinking. I start blinking a lot and try to figure out if that’s how I normally do it.

“Felix,” Victor says, his voice cracking. This brings me back to the gravity of whatever conversation we are about to have. Since I am not looking him in the eyes, I turn my head slightly towards him to show that I am attentive. Whatever this is, I need my friend to know that he’s going to be okay.

“Uh,” he speaks more softly than I have ever heard him speak before. His voice is muffled by fear. We sit on a cement ledge outdoors, and yet, I can still feel him shaking. “I,” he says nervously, pauses, and then continues, “like guys.”

I suddenly get hit with a wave of understanding. That’s why this conversation is so serious. I don’t know if he sees, but I nod in understanding. All I need to do right now is listen, so I do.

He releases some kind of nervous laughter that can only be explained by his fear. “Like, I’m into them.”

I can now hear the shaking in his voice, even more so than before. He pauses again, and I don’t say anything because I want to let him say whatever he needs to say.

“I – I thought I might for a while, but I wasn’t totally sure. And I really wanted to make things work with Mia because she’s – awesome. But I – but I can’t.”

His sentence is choppy, and I just feel so much for him right now. He sounds so afraid, and it breaks my heart.

“Because,” he continues to explain, “I like guys.”

He trails off at the end of his explanation, and I nod. After a long enough pause I ask him softly, “Can I turn around now?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, noticeably afraid.

I turn around and take one look at my friend. He looks at me, waiting for my response. A million thoughts flood my mind at once. I recognize some of the things I said to him. I immediately assumed that he liked Mia when he got to Creekwood and said he was falling in love. I told him that he didn’t want people to get the wrong idea by hanging out with Benji, a gay guy. I also considered his religious family; I know that something tense happened at his birthday party, and I’m not sure what, but I do remember his grandfather saying something about “boys kissing boys instead of girls.” I can only imagine the hardships he must be facing. I can only imagine the pain he is in, dating Mia and realizing that he can’t continue to do that much longer. No wonder he felt so much pressure when Mia wanted to take their relationship to the next level. I can’t fathom all of the pretending he has been doing, as it must be so exhausting for him. I sigh because I don’t know what to say. He needs his best friend right now to be there for him. I want to be there, but I don’t know if I know how. I just need him to know that everything will be okay.

After I have all of those thoughts, I do the one thing I can think to do – I reach out and give him a hug. He is caught off guard at first, but he exhales and releases the rest of his nervous laughter. He moves his arms up around me, accepting my hug. I feel all of the tension in his body release at once, and I stay in the hug for a few more seconds to let him know that he is safe.

When we break the hug, I hold onto his shoulders to balance him. “I um,” I stutter, looking for the right words, before admitting, “I really don’t know the perfect thing to say.”

I look at him, and he has a big smile on his face. I am so relieved to see his smile because I just want him to feel alright.

“But I’m really happy you told me. And this doesn’t change anything between us, obviously,” I assure him.

“Actually, as,” he starts, sounding a lot more relaxed than before, “as far as perfect things to say go, that was pretty good.”

I see his smile grow even larger, and I am so happy that I can be there for him the way that he needs right now. I can tell that this was so hard for him to do, and I just feel so much sympathy for him. I start to tear up, but he notices.

“Felix, don’t cry!” he laughs, clearly still in an emotionally vulnerable state.

Embarrassed, I say, “I’m not crying! You made me aware of my blinking. It irritated my eye.”

He knows I’m lying, and he pats me on the back with laughter. I love this guy, and I just want him to be happy. I’m also glad he felt like he could open up to me.

I shake my emotion for a second to get back to supporting my friend. “So, how does it feel to get all this off your chest?”

“Kind of amazing,” he says, his voice becoming somewhat steadier, but still shaking from nerves.

I give a supportive laugh.

“But, um, you were the easy one,” his smile starts to fade.

“Yeah,” I sigh and come to a realization, “telling Mia’s gonna _suck_.”

“Yeah,” he whispers, and I catch how aggressive I just sounded.

“But she’ll understand,” I assure him. I try to make light of the situation with a half-serious joke, “It’s not like you cheated on her, or killed her cat.”

“I kinda kissed Benji."

I look over at my friend in shock. His eyes shut as he admits this truth to me.

“Whoa,” I can’t think of anything else to say, so it just comes out.

“Yeah,” he responds.

“So what happened?” I ask after somewhat of a reflective pause, trying to be supportive.

He begins to explain, “I’ve had feelings for Benji for a while now. Actually, since I met him. I’ve just been pushing them away.”

It all makes sense now. The first time he met Benji, he acted super awkward. At Battle of the Bands, he didn’t dance while Benji sang; he just looked straight at him. When Lake invited Benji to Victor’s birthday party and Benji said he would bring Derek, Victor got all weird and flustered. He has also been avoiding everyone all week. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.

He continues to speak, and I continue to listen. “Anyway, last weekend, the espresso machine at Brasstown was broken and had to be taken to Willacoochee to be repaired. So Benji and I went. And we stayed the night in a motel.”

“Victor…” I know what he is going to say next and that it isn’t going to be good.

“We started talking, and he started opening up to me about some stuff in his life. He talked to me about the stuff leading to him coming out, and I guess we had a moment. He was about to go to sleep, and then…” he paused. As I waited for him to finish, I just looked at him. “He pushed me away and said no, and then I apologized and ran out of the room. He wouldn’t even talk to me in the car the next day. After I did it, though, I realized that I couldn’t deny who I am anymore.”

He finishes his story. He starts to cry, and I don’t know what to say. I hug him again and tell him, “Victor, it’ll be alright.” He looks at me for a second assurance, so I give him one, “Everything is going to be just fine.”

“Thank you for being such a great friend, Felix,” he says.

“That’s what I’m here for,” I respond with a smile. “Have you told anyone else?”

“No,” he admits

“Then I won’t say anything,” I promise him.

“Thanks.”

“We should probably get ready for school.”

“Right,” he admits, seeing the time.

“Text me when you’re ready. We can head over together.”

“Sure,” he nods.

We head back upstairs, and we get ready for school. We walk to school together when we’re both ready.

When we walk into the school, I am reminded of my time in detention by the posters up for the Spring Fling taking place the following weekend.

I laugh somewhat ironically and start to rant to Victor. “The school dance. The perfect place for a night of romance with my sweetie. If my sweetie didn’t think being seen with me was social suicide.”

“What’s the latest with you two?” Victor asks curiously.

“She still doesn’t want anyone knowing we’re hooking up,” I sigh, as Victor nods in understanding. “But she did tell Mia, so baby steps. Or what’s smaller than baby steps? Fetus steps?” I groan and sigh again. I justify her behavior, “No, no, no, it’s okay. I totally get it. She is completely out of my league. We’re kind of like if Taylor Swift was dating the dog from ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ --”

“Hey!” Victor interrupts me and stops me in my tracks. “You’re not a dog!” He proceeds to compliment me, “Ok, you’re charming, you have thick, shiny hair, and really nice brown eyes.”

Does he not see the resemblance here? I remind him, “You are _literally_ describing the dog from ‘A Dog’s Purpose.’”

“Okay, do you wanna be with Lake for real?” He asks.

“Of course!” I clear up. “I mean, I’ve thought of so many ways to ask her to the dance. I mean, skywriting, flash mob, acapella serenade!”

“Then ask her!” he tells me. “But you know, in like a – a normal way.”

“Okay,” I concede. He’s right. I need to put myself out there, and I just need to be honest with her. And honestly, if Victor could be courageous enough to come out to me, I can certainly muster up the courage to ask Lake to a school dance.

Victor turns around, and he stops dead in his tracks. I look around to figure out what is going on, and I see him looking at Mia, who is at her locker.

“Oh God,” he says nervously as his smile fades.

I approach him. “So,” I say, putting my hand on his shoulder to give him some comfort, “what’s the game plan with Mia?” I ask cautiously.

“Uhh,” he starts, “I’m gonna ask her if I could come over tonight so she has some privacy when I tell her the truth.”

I nod in understanding. That’s probably a good way for him to handle it, if there is a good way. He sounds scared again. I stand there, waiting for him to do something. The poor guy. I feel so bad for him. I would hate to be in his situation. A guy telling his girlfriend that he is gay is not exactly a recipe for a very pleasant evening. But we both know what he has to do.

He takes a deep breath. “Am I doing it?” He catches my attention and I glance briefly in his direction. “Am I walking towards her?” His voice shakes again.

“Nope!” I say bluntly. “You are fully rooted in place.”

I spent the morning being the emotionally supportive friend. Now it’s time to be the practically constructive and helpful friend.

“Now, let me just give you a tiny…” I say as I give him a small push from behind, trying to help him face the situation that I know will only cause him more anxiety the longer he waits to enter into it.

He looks back at me, and I smile for encouragement. I stand by and watch to make sure that he is okay. Once I see the two of them talking, I leave to give him some privacy. I carry on with the rest of my day.

\---

At lunch, Lake comes up to me. “Meet me in the janitor’s closet in two minutes.”

I do. We make out, and it’s amazing as always!

In the middle of it, I remember what Victor said to me, and now is the time to act.

I get Lake’s attention, and we break our kiss. “Lake,” I say to make sure she knows I need to address her, “Lake, I’ve been thinking. I should be more honest with you about what I want.”

She looks at me apprehensively.

I sigh and continue to explain, “Look, I think we should go to the dance together.

“I’m not really into dances,” she says after a somewhat uncomfortable laugh.

“What?” I say, stupefied, as I know she is lying. “You love everything dance related! _Dancing with the Stars_ , _World of Dance_ , Dance Dance Revolution, ‘Dirty Dancing,’ _So You Think You Can Dance_!”

“Ugh, you’re such a good listener.”

It’s true. I like to make people feel heard. Especially when I care about them as much as Lake.

“Felix,” she starts honestly as I sigh, “couples who go to dances are scrutinized, and I’m just not ready to put us under the Creekwood microscope.”

“So we can only see each other in a supply closet?” I say, frustrated. “I can’t live in the shadows, Lake. I’m pale enough as it is!”

She laughs, but damn if it isn’t true.

“Well, uh, my parents won’t be home after school,” she says suggestively, catching me off guard. “Wanna come over? Maybe it’ll be so hot you’ll – catch a tan.”

“Oh my god, um,” I’m so flustered and don’t know what to say.

She interrupts me, “And just to be clear, we’re not advancing bases; we’re just advancing to an actual bedroom.”

“Totally understand,” I assure her. That’s fine with me. “Just one thing,” because of course I have to keep talking, “is this a no-shoes household? Because if so, I want to plan my sock situation accordingly.”

“Shh,” she shushes me, and continues to kiss me.

I spend the rest of my day in anticipation of my date with Lake.

We go to her house after school, and when we get there, she takes me to her room.

“Lake, your room is beautiful!” I say, and then I spot a picture. “Oh my God! Is that you as a little girl? Oh! Look at your little baby cheeks, I could just bite ‘em!” I say in a weird voice.

She interrupts and grabs the picture out of my hands. “Okay, can we not make this about me as a baby? We finally have some privacy!”

“You’re right, what’s wrong with me?” I say.

We start to kiss, and then, out of nowhere, a voice yells, “Sweetheart, I’m home!”

We break our kiss. “Uh, crap, uh, my mom’s home early.” She directs me to get under the bed. I am clearly stunned, and do not wish to hide. Why does she want to hide me from her mom?

I obey anyway, and I hide underneath of Lake’s bed.

Her mom walks into the room and notices my bag. Lake makes up a lie that it’s her bag, and her mom calls it ugly. Ouch.

As she explains why she is back early, I get the feeling that she isn’t the most sympathetic person.

“I did some shopping for you, so fashion show!” she says excitedly.

“Oh, uh, that’s okay,” Lake says, trying to shake her mom. At least she’s trying.

“Lake,” suddenly her mom’s tone becomes more serious. “You’re traipsing around school with a boys’ backpack, this jacket just makes your shoulders look like you’re a bouncer.”

As I hear the words Lake’s mom says to her, I am taken aback. There is _nothing_ wrong with the way Lake is dressed. She looks beautiful!

“Please?” her mom pleads with her. “I really want you to go through some of these looks.”

“Uh, okay,” Lake says reluctantly.

Her mom cheers for the decision, as I lay under the bed, wondering when I will ever be free to show myself.

I spend quite some time under the bed as Lake tries on outfits. I think it ends up being a couple of hours, but it feels like an eternity. Lake’s mom is so judgmental, too. I just get so sick of hearing how she objectifies her daughter.

Lake seems like she is finally done. “I really appreciate it, but I think I can do my own shopping.”

“Oh, you just worked so hard to lose all that weight, and I just want you to present yourself in the most flattering light possible!”

As I hear Lake’s mom speak that sentence and what comes next, I realize why Lake cares so much about what people think of her. It’s because of her mom reminding her of every flaw that she has and bringing up things that aren’t even relevant. I feel bad about hearing about Lake’s weight loss. I can’t even imagine how she feels knowing that I heard that.

“I think I’m presenting just fine,” Lake says.

“Just fine?” her mom laughs snobbishly. “I mean, do you think I’d be the top rated anchor in greater Atlanta if I presented just fine?”

“I guess not,” Lake says reluctantly, met with an immediate response from her mom.

“No, you bet your ass, I wouldn’t!”

She proceeds to tell this long, rambling story about her career. I honestly couldn’t care less. I just lay there under Lake’s bed, wondering why she can’t just let her daughter be herself.

“Now look,” she says condescendingly, “you do fine in school, but clearly your grades aren’t going to open any doors. So you need to get used to putting your best foot forward. And that means knowing how to look curvy but not big, and attractive but not like a floosy.”

I hate every second of this conversation, surely not as much as Lake does. I just feel so terrible, and I can’t even imagine having a parent that is that critical. I wince at just about every sentence her mom says, hoping that the conversation will end soon.

“Public perception is crucial,” she continues, as I wish she wouldn’t.

“Uh, yeah, you’re right,” it breaks my heart to hear Lake just give up on herself like that. I wish she would stand up for herself. She deserves so much better than to be stuck in this life. “Thank you. Um, I’ll just try the rest on later.”

Her mom leaves the room, and Lake closes the door. Finally, I can get out from under this bed.

I waste no time because that conversation was brutal. “Okay, for the record,” I begin to say to Lake, “she is insane. Your body is literally perfect--”

“Felix, please,” she interrupts me. “I’ll just sneak you out the back door. I can’t even look at you knowing you heard that conversation.”

She looks hurt. She starts to walk by me, but I put my arm out and stop her. I want to be there for her. I care too much to let her be that defeated. I have to think quickly, and I reflect back on my day. I have seen a lot today. Victor opened up and shared something with me that helped me understand him more. I got a glimpse into his world. Overhearing that conversation with Lake’s mom gave me a glimpse into Lake’s world. I think about my own insecurities and the things I have kept from my friends. I think about the fact that the environment people grow up in is critical in shaping how they view the world, and how my relationship with my mom has influenced my perspective. If Victor can be vulnerable with me, then I need to be able to be vulnerable with Lake, especially if I want her to open up to me. So I make a split second decision.

“Actually, I want to take you somewhere,” I say to her with a tone of seriousness. “Show you something.”

“Okay,” she says after a pause. “Let me go change.”

“Okay.”

After she changes, I walk her back to my place.

“So,” I say to Lake to prepare for the reveal, “this is where I live.”

She looks confused, so I start to explain.

“I’ve never shown my apartment to anyone before,” she winces as I add on, “not even Victor.”

I remember this morning when Victor opened up, and I think that maybe soon I’ll open up to him. Just not yet. I’ll focus on Lake for now.

I open the door and turn on the light, revealing the insane amount of clutter and the huge mess that has piled up over the years. Lake looks around in astonishment, her shoulders tense.

“Believe it or not, it didn’t always look like this,” I say. “My mom and I have lived here since I was born.” I sigh, working through the pain of talking about it. I have never talked to anyone other than my mom about it. Saying it out loud just makes it more real. I continue, “Used to be a normal, fun place to live. I had a ton of toys.” I start to point out where some of my toys and video games used to be, reminiscing about the times in my life that didn’t seem so hard. “And I had this trampoline that drove the downstairs neighbors crazy.” Ah, those were the days. “But uh, I realized eventually that my mom was buying me all that stuff to distract me from what was really going on.” I tell her about my mom’s depression. “Over time, it got worse. And she developed this inability to part ways with stuff.”

Breaking her long silence, Lake sighs, and asks, “So your mom’s like a – a hoarder?”

I laugh. “I like to think of her as a…overactive collector,” I respond. Positive. I always try to think positive. “But yeah, no, hoarder works too.” I understand the gravity of the situation. It has been real for as long as I can remember, but somehow saying it out loud makes it feel even more real. It’s hard to admit it, but this is where I come from. Throughout my monologue, I never lose sight of the fact that we are here because of Lake.

“Felix,” she sighs after a pause, “why are you showing me this?”

“I saw your life,” I say supportively, “I wanted you to see mine.”

She sighs again. And I want to give her all the support in the world.

“Look, this might be where I live, but this is not a reflection of who I am. The way your mom sees you is not a reflection of you. You are already the best version of yourself. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re beautiful,” I choose every word carefully and deliberately. I add on, “And for the record, I know what beauty looks like. There’s about a thousand Cosmo magazines in that corner to prove it.”

She smiles at me. “Thank you, Felix,” she says. “I really needed that.”

“Of course.”

“It’s kind of late. I should probably go.”

“Right.”

She orders a Lyft. We walk downstairs.

When we get outside, I say, “So, um, thank you for coming.”

“Thanks for bringing me,” she smiles. “Meant a lot.”

Her Lyft pulls up, and she notices it.

“Lake!” I say as she begins to enter.

She turns around.

I sigh, and in one last desperate attempt, I say, “Come to the dance with me.”

She looks at me for a second without saying anything.

“I mean, who cares about public perception?” I say. “We’re _great_ together!”

I wait for the pregnant pause to pass before she says, “I can’t.”

I thought it would work this time. I close my eyes, as I can’t take this kind of pain right now.

“It’s just,” she starts to explain, “I care too much. About what other people think.”

I wait to respond so that I can collect my thoughts. I say, “I understand.” I really do understand. But I have to look out for myself before anyone else. I stood up to both Andrew and Lake in detention. Victor finally got his secret off his chest, and I don’t want to start living my own. I need to live my life as who I am and not be ashamed of that. I’ve come too far to let any single person get in the way of me doing that.

“Thank you,” she says, unaware of what I’m about to do next.

“But whatever this is, Lake, I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. This is over.”

Without saying a word, she gets in her Lyft and rides away.

I’m in pain, but I’m free. I think about all of the things that led to this point. I think about the fact that I finally feel comfortable with myself. I think about the fact that I have finally found someone who accepts me for who I am, isn’t embarrassed by me, and actually _wants_ to open up to me – Victor. That’s the type of friendship that I need. And I’m right there with him, in his corner. I think about the news that he is giving Mia as we speak, and my efforts go to thinking about him and his state. I need to focus on myself and the people in my life that are actually supportive of me. That’s what I strive to do from here on out. Just like Victor must feel right about now, I’m in pain, but I’m free to be me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that made me want to do Felix's perspective, which is waht made me want to write this entire fic in the first place. So please let me know what you think! And thank you for reading!


	33. Felix Part 10: Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>> **Felix** >>Benji>>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I wake up Friday morning, feeling somewhat upset about Lake. I’ve spent so much time this week grieving the end of our relationship that I haven’t paid much attention to much else. Honestly, though, it’s better this way. I need to be able to be myself.

I get ready and go to school. When I’m there, I see Mia at her locker, smiling.

That’s odd.

She is joined by Lake, and I see her hug Lake. The weird part is, though, Mia seems to be just fine. Her general demeanor is not much different than usual, and if anything, happier.

I see Victor walking down an adjacent hallway, and I catch up to him.

“So I just saw Mia,” I say to him without warning as I walk up, “and for someone who found out that their boyfriend was gay, she looked very happy.”

“Shh,” he interrupts me, “I didn’t tell her.”

“Twist!” I say, more quietly this time.

“I tried to, but her dad and Veronica came home and we found out Veronica’s pregnant.”

“Double Twist!” That is quite shocking news.

“ _And_ they’re getting married.”

“Tr-”

“ _Don’t_ say triple twist!” he quickly cuts me off.

Why can’t he just let me do what I need to do?

Anyway, I feel bad for him. All that hype for him not to tell her? I get it, but if he doesn’t say something to her soon, things could get really bad. I just don’t want to see either of them get hurt or for it to get any worse than it already will be for them.

“I just want to give Mia an amazing night at the dance, and then I’ll tell her the truth tomorrow.”

I sigh. I know this is hard for him, but this is not something he can wait forever to do. I don’t want to push him, though, so I leave it be for now.

“So,” he asks, “Did you ask Lake to the dance?”

“Yeah. I did,” I tell him with resignation, “She passed. Hard. So I ended things.”

Victor’s expression drops in sympathy for me, but I don’t want to feel sad about it right now.

“But you know, if she liked it, she should have put a boutonniere on it!” I say, accepting my fate.

Of course, after I tell him that, Mia and Lake walk up to us. Victor and Mia exchange greetings. Lake and I exchange greetings as well. It’s tense. I can sense the tension in Victor as Mia comes up to him happy. Everyone can sense the tension and hostility between me and Lake. It’s still fresh, so we both get more hostile than we intend.

Suddenly, another girl, Wendy, walks up to us. “Hey guys. Um, Felix,” she starts to say. “Come on, Wendy, you can do this,” she adds to herself. I look at her in anticipation. “Um, do you want to go to the dance with me tonight?”

“Wow,” as caught off guard as I am, it’s so nice to have someone take an interest in me. I pause for a second, knowing that I’m standing right in front of Lake. I say, “Yeah! No, I’d love to!”

“Really? Amazing! You won’t regret it!” she exclaims. She adds as a side note, “oh uh, but if you do, please don’t tell me.” I nod, and she walks away.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m mad at Lake. We had something good going, but she just had to ruin it by insisting that we keep it a secret. Unfortunately, anger and hostility sometimes have a tendency to control people’s actions.

“Wow,” I say passive-aggressively, “Can’t believe someone wants to be seen publicly with me at a dance.” As I say it, I don’t pay attention to anything happening around me. I just focus on continuing to lay claim to my confident self.

“Ah, well, just so you know,” Lake responds, even more coldly, “I actually have a date tonight too, so see you tonight.”

“See _you_ tonight,” I say back, upset.

I stay away from Lake for the rest of the day. Nothing good is going to come of our angry banter towards each other. At lunch, I find Wendy and give her my address since we are all meeting at Victor’s place before going to the dance.

The rest of the day goes by, and I go home to get ready. I get dressed and make sure I look as good as possible for when Wendy shows up.

I hear a knock on the door. She’s here.

“Hey!” I say as I open the door. “Glad you could make it!”

“Yeah! I’m so excited for this dance!”

She looks great.

“Should we head downstairs to Victor’s place? His mom wants to take pictures. You know, parents and their need to capture everything.”

“I think this night will be a good one to capture, don’t you think?” she asks sweetly.

“Yeah, I do,” I say with a smile.

We head downstairs. When the door opens, Victor greets me.

“Hey guys,” he says. “Glad you could come, Wendy.”

“Thanks,” she responds. “Nice place.”

“Thank you!” Victor’s mom replies from the other room.

The three of us just laugh.

“Come on in, everyone’s here,” Victor tells us.

I turn the corner into the living room, and I see Lake in a magnificent shiny red dress that just suits her so well. Upon my gaze awaits an angel with no wings, sending my spirts high and lifting my soul into a heavenly bliss as I take in her magnificent beauty. I can’t take my eyes off of her until I remember that I came here with Wendy. Then, I see who she is with. Kieran??? Really??? We’re like complete opposites!

I see Mia, wearing a silver, shiny dress. Victor also looks great in his tux. I see the two of them and just hope that he gets through this dance alright.

I feel bad for Pilar, who is all dressed to go to the dance, but doesn’t have a date.

Victor’s parents coral us to take pictures. The seven of us line up for the photoshoot.

“You look absolutely beautiful,” I say to Wendy as the Salazar parents start taking pictures of smaller groups.

Wendy giggles, flattered, “Thanks, I make my own eye shadow out of dehydrated beets!”

“I make my own conditioner! With coconut milk!” I say. We do have something in common! I don’t know. I really liked Lake, but maybe this thing with Wendy could work. “That’s why my scalp smells like an Almond Joy!”

“Oh my God, Kieran! PDA much?” I hear Lake blurt out from the other side of the lineup. I turn and look, as do Mia and Victor. “This one and his hands, right?”

“Lake,” Kieran replies, as Lake has his hand on her breast, “you’re – you’re hurting me.”

She laughs, “You’re so funny!”

She’s doing this to get to me. And it’s working. She knows that I ended things because she didn’t want to go public, not because I didn’t like her. She’s mad, and she’s hurt. I get it. But I’m not going to sink to that level.

We finish our photoshoot. Wendy and I talk to Kieran a little bit. At least he’s nice.

We head to the dance.

When we get there, and Kieran finally leaves us alone – he keeps talking about fantasy football for whatever reason – I take Wendy’s arm in mine, “Would you like to dance?”

She giggles again, “Sure.” I like her cheesy smile, and I’m glad that I can flatter someone.

We dance for a while, get a couple of drinks, and then dance some more. As we dance to one song, I see Lake and Kieran. Lake looks so beautiful in her red dress. Her dance moves are so simple, yet so elegant, and so attractive.

“I’m gonna get another drink,” Wendy snaps me out of my trance, “You want anything?”

“Oh sure!” I respond. “Another round of Arnold Palmers would be great. I like it more--"

“More Arnold, less Palmer?” she completes my sentence.

“You so get me,” I laugh and feel guilty. Wendy is trying so hard, and all I can think about is the fact that I’m not here with Lake.

I turn around so that I can stop looking at Lake. Suddenly, Pilar grabs me by the arm and turns me right back around.

“Has Victor told you anything lately?” she starts in right away. “A secret?”

How does she suspect something? What’s going on? I try to think on my feet.

“Secret?” my voice cracks as I get nervous. “Nope. Well, you know,” I begin to lie, “Victor and I aren’t close, really, so--”

“Cut the crap, Felix,” clearly she is not going to let up. “Did he cheat on Mia?”

“What? No! Why would you say that?” I know about Victor kissing Benji, but how would she? I never told her anything. Why would she even have any reason to suspect anything? Something feels off about this whole situation.

She answers my question, “I found a letter he wrote about kissing some girl named B.”

Shit. She is too close to figuring it out. I can’t tell her. I can’t betray my best friend’s trust like that. But why would he leave a paper trail? I don’t know what to do. I look over at Victor, feeling so badly for him. I know that he just wants to get through this night with Mia, but Pilar threw me a curveball that I didn’t see coming. I just hope he can enjoy his evening. They look happy, and like they’re enjoying themselves. I don’t want to ruin that for either of them, especially knowing that it will be the last night that they are in a relationship together.

Pilar catches me looking at Mia and Victor. “You know something. I can tell!”

Why does she have to be so good at reading me? Is it that obvious?

“Oh,” I try to dodge it, “You know, that’s just his creative writing class--”

“You’re Mia’s friend, too! If Victor’s sneaking around behind her back, you should tell her!”

I know that there’s no way that Pilar is going to believe that I don’t know anything, so I’m straightforward and give her as few details as possible.

“He’s not sneaking around,” I defend him, quietly so that no one overhears. “It was a one-time thing on a work trip, and he’s handling it. So just give him a little bit more time.”

“So B is someone he works with?” Pilar gives a nod of realization.

I bite my lip and sigh, knowing that I just gave away too much information. I turn back to look at Victor and Mia, and I just hope that something doesn’t ruin their night.

\---

As I talk with Wendy later in the evening during a slow dance that neither of us are quite feeling, I have too much on my mind to enjoy it. I make conversation with Wendy, but it takes a lot of energy to pretend. I’m not with Lake, and Pilar knows too much. I turn and see the last thing I want to see – Pilar is talking to Derek and Benji.

She storms off away from them, and I see Derek come to some sort of realization. Not good. I have to warn Victor that something may be about to happen.

“Wendy,” I turn towards my date, “I need to go deal with something. I’m sorry. I’ll be back.”

“It’s fine, go ahead,” she says.

I walk over to Victor and Mia, keeping my composure.

“May I cut in? I’d love to dance with my bestie,” I laugh, masking the seriousness of the situation with my typical silly persona.

“You want to slow dance with me?” Victor asks with a confused laughter.

I just laugh and cut in anyway.

“Okay,” Mia says, sounding potentially a bit irritated. She walks off.

Victor turns and looks between Mia and me, seemingly to figure out what is going on. When Mia is out of earshot I change my demeanor. “Did you write a letter to Benji?” I ask quickly and softly.

Victor is quite surprised by my interrogation. I get it, since he never told me about any letter.

“Y-Yeah, why?” he asks nervously.

“I think Pilar might have found it,” I tell him.

“I knew she was being weird to me,” he realizes a seeming source of awkwardness between them.

I’m not done, so I make sure to tell him the rest. “She was asking me all these questions, and I was trying to defend you, and I mentioned your work trip,” I admit, “and I saw her talking to Derek and Benji, so now…”

As I say that, his head immediately jolts over to where they are standing. They’re fighting. Great. Just what Victor needed.

“Oh, Pilar, what did you do?” he mutters to himself, becoming more of a nervous wreck.

He begins to walk towards them. I want to stay out of his way, so I let him go. I just hope that everything goes okay. I look back, and I lose sight of Victor, Derek, and Benji. I just hope that nothing bad is happening and that they can work things out.

I go back to focusing on the dance. Unfortunately, my night isn’t free of drama either. I have to go back to putting on a face for Wendy so that I can get through this dance with her. Saying yes to her was a mistake. I should have offered to go with Pilar as friends, or maybe just stayed home.

I find Wendy. “Hey, sorry about that,” I say.

“It’s fine,” she says, and then asks, concerned, “What happened? Is everything okay?”

“Umm, yeah,” I lie. “I just needed to tell Victor something. I forgot to let him know about--”

Mid-sentence, I realize that I suck at lying. I don’t give her details, but I am mostly truthful. “He’s going through something. I just felt like I needed to check up on him. Promise you’ll respect his privacy?”

“Of course,” she says. “I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too," I say pensively as I look back in the direction of the door where he, Derek, and Benji recently walked out.

She looks at me and smiles, “You’re a good friend. I like that.”

I let out a small nervous chuckle.

We dance a little bit more.

“I’m gonna go change the Band-Aids on my feet. I want to be in tip-top form in case the Cupid Shuffle breaks out!” she exclaims at one point.

I laugh in response, but don’t say anything else.

I go to get a drink. Of course, Lake gets there right before I do.

“Oh, hey,” I say awkwardly.

“Oh, hi!” she says with a smile on her face. “Just re-charging. Kieran is _unstoppable_ on the dance floor!”

“Huh,” I laugh, “Cool.” I let her know about Wendy’s whereabouts.

We awkwardly stand there for a bit.

No. I’m not going to let myself be cold. Just because my night isn’t going well doesn’t mean I should ruin Lake’s.

“I’m glad you’re having fun, Lake,” I say sincerely.

“You are?” she asks.

“Of course. I want you to be happy,” I tell her honestly. “And if Kieran is what you’re looking for, I’m glad you found him.” It hurts me to say it, but I have to. It’s the right thing to do. If we can’t date, I at least want to try to maintain a friendship. Plus, it just pays to be nice in the end.

She walks away, not saying another word. Maybe she’s still mad or hurt, I don’t know.

All of a sudden, Mia comes up to me. “Hey, have you seen Victor?” she asks.

“No.” I tense up. I say nothing else, and I avoid eye contact. I haven’t seen him since he walked over to Derek and Benji, but I can’t tell her that. I slipped up when talking to Pilar, so the best strategy when it comes to dealing with Mia is silence.

She walks away. I don’t know what to do anymore. This night is turning into a disaster.

Wendy gets back and we dance to the next couple of songs.

After one song plays, the speaker for the dance, named Jenny, gets up and makes an announcement.

“Hi, everyone! Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! As we all know, at every dance, there comes a special moment where we award royalty to one lucky couple!”

Oh no. I recall seeing Mia and Victor on the ballot. Part of me wants them to win so that Victor can give Mia that perfect night. But another part of me thinks that it might hurt her more. I also know that there is drama happening, and I have no idea where they are in all of that.

“And the winners of this year’s Spring Fling king and queen are…” She opens the envelope and announces, “Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks!”

Everyone starts to cheer. Something about hearing my best friend’s name read for the Spring Fling king melts my worries away. I’m just proud of him and how far he has come since getting to Creekwood. He had a really tough first day of school, was nearly forced into social pariah status by hanging out with the local dork, stayed in a closet and fake dated a popular girl, and that was all fresh from moving halfway across the country. Then, he decided to see the good in and befriended the local dork anyway, joined the basketball team, became one of the school's most popular kids, finally recognized and accepted who he is as a person, and is now getting recognized by the whole school. He still has a long way to go, but he has also come super far in his journey.

After a few seconds, though, they aren’t on stage.

“Uh, Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks,” Jenny repeats into the microphone.

I look around for them. I don’t see Mia, but I see Victor running through the crowd, heading for the exit. Something happened, I know it.

Jenny murmurs something into the microphone, but I don’t care. All I can think about is Victor. I want to chase after him, but before I get the chance, I see Lake on stage, pushing Jenny away from the microphone.

“Um, Hi,” she addresses the whole crowd.

What the hell is going on?

“I’m Lake, accepting on behalf of Mia, who has disappeared. Um,” her sentences are choppy, and she seems nervous. This is weird. “And I’d like to invite Felix Weston to accept on behalf of Victor.”

I did not see that coming. I look at her, anticipating her next words, completely forgetting about the scene I just saw of Victor running out the door.

“Because um,” she continues nervously, “Because he told me he just wants me to be happy. And the truth is, that little nerd makes me happy.”

Suddenly, everything else just melts away. Even though we are in a packed high school gymnasium, I only see Lake.

She continues, “Talking to him makes me happy, kissing him makes me happy, making him happy makes me happy. So Felix,” she turns her attention to me. “Please join me for the King and Queen’s dance. In front of everyone. Watching us.” She adds as an aside, “And maybe, someone will go live and it will go viral and follow me through college and my first year at a PR firm. But it’ll be worth it.”

All I can do is smile. Then I realize I am standing next to Wendy. I can’t be that cruel to her.

“Wendy I--” I start to say to her apologetically before she interrupts me.

“It’s fine, Felix. I get it, you’re in love with her. It’s kinda obvious.”

I am. I am in love with her. Lake is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met, and I’m glad that Wendy is so understanding.

“Go,” she tells me.

“Thank you.”

Without skipping a beat, I run up on stage and kiss Lake right then and there. The crowd cheers. I hear someone yell “Yeah, Lone Stone!” I give them a thumbs up as I continue to kiss Lake.

I may have had some bumps in the road with Lake, but this night is more perfect than I ever could have imagined it.

**_Next: Benji_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end of Felix's perspective! I hope you all are excited for what happens with Felix in the Aftermath section! More importantly and more immediately though, I hope you are excited for Benji's perspective, which you're getting on Saturday!! WOOO!!!!! Haha, thanks for reading!


	34. Benji Part 1: Refreshment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! In the spirit of announcements and good news, this chapter is coming earlier than expected! I know y'all have been waiting for Benji's perspective, so I think this is realy good timing, and I hope you enjoy! Couple of things:
> 
> 1\. Shoutout to [aerys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerys/pseuds/aerys) for helping with the flashback scene.  
> 2\. I have a playlist for this fic (surprise again!) that will be in the end notes, so check that out!
> 
> cw: severe depression, alcoholism, internalized homophobia, self-hatred
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>>Felix>> **Benji** >>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

I go to take a drink of water from the water fountain in the hallway at school. Every now and then it is nice to get something to drink and refresh. A dry mouth and the impending dehydration that results just doesn't sit will. Water is essential to life. Just a sip and one might feel reborn.

I walk over to Felix who is with a kid I have never seen before. Did Felix make a new friend? I sure hope so. The poor kid has been through a lot in his life.

“Oh,” he sees me and greets me, “Hey Benji.”

“Hey, Felix,” I respond.

I turn my attention to Felix’s new friend. I haven’t seen him around before, so I assume he’s new here. I try to make everyone feel welcome. “Nice shoes,” I say. “Vintage Nike Cortezes?”

“Yeah,” he seems to be impressed by my knowledge of sneakers. “Yeah, my mom got ‘em at a garage sale just ‘cuz they were my size. She didn’t even know how cool they were. N-not saying that my shoes are cool!” he laughs. He must be nervous meeting new people.

“No they are,” I assure him. I joke, “It sounds like those shoes were your destiny. Uh, if you believe in that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” he responds with an interesting ring to his tone. He then adds on, “believe in um, cool kicks.”

He seems a little tense and nervous. I know that look. It’s almost a look of obsession. He has quite an infectious smile.

The bell rings, snapping me out of what was about to be a daydream. I realize I have to get to class.

“Well it was really nice meeting you…um” I realize that I never asked his name, so I extend my hand for a handshake and wait for his response.

“Victor,” he says.

“Benji,” I reply, and we shake hands. His hand is soft.

There’s something about this guy that I like. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I smile at him and walk away.

I carry on with my day. It’s a pretty normal, uneventful morning.

At lunch, I decide to eat out in the courtyard. As I walk out, I hear some commotion going on.

“Oh, you think I give a shit about some stupid gym class basketball game?”

“Yeah, I do.”

I put my lunch down to see what’s going on. It’s Victor. The new kid getting into trouble with jocks on the first day is not a sight I like to see.

“Just give everyone their money back,” Victor whispers.

I must have missed a lot.

“You got it,” I hear the other kid say. I think his name is Andrew. Before I know it, he pushes past Victor, causing Victor to drop his lunch all over the ground. Others treat the event as a spectacle, but I find it painful to watch. Nobody deserves this.

Victor bends down to pick up the items from his lunch. I rush over.

“You okay?” I extend a helping hand. Clearly, his day is not going well. I want him to know quickly that he has someone at this new school who he can count on. Boy, I wish I did.

He looks me in the eye, hesitates, and takes my hand. I help him up slowly. He looks at me with some sort of subdued admiration. He probably appreciates someone extending an olive branch. It must be that no one has done that for him today.

“Ow, ow! Get it, new kid!” Someone yells from the other side of the courtyard.

I look over in disgust. Why can’t people just mind their own damn business?

I look back at Victor, who is shaking.

“I’m fine,” he says aggressively, then hastily turns and walks away.

Oh. I see what’s going on. That cat call wouldn’t be very likely to make someone that uncomfortable unless…

“Woo!” the kid calls out.

What a jerk! I want to go over there and punch him in the jaw! I don’t. I keep my cool and don’t sink to his level. I can do more than just imagine how Victor is feeling. I’ve been there. I think back about a year and reminisce on a darker time.

* * *

_I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t in pain. Maybe before this year’s winter carnival? No, something was off then, too. Whatever. I’m not going to the next one._

_I’m not spending another Halloween party hooking up with girls all over the place. I already know that I don’t want that. I should want that. Goddamn it! I should want that! Why don’t I want that?!_

_Why am I even at this party? It’s not like I have anyone to talk to here. What did I think was going to happen? I would magically find a solution to all my problems? Cure myself by meeting new people to see if it would change anything? I wish one of those things would happen, but I never believed for a second that it would. So why I am even here?_

_I hate this. I hate this party. I hate this music. I hate these people. I hate myself. Why am I the way I am? I never asked for this!_

_That thought has been ringing in my head for months. Never in my life did I think anything would ever be this hard. I don’t want to be different. I just want to be like everybody else. I just want to be normal. Is that too much to ask?_

_I sit alone in a corner at the party. I can’t help but to release a few tears. I try to hold it back because I’m in public. I don’t want to break down in front of a bunch of people who I don’t even know, a bunch of people who don’t even care that I exist. And if they really knew what was going on, they probably wouldn’t want to help me anyway. I would just end up surrounded by judgement. I just need this night to end._

_“Hey.” A tall, somewhat older-looking guy comes up to me, a concerned expression on his face. I guess he noticed my tears. “What’s the matter?”_

_“Nothing,” I say, trying to get him away from me._

_“Having a bad night?” he asks._

_I don’t want to talk to him about any of this. I don’t know this man._

_“I’m fine,” I say aggressively, not wanting to engage._

_“Oh come on, man,” he prompts, “You’re sitting alone in the corner of a crowded party and you’re crying. You’re definitely not fine.”_

_I can’t really argue with that. “I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“That’s fine,” he says. “Relax. Have a drink.”_

_He hands me a cup that I think I saw him pick up from a nearby table._

_“What is this?” I ask tentatively._

_“Long Island iced tea.”_

_I shrug and take the cup from him. I’ve never drank alcohol before, but I might as well. What else am I going to do? I’m at a party with no friends._

_I lift the cup from my lips, and I start drinking it rather quickly._

_“Whoa,” the guy says, standing over me and watching me drink. “What are you doing?”_

_I don’t acknowledge him. I just wish that I wouldn’t have to go on with this night._

_“Ok, hold on. You need to be able to control yourself,” he continues to speak to me and pulls the cup away from my face despite my obvious signal wanting him to leave me alone. I send him a clear look of exasperation at the fact that he would be so aggressive like this. He motions to give my drink back, but before he does, he gives me a condition, “I’ll give you this if we can talk for a bit. I don’t want you to down this too fast. Intersperse drinking and talking, okay?”_

_I reluctantly agree. Why not? It’s better than just sitting here with absolutely nothing to do, being left alone to my own thoughts. Once I agree, he hands me the drink back. I heed his advice, and I start to sip it slowly._

_“What’s your name?” the guy asks me._

_“Benji,” I say shyly._

_“I’m Derek,” he introduces himself._

_“Do you even go to Creekwood?” I ask him, realizing that I haven’t seen him around before._

_“I’m actually a freshman at Atlanta Metropolitan State College,” he tells me. “I was homeschooled, so I never went to Creekwood. I just overheard someone in a bar talking about the party, and they gave me the details, so now I’m here.”_

_“Wait, how old are you?” I ask as I continue to sip my drink._

_“I’m 19.”_

_“So how did you get into a bar?”_

_“I have a fake, of course,” he says as if it’s no big deal._

_We talk for a little while, and the time seems to pass by pretty quickly. He heads off to the bathroom, and as he does, I occupy myself by drinking more. I realize I’m almost finished already, and it hasn’t even been that long. Or at least I don’t think it has. By the time I get done with my Long Island iced tea, I feel something different. A buzz. It actually feels kind of good. That’s new. I need another one, but I don’t want Derek to know that I finished so quickly._

_I take advantage of the opportunity with Derek being gone. Double checking to make sure that he can’t see me, I grab another drink from the table that is similar-looking to the one I just consumed and hide the container that I just emptied. I make quick work of it, not knowing how soon he will be back. I drink about half of it before he gets back so that he can’t tell that I got a new cup._

_When he finally does come back, I address him, “Thanks for talking to me tonight. It means a lot.”_

_“Of course,” he says. “I always try to help someone in need.”_

_“I actually enjoyed talking to you,” I ease in slowly to my request, “but if you primarily hang out in bars, then it might be hard for us to meet again.”_

_“Well, we could meet somewhere else,” he suggests._

_“It’s not that I have anything against bars,” I say to him. “I just can’t get in. I don’t have a fake.”_

_“I could get you one,” he offers, falling into my trap. Whatever this feeling is, I need more of it._

_“Okay, sure.”_

_He looks at his watch. “Oh shit. I actually have to get going. I have an assignment due at midnight that I haven’t started yet.”_

_He gets up to leave, but he first says, “Nice costume, by the way. We match.”_

_We’re both dressed as vampires._

_He leaves, and I finish my second drink. It seems like this is pretty strong so I get a beer instead. It’s disgusting. But the alcohol takes the edge off of my anxiety. I don’t forget why I’m upset, but the pain goes away. I need that pain to stay gone. I need more._

_Suddenly, I feel my stomach churning, and I start to run towards the bathroom, knowing what is coming. I don’t make it._

* * *

I work in a coffee shop after school. While I’m at work, I am approached by who I at first believe to be a customer.

“Excuse me,” I hear their voice, and then I turn around and smile at the sight of a familiar face.

“Oh hey man, what’s up?” I address Victor, who stands there with a piece of paper in hand. I am glad to see him. I saw him briefly last night at the carnival, but that was about it. I also saw a post on Creek Secrets this morning of him on the Ferris wheel with Mia Brooks. Maybe I judged him a little too quickly yesterday. Anyway, he seems to have his sights set high. His name was all over the school today. I’m just going to treat him like any other ordinary kid who goes here.

He stands and stares, not responding to my greeting. It’s almost as if he’s trying to figure out where he’s seen me before.

“It’s Benji,” I clarify, just in case he’s forgotten me already, “from school.”

“Oh,” he lets out a small chuckle. “Oh, I just wanted to interview for the barista job.” He begins to stammer. “But it’s cool, I’ll--”

Before he can say anything else, I snatch the paper that I recognize to be his application from his hand.

“Lucky for you,” I say, “I’m the assistant manager. C’mon back. Let’s talk.”

I open the counter, inviting him back. I recognize that I have to be a little more professional now that I’m interviewing him for a job rather than warming up to be friends with him.

I flip through his application and resume. Not much. This is going to be a little hard to work with. I want to be able to give him this opportunity, but I might have to exaggerate his skills a bit in order to make that happen.

“So,” I breathe, trying to find out whether he is actually qualified for the job, “Victor, do you have any experience making coffee.”

“Um,” he hesitates and then jokes, “I have experience drinking coffee.”

I laugh. Not great as far as qualifications go, but at least he has a sense of humor. We do want whoever we hire to be able to get along with their coworkers.

“Well, it’s not rocket science. You know, once you can pull a shot of espresso, you can basically make any drink,” I assure him. It’s not quite as simple as that, but I don’t want him to feel overwhelmed. “Here, watch.”

I start to explain how to use the espresso machine and tools that accompany it. To my surprise, he seems to be very attentive. I will make sure I mark that down in my application reviews.

I move to the phase where I steam the milk.

“Now you try,” I say as I pass the container off to him, the machine running.

He takes the container, and I hold onto it to make sure that nothing goes haywire. He holds up the milk in just the right position to steam it.

“There you go,” I smile at him, “You’re a natural.”

He looks over at me, once again with that infectious smile. In this moment, something strange happens. I get lost in his eyes. His face gives me an unbelievable nervous feeling for some reason. Everything else just seems to disappear for a moment.

_SPLASH!_

After losing our concentration, the bubbles from the milk overpower the container, startling us both. We jump back, milk now all over both of our clothes.

“I am so sorry!” Victor apologizes.

“It’s fine,” I say, a little fazed, but recovering.

I take a towel, and I begin to clean him off, dabbing his clothing. I don’t want to rub the milk into his sweater.

“You know what,” he begins to say quickly as I dry him off, “this-this was a bad idea. I-I’m sorry to waste your time.” By the tone in his voice, especially by the way he trails off, I can tell that he is clearly shaken and uncomfortable. He turns and walks away quickly, rushing out of the shop.

I am a little unnerved by his suddenness, and I let out a small laugh. It’s not so much an annoyed laugh as it is a pity laugh. That poor kid can’t seem to catch a break. I wipe myself off with the towel, trying to be a little bit more presentable since I have to be here until closing.

Once the coffee shop closes, I have to go through applications. I hate the paper work. The only reason I even applied to the assistant manager position in the first place is because it pays more than just working as a barista.

I spend hours going through the applications on the desk in the back office, and I don’t really see any that I like. I interviewed all of these people, and not one stood out as someone who is both good at making coffee and who I think would be pleasant to work with. But the manager wants me to make the decision tonight. I spend some more time contemplating what to do. I decide to go with my gut, and I make the one call that I’m most weary of making. I can’t resist.

“Hello?” the person on the other end of the line picks up.

“Victor,” I address him, “It’s Benji. Sorry, it’s late. I hope I’m not waking you up.”

“I-I’m up-up,” he seems to say frantically. “Wh-what’s going on?”

“Look, I know today’s barista lesson didn’t go perfectly, but since none of the rich-ass kids at school need jobs, you’re kind of my only applicant,” I lie. “So the position is yours.”

“Um,” he contemplates the offer.

“If you want it."

“Yeah,” he accepts. “Thanks!”

“Well, see you tomorrow,” I say. “And every day after school until the end of time. We’re gonna be spending a lot of time together.” I laugh. What am I saying? I feel like I’m just word vomiting at this point.

“Cool,” Victor responds. “Can’t wait.”

I can’t wait either. Before I can say that, though, I hang up.

_What am I doing?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! That got heavy fast, I know. If you like the flashback format, good! There will be more of that throughout this perspective and the rest of the fic. A couple of announcements:
> 
> 1\. With the release date being sooner than expected, I am now going to post 3 time per week. I haven't decided which days yet, but content will be coming out at a faster pace.  
> 2\. As promised, here is this [Hurricane playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCSkLhYmI42By3OJ-F7PJqlQ-WfnomUw)! I have been working on it and decided that because a lot of it has to do with Benji's perspective, this would be a good time to release it. You might make some inferences based on songs later in the playlist so have fun hehe.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and hope you all are excited to continue!


	35. Benji Part 2: Battle of the Bands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.
> 
> Hello! If you want to hear the song in the beginning of this chapter, check out the playlist in the end notes!
> 
> cw: alcoholism, internal homophobia, depression

_After discovering the wondrous effects of alcohol, I spent some time going through the area in our pantry where my dad keeps his liquor. He doesn’t go in there a lot, and some stuff just sort of sits on the back of the shelf. I only took some of the small bottles, stuff he won’t miss or notice is gone. Some of them were really painful going down, but they really helped ease the emotional pain I felt. I threw up a couple of times, but my whole life is a vomiting mess anyway, so it’s not like it made that much of a difference. I couldn’t wait until Derek got me a fake ID to get that feeling again. I needed it. And because it took a few weeks, I didn’t even see Derek all that much; I couldn’t get into any bars. He did finally meet me last night, though, and he gave me the fake he had promised._

_I present my fake ID at the bar to get in. Derek said he would meet me here, but I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes and he’s not here. Whatever. I just need a drink._

_I enter the bar, and it’s super busy. I’ll have to wait forever before I can get any service. I’m at a bar alone because the person who was supposed to meet me here stood me up, and I can’t even place an order because of how crowded it is._

_“Just a reminder that it’s karaoke night, and we have a lot of open spots! If you come sign up now, you can be the next to perform!”_

_Why not? I need to pass the time somehow._

_I approach the person in charge of karaoke._

_“Finally,” they say in a desperate whisper, “No one has signed up yet. You can be the first and get the ball rolling!”_

_I look at the binder of songs to see what’s available. Nothing seems to call out to me at first. So many of these songs are either too happy or too romantic. And I’m really not in the mood to sing some sort of sad break-up song either. And some of them are just super random; I’ve never heard of so many of these artists._

_I finally come across one that seems to fit my life perfectly. I give my request to the bartender, and I get up on stage._

_I don’t introduce myself to the crowd. They don’t need to know who I am. The music starts. I sing:_

“I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known.

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s home to me and I walk alone.

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one and I walk alone.

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me.

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.

‘Til then I walk alone.

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I’m walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind.

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone.

Read between the lines

Of what’s fucked up and everything’s alright.

Check my vital signs

To know I’m still alive and I walk alone.

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me.

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.

‘Til then I walk alone.

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone

I walk a

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one and I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me.

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.

‘Til then I walk alone.

_I finish the song, but I am too caught up in the turbulence of my own mind to notice the applause. I take a seat at the bar, and I wait for someone to come and take my order. I get a beer, and it arrives more quickly than expected._

_As I drink, Derek arrives._

_“Hey,” he greets me in a little bit of disarray, “Sorry I’m late. Our lead singer just quit on us.”_

_I look at him confused._

_“Right,” he remembers that I barely know him and that I don’t have the context to understand what he’s talking about. He explains, “I’m in a band. Well, I was. We don’t exactly have that much value without a lead singer. What a way to start the New Year, am I right?”_

_I nod indifferently._

_“Are you into music?” he asks, trying to lighten up the mood and make conversation._

_I’m really not in the mood. I’m pissed at him because he’s late. I’m just here to drink. I shrug._

_“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who doesn’t like music,” he says in a manner that kind of highlights what he seems to believe is the absurdity of the situation. As he does, he points out what he wants on the menu to the bartender._

_“Are you kidding?” a new guy chimes in who sits on the other side of Derek at the bar. “Not into music? You should see this guy sing!”_

_Derek looks at me with an intrigued expression. “You sing?”_

_To my surprise, before either of us can say anything else, the man pulls out his phone and plays the video he took just a few minutes ago of me singing a Green Day song._

_Derek watches and listens intently. “Damn!” he exclaims. “You’re actually better than the lead singer who just quit!”_

_He gives the phone back to the stranger, and he then turns around and meets me with a suggestive look._

_“Benji,” he precedes his thought, but pauses and smiles._

_“What?” I ask._

_“How would you like to come rehearse with our band? We’re looking for a new lead singer,” he raises his eyebrows as he offers._

_“Oh, uh, I don’t know--”_

_“Do it!” the stranger sitting next to Derek calls out. “You’re amazing!”_

_Maybe he has a point. Maybe I need this. I like to sing. Maybe if I join the band, I’ll find a place where I actually belong. This is an opportunity. It could be a great opportunity for me to escape these turbulent feelings I’m having. And maybe I’ll even meet a girl that I actually like._

_“Sure, I’m in!” I respond, excited for this brand new opportunity._

_“Awesome! This calls for a celebration!” Derek exclaims. He then turns to address the bartender, “Two shots of tequila please!”_

_The tequila messes with me a little bit, but it’s nothing I haven’t experienced before at this point._

_Just as I anticipated I would, I skip the Winter Carnival this year. I don’t need the type of pain back that I got from it last time. Over the next few weeks, though, I develop a great chemistry with Derek’s band, The Sticky Beaks. In fact, they end up liking me so much, that they basically hand over most of the control to me. It’s a great distraction from everything I’ve been experiencing. We mostly just do covers of old songs. The first cover we do is “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” just because that’s the first song that any of them ever heard me sing. I find out that the bar we went to on New Year’s Eve has bands play for them when they’re not doing karaoke and that The Sticky Beaks play there all the time. We play for the crowd, and we sometimes get tips, which is a nice end to our set._

_Sometimes, girls come up to us and ask us on dates. I would say yes, but I haven’t found one that I’m attracted to yet. Someone will turn me, right? Why is it so hard to find that person?_

_When a girl approaches Derek, he always says no. They approach me far more often because I’m the lead singer, so I have no idea why he won’t just go on a date and take the chance._

_When we finish our sets, I spend quite a bit more time with Derek. The other band members are cool, but they don’t seem to want me for my kinship as much as they want me for my singing voice and creative mind. I do establish a good connection with Derek, though. He seems to be one of the only people in my life who actually even cares that I exist. Even his presence is somehow intoxicating. We drink together, and we play music together. This could be the start of a much needed friendship._

* * *

“Hey, good work today,” I say to Victor as we clean up and close the coffee shop together on the same shift. “You caught on fast.”

He really did. That interview might have been a mess, but he’s a quick learner. I’m glad I made the decision to give him a chance. I don’t know if anyone else would have been this easy to train or would have made very pleasant company.

“Thanks!” he responds. “I had fun. Except for this music. Five hours of non-stop easy listening is actually not so easy to listen to.”

I sigh. I feel that pain. I’ve been working here for quite some time, and I still haven’t become desensitized to it.

“I know,” I agree with him. I then say with a hint of insanity, “If I hear one more gentle song about a girl forgiving her dad, I will lose my mind.”

“I know, right!” Victor responds. “It’s like, people drink coffee to wake up.”

“Yeah.” We’re so on the same page there. The truth just had to be spoken!

“Well Sarah’s not here,” I suggest, “so if you have your phone I could connect it to the speakers and play something?”

“Uh, yeah,” Victor agrees and motions to give me his phone, “Yeah, sure.”

He hands me his phone, and I go to his music.

I laugh. No way. This is just too good.

“‘Baby Shark’ is your most listened to song?” I poke fun.

“I play it for my little brother!” he defends, stepping towards me and putting his finger in the air.

Oh, come on. That’s the most cop-out response I’ve ever heard. I give him a look letting him know it.

“And I may also find its predictability soothing,” he admits adorably.

We both laugh, and I just can’t help but to feel something. I’m not even sure what that feeling is, but I quickly dismiss it.

I continue to look through his music, and it doesn’t take long before I find another perfect opportunity to mess with him.

I click on the track to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe,” which is also somehow towards the top of his list. I start to dance along as Victor watches and releases a slightly embarrassed sigh, recognizing the futility of trying to stop the awkwardness.

“ _So call me maybe_ ,” I sing along to the chorus as I pump my fist in the air teasingly. Man is it fun to mess with this guy!

He nods and laughs, “Okay, you’re making fun of me right now?”

I laugh and shrug. Why deny it? Of course I’m making fun of him. He’s so fun to tease!

“‘Call Me Maybe’ was my jam when I was little!” he says. “I made up this whole dance. It used to crack my mom up.”

I laugh again at his reminiscence. He just makes it so easy!

“Well, okay, let’s see!” I urge him on.

His face makes a questioning gesture towards me. “See what?” he asks.

Is he kidding?

“Your dance! Come on!” I encourage him. Now I’m not so much teasing him as I am genuinely curious. Is it weird that I want to see Victor dance? I just want to see if he’s any good.

He is clearly caught off guard by the request. “All I remember is that it involved a lot of spinning and,” he pauses and then says the next part somewhat cautiously, “rump shaking.”

“Mm,” I acknowledge. He laughs, seemingly getting a little more comfortable. “Like, like – like this?” I start to dance, sticking out my “rump” and shaking it behind me.

I seem to be putting a smile on Victor’s face, which I don’t mind. He laughs his biggest laugh so far.

“No, no, no,” he repeats several times through his laughter. “Like _this_. You gotta put more rump in it. You gotta go…”

He demonstrates. It’s great that he’s opening up. Sometimes in order to show someone that they can be comfortable being an oddball around you, you just have to show them that you’re not afraid to be an oddball around them.

“Oh!” I say, playing along with his dance. “ _I_ have to put more – okay.”

“Yeah, yeah!” he says. I then start to dance with him, following his lead, causing him to laugh even harder.

For the next few seconds, we laugh and dance together. There’s something about this moment that just makes me want –

_DING!_

I am snapped back to reality as I hold Victor’s phone and see that he got a text from Mia.

“Oh,” I react out loud and hand Victor his phone. “Your Ferris wheel boo is texting you.”

“Oh,” he takes his phone and chuckles.

I pick up the cleaning supplies to continue wiping down the table where we’re standing.

“What’s the deal with you two, anyway?” Did I say that out loud? Also, why did I say that so passive aggressively? It’s honestly a little confusing what his situation is. This guy comes up to me, gets nervous around me, freaks out when someone jokes to imply that he might be gay, likes freaking Carly Rae Jepsen, laughs and dances with me, and somehow he becomes popular for liking the popular girl? I know it’s not really my business, and I don’t want him to be pushed into believing something about himself that may or may not even be true, but I just kind of want to know what his deal is. Why, though? Why do I care about this? I have a boyfriend. It’s not like I can do anything with someone else anyway. Wait—

“I don’t know. She’s cool,” Victor interrupts my convoluted train of thought. “Um, we’re going out tomorrow. To hang.”

Why does he seem so unenthused by that?

“Nice,” I forget about my daydream for a second and support my new friend. “You should bring her here tomorrow for the Battle of the Bands. And then cheer for my band. Loudly.” I joke and laugh, “I’m uh, very insecure.”

He stops and looks at me in surprise. “ _You’re_ in a band?”

“Yeah,” I tell him. “Lead singer.”

He stands tall at the revelation.

_BENJI!_ I tell myself silently inside my head. _STOP. FLIRTING._

“You and Mia can come hang backstage after the show. I-if you want to.”

_Why am I offering this?_

I feel some tension. Does he feel it too, or is it just me? I laugh, trying to break that tension a bit, “And by ‘backstage,’ I mean the parking lot next door.”

Victor laughs.

I go around him to keep cleaning up. This night is getting weird. I stand at the counter to try and make sense of everything that I’m feeling in this moment.

“Uh, we’re doing something else tomorrow,” he says, and I turn around to look at him, trying to hide the disappointment on my face. “Sorry.”

“Oh. Well, maybe next time.” I try to recover and smile, as I feel my expression sinking. I’m not so sure if it works. For some reason, I can’t seem to force my face into a smile. I turn around quickly so that he can’t see my face. Why am I so disappointed by this? I go on with my night, and I try to forget about it.

I get a much needed call from my boyfriend.

“Hey, Derek! What’s up?”

“Benji!” he exclaims. “We haven’t rehearsed at all today, and the performance is tomorrow! I don’t want to screw this one up. It could be a really great night for us if we’re prepared, but I don’t know if we’re prepared!”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down!” I say to him. He always gets anxious like this before shows. He’s kind of a perfectionist. As panicked as he is, I’m still glad to hear his voice. “We’ll meet first thing tomorrow morning, and we can run through the song before I go to work.”

He calms down. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. But be here early!”

“No problem.”

I hang up, and I say goodbye to Victor on my way out of the shop.

\---

The next morning, I meet Derek and the rest of the band at his place so that we can practice. We only have one song, and we’re more prepared than ever, so we just go right through it without a problem.

“I guess I overreacted a little,” Derek admits.

“You think?” I tease, and I laugh. “Well, now that we’re all here and I have some time to kill before I go to work, what do you guys want to do?”

“We could start working on another cover?” Derek suggests. Everyone in the band seems to be in agreement. “Any ideas?”

I have the perfect one. “What if we did a lyrical version of ‘Call Me Maybe’ by Carly Rae Jepsen?”

Alice, the drummer, looks at me with a smile and says, “That’s brilliant! How did you think of that?”

I shrug.

“This is why you’re our lead,” Derek says admiringly.

We mess around with the song for a bit. It’s just a few simple chords. We make it acoustic, and we slow it down just enough for it to have a more dramatic feel. I also alter it a little so I can show off my voice (hey, I’m a musician; I like to show off my talents). We end up getting through the whole song since it isn’t that hard. We add our own little outro.

The cover is perfect.

Since I work at the coffee shop, I arranged with Sarah to go last so that I can perform but still work. We perform, and I’m quite satisfied with the outcome.

After we perform, I am surprised and happy to see Victor walk in the door. He’s with Mia. Too bad he missed our performance.

“Alright, hello,” Sarah goes up to the microphone. Does she think it’s a phone or something? I work for a crazy person. “And the winner is – not a big shocker, since they were the only ones who were halfway decent – The Sticky Beaks! Come on out here, guys!”

That’s us! We won! I mean, she’s right; everyone else who performed was kind of a mess tonight. But still!

We walk up on stage smiling, glad to have won.

“What do you want to sing?” Derek whispers in my ear, recognizing that we totally forgot about the possibility that we could be giving an encore.

“How about the cover we did today?” I suggest, whispering back. “Since it’s still fresh in our minds.”

Everyone nods in agreement.

“Uh, thanks guys,” I address the audience. “This is a cover that we just started working on.”

As we begin, I see Victor directly in my line of sight, and somehow, I can’t take my eyes off of him while I sing.

_I threw my wish in the well_

_Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell_

_I looked at you as it fell_

_And now you’re in my way._

I notice Victor’s face light up as I sing the song. There’s only one reason that I chose this song, and I’m so glad that he’s here tonight to hear it.

_I beg and borrow and steal_

_At first sight and it’s real_

_I didn’t know I would feel it,_

_But it’s in my way._

_Your stare was holdin’_

_Ripped jeans, skin was shown’_

_Hot night, wind was blowin’._

_Where you think you’re goin’, baby?_

_Hey, I just met you_

_And this is crazy_

_But here’s my number,_

_So call me maybe._

_It’s hard to look right_

_At you baby_

_But here’s my number,_

_So call me maybe._

As I sing the chorus, the rest of the world fades away. Not Victor. He stands there, mesmerized by the lyrics. I see him and only him. I don’t even hear myself singing at that point. I sing and play most of the rest of the song on auto-pilot. I’m singing to Victor. He is my audience.

After that brief moment, the people start to fill the coffee shop again. I become more aware of my own singing, and I feel more empowered than ever.

_It’s hard to look right_

_At you baby_

_But here’s my number,_

_So call me maybe._

_So call me maybe._

_So call me maybe._

We finish the song, and we’re met with applause from the crowd.

As I see Victor, I begin to walk to him. I want to thank him for coming and ask what he thinks.

Before I can make it over to Victor, I see Derek walking towards me, smiling bigger than ever.

“Hey!” I say as he catches my attention.

Derek pulls me in for a nice congratulatory kiss.

“That was so amazing!’ he compliments me after we sing. “Even better than this afternoon in my garage!”

“Thanks,” I say, blushing.

“Seriously, you are a genius. And you have a great voice.”

I keep blushing, I laugh, and I touch his arm. He brushes my hair away from my face in that way that makes me feel really special, like there’s someone here to make me feel good about myself. He pulls me in for a hug, and I lean into it, happy to be in the arms of someone I care about. His presence is intoxicating.

As I enjoy Derek’s embrace, my eyes dart around the room to try and find Victor. I don’t see him. He must have left. It’s too bad he had to rush out. It would have been nice to talk to him. I guess I’ll just talk to him later.

“I love you,” Derek says sweetly.

I return my attention to my boyfriend and smile, “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun to write! I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading! I think I will be updating Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays (subject to change, but that is the plan now). So you don't have that long to wait!
> 
> Song Lyrics from "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day and "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
> 
> Check out the [Hurricane Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCSkLhYmI42By3OJ-F7PJqlQ-WfnomUw)!


	36. Benji Part 3: Who I Am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck.
> 
> cw: depression, alcoholism, internal homophobia
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>>Felix>> **Benji** >>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

As the next few days go by, Victor and I start to get into a rhythm at work. He picks up skills and information incredibly fast. We even get to the point where we don’t even have to use more than a couple of words to communicate. Somehow, we just get to know each other that well.

I like to think of myself as a little bit of an artist. Victor smiles at me as he brews one day, and I take a snapshot of that image in my mind. It inspires me to start work on a new project. It’s a paper and pencil project. I stay up late at night working on it, since I have to work so late so often. It’s worth it, though. There’s something about escaping through that drawing that is just so peaceful, so comforting.

“Hey! Benji!” Lake calls over to me one day while Victor is on his break in the coffee shop. Victor has talked to me a little about his friends. He’s dating Mia, and he spends a lot of time with Lake and Felix, too. I’m kind of used to seeing them here at this point. I'm already somewhat familiar with Felix; he's a nice kid.

“Hey,” I walk over to them.

“Victor is having a birthday party on Saturday, and his ratio of hot people to old people is totally tragic,” Lake tells me. That’s an interesting way to phrase that. I let out a small chuckle. “Wanna come?” she invites.

I look over at Victor.

“I mean, only if you want to!” Victor says oddly frantically. “There’s – there’s no pressure.”

A birthday party for my new friend and co-worker? I hope he knows that I would be honored to attend!

“Sure, I’m in,” I say, trying to hold back some enthusiasm so that it doesn’t seem too weird.

As sort of an afterthought, I say, “I’ll bring Derek.” I realize that Victor doesn’t really know Derek that well. I also don’t know what his situation at home is like or what his family would think of a gay couple. I don’t like having to think about that wherever I go, so I try to avoid situations where I have to hide. I know I need to make sure that I clear it with Victor first, “I mean, if that’s cool?”

“Yeah! I _love_ Derek!”

Well, that’s all I needed to hear. I think it will be good for Victor and my boyfriend to get to know each other; in a way, it can kind of bridge all of our worlds together.

“Great. We’ll be there,” I reply to Victor’s enthusiasm, and I get back to work.

After I get off work, I call Derek and tell him about the party.

“It’s not super far away, but it’s kind of far to walk, and – well, you know,” I say, not wanting to delve too much into the painful past.

“Don’t worry about it,” Derek assures me, “I can drive.”

Later that evening, I do some more work on my drawing. As I finish this, I realize that I don’t want it to go to waste. I think about what to do with it, and I realize that it would make the perfect birthday gift for Victor. Who doesn’t appreciate a hand-drawn portrait of themselves?

Once I decide that I’m going to give the piece to Victor, I obsess the next few days over fixing all of the errors and getting rid of all of the pesky stray markings until it’s perfect. I wrap it up in a nice gift box so that when I present it to Victor, it has some pizazz.

\---

“I’m excited for you to meet my friends!” I say to Derek as he drives me to the party.

“Yeah,” he says calmly. “I don’t mind seeing what they’re all about.”

As we approach Victor’s building, Derek tries to figure out where to park. “Hey, why don’t you go up, and I can meet you inside when I find some place to park?”

“Yeah, sure,” I say. He drops me off with a quick kiss before I head upstairs.

I go to knock on the door, but just as I’m about to do that, the door opens. Lake stands on the other side.

“’Course I have to leave when the one sexy person shows up,” she says, laughing.

I don’t know what’s going on here, but Felix seems a little annoyed.

“No offense, Victor!” she yells back as she leaves out the door and Felix follows her.

I’m just going to pretend like that didn’t happen.

“Hey, Benji,” Victor approaches the door from behind Felix. “You made it.”

“Hey,” I return his greeting. I hand him my gift. “A little something for the birthday boy.”

He laughs delicately. “You didn’t have to get me a gift.”

I love his modesty. I shrug. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. Before I can say that, though, Derek comes in the door.

“I had to park in front of a hydrant,” he complains and then jokes, “so nobody set anything on fire.”

Victor laughs. It’s going well so far. I’m glad to see them already getting along.

“Hey, man, thanks for coming,” Victor says.

“Yeah, anything this guy wants,” Derek puts his hand on my shoulder, and I am happy to have someone who will try for me.

“Victor!” an older man walks up to us, and given the small nature of the party, I presume he is Victor’s grandfather. “Who are your friends?”

“Uh, _Tito_ ,” Victor addresses him. Derek and I shake his hand when Victor says, “This is Benji, my co-worker, and Derek, his – uh – bandmate.”

Oh.

Derek’s eyes and mine both dart over towards Victor. That was exactly the wrong thing to say. To both of us. How could he just erase us like that? He knew I was gay, didn’t he? Does he have a problem with it? I mean, it’s not my problem what he believes, but why the hell did he introduce us to his grandfather as bandmates?

Victor’s grandfather says something in Spanish about the Bee Gees. I’m not paying that much attention. I just take a deep breath and try to hold it together. I’ve come too far to be shot down like this.

“Seriously?” I say, more annoyed at Victor than I ever have been before now. “His _bandmate_?”

“Well, you guys are in a band together,” Victor tries to defend his words while he laughs, but it’s not funny.

“Yeah, well I prefer the term boyfriend,” Derek chimes in.

This is definitely _not_ going well.

“No, no, of course. It’s just--” What could he possibly have to say to come back from that? “My family’s going through a hard time right now. I just _really_ need today to go well, and if my grandfather makes a scene, it’ll lead to a fight between my parents, and I just – I’m just not sure how much more fighting we can take.”

I look over at Derek, who hangs his head. I look back at Victor, who is clearly distressed. I start to understand. His family must not be so open-minded. It seems like he has a lot going on. He definitely hasn’t told me about a lot of it. I want him to have a good birthday, but if he knew that his family wouldn’t welcome me and my _boyfriend_ , then why would he invite us both over? Why wouldn’t he just tell us? I don’t like pretending. This certainly is not one of his best decisions.

“Whatever,” I say to Victor. I have too painful a story to try to explain it to him or re-hash all of it right here. It’s just not worth it. “Just forget about it.”

I lead Derek into the kitchen where we stay for a while. It seems that we’re not really welcome, so we might as well just stay out of everyone’s way. We stay there until we can no longer avoid interaction with Victor’s family members.

Victor’s grandfather comes over to talk to us when he sees that we’re sitting alone. He’s friendly, but he’s not the person I want to talk to after what Victor said. I have to act friendly, though, so I put a smile on my face, and I go along with the conversation.

“So you two are in a band?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, pretending to be excited about the conversation.

“Do you write songs?"

“We mostly do covers,” I tell him.

“Where do you guys play?”

“Mostly just in bars.”

“Pretty neat,” he compliments. He tells a quick story about a time he tried to start a band but got noise complaints from the neighbors, so their progress was shut down.

Derek and I both laugh about it. I start to relax a little bit more. At least we can talk about something more natural where we’re not going to be forced into outing ourselves to Victor’s family.

“Do you get paid,” Victor’s grandfather asks.

“Just in tips and free bar nuts,” I say.

We laugh.

He then whispers teasingly, “I bet you guys are cleaning up with the ladies.”

Of course he has to go there. Good feeling gone.

“Uh, no. Not really,” Derek says through a chuckle.

I see Victor come up to us. He overheard what his grandfather said. He actually looks – scared. I don’t know what is going on with his family, but I don’t want him to have to deal with it today. Not on his birthday. I may not be his biggest fan right now, but I can’t put him through that. He is still my friend, and I care too much. Plus, it wouldn't make things any easier for me and Derek either.

Derek continues, “Actually, we are--"

“Too busy,” I interrupt, derailing Derek’s sentence. “Between music and school, who has the time to date?” I do the best I can to hide the bitterness in my voice, but some of it comes out a little anyway.

After a second of silence, Derek says, “I’m gonna get my drink,” and he gets up to leave, followed by Victor’s grandfather.

Great. Now I’ve pissed _him_ off, so I have to deal with that.

This whole thing is so uncomfortable. I lean on the counter, and I rock back and forth. This is not how I want to live my life.

“Y-you didn’t have to do that,” Victor stammers.

I get it. But I can’t help but to be mad at him. He just doesn’t get it. Does he have any idea what it feels like to bottle up a secret about yourself for so long and struggle to even think that your existence is valid? Until he does, he’ll never understand. On top of that, now my boyfriend is mad at me, too.

I look at Victor, and I don’t say a word. I can’t do this right now. I can’t explain it to him. It’s just too hard and too painful. I walk away.

I find Derek. He is not happy when he sees me.

“What was that?” he asks angrily, but softly.

And here we go. Yet another fight between us.

“Look,” I say, proceeding with caution, “I’m not happy about this either, but we don’t have much of an option here.”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, still angrily. “We can be whoever we want--”

“I-I know, but Victor seems really upset for some reason--”

“I don’t care what Victor wants!” he says. “He’s a freaking homophobe!”

“No!” I defend Victor now. “He’s not. It’s just his grandfather."

“Well, I don’t care.”

“You heard what Victor said. If his grandfather makes a scene, his parents will fight. I don’t want to put him through that. Plus, it's not like our lives are suddenly going to be easier if Victor's parents are fighting about our very existence. That will make things worse for him _and_ us.”

“Can we just go, please?” he gives in.

“Come on, it’s his birthday!” I urge him. I hate this conversation. I don’t even know if I’m on the right side of it, to be honest.

“I don’t care!” Derek retorts. “Benji, I’m not pretending to be straight for some homophobic old man.”

I’m trying so hard, and I don’t know what to do.

“Can you not right now?” I sigh. “God,” I mutter as an aside to myself.

I pull him farther away from the party so that no one can hear us. “Look,” I say, “I’m not comfortable either.”

“Then let’s leave,” Derek offers.

I take a deep breath. “Derek, he’s my friend. And by the looks of this party, he doesn’t seem to have very many.”

Derek sighs, and he hangs his head.

“I don’t want to just leave him here. But I don’t want to spark whatever family drama he has going on, either. He told me that he’s been having a rough time, but he didn’t give me specifics. It’s just for today. We don’t have to pretend much longer. What I said to his grandfather was just so we didn’t have to get into it. I’m sorry I cut you off.”

He sighs. “Look, it just made me feel uncomfortable.”

I get it. It made me feel uncomfortable, too.

“I know. I’m sorry. Okay?”

“Okay.” He smiles at me, and he kisses me. “I don’t want to fight anymore, okay?”

“Same,” I sigh.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I am a little upset,” I admit. “I just want to look out for my friend.”

“I know. Want to talk about it at all?”

“I don’t know.”

“I know you’ve been through a lot.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. That chapter in my life is closed, but it still lingers over me. Plus, it’s hard to open up after having a fight with someone.

Derek tries to comfort me, “Look, whatever he says, you’re still my--”

“NO!” Out of nowhere, we hear Victor yell.

“What’s going on?” I whisper to Derek.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, _Papi_ ,” Victor addresses his father and grandfather, “I really wanted today to go smoothly, but those are my friends!” He gestures toward me and Derek.

“What happened?” Derek asks me.

We hear Victor continue, “I’m not gonna tell them not to be who they are if that bothers you.”

Derek and I both look over to Victor, surprised by how up front he is being. I’m really glad he’s standing up for us, but now _he’s_ making a scene instead of his grandfather; I really hope this doesn’t end badly for him. Or for us, for that matter. We go into the kitchen so that we’re not caught in the crossfire, and we stay quiet and listen.

“That’s your problem! Not theirs, and not mine!”

Victor’s grandmother chimes in now, “This is how you teach your son to speak to his _abuelo_?”

Victor’s mom goes into the room where Victor, his dad, and his grandparents sit. She hesitates for a second, and then finally says, “Yeah, it is. I raised him to be true to himself and to stand up for the people that he cares about.”

I grow to appreciate and respect Victor’s mom so much more in this moment, even though I haven’t spoken to her for the duration of the party. I hear only parts of the conversation, as I stand with Derek, reflecting on our own thoughts.

“This is not the world we grew up in,” I hear Victor’s grandmother say. “Our grandkids can barely speak Spanish.”

“Boys kissing boys,” Victor’s grandfather reflects. “Instead of girls.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to relieve the tension. Derek puts his hand on me to comfort me. I open my eyes again, and I realize that everyone who isn’t Victor’s family is in the kitchen as well. They all notice my pain, and they take turns showing me soft smiles to let me know that it’s okay.

Miraculously, or so it seems, Victor’s family conflict seems to disappear when his little brother runs into the room and starts to goof around. I take another deep breath, and Derek rubs circles on my back.

We stay for a little while longer, but Derek and I stay away from the rest of the party.

“Are you almost ready to go?” Derek asks me as it gets later.

I think that at this point, we both just want to get home. He wants to watch his TV shows, and I’ve had enough turbulence for one day.

“Yeah,” I tell him.

“Alright, I’m going to use the bathroom, and then we can go.”

“Okay.”

I walk back down the hall, and I see Victor sitting in a chair in the living room. I’m not as upset with him anymore.

I nod to him and tell him, “We’re gonna head out.”

He gets up to walk over to me.

“Derek turns into a pumpkin if he’s not watching reality TV by ten,” I half joke in an attempt to break the tension that was created between us by the events of today.

He laughs. I’m glad to see him laugh. He’s my friend, and I just want everybody here to be happy.

“I-I’m sorry, Benji,” he acknowledges the elephant in the room.

I don’t want to talk about it, but he at least deserves to know that I understand. I’m not going to give him the whole backstory, but I don’t want to keep him in the dark. He tries too hard to get nothing in return. Plus, he’s my friend. I can tell that he cares. Maybe opening up to him isn’t such a bad thing.

“Coming out was really hard for me, Victor,” I settle on telling him. “And it’s still hard for me to be who I am.”

I’m surrounded by judgement almost everywhere I go. I don’t even want to put myself in those situations, but I don’t always have a choice. Like today.

“I know,” he says acceptingly. “And for the record, I think who you are is – is pretty great.”

The words put a smile on my face. It’s nice to know that I have at least one friend who appreciates my unique qualities.

“I hope you like my present,” I tell him.

His mom calls everybody in for cake. I motion for him to go and enjoy.

I walk towards the group that is singing “Happy Birthday.” If anything, I want to at least take part in this celebration. Derek tugs on my arm to try to get me to leave during the song, but I politely tell him to wait. I don’t want to cheat Victor out of my presence for such a special moment. We’re finally getting to actually celebrate his birthday, which is why I came here in the first place.

When the group is finished singing, Victor’s little brother tells him to make a wish. I look between the two of them and laugh quietly. Victor blows out his candles, and his family applauds. What a beautiful moment.

In the back of my mind as Derek and I leave, I wonder what Victor wished for.

After an emotional day, memories flood my mind.

* * *

_I go to the bar with my band to play another gig. We arrive, and the show goes on just fine like usual. After the show is over, a girl approaches Derek. He rejects her on the spot. I wonder why he is so averse to dating._

_Afterwards, he comes right over to me._

_“Great show, tonight,” he says._

_“Thanks,” I accept the compliment._

_“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over how amazing a singer you are.”_

_I shrug a bit braggingly. I know how good a singer I am. Still, I’m not used to getting compliments, so it feels nice._

_Derek orders a drink for me and offers to pay since the show went so well. We get our drinks, and we talk for a bit. I can’t help but to see the look in Derek’s eyes and think,_ he’s cute.

_No! I can’t! This isn’t right! I down my whole drink in a matter of a few minutes._

_“Whoa,” he’s caught off guard by the return of my impulsive habit. “Are you okay?”_

_“Fine,” I say dismissively._

_I get another drink. I can’t think about this. I need to get away from Derek._

_“You know what?” I say. “I’m going home.”_

_“A-are you sure? It’s only 10:30.”_

_“I’m tired,” I snap back._

_“O-okay,” Derek says. “I’ll drive you.”_

_“No!” I say. “I mean, I’m fine. I’ll walk.”_

_“Benji, you just downed that drink in less than five minutes in addition to a couple of shots earlier. Don’t go walking alone.”_

_“Fine,” my judgement is a little impaired by the small amount of alcohol I've had throughout the night, but still good enough to accept Derek’s offer to drive me._

_The whole car ride home, I don’t say a word. I can’t even look at Derek. I don’t want my mind to go there. He says goodbye as I walk out of the car and into my place._

_I go to my room, not wanting to talk to anyone. I pull my fake ID out of my wallet, and I toss it across my room._

_“I’m not gay,” I whisper to myself. “I don’t like Derek, and I’m not gay.”_

_It’s not working. I need a drink. I sneak into my dad’s liquor supply once again. It’s fully stocked. I take a bottle of whiskey. I sip it._

_“I’m not gay,” I say again. I drink more. “Not gay. I’m not.”_

_It still isn’t working. I keep drinking. I finish the whiskey. There’s a bottle of tequila. I poor myself a shot._

_“N-not g-y. Dn’t like D’rek. No- ga-”. My speech is slurred to an extreme extent at this point._

_“Not. Gay,” I try to annunciate. There we go. “Not. Gay. I’m not – I want Wendy’s,” I decide suddenly as I breathe heavily. “Wendy’s. How get t’ Wndy’s?”_

_I look around. I try to figure out how I am going to get to Wendy’s. I don’t even know what I want. I just want Wendy’s._

_“CAR!” I shout._

_I head outside towards my dad’s car. It’s pouring down rain. I don’t care. I’m determined now. I get in the car and start it._

_“WENDY’S!” I shout._

_I start to drive. I know the way. The rain comes pouring down so hard that I can barely see out the windshield. I speed up anyway. I will not be intimidated by this storm! I will beat this rain!_

 _“TAKE THAT, RAIN!” I shout, now through thick tears and out of control emotions._

_I’ve lost it. I’ve lost it, and I want Wendy’s. I see the sign for Wendy’s, and I turn into the parking lot. I slow down only enough to turn into the lot. The ground is wet._

_“I’M! NOT! GAY!”_

_I slam on the brakes as I aim to steer through the drive thru. Nothing happens. I skid. I become just aware enough to see my surroundings and understand what’s happening before—_

CRASH!!!!!!

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, see you next time.
> 
> [Hurricane Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCSkLhYmI42By3OJ-F7PJqlQ-WfnomUw)


	37. Benji Part 4: In The Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?
> 
> cw: depression, alcoholism
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>>Felix>> **Benji** >>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

_I groan from the pain I feel. I ache all over. I open my eyes, and it’s too bright. I squint. I have a major headache._

_“Oh my God! Benji!” I hear my mom cry out._

_I feel my dad’s hand on mine._

_“Ma’am,” I hear a voice say. “Lucky for him, the airbags were working properly and the safety features in the car were up to date. He wasn’t going quite fast enough to cause any major damage to his body, but he does have some pretty bad bruises. We dealt with the lacerations. The car hydroplaned at an angle causing the headlight on the passenger’s side to hit first, sort of breaking his contact. It also helps that he hit the glass entrance door and not a brick wall. No one was inside the dining area, so no one inside was hurt. Your son is very lucky. If all of those things hadn’t lined up just the way they did, he could have died.”_

_My mom lets out a gasp._

_The memories of last night start to come back to me, one piece at a time. I remember performing at the bar. I remember beating myself up for thinking that Derek was cute. I remember Derek driving me home. I remember going crazy with my dad’s alcohol. I remember crashing._

_I could have died._

_“Benji, are you okay?” my dad asks. I think he was trying to get my attention before, but the memories all came flooding back to me so quickly that I wasn’t paying attention._

_I wince, answering his question. I’m in a lot of pain. I notice something different on my side. Something bumpy. Stitches._

_I move my arm towards my side, and I manage to say, “How many?” while wincing._

_“Twenty,” my dad tells me matter-of-factly._

_Twenty stitches in my side. I could have died._

_“Benji, what were you thinking?” my mom asks. “You could have died!”_

_I could have died._

_I could have died living a lie. The truth is the truth. Life is too short not to acknowledge that. Life is too short not to live and be true to yourself. Life is too short to keep pretending and pushing away your true feelings. Life is too damn short!_

_I could have died._

_“Benji,” my dad tries to address me, as I haven’t responded to my mother yet._

_I break down in tears. I can’t hold back the emotion._

_“Oh, Benji!” my mom calls out, more worried about me than ever. “It’s okay. We’re here.”_

_I could have died. Life is too short. Life is too short, and I could have died. I cry. My truth is my truth. There’s no denying that. Not anymore._

_“I’m gay,” I say as I bawl, and the tears run down my face, almost drowning me._

_My parents’ crying intensifies as well. My dad squeezes my hand even tighter than before. My mom reaches down to hug me. I’m in pain. I ache everywhere. It all hurts. But I don’t care. They hold onto me, and they don’t let go. I don’t want them to. I don’t let go either._

_I could have died. I have to be who I am now._

_I could have died, but I didn’t. I’m still alive. And I’m gay._

* * *

It’s a slow day at Brasstown, so I make a drink for myself to mess around with.

“Latte art,” I say as Victor walks up behind me, as if he cares.

He comes over to take a look.

“Remind you of anyone?” I ask proudly.

He looks at it intently, trying to recognize the face that I drew on the surface.

“Steve Harvey?” he guesses questioningly.

Is it really that bad?

“It’s Derek,” I say as I laugh, my pride in my work fading quite a bit. Well, it’s supposed to be.

“Oh!” Victor exclaims, presumably trying to make me feel better. “Yeah, I see it now,” he says somewhat ironically as he pats me on the back and walks away.

“Friday is our one-year anniversary,” I tell Victor. I slipped up. It’s actually Thursday, but that’s not exactly an important detail. My lack of excitement shows. “We’re supposed to go see his friend’s band downtown, but I want to do something romantic for him.”

I can’t believe it’s been a whole year. I really want to show my boyfriend how much I appreciate him. Even before I realized I was gay, I would imagine being the romantic boyfriend who bought flowers for a special lady and took her on nice romantic dates. Now that I’m finally comfortable in my own skin, living my gay life with my boyfriend, I don’t see a reason why I can’t do all that stuff for him, too. I want him to know how special he is to me.

“Where’d you go for your first date?” Victor asks me.

“We got spaghetti and meatballs at this corny Italian place,” I reminisce. “The food was good, but it ended up getting shut down by the health department. God, I love meatballs,” I add as a humorous aside, “So ugly. So delicious.”

Victor laughs.

“Okay,” he says, seeming to think of an idea, “Maybe – I mean, this is a little cheesy – but you could recreate your first date?”

Hmm. I like what he’s saying so far. I listen.

“You could have your own Italian restaurant, but just you and Derek.”

“I could do it here after we close!” I expand on his idea. “Light some candles, put on some Italian accordion music! Yeah,” I sigh, and I look forward to the night.

I can barely contain myself at the thought of the idea. It sounds absolutely perfect.

“Wow, Victor,” I turn to him, “Who knew you were such a romantic?”

He shrugs.

“Mia is a lucky lady.” Why is there a bitter hint in my tone when I say that?

“Yeah,” he says in an oddly humble way, “She’s the luckiest.”

Well that was weird. Did something happen? Trouble in paradise?

“Okay, why’d you just do your uncomfortable scrunch face when you said that?” Here we are talking about my upcoming romantic night with Derek, and then I compliment Victor on his now official relationship with Mia only to be met with what seems to be an unprecedented amount of discomfort from him.

“Okay,” Victor sighs, “I’m hanging out with Mia on Friday.”

“You don’t sound excited,” I point out, confused.

His voice quiets, “I think Mia wants to take things to the next level, and I’m – you know,” he whispers the last two words.

“Oh,” I realize what’s going on. Well that might have been a little bit of a private detail. That explains why he was hesitant to open up before. It’s fine. I get it. The first time can be kind of scary. And the subject can be a little awkward to talk about. I quiet down so as not to breach his confidence in me, “You’re a virgin?”

He nods ashamedly.

“That’s fine. You just gotta relax,” I assure him. I joke, “If _I_ can have sex with girls, _anybody_ can.” Not exactly sure why I said it like that, but sure, why not? Let’s just roll with it.

He looks up at me, somewhat confused. “Wait, you--? But you’re…”

“Gay?” I finish his thought for him. I hate how people think of it as a bad word. It's just a word, and it's part of my identity. “I know. This was back when I was figuring things out. Turns out human sexuality is less of a straight line and more of a Cirque du Soleil show – long, confusing, and full of sexy clowns.”

Ain’t that the truth! I so wish that I didn’t mean that as literally as I did.

We both laugh.

“Yeah,” Victor whispers, and he playfully hits me on the back again as I walk away from him.

\---

Victor and I update each other for the next couple of days on our big dates. His was rescheduled to Thursday, so we’ll both be having big nights at the same time after all!

On Thursday, I get super excited. When we close, Victor goes home, and I stay behind to prepare for my date. I brought everything that I need with me already. In the back, I have a box with candles, spaghetti, onions, garlic, fresh herbs, Italian bread, a nice tablecloth, romantic lights, and a few other things that I need to recreate a nice Italian restaurant. I put the ingredients for the meatballs in the refrigerator in the back of the coffee shop.

After I close, I set up our dining room, and I start to cook. I use the utensils in the coffee shop plus a few of my own that I brought just in case. I make the meatballs from scratch. I double check to make sure everything is perfect. When I finish, I can’t help but to be proud of my food. I plate it really nicely and make it look as pretty as I can. I can’t wait for Derek to see it.

I take a wide-smiling selfie with my food and I send it to Victor. I want to update him, and I also want him to know that I am thinking of him on his big night. With the picture, I send a message.

**Benji**

_Not too bad for a first time chef. Good luck tonight. 😘_

I press send.

Wait. Why did I use _that_ emoji? Really?

Forget it. I don’t need to think about that right now. I put my phone away.

I told Derek to meet me around the corner from Brasstown at 9:00 p.m. I walk outside to find that he is just a little bit early. That’s fine. I don’t want our food to sit too long anyway.

“Hey!” he greets me. “Ready to go to the show?”

“I want to show you something first,” I say, hardly able to contain my excitement.

“Okay?” his face twitches.

“Cover your eyes, and I’ll lead you there” I say, “I want it to be a surprise!”

“What?” he says, but he complies.

“Trust me, you’ll love it,” I say as we walk into the door of the coffee shop.

“Okay, but just – whatever it is, make it quick ‘cause I don’t want to be late for the show--”

“Shh!” I cut him off, laughing. “Stop talking, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees.

“Alright, keep your eyes closed,” I say as I go over to the table to fix a couple of things and turn on some music.

“Okay,” he calls out, “giving me major serial killer vibes right now.”

There’s that sense of humor that just makes him so unique!

“Okay, you can open!”

He takes his hand off his eyes, and I stand, proud of all of the work and effort I have put in for such a special man.

“Welcome to _Trattoria di Benji_ ,” I say, smiling, as I stand in front of the table that I set so nicely for us.

He lets out a small chuckle. He’s really surprised. That’s what I was going for!

“Whoa,” he manages.

Not exactly the reaction I expected, but it’ll do. He’s probably just a bit overwhelmed with appreciation. I know that if someone did something like this for me, I would be speechless too.

“I’ll go get the food,” I say, maintaining my smile.

“Food?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I laugh, “It’s a dinner, silly!”

I kept the plates of food somewhere they would stay warm. I go over to get them. I bring the salad and garlic bread out that I prepared as well.

We sit down to eat.

“Benji, did you make this?” he asks.

“Yeah, I did,” I smile.

“Wow,” he says. I’m not exactly sure how to interpret his tone.

We spend a few minutes quietly eating.

“So,” I finally decide to break the inexplicable silence, “Do you like it?”

He gives me a curious look.

“Spaghetti and meatballs,” I elaborate. “Like we had on our first date, remember?”

“Mm, mm-hmm,” he unenthusiastically nods with his mouth full. When he finishes swallowing his food, he says with the same lack of enthusiasm, “It’s great.” His tone shifts to almost – concern, “But shouldn’t we head to the show soon?”

What? Does he not get what I’m trying to do here?

He continues, “The opener are these two blind sisters who do bluegrass covers of TLC songs. I mean, it’s supposed to be awesome!”

“Oh yeah?"

“Yeah,” he chuckles.

I’m glad he’s excited about something, but I just want to spend some quality time with my boyfriend. It’s not exactly my idea of a romantic evening for our anniversary to go to some amateur college band showcase.

“Sounds really cool,” I say, “but I thought maybe we could skip the show tonight.”

He looks confused.

“You know, since it’s our first anniversary and everything,” I remind him.

No sooner do I say that than does Derek burst out in laughter. “Anniversary?” he asks rhetorically. “What, are we straight people now?”

What?

I flinch back. What is that supposed to mean? Derek is the only person I’ve ever trusted enough to tell my whole story. He knows how hard and painful it was for me to figure out who I am and come out. Why would he want to open up old wounds and suggest that we’re not who we say we are? In fact, at Victor’s party, he was the one who was sick of pretending to be straight. Plus, why does it matter? We’re gay, we’re not robots. We can still have feelings for each other and celebrate them with things like anniversaries.

“Oh,” he says, noticing my uncomfortable expression. “Sorry. I didn’t mean like--”

I shake my head nervously. I don’t really know what to say to that. I’m just trying to show my boyfriend how much I appreciate him and care about him. Shouldn’t that be a good thing?

“I just don’t really know if I believe in all that stuff,” he says.

“What stuff? Anniversaries?” I ask.

“Stuff that society tells us to want just ‘cause straight people do.”

_What?_

He continues, “Like one of the best things about being gay is that we don’t have to conform to that heteronormative rom-com bullshit that is dreamt up by corporations to help sell greeting cards to morons.”

I exhale. Morons. Wow.

“Well,” I say, now feeling quite defeated and unappreciated. I pull out the greeting card that I got for him to wish him a happy anniversary, “Guess I’m one of those morons.” I nervously expel an amount of air that comes out as some sort of awkward laughter.

Clearly, I caught Derek off guard. He certainly wasn’t expecting that. He looks at me, his expression softening. “Hey,” he says as he takes the card, “I didn’t mean--”

I shrug as if it’s no big deal, but it is a big deal. We haven’t been on an actual date in so long, and when we finally do, it’s super uncomfortable. I try to do something nice for him, and he calls me a moron, whether he meant to or not.

He opens the card. He sees the cover, and he looks at me with a big cheesy smile. I turn away, at this point embarrassed that he even saw what I picked out and wrote for him.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

“I, I--” I can’t think of anything to say.

“I’m a dick,” he says. He leans closer to me so that he can look me in the eye and gently say, “And these meatballs are really great.”

“Yeah?” I say, a bit of relief coming over me since he actually likes my food.

“Yeah,” he says.

At least he apologized and he’s trying. I have his attention now. Maybe we can have our romantic night after all.

Or not. He gets a notification on his phone and immediately picks it up.

“Sorry,” he says, distracted by his notifications. What could possibly be so pressing that he has to answer it during our date? “Hey, do you think it would be cool if we caught the end of the show?”

Unbelievable! I thought he was actually coming around there for a second.

This night is lost. It’s not going well, and it’s not going to turn around now. Forget about our anniversary. Apparently it’s not really worth celebrating anyway.

“You know what, yeah you go ahead,” I tell him. I just need to be alone right now. “I’ll meet you there. I gotta clean up first.”

He gets up to leave. Of course he does. I actually had a fleeting hope that he would stay anyway. Nope. I guess the show is more important than me. Boy, he really knows how to make a guy feel special, doesn’t he?

“Hey,” he addresses me before he kisses me and walks out the door, “you’re the best.”

“Have a good time,” I tell him.

“Thank you.”

My smile fades. He catches my attention as I hear him talking to his friend on the phone. He couldn’t even wait until I was out of earshot before he excitedly called his friend? I guess if you love someone, you set them free? Is that what that means? Whatever.

I turn around. I try to figure out where the spark went that we used to have. What happened to the magic? There is so much nostalgia somehow lost here. I try to see past my forest of demons, but these woods only grow thicker, deeper, denser, and darker.

I remember:

* * *

_The doctors tell me that they want me to stay in the hospital for a couple of days so that the stitches can heal properly. They are the type of stitches meant to dissolve, but they want want to keep a close eye out just in case there are any complications.They also want to monitor me for any signs of concussion or internal bleeding. It’s scary._

_My parents have to leave, so I text Derek. I let him know that I’m in the hospital._

**_Derek_ **

On my way!

_He gets here relatively quickly. It’s evening by this point. He rushes into my hospital room._

_“I got your text and came as soon as I could! Benji, are you okay?”_

_At this point, I’m finally coherent. The effects of the hangover have worn off._

_“Sit down,” I say to him nervously._

_He gives me a look of concern. “Benji, what’s wrong?” he asks as he pulls a chair up next to my bed._

_“I have to tell you something,” I say, nervous about how he’ll react._

_He nods, urging me on, giving a look of anticipation._

_“Derek, I’m gay.”_

_He – laughs? “Yeah, I knew that.”_

_“W-what do you mean?” I’m confused._

_“B-Benji, what did you think this was?” he asks me. “Between us?”_

_My face turns red and my eyes widen. I knew I had feelings for Derek, but I had no idea they were mutual. I had no idea that he was even gay. That explains why he kept rejecting girls who asked him out. Come to think of it, he rejected guys too. Have I been dating Derek this whole time?_

_“I guess – I don’t know. I mean, we’ve never been on a date,” I say._

_He exhales._

_I tell him everything that happened last night. I tell him why I left him at the bar early and what caused my crash. I tell him how much I’ve been struggling to accept myself. I tell him about why I was alone that night at the party. I tell him everything._

_“Well, I’ll tell you what,” he says to me when I finish my story, “When you get out of here, we can go on our first real date. I know this great little Italian place down the street.”_

_I smile. Then I start to cry. He starts to cry, too. I am exhausted, and I fall asleep._

_\---_

_When the sun rises in the morning, the brightness wakes me up. Derek stands over me, looking down at me. He must have stayed the night. I look back up at him and smile._

_Suddenly, I am startled by a strange noise. My head darts around to see what it is, and my sudden jolt causes some pain in my neck._

_“Hey, hey,” Derek says to me to calm me down, “It’s just trees.”_

_He’s right. It’s the tree branches scraping up against the hospital room window. I’m just so fragile at this point._

_\---_

_A couple of days later, when I get out of the hospital, Derek takes me on our date._

_“What’s the name of the place we’re going?”_

_“_ Trattoria di Italia _,” he tells me._

_“Cool.”_

_I am somehow both excited and nervous to be going on an actual first date with Derek. It seems that we’ve been a thing for a while, but I barely just accepted the fact that I’m gay. I guess I might as well step into it all the way._

_We get to the restaurant. It’s kind of cheesy. It has some nice decorations, but it’s not super fancy. The items on the menu are actually kind of cheap._

_“What do you want to eat?” Derek asks me._

_“I kind of just want to keep it simple,” I say. “Maybe spaghetti and meatballs.”_

_“Meatballs are so ugly!” Derek laughs._

_“I know, but they’re so delicious!” I retort with more laughter._

_“Well, I’ll probably have that too,” Derek says. “Honestly, simple is better.”_

_The waiter comes over to take our drink order._

_“Two red wines please,” Derek orders for both of us._

_I’m glad that the waiter forgets to check our IDs. I left my fake one at home._

_We get our wine and our dinner, and we enjoy it. This place’s meatballs are beyond anything I could imagine. I think meatballs are my new favorite food._

_“Do you two want to split the check?” the waiter asks when we’re done eating._

_“Actually, I’ll pay,” Derek smiles at me, and I smile back. He turns back to address the waiter, “Put my meal and my boyfriend’s meal on the same check please.”_

_I snap my head around towards him in shock. Boyfriend?_

_“So,” I ask for clarification, “are we official now?”_

_“Hmm?” I draw his attention away from the waiter. “Oh, yeah. Sure.”_

_I smile._

_The rest of the evening is quiet. When he drops me off at home, we share our first kiss. I can’t believe it. Somehow, in the midst of all this commotion, I found light. Officially, as of today, Derek is my boyfriend._

_I will remember this day forever._

* * *

I take my time cleaning up, and then I stay a little longer. I’m not really in a rush to get to Derek’s friend’s show. As I’m in the coffee shop, I hear the door creek open.

Victor waves awkwardly as he makes his entrance.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says. He adds on with a laugh, “How did _Trattoria di Benji_ go?”

“Fine,” I lie. I think he can tell that I’m covering up some emotion. He doesn’t ask about it, though. I’m glad, since I desperately want to talk about something else. “So, how was your big date?”

He looks away and concedes, “Not much to tell.”

I nod in understanding. Poor guy. Neither of our nights seemed to go according to plan. But hey, at least that led us both here so that we can share in each other’s grief.

I smile at him to let him know that it’s okay. He smiles back at me, receiving the message.

“Workin’ on your latte art?” he asks me. Finally, a new topic that doesn’t involve Derek or Mia.

“Yep,” I tell him. “I think I might actually be getting better.”

“Really?” he teases with joking disbelief and a hint of ridicule.

“Mm-hmm,” I confirm. “You wanna try?”

“Yeah,” he decides.

“The trick is to poor quickly,” I say. “What do you wanna make?”

“How about…a meatball? So ugly, but so delicious,” he makes fun.

We both laugh. Somehow, he just seems to know how to put a smile on my face.

I guide him through making a meatball in his latte art, and we laugh and talk together for a little while.

Despite how poorly this night has gone, my smile seems to prevail over it all. My feelings of anxiety leave me. I feel comfortable, safe.

I enjoy the rest of my evening with the one person who I really needed to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benji is still a mess, but he's making some progress! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, with a much nicer ending than the last one hehe! Thanks for reading!
> 
> [Hurricane Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCSkLhYmI42By3OJ-F7PJqlQ-WfnomUw)


	38. Benji Part 5: The Desert That Turned To Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've already botched the Sunday-Tuesday-Friday thing in the first week and I don't actually know when I'll be posting because life is chaotic haha, but just know that it will definitely be three chapters a week. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

_New York >>Pilar>>Lake>>Felix>> **Benji** >>Mia>>Andrew>>Armando and Isabel>>Aftermath_

_“Alice, can you grab a couple of beers for me and Benji?” Derek calls out to our drummer after we finish rehearsal._

_“Actually, I’m good. Thanks,” I say._

_Derek looks at me with a confused look. “I’ve never known you to be one to pass on a drink.”_

_“Yeah, about that,” I tell him, “Derek, I want to stop drinking.”_

_“Oh?” he raises an eyebrow._

_“Yeah, ever since the accident, I’ve felt really guilty and honestly kind of scared every time I’ve picked up a drink.”_

_“Benji, that was like two months ago. Relax.”_

_“Derek, I got really addicted. And I need your support in order to be able to stop.”_

_He hesitates. “Fine. I’ll support you. But only because you’re the best boyfriend,” he says with a smile, causing me to smile back._

_Alice comes back with one beer for Derek. “Here you go. I need to head out, so I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”_

_She leaves._

_“Derek, we need to find a different place to perform,” I say out of nowhere._

_“What?” he laughs somewhat dismissively. “Benji, that’s crazy.”_

_“Seriously, Derek,” I give him a stare._

_“Why?”_

_“I don’t want to keep using a fake ID to get into places,” I admit._

_“Benji, bars are the only places we really have. You’ll have to use a fake.”_

_“No,” I correct him. “I did some research and there are a couple of places around here where if you’re with a pre-registered performing group, you only need to show ID to buy alcohol, not to get in. The place we perform now does that.”_

_“Then why don’t we just start doing that?” he asks, confused._

_I exhale. My thought process is a little complicated, but I try to explain. “If I stop using my fake ID to get into that bar and I stop buying alcohol, someone could figure out I’ve been using a fake all along. And I don’t want to take that risk.”_

_“Benji, come on,” he laughs again. “What’s the likelihood of that actually happening?”_

_“Derek, my license got suspended! I was lucky that that’s all! The best decision I made that night was leaving my fake at home. If someone found that, I could be going to jail!”_

_“But no one found it!” he interrupts. “I think you’re just being paranoid. Just settle down--”_

_“No!” I shout. I then regain my composure. “I’m already in enough trouble as it is. If someone finds out that I’ve been using a fake ID, I’ll have another legal battle on my hands, and we just can’t afford that right now. Not to mention I don’t have the energy for it.”_

_Derek takes a moment and looks at me understandingly._

_“Okay,” he concedes. “We’ll find somewhere else to go.”_

_“Thank you,” I say. “I also got a job at a coffee shop. Brasstown. It’s down the street.”_

_Derek looks at me a little funny because of my unexpected revelation. “A job?” he asks. “Why?”_

_“Turns out the legal fees that result from crashing into a fast food restaurant and driving under the influence are pretty steep, so I have to find some way to pay for them.”_

_“Why a coffee shop?”_

_I shrug, “I figured there’s nothing more opposite alcohol than coffee.”_

_\---_

_The band has a little bit of a performance drought since we stop going to our typical spot. We find another bar where we can perform. It’s a nice little place, and there’s actually more space for our equipment than the old bar._

_“Good evening!” I say into the microphone as I introduce our band to this crowd for the first time. “As you can see, we’re new here. So we just wanted to introduce ourselves. We’re the Sticky Beaks, and we look forward to performing for you all!”_

_We’ve been working on a new set since I got out of the hospital. We open with our first song from that set:_

On the first part of the journey

I was lookin’ at all the life.

There were plants and birds and rocks and things,

There was sand and hills and rings.

The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz

And a sky with no clouds.

The heat was hot and the ground was dry,

But the air was full of sound.

I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name,

It felt good to be out of the rain.

In the desert, you can remember your name,

‘Cuz there ain’t no one for to give you no pain.

La, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la

After two days in the desert sun,

My skin began to turn red.

After three days in the desert fun,

I was looking at a riverbed.

And the story it told of a river that flowed

Made me sad to think it was dead.

You see I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name,

It felt good to be out of the rain.

In the desert, you can remember your name,

‘Cuz there ain’t no one for to give you no pain.

La la, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la

La la, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la

After nine days, I let the horse run free,

‘Cuz the desert had turned to sea.

There were plants and birds and rocks and things,

There was sand and hills and rings.

The ocean is a desert with its life underground,

And the perfect disguise above.

Under the cities lies a heart made of ground,

But the humans will give no love.

You see I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name,

It felt good to be out of the rain.

In the desert, you can remember your name,

‘Cuz there ain’t no one for to give you no pain.

La la, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la

La la, la, la, la-la-la

La la la, la, la……….

* * *

I go into work early on Saturday morning. Our early Saturday mornings are sometimes a little slow, so Sarah and I typically open the store and run the coffee shop by ourselves for a little while.

This morning, it’s a little bit busier than we anticipated. We operate for about an hour or so before I start to notice trouble with our espresso machine. The steamer doesn’t work right. I also can’t seem to use the other functions on it either.

“Sarah!” I call out to get her attention.

“What, Benji? I’m with a customer,” she yells back, a little annoyed. She adds on, “And where is that latte? This woman has been waiting 10 minutes!”

“Yeah, about that,” I tell her, “I think the machine is broken.”

“WHAT???”

“Yeah, it’s not working.”

“Well, can we fix it?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with it.”

“Benji, this is a coffee shop! Without an espresso machine, we don’t have business!”

Sarah is now freaking out.

“I know, I know,” I try to calm her down. “I’ll take a look and see if there’s anything we can do.”

“Okay, while you do that, I’m going to call the repair shop.”

I grab some tools from the back of the shop. Since I have an undershirt on, I take off my sweater so as not to get it dirty while being down on the floor. As I open the compartments and look inside, I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Something is busted, but I’m not great with machines. Even if I did know what was wrong, I’m not sure I’d be able to fix it.

“Yeah,” I tell Sarah as she’s on the phone with the repairman, “I don’t think we’re going to be able to fix this here.”

She sighs.

The door to the coffee shop opens.

“Victor!” Sarah calls out to him as he walks through the door, early for his shift. “Thank God you’re here! Something terrible has happened!”

I get up to address Victor. “The espresso machine is busted,” I clarify to him. “Sarah’s just being dramatic.”

“I am not being dramatic, Benji! Is that what you think of me? That I’m dramatic?” she asks in the most dramatic voice possible.

Yes. Victor knows it too. The look that we exchange with each other says it all.

“Victor, you stay here and man the store,” Sarah continues. “Benji, you and I are driving to the repair guy in Willacoochee.”

Oh god. Please no.

“W-what if Victor and I went?” I say in a desperate attempt to get out of that uncomfortable situation. I would so much rather spend the day with Victor than with Sarah. Plus, maybe spending a day with Victor would actually be kind of fun; we only really ever see each other at work and maybe around school. Why not take a road trip?

“Okay, fine,” she agrees conditionally, “but don’t come back without that machine looking new and ready to brew. Here,” she hands me her keys, “take my car.”

Well that was easier than expected.

I shake my head as Sarah walks away. I hope she knows that there are far worse things that could have happened.

Victor exhales. “Um, how far is Willacoochee? ‘Cause I have a thing at Mia’s tonight that I can’t miss.”

“Oh, it’s like a couple of hours,” I assure him. I might have underestimated a little, but it shouldn’t be that bad. “But if we leave now, get there by ten, get this thing fixed by lunch, we can have you back by four?”

“That’s cuttin’ it close,” he says after some pause.

“Please, Victor,” I plead with him. “I-I _can’t_ do another road trip with Sarah. Last time she made us stop at the Ann Taylor Outlet – two hours of watching her try on irregular turtlenecks. She bought them all, Victor,” I whisper as I reflect on the horror of that day, “All of them.”

“Okay, fine,” he gives in. “I’ll go. I’ll let Mia know.”

“Great! You’re driving!” I toss him the keys. I like Victor, but I don’t know if I’m close enough to him to tell him why. I decide to make a joke out of it, and laugh as I lie, “My license – I keep failing the test.”

Victor laughs at the remark.

As we get in the car, Victor calls Mia to let her know that he’s coming with me to Willacoochee. He assures her that he’ll be back in time for the event.

“Mia says hi,” Victor tells me after he hangs up.

“That’s nice of her,” I say. “How are things going between you two?”

“Other than our super awkward date the other night?” he says with laughter. I’m glad that he can make light of it. “Fine. I’m supposed to meet her dad tonight.”

“Oh?” I say curiously. He starts to drive. “Nervous at all?”

“I mean, I guess,” Victor says. “I don’t really know what to expect is all.”

“So that’s why you don’t want to be late to your thing tonight?”

“Yeah,” Victor says a bit nervously.

“Well, it’s fine. This shouldn’t take that long.”

He smiles at me.

We’re quiet for a bit as we drive. It’s a nice kind of quiet, peaceful. Eventually, as we get a bit farther down the road, I start to talk to Victor.

“God, I love road trips,” I say. I reminisce on the past, “Yeah, my dad and I used to road trip to Dollywood like twice a year.”

“Really?” Victor asks, surprised to learn something new about me.

“Yeah,” I laugh.

He laughs, “I never would have pegged you as a Dolly Parton stan.”

“What? Rude,” I say with a bit of sass. “Dolly is timeless. Yeah, she’s one of the few things that gay sons and straight dads actually agree on.”

I like the banter we have going. Victor and I seem to do a lot of that.

“Are you guys still close, er?” Victor asks, his tone now a little more serious.

“You mean, since I came out?”

He nods.

“We’re not estranged or anything,” I tell him, “but it’s not the same as before.”

It’s true. I love my dad. He loves me. He has always been supportive. Even after I came out, he wanted to support me through my tough times. He knew how hard it was for me to go through what I did, and he wanted to be there. But he just didn’t quite understand what my life was like. The things that I was more open about enjoying were things that he just wasn’t interested in. Neither of us changed much, but for whatever reason, there has been some invisible barrier between us ever since I told him I was gay. I just can’t seem to connect with him like I used to. I guess he sees me as different now, and maybe he just doesn’t quite know how to handle that. But I’m still his son. I’m still me.

“Yeah,” Victor notices my emotions coming to the surface, “That’s really shitty.”

“Yeah,” I say, recognizing the pain that I feel. “Yeah, it is.”

I look over at Victor, who looks back at me. We smile at each other. I smile at him to let him know that I’m okay. He smiles at me to comfort me. There’s just something about those eyes of his that just –

My phone rings. It’s a call from Derek. I sigh. I really don’t want to talk to him right now. I decline the call.

Victor looks over at me, seemingly to question why I would decline a call from my boyfriend.

Ever since my attempt at an anniversary date, I haven’t felt super great with Derek. I love him, but we seem to be hitting a rough patch in our relationship. I’m in the car with someone whose presence I’m enjoying at the moment, so I want to be able to have that time for myself. Plus, I also want to be considerate of Victor.

“Pft,” I respond to Victor’s curious stare. “I’m not gonna force you to road trip with me and then just talk to my boyfriend the whole time.”

I’m supposed to be at work anyway, so he should know better than to try calling me in the middle of my shift.

For the rest of our trip to Willacoochee, we alternate between talking and periods of silence. I appreciate the silence as much as the banter. Victor has a sort of calming presence, one where I am able to appreciate just the fact that he is there.

We make it to Wally’s Repair Shop in Willacoochee. We unload the espresso machine from the car, and we greet the repairman. He seems old and kind of fragile. He walks on a cane. Oh boy. This could be a problem for Victor.

“You must be the gentlemen from Atlanta?” he says slowly.

We nod. 

“Yeah, and we don’t have a whole lot of time,” I say, conscious of Victor’s time crunch.

“Bring in the machine. I’ll take a look at it.”

We do just that.

Wally pokes and prods at it for a few minutes before coming to the conclusion that we had already reached, “Yeah, she’s broke.”

“Um, so what’s the damage,” I ask, thrown off by his lack of specificity.

“And can it be fixed in an hour or two?” Victor asks before Wally has a chance to answer my question. “I really need to get back to Atlanta.”

“Yeah. Boys, I know you’re in a hurry, but this old machine is like my wife at a train station.”

What? What does that even mean? He says that it can’t be rushed, and then he goes into some crazy story about soup. Where is this story even going?

“Oh, w-will you just call us when it’s ready?” Victor cuts him off. Thank god.

“I shall,” Wally responds. “And now I shall get my special tools.”

“Okay,” Victor responds, as I see his patience waning.

I can’t help but to smile humorously as the old man stumbles away. Victor doesn’t have the same expression. I can tell he is stressed. That poor guy just needs a break.

“Relax,” I say to him with some laughter, as I try to lighten the mood and comfort him a little bit. “You worrying isn’t gonna make him go any faster. If we get tight on time, you can always go straight to Mia’s.”

“Y-Yeah, not like this!” Victor retorts. “Mia’s thing is _super_ fancy.”

“Okay, well I saw a thrift shop on the way into town,” I suggest, trying to help him however I can. My mind is also on having a little fun. “And we have time to kill.”

“Okay,” he concedes with a now slightly more comforted smile. “Okay, fine. But I’m not wearing anything someone died in.”

We head to the thrift shop.

“I wonder what I should try on first,” I say as we get there.

“Wait,” Victor questions, “Do you need something, too?”

"I'm not going to pass up an opportunity for cheap new clothes," I laugh. "Plus, having a little fun never hurt anyone."

We spend some time trying on new outfits, some of them much more unique than others. Some are just plain strange. Somehow, though, Victor seems to be able to look good in anything that he puts on. Anyway, though, we have a lot of fun with it.

“I really like this one,” Victor says with a smile as he wears a black and white suit.

I look at him in the suit, and I’m speechless. Why am I speechless?

“Uh, yeah,” I snap out of my inexplicable trance. I say with a warm smile, “It looks great on you.”

“Thanks,” he responds. “Let’s go check out.”

“Yeah. I actually really like this shirt that I found, so I think I’ll buy it.”

“Great!”

As Victor changes back into his normal clothes and gets ready to pay, I get a call from Sarah.

“Hey, what’s up?” I answer the phone.

“‘What’s up?’ ‘What’s up?’? What do you mean ‘What’s up?’ Is that any way to talk to your boss? And, by the way, I’d like to ask you the same thing! ‘What’s up’, Benji? Are you on your way back? I need my coffee machine!”

She talks so fast that I’m busy rolling my eyes and sighing before I can actually cut her off and respond to her.

“It’s taking longer than we thought,” I interrupt her rambling. “Wally doesn’t want to rush it.”

“So you’re still in Willachoochee?!”

“Yes,” I tell her. “I don’t know when it’s going to be ready, so--”

“Well, if it’s not ready by the end of the day, you and Victor need to stay down there tonight so that you can bring me back a working coffee machine before we open tomorrow!”

“Sarah, that’s ridiculous! Where would we even stay?”

“I don’t know, in a motel or something. We’ll use the company card to pay for it. But don’t come back without a working coffee machine!!”

“Sarah, stop yelling!” I’m beginning to get really frustrated with her impatience.

“Well how much longer will it take?”

“I don’t know how much longer.” It’s not like I have magical powers where I can predict the future. Victor’s in a hurry, too, but he’s not freaking out that much.

“Find out the ETA!”

“Okay, fine. We will. Now will you please just do a headspace and calm down?”

“I’m calm! I’m calm,” she feigns. “Just get me a coffee machine and I’ll be calm. Okay--”

I hang up. Now she’s just yelling and freaking out. This is not a productive conversation.

“Hey,” I approach Victor, getting his attention before he checks out his suit. “So Sarah called. She said to stay in a motel if the machine isn’t ready tonight. That way we can bring it back first thing tomorrow before we open.”

“W-we would – stay the night here?” Victor asks.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” I try to assure him, but I’m not sure how much assurance I can honestly give at this point. “I know you need to get back. So let’s just pay, drive over to the repair guy, and light a fire under his ass.”

“Okay,” Victor responds. “Okay, cool.”

His phone rings. “One sec.”

As he answers his phone, I go to pay for my shirt. As the cashier is ringing me up, Victor approaches me.

“Hey,” he says, getting my attention. “I just spoke to Wally. So we’re gonna need to spend the night.”

“But what about your, uh--”

“Mia will understand,” he assures me. “I mean, work is work, right?”

“Right,” I say back, a little gloomily.

The poor guy. I feel bad for dragging him down here with me. I feel pretty guilty for making him miss meeting his girlfriend’s dad. That’s a pretty big deal. It seemed like those two were starting to do pretty well in their relationship, too. I guess we just have to make the best of it.

“Guess I won’t need this anymore,” he laughs as he puts the suit he was going to buy back up on the counter.

We start to walk out.

“Hey, I’m sorry about all this,” I say to him. “I shouldn’t have made you come down here with me. You wouldn’t have missed Mia’s dad’s event.”

“It’s fine.” He responds with a smile, “I had fun today.”

“Me too,” I smile back at him. “Let’s find a motel.”

We do. We set our GPS instructions to a motel that is within a price range that the coffee shop can afford. To Sarah’s defense, we could probably afford a better one if we currently had the assurance of a functioning espresso machine.

We get to the motel, and we get our room key.

“I need to call Mia,” Victor says.

“Okay. I’ll go to the room,” I reply.

“Okay.” He taps me on the shoulder and walks away with his phone in hand.

It’s a clear, quiet night. The stars are out and the weather is fine. The heat is hot. The ground is dry. The silence is deafening. It seems to be a little more humid than usual, but there don’t seem to be any clouds.

I get to the room, and right when I open the door, I realize that we forgot a somewhat important detail. How did we not check for this? There are two of us, so shouldn’t we have known to make sure that there were two beds in the room? I look around to see if there’s a pullout couch or something. Nope. Just one bed.

I savor the quiet of the night, and I get ready for bed. I put on the shirt that I bought at the thrift shop; I don’t have any sleeping clothes with me, and I don’t really want to sleep in my work clothes. I take one side of the bed.

Victor comes in, and he also notices that there is only one bed in the room. We both laugh about it. He goes to change, and he comes out of the bathroom with a bit more of a serious look on his face than before.

“Uh, hey, look,” he says, “you could just sleep on the bed, and I’ll sleep on the…floor.”

I’ve put this poor kid through enough today. I can’t do that to him.

“That carpet is pretty nasty.” I invite him, “Come on, there’s plenty of room.”

“Okay,” he laughs, I assume because he recognizes the hilarity of the situation.

Victor turns around to put his jeans and keys down on the dresser.

“I, uh,” he turns around with a confused look on his face, “thought you never passed your driver’s test.”

Damn it. I forgot that my wallet was up there. Now I feel bad about lying.

“That wasn’t exactly true,” I admit hesitantly. “I have a license. It’s just suspended.” I still hold onto some shame as I admit the truth.

“Why?” he asks me. “What happened?”

I’ve never really talked to anyone about this before. It’s an embarrassing story. It’s a shameful one, too. But Victor is my friend. We’ve bonded a lot since we started working together. And there’s something about being with him and talking to him that makes me feel comfortable. And he’s a good listener. I decide to tell him. I want to confide in my friend.

“Before I came out, I was kind of a mess,” I give him what must be the understatement of the century. I was a damn train wreck. “I knew I was gay, but I didn’t want to be. So I drank. A lot.”

He looks at me, and I think it’s a look of understanding. I still have the fear that it’s a look of judgement. I exhale, and I continue to give him the light version of the story.

“And then, one night, I got super wasted and decided that I wanted Wendy’s. Real bad.” I let out a chuckle. I’m not sure if I’m starting to find the humor in the situation or if I just see how ridiculous it was. “So I took my dad’s car to the drive thru, and that’s exactly what I did – drove through. The Wendy’s.”

“Oh my god,” Victor reacts to my story in disbelief, taking a seat next to me on the bed. The fact that he approached me and his presence next to me are comforting, letting me know that it’s okay to keep going.

“Yeah,” I continue. “Luckily no one was hurt. But I totaled my dad’s car.”

“Wow,” he raises his eyebrows. “That’s intense.”

I nod.

Unlike the stormy night that I hydroplaned into a Wendy’s, this night is calm, quiet.

“Were – were you okay, er?” he asks me.

“Yeah. Yeah, just banged up,” I say, now recognizing how lucky I was to get out of that mess alive. I shift my tone to a more serious one, answering a question that he never asked. But I’ve never been able to talk about this with someone, and I’ve always felt the need to do so. Now, I finally have a friend who will listen when I open up. “But waking up in the hospital with my parents standing over me – it made me realize that I could have died without ever really being who I was. So that’s when I came out.”

It feels good to finally talk about this. I’ve never talked to anyone about my coming out before. It just seemed to go by in a flash. I never thought anyone really cared that much. But somehow, it seems like Victor really cares. About me. About my life and my story. I’m happy to finally have that.

He simply responds with a nod, and we sit in silence for a couple of seconds.

“Hey, um,” I interrupt the silence. “No one at school really knows about – the accident. So if-if you could--”

“Yeah,” he interrupts. “I won’t say anything.”

I take a deep breath. Getting that off my chest to someone I can trust feels incredible.

“But thank you for telling me,” he says.

“Yeah, of course,” I respond, wanting my closest friend to know that I trust him. “You are _so_ easy to talk to. I’m really glad you started working at Brasstown.”

“Me too,” he softly smiles back in the same way that I softly smile at him.

I’m not sure what it is, but something feels off. It’s quiet. And it’s late.

“I guess we should probably get to sleep, huh?” I break the tension that seems I could cut it with a knife. I’m not even sure what kind of tension it is.

“Yeah, yeah,” he laughs, “we should.”

“Good night,” I say as I turn around to lay down.

“G’night,” he replies softly as I turn out the light.

It’s dark. It stays dark. It’s quiet. It’s a clear, quiet night.

I feel something touch my shoulder. I open my eyes to see that it’s Victor’s hand.

I begin to turn around to see if there’s something wrong. “Hey, is everything oka--”

He cuts me off by putting his other hand on the side of my face and pulling me in so that our lips touch. Our lips do more than just touch. We kiss. I put my hand on his arm to regain my balance. His arm feels nice to touch. His lips are soft and—

_SHIT! DEREK!_

After it takes me a couple of seconds to process my thoughts and emotions, I come to my senses and push Victor away.

“Victor, no,” I tell him, and I don’t know what else to say beyond that.

His eyes widen in fear. As they do, I see the past few moments through his eyes. I see myself turning out the light and lying down to go to sleep. I see a bright flash of lightning in his eyes, and I hear thunder that wasn’t there before. I see him slowly inching his hand towards my shoulder, and as he touches it and I turn around, his eyes light up in a flash as he kisses me.

The memory is stopped as he recognizes what is going on. “I’m sorry,” he says frantically.

I begin to hear the loud pattering of rain outside. How is that even possible? I don’t understand. Where did the rain, thunder, and lightning come from? There were no clouds earlier.

“I’m so sorry, Benji.”

I see the shame in his face and the fear that overcomes him. As he says the words, though, he makes a mad dash for the door.

“Victor, wait--” I try to keep him in the room, but it’s too late. He’s already out the door. I don’t even know what I was going to say.

I sit in the room, trying to figure out how we got to this point. I want to say something to him, but what? He’s already out the door.

He’s gone.

The rain pours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that chapter! One more Benji chapter left! (It went by so quicky, but that's partly due to me increasing my frequency of release haha). Thanks for reading!
> 
> Song credits to America, which can be found in the [Hurricane Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCSkLhYmI42By3OJ-F7PJqlQ-WfnomUw)


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